AN: This episode was pretty great, but I had this idea and couldn't get it out of my head. It's an AU where something slightly different happens when Mac and James begin to talk with Murdoc. This one really got away from me in terms of length, but I doubt you mind lol. Once again, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to answer reviews. It's been four months since I last received a notification from this site. I've emailed the staff countless times, and I've never gotten a response. The only reason I still use this site at all is because not all of you are on AO3 too :\ nevertheless, I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!
"You can't expect me to give you this information with nothing in return," Murdoc said with that psychotic grin that haunted Mac's dreams sometimes. "I want five minutes, unchained and without cameras, alone with Angus."
Mac immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Not gonna happen," he said with a sardonic grin of his own. There was no way that was ever going to happen.
"Okay," James deadpanned, not even glancing at his son. "Agree to no permanent physical damage and you've got a deal."
"What?" Mac asked in shock. He turned to stare at his father, wide eyed. "You can't be serious." He let out a nervous chuckle, as if James would laugh it off and say that it was all some joke, because he would never put his son in a position where he might be assaulted by a perverted psychopath. But James didn't laugh. He finally turned to his son with a glare.
"If this is what it takes to get Helman, then I think you can manage it. It's five minutes, you'll be fine. Do you really think I would tell you to do this if I didn't think it would be safe enough? Come on, Angus." James shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Do you still really think so lowly of your own father?"
"No-" Mac started, eyes wide as he tried to backpedal, but he was cut off.
"Then do it. That's an order, son." James stood up and unlocked Murdoc's cuffs. If he even looked at the psychopath he made no sign of seeing Murdoc's wide eyes and smile to match.
Murdoc remained silent as James dropped the cuffs from his hands and walked out of the room. Mac flinched as he heard it lock behind him.
"Wow," Murdoc finally said, breaking the silence. "I didn't expect that. But who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? Sometimes I wish you would be that obedient and compliant for me, but then again, your fiery spirit and defiance really get me going too. So, let's get down to business, shall we?" Murdoc abruptly stood up and took a menacing step towards Mac, that smile still on his face.
Mac stood up quickly, the chair screeching on the floor, and backed away just as fast, his hands going up to defend himself. "No, he said you couldn't hurt me," Mac said, slightly panicked. He still couldn't' believe that James had agreed to it at all. But then again, James was both his father and Oversight, so really, he knew best. He had to, right?
"Ah, ah, ahhh," Murdoc said in a sing-song voice, wagging his finger for effect. "Dear ol' dad said that I couldn't do any permanent physical damage, and technically I didn't even agree to that." He gave a slow shrug of his shoulders. "Nevertheless, I will abide by his rules, this time." He took another step closer to Mac, who took another step away, accidentally finding the wall. Mac mentally cursed himself. Now, he didn't really have anywhere to go. "And besides, what I want wouldn't cause permanent physical damage, although I wish it did. Walking funny for a day or two doesn't count as permanent, now, does it?"
"No," Mac replied sternly, almost shouting. "You don't get to do that. You never get to do that. He said that I have to stay in here with you for five minutes, not that I have to let you do anything you want to me." James wouldn't let Murdoc do that to him, would he? There was no way that James would ever let Mac be hurt like that. He was his son, and James wouldn't willingly give his son up to be violated like that. At least, Mac hoped he wouldn't.
"But you would do it, wouldn't you?" Murdoc asked softly, his voice almost a whisper. "If daddy asked you to strip and let me do whatever I wanted to you, you'd do it." Mac began to shake his head no, but Murdoc kept on talking and taking slow steps closer to him. Mac couldn't move back any more, and would quickly be backed into a corner if he moved at all. "Now that daddy is back in your life, you'll do anything to get him to pay attention to you." Like a bolt of lightning, Murdoc moved forward and wrapped his hands around Mac's neck. He didn't grip tight enough to really cut off his airway, but it was just tight enough to let Mac know that he shouldn't move. He tried anyway, and reached up to try to dislodge Murdoc, but the psychopath only tightened his grip until Mac dropped his hands again. "I'm in charge here now," he whispered, leaning forward right to Mac's ear. "And there's nothing you can do about it." Murdoc stepped even closer and pressed his body right up against Mac's, and removed one hand from his neck and slowly trailed it down Mac's back, then squeezed his ass.
