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We Walk on Water (Don't Let Go)
Summary: A mission brings back memories and obstacles and maybe, just maybe, a path to understanding between two old friends. Sequel to Right Beside You.
Rating: T
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Drama
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, or think you recognize it, it's probably safe to assume I don't own it.
Notes: All relevant notes are in the opening of Right Beside You, so I shall defer to that story. I do want to expand on what I said about the spoilers for Agents of SHIELD: The spoilers are more prevalent here, but to put them in context, I don't actively watch Agents and I am aware of this spoiler, so chances are it's more of a Late Arrival Spoiler.
"Don't you let go, When it gets harder, we get back, we get back up and do it again..."
- Shonlock, "We Walk on Water (Don't Let Go)"
"Are you sure?"
"Why not? He's been doing a lot better, even you admit it, but sooner or later you're going to run out of Star Trek episodes and you can't leave him to sit and read in your apartment all day either." Clint said. It was the end of a mission that he and Steve had been invited to return and help with, and Clint had suggested that the next time a similar mission came up, Bucky should accompany them.
Steve looked hesitant.
"Come on. Realistically, the worst thing that going to happen is that he's going to have some sort of freak out and you'll have to abort the mission to get him out of there. It's not like Natasha and I have never trained for what to do when the other people we work with have to evacuate."
"Alright." Steve agreed reluctantly. "I'll ask him."
"Good." Clint grinned. Then, as if the absolute destruction around him had just registered, he said, "Now you should go before the news cameras show up. This blowing up buildings and holding a shoot-out is a little more spy business than superhero business."
"I'm not sure I care what they think." Steve said, taking his mask off and looking around.
"I'm pretty sure I do, so get out of here. You'll hear from Natasha or myself when we need you. Now get going."
Steve gave a quick grin and then turned and walked away, leaving Clint and a few other former SHIELD agents who were on the HYDRA strike team milling around and standing in the rubble of a former HYDRA base.
In America.
Steve did not find that information very comforting. So when Clint had called him up, asking if he wanted to help fight his way through the base and destroy another branch of a group that was starting to resemble a hydra less and a cancer more, Steve had jumped at the opportunity.
But when the fight was over, and the base destroyed, there had been no more information on what had happened to Bucky during his time in HYDRA's hands, and now there was Clint's idea that next time, Bucky should come with them.
That was hard idea to accept. It wasn't that Steve thought that Bucky should be relegated to being a shut in; it was just that he wasn't sure how things would work if the other man went back into the field.
It wasn't even that Bucky couldn't handle himself in public, either. Steve had started inviting him along to run errands, and Bucky usually accepted the offer, albeit in silence. No one looked twice at him either. Natasha chalked it up to the fact that no one knew and fewer still believed the Winter Soldier had ever existed. Clint chalked it up to the fact the world was so weird now, no one would notice a man with a robot arm anyway.
"I mean, come on. I work with a guy who implanted himself with a bunch of neural transmitters so he could better control his robot suit from a distance." Clint had said. "And that was after the alien invasion and before an evil robot tried to take over the world. I don't know why someone with a robotic arm would really be a big deal."
Steve pondered that as he changed back to civilian clothes in the privacy of some bushes a few miles away from the former base. He emerged from the bushes a moment later with his suit tucked under his arm, and tucked it into the bag on his motorcycle before getting on the bike and starting it.
Maybe getting Bucky out and doing something again would be a good thing.
"Do you think it would be a good thing?" Steve asked.
Sam considered it. "Well, Bucky is an expertly trained covert spy and assassin. It might be good for him to get back in the field. Have you talked to him about it at all?"
Steve chewed his lip. "Not yet." He replied.
Training for the New Avengers had wound down to one day a week every two weeks, and though Steve still fully intended to drag Bucky to the VA hospital again the next morning, he had taken the opportunity after training to ask Sam what he thought about Clint's idea.
"The only way you'll ever know he can handle it is if you try and see." Sam said finally, shoving his wing suit into his backpack. He was back up to four days a week at the VA now that the initial training for the New Avengers was over, but for today he was just going home. "Does he tell you about what he dreams?"
"Sometimes." Steve said, sliding his leather jacket on. "But only the positive dreams. He never tells me when he dreams about HYDRA. It's like he wants to know if the positive dreams, like the ones about the missions we went on together, are real or not."
