Ripping 'em Up

"'Ello 'ello 'ello, what we got 'ere?"

"Shut up Jack."

"Damn it. How'd you know it was me?"

"Because no-one else would say 'ello' three times before pouncing on a victim."

"Oh."

I pause, before saying, "and it's 'hello,' not 'ello. You may be a murdering psychopath, but you could at least use proper grammar."

"Ah, conformity. Ain't that what yer lot be against?"

"Piss off."

Jack the Ripper. I wonder what people will think of him over a century from now. Because yes, they will be thinking of him, because it seems that every piece of history diverges from actual fact whenever the Assassins and Templars are involved. The Crusades, Italy, the Americas, the French Revolution…and yes, of course Jack's a former Assassin, using his hidden blade to kill prostitutes because, as stated, he's a psychopath.

"You gonna kill me luv?"

"Love. It's pronounced love."

"You ain't answered the question."

I sigh. Couldn't Jack the Ripper be just a normal guy, I reflect? Just once, I'd like to deal with the someone who isn't insane, or a Templar, or a rogue Assassin, or anything like that. Just once, I'd like to get on with the job and not mutter "rest in peace" at the end of it.

I flick out my hidden blade, reflecting that right now, it's not so hidden. Maybe I should use a pistol instead. Either way, Jack the Psychopath grins at me.

"Y'know," he says, "I'm not yer real problem. Ya may not know dis but-"

"Queen Victoria's a Templar."

"Damn it!" he exclaims. "How'd ya guess?"

"Jack," I sigh, "she's the ruler of the British Empire, Empress of India, monarch of a domain where the sun never sets. Of course she's a bloody Templar."

"Oh," Jack says. "So, er, ya gonna do something 'bout et?"

You, I reflect to myself, and not just because of the bad pronunciation. Jack's truly gone over the deep end. Then again, sometimes I think the entire order has. Sometimes I think I have. Because I'm doing what's been done for centuries, and what the Templar have been done for centuries. As if part of a game that's going to remain the same from now until the end of time because the gamemaker can't be arsed to do anything different.

But he still said "ya." He's not an Assassin. Even if he's got all the skills of one. I suppose that's why I'm babbling away rather than getting on with the job.

"Victoria's an old fart," I say. "She'll die soon enough. Edward may be the type of monarch the Assassins can get behind."

"Ah yes. Da playboy."

I remain silent. A monarch the Assassins can get behind. So much for freedom and whatnot I think.

"So, we gonna do this?" Jack asks.

I nod. I get my blade ready. I move to strike. And then…oh no…not now…

"What is it?" Jack asks, his form blinking in and out of reality. A fate mirrored by the landscape around me. Looking less clear. Looking out of skew. As if the entire world is crumbling around me.

"What's happening?!" Jack exclaims.

Curses, I think, as the mission restarts, not another glitch.

Pieces of Eden are twitchy buggers like that.

A/N

So yes, I'm a bit cynical about Assassin's Creed: Victory. Annualization tends to be the death knell of a franchise, and by most accounts, Unity paid the price for that. And I'm calling it now, Jack the Ripper will be encountered, and Queen Victoria will be a Templar. Because, well, of course they will be. :(