Mac didn't even say anything. He just lashed out with all of his strength and pushed Murdoc away, this time successfully. He dashed to the other side of the room, keeping as much distance between himself and Murdoc as he could. Murdoc just laughed.
"Oh, MacGyver," he breathed out, out of breath from laughing. "You can't change any of this." His sick smile remained, but Murdoc's tone went dark. "You can't change the fact that if daddy asked you to, you would do anything, even offer yourself up on a silver platter to people like me. You can't honestly believe that I'm the only criminal you've faced who wants you like I do. And if daddy asked, you would let every single one of them have you. You would be Phoenix's professional whore if daddy asked you to. Anything to make him love you, right?"
Mac didn't answer. He only shook his head and tried to stop the tears from falling. Had it been five minutes yet?
"But that's what you can't seem to understand," Murdoc continued, a mocking frown on his face. "No one loves you."
"Just stop," Mac said, trying to ignore the way his voice trembled. "That's not true and we both know it." Mac knew he was more intelligent than the average person, with more knowledge stored in his brain than most people would ever know. But if everything he thought he knew was wrong except for one thing, that one thing would be that Jack loved him. The man may have left to hunt a terrorist, but he loved Mac, and that was something that Mac knew in his very soul.
"Is it?" Murdoc questioned, shrugging his shoulders. "I see proof of the contrary. They all left you here alone with a murderer like me, and James even agreed to it without a moment's hesitation. And good ol' Jack is off somewhere on the other side of the world, last I heard. They don't love you. They never did."
"I'm done, I don't have to listen to this," Mac muttered. He moved around Murdoc and reached out for the doorknob. He kept trying to turn it, but it was locked. Mac banged on the door with his fist. "Hey!" he shouted. The door still didn't open.
"They don't care about you at all," Murdoc whispered right into Mac's ear. Mac hadn't even noticed the man creeping up behind him, and now Mac was pressed up against the door by him. He tried not to panic as he felt Murdoc beginning to feel him up. Mac threw his head back as hard as he could, and felt it connect with Murdoc's nose.
The psychopath shouted and moved away, clutching his nose. Mac's head throbbed too, but he wouldn't let Murdoc know that.
"How very Jack of you," the man said with a chuckle. His normally creepy smile was even more demented with blood running down his nose and into his mouth. "But I'm afraid you still have a minute left on your deal, and I plan to take full advantage of that minute."
"I didn't make this deal, and I'm not letting you take advantage of me. Not anymore," Mac said, shaking his head. Murdoc opened his mouth to speak, but Mac cut him off. "You don't get to talk to me anymore. You've already said everything you could possibly want to, and I'm done. I'm not just going to sit here and let you talk about me like that anymore. It's not happening, so just shut up, and stay there." Murdoc was in the middle of the room, while Mac was still right up against the door, his hand on the knob. He kept testing it every few seconds, hoping against hope that it would be unlocked the next time he tried.
"My dear Angus, you know how much I love to chat, so I'm afraid I can't quite do as you ask," Murdoc replied. Mac just scowled at him. "Besides, you're just so adorable when you're angry, like a golden retriever puppy trying to get its way. As cute as it is, I just can't take you seriously." Murdoc let out a small laugh. "Anger just isn't meant for you." He shrugged his shoulders, but his expression quickly grew dark once again, his tone dropping into something menacing, almost a growl. "You would be so much more natural beneath me, crying out for Jack to save you and begging me to stop."
Mac turned as he felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes again, and tried the doorknob. Finally, freaking finally, it was unlocked. Mac burst through the door and pushed past James, who had just unlocked it, and was staring at him with a blank expression on his face. He tried to ignore the sound of Murdoc laughing as he ran down the hall and into the nearest bathroom.