"It probably feels like a dream all the time." Sam suggested. "Since he spent so long with HYDRA. Other than that, how is he doing?"
"He went out yesterday while I was out with Natasha and Clint."
"Really?"
Steve nodded. "Yep. He went grocery shopping. Bought everything I had on the list, and put it all away."
"That's good." Sam said. "It's good that he's taking an initiative."
"Yeah. I guess." Steve gave a brief laugh. "I always buy flavored water, and usually I buy the grape, because I like that the best. He bought the peach, so I guess he likes that one better. I'm still bringing him in tomorrow."
"Why?" Sam asked, and Steve started. "He doesn't talk to me. From what you tell me, he talks to you a whole lot more." Steve just stared at him, so Sam went on. "He doesn't trust me. Even now, he doesn't trust me. I don't know, maybe he's naturally suspicious. I would be, after what he's been through. Maybe the idea of being back in a medical facility throws him off. I've told you about all the sessions we spend when he doesn't so much as move. He just sits in a chair and looks at anything except me." Except when Bucky decided to stare at Sam, which the other man found downright intimidating, and he was sure they both knew it.
"He trusts you a whole lot more, and you're the only one he talks to about the things he needs to talk about, like what he sees when he dreams. You can bring him in if you want. I won't stop you. But I think you're the one who will be able to help him the most." He finished, and swung his backpack over his shoulder. "Just think about it, okay?" Sam asked. "See you later."
"Yeah. See you." Steve watched him go, and wondered when life had gotten so complicated.
The only noise at the dinner table that night was the clink of silverware on dishes, as it usually was. Steve decided to break the silence.
"Do you want to keep going to the VA? Because I won't make you go if you don't want to."
Bucky paused, and then went back to eating. "It doesn't matter to me."
"Well, it matters to me. And if you're not comfortable doing it, you shouldn't go." Steve said.
Bucky shrugged. "Do what you want."
"I don't want to do what I want, I want to do what you want. I want to help you, and I don't know how to do that, which is why I thought Sam could help you. But if it's not helping I don't think you should do it." Steve told him.
There was no answer.
"Think about and let me know what you decide, alright?" Steve asked.
There was still no answer. Steve decided to take another approach, since he had heard form Clint that afternoon. "How would feel about getting back into the field?" At the question, Bucky looked up at him, so Steve continued. "Some old-fashioned, saving-the-world stuff."
"Like…old times?" Bucky questioned.
"Yeah." Steve gave a radiant grin. "Like old times."
"Alright."
"Good to see you again." Clint said the next evening when Stave and Bucky entered the makeshift SHIELD base. "We tracked another HYDRA base, an information center from the looks of it, but our intel says that they're using other machinery there, too, though we don't know what for yet."
Steve looked at him for a moment, then looked up at the balcony overhead. "And how long were you all planning on keeping me in the dark about the fact that you weren't dead."
"As long as needed." Coulson replied, leaning on the wooden railing that ran the length of the balcony. The warehouse had a half of a second floor that was used for the offices of the higher-ups. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I couldn't find a good reason to tell you, and Fury didn't want me to, but he doesn't run the place anymore."
"Well, I'm glad you're not dead." Steve said.
"Will you still sign my trading cards for me? Fury replaced the ones he ruined." Coulson asked.
"Remind me when we get back and I will." The super soldier promised.
Coulson nodded. "I really appreciate that." He said, then noticed something. "Oh my gosh!" He was down the stairs faster than any of them had thought possible, and looking at Bucky look a schoolgirl who just spotted a member of her favorite boy band. "Sergeant Barnes! The second in command of the Howling Commandos! Best friend of Captain America! This is so amazing! I'd really like to shake your hand." He finished earnestly, his last statement directed fully at the Winter Soldier.
There was a very long pause while Coulson stood there waiting and Bucky just stared at him. The Steve coughed and interrupted.
"Uh, could you step back?" He suggested, noting that Coulson had lost the idea of personal space, and thinking Bucky wouldn't appreciate the sudden lapse. The Director took a step back.
"Maybe a little further back?" Steve suggested, and Coulson took two steps back.
Natasha showed up just then, steering the director away. "Sorry about this. Clint, show them the weapons, room, please," She said as she guided Coulson back up the stairs and into his office. "Phil, I thought I told you about this." She said as soon as the door was closed.
"No one told me about the fact that Sergeant Barnes was still alive. Why did I get left of this loop?" Coulson asked.
