Author's Note: No I don't own OUAT. Wish I did! This story is new take on Belle's life sans Rumpel. She refuses to sit around and wait for his return. Rather, she tumbles into her own adventure as she struggles to find him. Also lots of Dark Castle flash backs, and Rumbelle cuteness. Please review and let me know your thoughts- this is my first fanfic! Hope you enjoy!
"I know I will see you again," I managed, trying to force out words as my chin began to quiver. His expression —brows furrowed over a sad grimace— didn't change and I knew standing here longer would only allow me enough time to really start crying. I turned my head and walked stiffly away, back off the dock and towards town. Anywhere else but here. At the first corner I rounded, I slumped down against the brick wall of the old building and sobbed. I hugged my knees into my chest, and let the tears dripped down my chin. The pain of this loss was so unexpected, so consuming. Moments ago we had walked to the ship arm in arm, and now the desolation that settled upon me as I realized we were reunited just to be torn apart again was suffocating. I couldn't breathe, and bit my fist to slow my hyperventilating. At least he couldn't see this— I was glad none of them could. Gradually the tears stopped, and the racking sobs in my chest resided. I wiped my nose of the sleeve of my blue pea-coat and pressed my eyes hard against my knees. Gone. Silver stars burst against my eyelids and to dull the ache I lifted my head. Slowly, I gripped the side of the wall, and pulled my self up. With a deep breath I peered around the corner, at the ship sailing out of the harbor. It felt like I had only walked away minutes ago, but the vessel was already losing shape and size in the horizon. Truly gone.
I couldn't stay there on the warf, waiting for someone to find me. But I had no will to get on, to return to his empty house. It would be my first time back there since I crossed the town line. And it would be alone. Part of me wished I still had no memories besides my cursed life as Lacey, because the thought of seeing the familiar house— our home—ripped another dark ache across my chest. The sky above clouded over slowly, and before I had reached main street it began to drizzle lightly. Well, staying out in the rain will only make things worse. Head cold and heartbroken- what good will that do? I thought about withdrawing the sanctity of my library but even the endless shelves of books seemed austere and unwelcoming now. I didn't need a distraction from my pain, I needed comfort. I knew where to go.
The bells on the door jingled as I walked into Granny's, but no one much looked up. A few hours ago, most of the people in Storybrooke had been preparing for the end of their lives, tucked away in their homes with loved ones. And yet it appeared Granny's was still a natural gathering spot, apocalypse or not. Ruby glanced up from the bar and shot me an inquisitive look. I turned away, and shuffled towards one of the last empty booths. I folded my arms across the table and rested my chin on them.
Lacey's— my—memories came bubbling back to me. Like movie scenes they were intertwining and melding, narrated by thoughts I could not remember thinking. It was like remembering dream logic; while you slept your mind made decisions in dreams that made sense for that dream. But when you awake and start thinking back none of it feels like choices you would ever make. You could see the thoughts and feelings behind your actions but they weren't really yours.
As Lacey, I had laughed at Rumpel, left him here on our date. I had made out with I man I hardly knew, and then watched Rumpel beat his face and body beyond recognition. My stomach curled sickeningly as I remember the feeling of the tight smile that spread over my face, the crack of the cane and gurgled cries. Lacey had goaded him on, enjoyed it. I hadn't—yet I had. And now he was gone, and I couldn't fix the past. It was all so heavy, so exhausting. A new dull hole that gaped wide behind my ribs, edges raw and aching.
"Belle?" Ruby asked softly as she slid into the booth across from me. "Are you alright."
"No," I said, but when I tried to explain further no words came. She waited, and the sympathy in her eyes made me feel even more broken.
"Listen," she pressed a hand over my arm, "I've got to keep busy but I've got a break in 10 minutes. I'll bring over a plate of food and sit with you a bit."
"No, I don't want—"
"Belle, nonsense. There's something wrong and the least I can do is bring you a hamburger."
A little while later Ruby brought over a hamburger, a bottle of ketchup and an ice tea. I looked at the food, and tried to figure out how something that looked so delicious could feel so unappetizing. Brows furrowed, she set the items down from her carefully balanced tray as she spoke, "It thought things were okay. The dwarfs came back saying the failsafe had been stopped, and I mean- we're all still here." She sat down across from me.
"Then you don't know," I began slowly.
"Know what," she leaned forward.
"That those outsiders, the man from the hospital and the runner, they took Henry."
"What," she breathed. "But, why—when—"
"I don't know, but sometime during all the chaos. Rumpel came and told me, and said he and the Charmings and Emma," I paused "And even Regina were going to find him."
"Where did they drive too— I mean they couldn't get that far."
"They didn't drive, Ruby."
"No…" she started, but I nodded and continued, "They portal jumped. To Neverland, and Hook's ship was the only way to follow."