He closed the door and locked it, then slid down it, trying to control his breathing and not completely lose it. Mac reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He quickly scrolled down to a number that only his phone could reach. Jack had set it up before he left. They both knew there were times when Mac would get panic attacks and could only be calmed down by Jack, so this number was created under the explicit instructions that Mac was only allowed to call it if he was in immediate danger of hyperventilating. Mac had never used it before, but he had to now. He needed Jack, and he needed him now.
As he promised he would, Jack picked up on the first ring. "What's goin' on, kiddo? Try to take some deep breaths," he said. The sound of Jack's voice alone had the panic fading away, but brought an onslaught of tears that Mac didn't know if he would be able to stop. Of course Jack knew that something was very wrong, that was the point of this number, that Mac would be able to contact Jack specifically for emergencies like this, and Jack would know that he needed to drop everything and be there for Mac. He hated doing that to his partner - because even though Desi was technically his work partner now, Jack was always going to be his partner, always - and had been able to avoid doing it up until that point, but he just knew that he wouldn't be able to calm down on his own, and he didn't want anyone to see him like this, not even Bozer. "Hey, hey, whatever it is, it's gonna be okay, I promise," Jack continued, his voice soft and gentle, like he always used with Mac and skittish horses. Sometimes there wasn't much of a difference. "Just take some deep breaths, try to focus on my voice, and breath with it. In for four seconds, out for four seconds, just like I taught you. You can do this, bud, I know you can."
After a few minutes, Mac wasn't quite the sobbing mess he'd been earlier, but there were still some tears rolling down his face. "I'm sorry, I should hang up now, I know you're probably too busy for this," Mac muttered, but he couldn't bring himself to pull the phone away from his ear and tap the button to end the call. No matter what he said, or knew, he didn't want to end his contact with Jack just yet, even though it was selfish.
"I always have time for you, kid. Always," Jack affirmed. Mac knew that had they been together in person, Jack would be holding him close, reminding him that nothing mattered to him like Mac did. "Can you tell me what's goin' on? What happened? Are you safe right now?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine now," Mac rushed out. He didn't need Jack thinking that he was in imminent danger. "I locked myself in the bathroom, so I'm alone now too."
"Which bathroom? Where are you?" Jack asked. His voice hadn't changed a bit. it was still soft and calming, and it was exactly what Mac needed.
"The blacksite where Murdoc is," Mac replied. He put his fist up to his mouth to stop the sudden emotion from rushing out again. It was okay, Murdoc couldn't hurt him. Everything was fine.
"Why are you seeing that nutjob?" Jack asked with barely controlled fury. Mac could hear it in his voice, but most people wouldn't have been able to.
"It's a long story, but Helman's alive and we need all the intel Murdoc has on him." He paused for a moment, steeling himself for what he had to say. He continued in a low voice, almost a whisper. "He said he would help us if he got to have five minutes alone with me without the cuffs, and my dad ordered me to do it. Jack, he locked me in there with him, and Murdoc was saying things and trying to- to- and I was trying to get out but the door was locked and I couldn't get it open and-"
"Hey, hey, hey," Jack softly interrupted. "Slow down, kiddo, you're okay. Don't make yourself hyperventilate again. Now, slowly, tell me again what happened? Did those bastards hurt you?"
It wasn't lost on Mac that Jack said "those", implying both Murdoc and James. "No," he muttered. "No, I'm okay. Murdoc felt me up a bit and I think he was going to try, but he didn't get any further than that. It was more what he said, and my dad, I don't know." Mac wiped the tears off his face and took another deep breath. "I mean, I know he wouldn't actually let anything happen to me, but, I don't know..." he trailed off for a moment. "He just didn't seem to care, and Murdoc said that he doesn't actually love me, that no one does-"
"That's wrong and you know it," Jack interrupted. "I love you more than anything in the entire world, and you know that, Mac, you know that. I know you forget sometimes but deep down, you know that for years now you have been the most important thing in my entire life. You know how much I love you," he said, his voice full of nothing but passion and truth and love.