"We thought you had been informed. Remember when I told you the Winter Soldier was on our side now?"
"Sergeant Barnes is the Winter Soldier?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't anyone tell me?"
That Natasha realized, was probably a very important question. "Here's the thing. He doesn't remember much of his past. The reason Clint and I have been so careful when we interrogate the HYDRA agents we find is because Steve asked us to try and find out what HYDRA did to Barnes to make him this way."
Coulson looked a little dejected. "Oh, well, in that case I guess never mind."
"I'm sorry."
"You know, I hadn't been this excited since we found Captain America and it turned out he was alive. I interviewed all the Howling Commandos that were left before he was found, and I shook hands with them." Coulson continued. "Interviewed them about their time working with the Captain, too."
"Keep it in mind for the future." Natasha said. "Maybe he'll come around. But for now, don't ask about his past, don't ask for his autograph, don't ask him about his favorite memory of Captain America. Not yet, anyway."
When she left the office a moment later, she found Steve, Bucky, and Clint in the hallway. "I'm sorry about that." She said, more to Bucky than the others, "He's a really big fan of Captain America, and all of the Howling Commandos by extension. He'll be okay. I made him sit down and put his head between his knees."
"Okay. Now that that's out of the way, let me show you were we keep the weapons." Clint said, turning back towards the stairs. Steve and Natasha followed, but Bucky stood there, and after moment, headed towards Phil's office.
Steve noticed, and looked like he was about to head after the Winter Soldier, but Clint steered him towards the stairs. "Let it be." He said quietly. "Phil can handle himself."
Phil was digging though a filing cabinet behind his desk when the door opened. "May, do you have the files on those agents out of the DEA?" He asked, before he swiveled the chair around and saw who was standing there.
"How can I help you?" He asked Bucky. The soldier walked over to the desk, and held out his hand.
"Oh wow! This is such a huge honor!" Phil gushed as he jumped to his feet and shook Bucky's hand vigorously. "I've met all the Howling Commados now. This is really such a huge honor. I…I don't know what to say."
"You met the others?" Bucky asked.
"Yes! I," He paused and got quieter as he remembered what Natasha had said. "I interviewed everyone of them."
"I'd like a copy of those interviews." Bucky said quietly.
"Absolutely." Phil said, releasing Bucky' hand and sitting down behind his desk. There was a flurry of rapid typing, and then Phil slid a drawer open and pulled out a bank flash drive, which he stuck into the computer. He typed in a couple of commands and a moment later pulled the flash drive back out. "That's everything I have." He said as he handed it to Bucky, who tucked it away.
Phil got back to his feet. "Let me show you where the others have gone." He led the way out of the room, down the stairs, and around the corner away from the door.
"I'm really sorry. If I had known you were coming we would have been better prepared. If you know what weapons you prefer we can find them for you." Phil paused and looked Bucky over. "Do you have a preference for what you wear in battle? I'll get to work putting something together for you next time, but for now we may have to make due."
Bucky pondered whether or not to say anything. No one apologized to him for anything; if things went wrong he was expected to deal with it and finish the mission anyway. But he said nothing and followed Phil into a steel-lined room with shelves of weapons.
In the end, the clothing Bucky ended up with didn't look that different from what HYDRA had given him, though plenty of the straps across the front of the shirt were missing. Then there was the problem of finding clothing that was sleeveless on the left arm.
"See, this is what I could have prepared for if I had known!" Phil had exclaimed upon discovery. Then he had turned to Clint. "Can we do anything about this?"
Clint had nodded with the look of a long-suffering man who had seen everything and learned to deal with it all. "I'll get the scissors." He promised.
But in the end, they were all dressed for combat and armed with as many or as few weapons as they chose, and headed to the Quinjet.
"All we want is the computer information." Phil had said before they left. "Don't worry about saving anything else. We're not going to try and reintegrate these people."
[A/N:] So initially, this was supposed to be a Oneshot. Then it was supposed to be a three- parter, then I realized that the story was still growing so I gave up and decided we were just going to have a chapter fic. And I guess the Breather Episode Oneshot Neighbors does get promoted to third in the series now...just as soon as the complete tag is on this one.
I don't usually write long stories, so I don't know what to say other than I hope my muse holds out. And I don't like my summary so maybe I'll come up with something better. Again, I make no promises.
Feedback is appreciated so please leave some feedback and let me know what you think!