Until Paradise
Disclaimer: I only own Georgia!
Pairing: Trish/Carlito
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Georgia doesn't realize how lucky she is.
She doesn't have her father's unruly hair; she's got my straight brown hair. Then again, she has his eyes.
Every gaze she gives me, be it a look of gratitude as she nurses, or the look of sleepy love as I rock her, she reminds me of Carlos.
Trish Stratagias-Colon…
It was my official name for a week before I found out about Georgia.
It was also the name I signed on his will.
I leave everything to Patricia Stratagias-Colon and our baby.
Carlos died when I was eight and a half months pregnant. I can honestly tell you there is nothing like planning a funeral while worrying if your Braxton-Hicks Contractions are something more…
Before he died, we had names picked. Georgia Patrice for a girl, Michael Giancarlo for a boy
The first boy is always named after his father. Then again, I'm a junior. Might as well go Italian and call him Giancarlo…
Georgia's never known her father's loving touch. She's never heard his deep voice.
Yet, I think she has.
Georgia isn't a sound sleeper. Since I'm only one person, she's constantly in my arms. On some nights, she stays in her bouncy seat, crying while I try to get something small done.
I swear he's in the room. How else can I explain the way she looks around when she's alone in the room?
Dear Baby,
Mama just told me I'm going to be a father. I am amazed, especially since we've only been married a week. You are a pleasant surprise.
I've got a good feeling you're a girl. Don't ask me how I know.
Love,
Dad
Georgia will always know about her father. He is such a huge part of her life. He helped create her.
Georgia's Baby Swing rocks back and forth, back and forth. I just wish I could have her innocence, to see the world the way she sees it.
Georgia knows no pain; she knows no grief. While I cry each and every night for her father, she doesn't know how much it hurts to lose someone you love.
Some days, I pray for death. It can come in any form, car accident, poisoning, or even electrocution, anything to reunite me with my beloved. On days like this, I can't bear the thought of living without Carlos.
Then, I get up to nurse Georgia, to change her diaper, or some other meaningful Mommy task. Seeing her brown eyes remind me of Carlos. Reminding me of him help me realize I have to live.
Georgia doesn't need to be left alone. If I go, who's going to watch her?
Whenever I miss Carlos, I read the letter he wrote on our wedding day.
Dear Patricia,
Darling, I know you hate being called that. Then again, I love annoying you because of the way you wrinkle your nose. It's so cute.
Today, you became Patricia Anne Stratagias-Colon. Like a modern woman, you're keeping your name.
Mom loves you. Dad loves you. Of course, they can never love you as much as I do.
I look forward to a long happy life filled with many babies. You're going to make a great Mama someday.
How long does a shower take anyway, Patsy? I don't even want to think of what you're doing in there.
Know I love you. I love you more than life itself.
Love,
Carlos
No matter how many times I read that, I still cry. A small reminder of my husband's love…
Georgia will grow into a lovely woman someday. That much is a given, in an uncertain world. She will always know about Daddy. She will meet her grandparents.
I will love you until Paradise.
Paradise-Carlos never believed in Heaven and Hell. Paradise and Limbo-That's all there was.
Carlos is in Paradise. If there was ever a man who deserved it, it was Carlos. He deserves eternal happiness, which is what Paradise is.
Watching Georgia sleep, I can't help but wonder if Carlos is missing me as much I miss him.
Until We Meet in Paradise…
The End