"Yeah, I know, you're right," Mac muttered. "Murdoc said that I would do anything to get my dad to love me. He said that I would- that I would let any criminal we needed information from, use me, in whatever way they wanted, if my dad ordered it. He said that I would be a whore for Phoenix if my dad wanted me to be." Mac's voice broke again and he took in a shuddering breath as he tried not to collapse into tears again. "And the worst part is, maybe he was right. I don't even know anymore."
"Oh, kiddo, it's okay. That's exactly what he wants. That crazy nutjob is just trying to get into your head, okay?" Mac nodded, even though Jack couldn't see it. "I wish I could be there right now to hold you, and blow that psycho's brains out. I'm gonna get home to you soon, okay? We're makin' some real headway here, and I'll be home as soon as I can. I'm not gonna let him hurt you, and I'm not ever gonna let James do something like that to you either, okay?"
"Yeah, I know, but that's not all he wants," Mac muttered in reply. "I mean, I guess I always knew, but now, with the way he was feeling me up and with everything else he said, I know what Murdoc really wants. I kept hoping that I was imagining things and overreacting, and I wish I was."
In that low, gentle voice, Jack asked, "what else did he say, bud?"
Mac didn't want to say, but he knew it would be good to get it off his chest, and Jack would just dwell on it too much, wondering what Murdoc said, until he knew. Mac had to say it.
He took a deep breath before saying in a low voice, just barely loud enough for Jack to hear him, "he said that it would be most natural for me to be beneath him, calling out for you, and begging him to stop." His voice broke once again, and he couldn't stop a few more tears from falling. He could hear Jack's sharp intake of breath, which meant he was struggling to keep his cool.
"That bastard," Jack muttered. Mac just cried more. He hated this, hated what Murdoc could reduce him to. It was like that was letting Murdoc win, but he just couldn't help it. Jack always blamed James for it, blamed the way Mac was raised for his inability to control his fear sometimes. Deep down, Mac knew he was right, but still. James was his father, and that had to count for something, right? Familial ties would stop him from doing something truly terrible, wouldn't they? Mac knew his childhood hadn't been great once his mom passed, but he couldn't bring himself to blame James for it. He used to, but now that his dad was back in his life, and seemed to be trying to make an effort to have a relationship, he couldn't. It was true, James still hadn't ever apologized for a single thing he'd ever done, and yeah, he wasn't always truthful with him, but he was family, and they had lunch together on Fridays. Mac let out a small sigh. He knew he was just making excuses for him, but still. "Kiddo, you have to know that a man who willingly lets you be subjected to that psychopath isn't a real dad," Jack continued. "I'm not saying that Murdoc was right about anything, but James has never treated you the way a dad should treat his son. He never has, and it's very hard for me to believe that he ever will." Jack sounded nothing but apologetic. "To quote one of our favorite movies, 'he's your father, but he ain't your daddy'."
"That's because you are," Mac immediately muttered in response. He mentally cursed himself. Murdoc must have really messed him up, because he did not mean to say that out loud.
"And you're my boy, my kid, my son in every way that matters," Jack replied without missing a beat. "And it breaks my heart that I can't be there for you right now."
"It's okay," Mac said, wiping the remnants of tears off his face. "It's not your fault."
"I know, but it's not okay." Jack sighed. "Promise me you'll let Riley and Boze give you a hug, okay? Because I know they'll know that everything isn't okay."
"But it's okay now. I'm gonna be alright. But, I will, okay?" Mac replied.
There was a light knocking on the door. "Mac?" came Riley's gentle voice. "Are you okay?" She sounded genuinely concerned. That proved that Murdoc was wrong. If she didn't care about him like Murdoc said, then she wouldn't sound concerned.
"Yeah," Mac called back. "I'm okay now, just give me another minute."
"Okay," Riley responded softly.
"I can hear her, and I know she's gonna take care of you too," Jack said. "I love you, kiddo. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Jack. Thanks. For everything." Mac slowly pushed himself up off the ground and looked at his reflection in the mirror.
"No problem, kid. I should be back soon, okay?"