Ruby starred behind me, eye unfocused, "I know working the lunch shift keeps me busy but how did I miss all this."
"Well, I guess no one much knows yet."
"Belle," Ruby turned back to look at me. "If they're all gone—if Rumpel's gone. Why are you here?"She spoke ponderously, as if she was both asking her question and answering it at the same time. "He wouldn't let you go."
I smiled lopsidedly, "It comes off as controlling, but truth be told he's nothing if not protective." The smile dipped off my face as I remembered our last moments. The finally in his eyes. Ruby asked the next natural question.
"When is he coming back?"
I pinched my eyes shut, I was couldn't start crying again. Not here, with all these people. Ruby read the answer in my crumpled face.
"Oh Belle, I'm so sorry." I could feel the sobs welling up, and I coughed trying to keep my sorrow subtle. "Hey, hey" she said softly, putting her hands over mine. "You know I have mixed feelings about Mr Gold. But he loves you- it's more than obvious to everyone, and you know he's gotten himself out of worse. Especially if he's got someone counting on him."
I knew she meant the words as comfort, but I couldn't help thinking that she was right: he did have someone counting on him. Henry. And I knew that if Rumpel was to weigh the gravity of our relationship against Henry's loss, which one would take precedent. Because for Rumpel, saving Henry was saving a piece of Bae. Rumpel could redeem himself to the memory of his son, and save a part of Bae that might forgive him in a way the real Bae couldn't now. My heart had broken on the dock as I realized that Rumpel was choosing good over self-interest, without reservation or conditions. I had hoped for that for so very long, I had seen it in him this whole time. Yet it was so bittersweet;my heart broke again as I realized Rumpel's redemption also had a terrible price.
"Ruby," I said when I had control over my breathing again, "He doesn't think he is coming back. Not this time."
Each time we'd been apart, cursed or not, we'd found away to reunite and move passed both of our brokenness. But this time….
"Ruby," I began again, "I don't want to be alone tonight."
"Babe, I won't let you be. You can come over to Granny's and have a room with us. Or I could sleep over at your place above the library. We'll think of a good distraction."
"Anything," I agreed.
Across the diner from Ruby, Granny tightened her lips and taped her wristwatch.
"Look," Ruby said, picking up the try and standing. "I've got to work until four thirty. You can stay here as long as you want. After you eat something—and you need to eat something— we'll figure out what's next."
"Sounds good"- I forced a smile. I was genuinely grateful for Ruby's compassion and warmth. But smiling felt like moving muscles I didn't have anymore, and the weight of today dragged any hopeful emotion off my face.
Ruby left me with my untouched food. The hamburger and I stared at each other for a few minutes, before I reached out to the cold sandwich and forced down a few bites. My coat was still damp, and I was starting to feel chilled. Form follows content, I thought Cold and weighted on the outside, cold and burdened on the inside. Pulling my arms out of the sleeves and tugging the jacket off from around my waist, I felt a bump in my pocket. I reached in slowly and withdrew the small scroll of parchment tied with a ribbon. The protection and concealment spell. I was glad Ruby had already freed up her evening, because I found our distraction.
As we walked down Main street, Ruby linked her arm through mine and draw up her hood against the wind. "So, how to we do this?"
"I- I don't know," I said, looking down at the small glass vial and scroll in my hands. "Rumpel gave me instructions and told me I would know what to do, but I can't read it." I had spent most of my time at Granny's trying to decipher the tightly curled script, but I couldn't. Ruby held out her free hand and I passed it to her.
A moment later she passed it back, "Yea, I have no idea."
"Why don't we ask for help, I'm sure the Blue Fairy—."
"Ruby," I turned to her, "Rumpel entrusted this to me. He wouldn't let me go with him, but this, this he believed I could do. If we can't figure it out soon we can ask for help but Ruby please" I begged, "I need to do something."
She nodded. We slowed our pace as I squinted at the text again. The sloped f's, the abundant v's, the missing vowels. Ruby steered me around a traffic pole, "Belle, watch where you're going."
"I think I've I got an idea at least." I shook my head. "I've seen this in the special collections of the library. In the footnotes in 'Arthurian Legends,' too. It's English, but not English we know."
Ruby and I arrived at the library just as the rain began again. Quickly we ducked under the awing and I tucked the scroll away. The last thing I needs was to wash off the ink- and any magic with it. I pulled out my keys and shimmied open the door. The library was still closed to the public. A month ago I had almost had it ready, but that was before I lost my memories and Regina reset me to Lacey. Lacey frequented a lot more bars than books. In fact I thought as I flicked on the lights one row at a time and shelf after shelf popped into illuminated existence, the last time I was here was when Captain Hook trapped me in the elevator. I shivered. It was a memory that would be much unsettling if that same pirate wasn't on board (figurative and literally) with Emma, Rumpel and the Charmings right now.
