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She was mine. Completely mine, in every sense of the word. I had Violet Harmon mind, body and soul.. Just like she had me. She was mine, but I was also entirely hers. From the first time I laid eyes on her, I knew it. I drew her in deeper and deeper, just as she had done to me. There had been mistakes made along the way, but that's just the way relationships work. Nobody's perfect, especially not me. I knew I'd done wrong... I'd hoped like hell that I'd be able to keep her safe from my secrets. Hurting her was the last thing I'd ever wanted to do. I'm no stranger to wanting to inflict harm... Ruin… Shatter... But never Violet. Never her. I'd never wanted anything more than to keep her safe. From the house... From herself... From...Me. But in the end it was too large a feat for anybody to accomplish.
Secrets have a way of coming out, and the truth eventually smacks everybody in the face. Worse than Karma, the truth is a rotten bitch. It never changes, never wavers. It's a constant, and one way or another... One day, it will come for you, just like it did me. What was the truth here? Sure, I'd raped her mother... At the time, I didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter. I was helping the only real family I'd ever had. And to be fair, I didn't even know Violet then. It matters little when the fact that this rape, that led to a pregnancy, is the reason her mother died. The truth is, that was my fault as well … Whether it's what I had intended or not.
The truth is, that even though Violet loved me …. Loves me… She sent me away. She wanted me gone. At least that's what she thinks, but I know better. I -know- her... I know her better than anybody else ever could. I know her better than I know my own self. Violet doesn't want me gone; she couldn't. She thinks she's doing the right thing by staying away from me, that's all. I understand; I get it. But just like I know all of this, I know how much it's killing her.
I watch her from the shadows, never getting too close. I know if I get too close, she'll send me away again. But… I see things. I know things. I see the way she lays for hours, staring at nothing, and I'm sure it's my face she's picturing in her mind. She's imagining the way my fingers traced gently over her scars. Never judging. Never ridiculing. Only loving... Because even then, just like now, I was the only one who truly understood her. I knew what it was like to hurt that deeply. I knew what it was like to be so hurt by outside forces that the urge to hurt yourself worse won over. Nobody would ever know Violet the way I did; Inside and out. I could wait this out… This punishment? Whatever it was. I could outlast this. I could wait forever.
She might think she knows what is best, and for now, maybe she does. But one day it'll hit her. Violet will be sitting there, thinking of me again, and the things I did won't matter. All that will matter is how badly she wants to feel my fingers on her scars again; how badly she needs that one person who knows her better than anybody else, and loves every fraction of her. I'll let her wallow in her so-called hate for now. I guess I owe her that much. But I'll never stop loving… I'll never stop watching... And I'll never stop waiting for Violet Harmon.