"Okay," Mac softly replied. "See you then."
"See you then."
Mac hung up, and took another deep breath. He put his phone back in his pocket and turned the faucet on. He splashed some cold water in his face to hide the fact that he'd been crying, because it was kind of obvious. After a minute of doing this, Mac figured it was as good as it was going to get. Hopefully, he was the only one who could tell, or no one would say anything.
Mac unlocked and opened the door. Riley was standing right there, leaning up against the opposite wall, and biting her knuckles - she broke the habit of biting her nails by always having them manicured, but her knuckles remained fair game.
"Hey," she said gently. "Are you okay?"
"I am now, yeah," Mac replied, taking a deep breath. "Jack wanted us to do this." He stepped forward and pulled Riley close to him, but she quickly ended up being the one dominating the hug. She held onto him tightly, scratching his back just a little bit.
"I love you too, Mac," she whispered.
"I know," he whispered in reply. "I know," he repeated, more firmly and confidently. Mac smiled. It didn't matter what Murdoc said, and it didn't matter what James did. He had an amazing family, who all took care of him, and that was all that mattered.
The moment Mac hung up, Jack raised up his arm and almost chucked his phone at the wall. He stopped himself just in time, because Mac wasn't there to fix it when it broke. It was all he could do to not scream in frustration. He shouldn't be there. He needed to be back with his kid.
"Jack?" came a familiar Australian voice from the other side of the door. A knock accompanied it. "Is everything okay? We're ready to move." Jack reached back and unlocked the door, but didn't turn around. He could hear Cage walk through. "What's going on?"
"It's Mac," Jack answered with a nod. "They had to talk to Murdoc, and that bastard got under his skin, said some terrible things to him. And everything with James isn't helping. That bastard doesn't care about his kid at all. He's only making things worse. He practically offered Mac up to that psychopath on a silver platter just to get information."
Cage was silent for a moment before asking, "is he okay?" Jack knew she had the same hatred for that killer as the rest of them did. Almost being murdered by someone does that.
"He will be, but this isn't something he should have to deal with. Mac shouldn't have to have to suffer through the terrible things that Murdoc said to him, and he shouldn't have to have a father who cares so little about him. James is still manipulating him, and Mac has too pure a heart to see it." Jack shook his head and put his hands on his hips, turning away. He wished he could go right back to LA and be there with his kid, to hold him and tell him that he would never let Murdoc do that to him, and he would never let James offer him up like that again. As it was, Jack was partly thankful that James left Mac when he did. The thought of what James might have done to Mac if he'd stayed and they'd run into financial trouble chilled him to the very bone. He wouldn't put anything past that creep. All he cared about was himself. Any care he showed for Mac was just that, for show. He acted like he cared because it was more convenient to now that he was back in his life. It was sickening.
"Mac is strong," Cage said, putting her hand on Jack's shoulder. "He's going to be okay, and so are you. You brought me out of early retirement and put me on this task force because I know you, and I know your team, your family. And I know that it's all going to be okay, and so you do."
After a moment, Jack nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're right." He nodded again and took a deep breath. "Okay, let's go. The sooner we catch this guy, the sooner we get back to Mac." Jack spoke as if Cage was going to come back to Phoenix with him when they were done, even though she'd said no such thing. She seemed hesitant with the idea, but Jack figured if he spoke it as fact often enough, it would be. They may have had a rough start, but the team missed her. She'd been a good sister to Mac, and a wonderful part of their family. It would be great to have her back. Besides, if anyone would be willing to call James out on his bullcrap each and every day aside from Jack, it was Cage.
"Let's go then," she replied with a smile. Cage pat his shoulder, then walked out the door. Jack quickly followed.
Yeah, as soon as they caught Kovac, he would be back at Phoenix, and then, everything really would be okay.
AN2: I don't remember whether or not Riley was actually at the blacksite with them, but I didn't have the time to go back and check, so just suspend your disbelief lol. Also, I had the idea for Cage to be hunting Kovac with Jack while I was in class today, and couldn't get it out of my head, so thus, that last section was born :)