The scene of a green field with roses is shown. Suddenly a black-haired guy appears from the left.
"Hi, I'm Bulgaria. I am a Balkan country so you can imagine that life was not always easy for me" he says with his hand on the back of his head. He then smiles and adds: "But the beginning of the 21st century has been kind to me. It's been a few years since I've joined the EU and couldn't be happier." As he is saying this he smiles. There is a moment of silence. Bulgaria then slouches with a big sigh coming out of his mouth.
Next scene: A cafe with the sign "EU cafe" is seen. Greece is sitting alone there with a few of his cats keeping him company. Bulgaria passes him looking depressed. Greece waves to him and says: "Hey Bulgaria, why so blue?"
He looks at Greece and answers: "Oh, hi. I'm just thinking about something."
"Want to sit down and talk about it? I can lend you some of my cats. They always make me feel better" Greece says petting the one that jumped on his lap.
Bulgaria agrees and sits down ordering a drink. He orders rakija, Greece already has a shot of ouzo on the table. They cheer and drink their shots.
"That made me feel better" Bulgaria says while one of the cats strategically sits on his head and curls into a bowl.
"Me too. When I want to forget my troubles I always come here. They allow me to drink and sit for free. It's a nice perk."
"I understand what you mean. Still, I don't feel satisfied. I feel like something is missing" Bulgaria replies leaning his face on his hand. "Actually, I've been thinking about Macedonia a lot recently."
At that moment Greece looks at him. His usually laid-back demeanour changes as his eyes start glowing bright red and a dark purple aura surrounds him. All of the cats run away and the word "Triggered" appears above his head.
Bulgaria quickly corrects himself: "Sorry, I meant to say FYRM. Heh he. We're still cool, right?"
The glow and the dark aura disappear and Greece is back to his usual self again. "Sure."
They sit like that for a while until Bulgaria starts again. "So I've been thinking a lot about ...her and I really want to ask her out. I don't know if she feels the same way" he says looking sad.
"Well, have you asked her?" Greece asks.
Bulgaria bounces his two index fingers off of each other: "Not directly. I need a game plan."
Greece puts his finger on his chin pondering: "You know, you two being together would be good for me too. If she became one with you she would stop using the name she took from me." He then smiles happy.
Bulgaria smiles and asks cheerfully: "Say Greece, can I count on you to help me win her over?"
Greece nods. "But there is little I can do. We don't really talk and I don't know anyone who is especially close to that nation." He then remembers and yells: "Wait! Yes, I do!"
Next scene: There is a door which looks like it leads to a conference room. Inside, a voice is heard screaming: "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
Serbia comes out looking tired and frustrated. She is in a business suit. Her hair is straight and up to her shoulders. The screaming is still heard when she closes the door she sighs heavily. "I need to get some fresh air."
Next scene: Greece and Bulgaria are still at the cafe. Serbia passes without seeing them.
"We're in luck. Hey Serbia, over here! Come have a drink with us" Greece calls her over.
Serbia turns, still in a bad mood, and heads their way. "Hey Greece how have you been? Bulgaria." Bulgaria nods, Greece offers her a seat.
"Oh no, non-EU countries have to pay here and it's a little bit expensive for me" she shakes her head.
"Not a problem. I'll order for you. It's free for me" Bulgaria says.
"My my my, what made you such a gentlemen all of a sudden" she smiles opening a pack of cigarettes and lighting one*.
*Disclaimer: Serbia is a smoker country. One comedian even joked that it is illegal NOT to smoke in Serbia :) During the 90s, many people had to smuggle cigarettes for a living. You can say that the country pretty much ran on its smoking addiction.
Next scene: The waiter brings Serbia a cup of coffee and a shot of rakija. They cheer and start talking.
"So what brings you her?" Greece asks.
"Oh, you know, problems with Kosovo" she says and exhales a puff of smoke.
Next scene: The screen goes grey from the smoke and we can see a scene there. It goes like this: It's early in the morning. Serbia is seen walking around the house, still drowsy, with one sock slipping, messy hair, in sleeping shorts and a pyjama top that doesn't match. She is brushing her teeth in the bathroom, when a little boy stumbles in there. You can see him rubbing his eyes and moaning still sleepy. The word "Kosovo" is written above his head.
"What's for breakfast?" he says.
Serbia turns around looking at him confused. A sentence appears above her head "There are no provinces on the show". A ding sound is heard as she realizes what is happening. She shivers from top to bottom with the toothbrush still in her mouth.
