The only light he could see were the wands of those running beside him and Professor Snape. They were outside the castle gates now, almost into apparating space, though Draco could not apparate yet. His wand was still clenched in his hand but Draco could not force his voice to say 'lumos' or even put it away. His stomach was dancing around his throat, begging to be let out. He didn't know what to do, what to feel, so he just kept running.
Draco had never liked Dumbledore, not even in his first year. He'd always been a muggle loving, half senile old man. He was what Draco had been raised to see as the other side of the coin, those without proper morals or status. When he'd been chosen for the illustrious task of eliminating the headmaster of Hogwarts, Draco could not have been more overjoyed. He was being recognized! The Dark Lord chose him! Yet weeks of plotting, decisions, chances, misses, research, crying, and confusion had turned the job sour and his nerves to shreds. Could he really do it? How could he do this? What if he failed? Was this right?
Suddenly, the group halted all at once.
"You two, inform the Dark Lord. The rest of you report to your stations. I'll deal with this."
That was all Professor Snape said. In two seconds the pronouncement was made and he and Professor Snape were all along in a dark field.
For awhile they just didn't speak. Professor Snape's wand lit a small bubble around them; Draco stared at the grass; crickets chirped as they are want to do but neither spoke.
"Well?" Professor Snape finally said.
Draco looked up, "Well?" he replied, his voice cracking.
He was not back up to his normal level of bite and probably wouldn't be for some time. The months had caught up to him and he felt officially worn out beyond being his sarcastic normal self.
"Look at me, Mr. Malfoy." Professor Snape said.
Draco looked up at him. He didn't look happy or angry. His face was blank and impassive. Most of his students normally saw only the angry expression forever plastered upon the man's face and if they ever saw a happy expression it was because he was giving them detention or something of the like. However, now and then there was an expression that almost no one could read. An expression that looked blank and uncaring but really this was the face that Professor Snape used when he was genuinely upset or worried. It was times like this where Draco was reminded that Professor Snape cared for him more than just a student, though he would never let anyone know.
"I…" Draco stared.
"Did you ever really expect to succeed?" he asked.
"What?" Draco snapped. "Of course I…" But he stopped because Draco suddenly couldn't remember the truth.
Professor Snape looked blankly at him.
"Yes, I did!" Draco said, gaining some of his pride back and standing up straighter. "The Dark Lord chose me for the task. He trusted me to accomplish it, so of course I should be able to! I'm not incompetent."
"It is not exactly an easy task to kill a man, Draco, especially someone as important and strong as Albus Dumbledore."
"Are you saying I'm not capable of killing?" Draco snapped, angry now that Professor Snape who normally had all faith in him doubted him like this.
"Are you?" He asked, quietly.
Draco opened his mouth to answer and his voice died. No, he wasn't and he knew it now. The scene on the top of the tower had shown that. His months of failure to kill the man had shown it too. He didn't have what it took to kill someone, even a stupid old man such as Dumbledore. Draco hung his head. How was he supposed to be a good Deatheater if he couldn't even kill one old man? How was he supposed to serve? Could he serve? Did he even want to?
"You did it." Draco said quietly. "Why can't I?"
"Draco, it is never a bad thing to be unable to kill another human being."
Draco looked up in surprise. "What?"
"I am far older than you are, Draco, and have more experience. Does it really surprise you that I could kill a man, now?"
"I…" Draco looked down at the grass.
"You are only 16, Draco."
"That's old enough…" He tried to be defiant and failed.
"You are only 16." Professor Snape repeated. "Don't try to conquer the world now. You have plenty of time to become one of them," he paused. "If you so wish."
Draco said nothing but only looked up at the man. He didn't know what to say but all he could think was what exactly Professor Snape meant by 'become one of them.'