Ruby sat at my desk as I hauled in a few dusty tomes of Old English translations and medieval literature from special collections. It didn't take long to find research notes on a cypher. Once I had a handle on the alphabet, Ruby and I moved between the texts and the scroll, writing down in plain English the instructions Rumpel had left.
"All that work for a few sentences. He's pretty cryptic, your Rumpel, isn't he?"
"You have no idea," I smiled. A sense of importance was fueling my actions now. I didn't feel as desolate now that I knew I was helping him in some way.
Half an hour later, we both slumped back in our chairs. I was already exhausted when we started, but now I was mentally and emotionally demolished. "Wow, it's actually pretty simple when it comes down to it, isn't it?"
"Sounds like we get into the old mines, and pour out this vial on some fairy dust in the rocks," Ruby replied.
"What if there isn't an exposed vein? Do they keep the pick axes down there, the dwarfs?"
"I mean, I hope so." Ruby said. "But they do seem pretty attached to them."
"Let's give it a try ourselves first. I don't want to worry anyone if we don't have too" I said scooting my chair back and picking the heavy books up to return them to the shelves.
"I know Rumpel was pretty emphatic about this protection spell but who else would be coming to Storybrooke now anyway?" Ruby folded her forearms on the desk. "I mean, it makes me sad to say it but Greg and that woman got what they came for."
"I don't know, but Rumpel's got a knack for predictions and the sooner we get this taken care of…" I trailed off. Then what? I'll lock myself up and resign to tending these books? How will these shelves be any different from a jail cell? Trapped in not by someone else' demand, but by my own limitations. I'd be bound to wait here like a princess in an ivory tower.
"Anyway," I put on my coat and Ruby did the same. We walked to the door. "First things first."
We let ourselves out, and I locked the door behind us. The mines weren't far, though I didn't like the idea of entering in the rain. I had reviewed the towns archived newspaper collection in the library; Henry and Archie were trapped in a collapse not too long ago and flooded mines seemed a little risky. But this was the one thing Rumpel left me too do. For now, it was also all I could do.
As we trudged across the damp sand to the mine entrance, Ruby turned to me. "Have you ever cast a spell before?"
"No, but I believe in us."
Our shadows played on the walls as when stepped cautiously around the tunnel corridor. It was surprisingly well lit for a mine. I imagined that when the failsafe had been activated to destroy the town down here, who ever had been her last had darted out pretty quickly. Saving electricity was not a high priority at that point. The elevator and surrounding tunnels were illuminated every few paces with small wall lamps.
"There!" Ruby pointed ahead. At the next bend in the tunnel, towards where the cart track began, was a large boulder. I could just make out the glimmer of gemstones, refracting the light and glistening from a crack in the rock. Fairy dust.
I jogged ahead and Ruby followed. Uncorking the bottle with shaking hands, I tipped the clear purplish liquid in and it descending into the crevice like opalescent smoke. For a moment nothing happened and disappointment flushed my face. Then a warm blast shook from the boulder, and reverberated out along the tunnel and through the bedrock. It felt like someone shut an oven door; the spell's gust was sweet and suddenly hot and gone a moment later. Magic.
"I think that's it," I said, recorking the bottle.
"We're good?" asked Ruby, smiling.
"I only hope we didn't take too long," I spent, remembering Rumpel's urgency and thinking about all the time we had spent at Granny's, and next the library.
"Belle, who else would be coming to Storybrooke now? And we know no one's leaving."
My throat caught. We stepped into the elevator and it ticked slowly back to the surface entrance, shadows crisscrossing our faces as the ancient gears cranked unsettlingly. I wanted to leave Storybrooke. I couldn't stay here counting days into indefinite weeks and months. It felt like I had spent most of my life loosing Rumpel. Although the few sweet moments of reunion made each separation worth it, how many times could a heart be bruised and battered and still beat?
Ruby interrupted my thoughts, wrenching open the old doors and stepping into the elevator. She hefted down the lever and it began to crank up the beach. Though I see Ruby every day, I forget how strong she is. The elevator shuddered and stopped at the top of the shaft. With a strong tug, Ruby loosened the rusty doors and we blinked into the dull light. The sun was dipping lower above the day. "Want to come back to Granny's?"
"I think I just want to sleep," I replied.
"Well, you know you're welcome. I'd better see you in the morning. Have you tried eggs in a basket yet?"
"Do you eat the basket?" I said, pulling back the hair the wind had tangled across my face. I tried to picture a small, edible wicker plate.
"Oh Belle, there's so much you've got to learn."
I hugged her as we stepped out of the sand and onto the road that lead back towards the clock tower. She'd go left and I'd continue back to my apartment . "I'll be there," I smiled. And turning. I wrapped by arms tightly around myself against into the cold evening air and leaned on the returning loneliness like a cane.