Next scene: They are sitting at a table covered in food. Kosovo is vacuuming the dishes with great appetite. Serbia is just sitting and staring at him: "So, Kosovo...what are you doing her? I mean how did you become a personification?"
"Hum hum hum mhmmf humhm mmmmmmmm fahm hmhum" he says with his mouth full.
"I see" Serbia says solemnly. "I must admit I imagined you differently."
As she says this we can see a white cloud where an old man with a long brown beard and a shaved top part of the head is laughing joyfully. Kosovo bursts the image bubble with a fork.
"I'll be going now" he says and burps.
Serbia shouts in panic: "Wait! Where are you going?! Why don't you stay here?"
"No way! I want my own place!" he says.
"No!" she replies angry and they end up staring angrily at each other in silence.
A small fan appears and blows away the smoke. We return to the trio in the cafe.
"That sounds rough. How are the other ex-Yu states?" Bulgaria asks eagerly.
Serbia looks at him suspiciously. "What's it to you?"
Bulgaria plays it cool. "Oh, you know. Just asking."
"It's about Macedonia, isn't it? Figures. What else would you want to talk to me about besides Macedonia. You are so stuck in the past! So what if Macedonia came to live with me back then. It was 100 years ago. Just let it go already!" she shouts while in the back Greece is seen looking angrier and angrier every time she says the name Macedonia.
"Serbia" Bulgaria utters with his mouth closed and big eyes pointing with his head in Greece's direction. A cold drop of sweat is seen on her head as she turns to see that Greece has been completely absorbed by his dark aura with pink lightning bolts surrounding him as if he was about to explode.
"Would you like a cigarette?" she asks with a nervous smile, offering her pack to him.
The aura immediately disappears and he happily accepts one.
"How can I let it go! You took her from me! We would have been so happy, if you didn't interfere! She only came with you because she thought you were a boy!" Bulgaria starts after seeing Greece is calm again.
"Oh, spare me the melodrama. I have enough of my own problems!" she says crossing her legs, with a cigarette elegantly held in her right hand. "Besides, if I was the only problem, how come you two didn't get together after she moved out?"
Bulgaria's face turns from angry to slightly embarrassed.
Serbia raises her eyebrow and slowly adds: "You did ask her out, didn't you?"
Bulgaria smiles nervously while rubbing his neck. She responds by rolling her eyes.
"That is what I wanted to ask you. I need your help to get her to meet with me. You don't have to do much" Bulgaria continues.
"Sure... I could use a fun distraction" she says bluntly.
Bulgaria screams "yes" and starts telling his plan. The camera goes to him. "Alright, this is how we are going to do it. You are going to call her and ask her to take a walk with you. Greece is going to dress as Turkey and pretend he is attacking you. She will get scared and I'll come and save..."
"Hi, Macy!" The screen goes back to Serbia who is talking on her phone. "How's have you been?"
Bulgaria stands there completely white. "Not now. I haven't told you the whole plan yet."
"Listen, Bulgaria wants to talk to you" she continues handing him the phone. He turns completely red. "Oh, grow a pair and ask the girl out" Serbia whispers pushing the phone in his face.
Bulgaria gulps and takes it: "Hi, it's me. Long time no see."
While Bulgaria talks on the phone Greece finishes his cigarette. The screen goes to him and Serbia while Bulgaria's voice is heard: "So what are you doing these day? I was hoping we could go for some coffee or something."
"I thought you quit smoking" Serbia says to Greece.
"What! Really?!"
"I didn't, I just couldn't afford them any more" he says and sighs.
"That's great! When do you want to meet?"
"Poor you. Here, have another one" she says offering him her pack again.
Bulgaria bursts on to the screen shouting happily: "She said yes!"
Next scene: Greece is sitting at his usual place with his cats. Bulgaria comes over looking depressed. He is dressed in a nice suit with his tie hanging loose. He sits down and buries his head in his hands.
"So how did your date go?" Greece says.
"It was great at first. She's was so cute" the other says with hearts forming around him.
"And then what happened?"
"Well...after an hour or so I just couldn't take it any more and I asked her to become one with Bulgaria. And then she said..."
We are shown Macedonia saying the following: "Actually I would prefer you becoming one with me. It would be great. Skopje would be the capital and we would put big statues of Alexander the Great all over the place."
The scene goes back to the speechless Greece and still sad Bulgaria. All of the cats run away again.
Then we see a bright big explosion and Greece's voice screaming: "MACEDONIA IS GREEEEEEEEEEEEECE!"