.. Mary, Jesus and Joseph. The phone is ringing. I feel groggy as I look at the nightstand. It's 1:47 in the morning!

I answer. "Hello?"

"Hey baby ... " The voice is slurred. I'm pissed. Its Kenny. I have no clue why he's calling. I told him to fuck off last year after he tried grabbing my tits. I am going to kill him, asassinate him and bury him in Denver College Park.

"It fucking nearly 2 in the morning. What the hell do you want?" I ask. I'm gritting my teeth. I need sleep, I want to get up tomorrow- no, today- and go to South Park Mall with Wendy. We're friends again.

"I miss you. Come over to my house, get dressed in the cute maid outfit I love." Okay, yes. He is definitely drunk.

I don't like booty calls.

"I am not going to your house. I am not going to fuck you. Fuck off, Kenny." I am gonna hang up, but he speaks. I'm going to burst out in embarassed laughter soon, I know it. Or laugh at him.

"Mm, but baby I miss you. You turn me on ..."

"I'm sure. I'm really flattered, but I'm not your girl. I'm not your baby either, so quit calling me that. If you really like, ask me out." Just seeing what he'll say.

"We're like Romeo and Juliet, babe."

"Jesus Christ, I'll get you some poison and a fuckin' knife for myself." Lovely. I'm going through with that plan to kill him. He'll just come back from Hell though. Fuck.

"But baby," he whimpers, "You make old men want some."

"Quit calling me. We're over for a reason, you asshole. I'm not interested in you. How do you even know this is my number? I could always be some guy instead of a girl."

"But-wait-um what?"

I hang up on him.

I hate booty calls.

He calls back. I answer.

"We look so good together, don't we? Kenny and Bebe, togetha fo' eva." He's talking a "gangstuh". Stupid idiot.

"Look, go get a hooker. Leave me alone."

"Baby, your talkin' hot .. My dick is hard already!!" Kill, kill, kill ...

"I am going to kill you, Kenny."

"Like didn't with the pepperspray last year ..."

"Quit it. I don't like booty calls, you dickhole."

"Oh God, we're on that again."

"Damn straight, asshole. Goodnight!" I singsong and hang up.

He doesn't call back.