AN: Hello all! I'll start with a disclaimer, that I am not Stephanie Meyer, which I know is SHOCKING, I'm just playing in her universe! Please apply this note to all following chapters. So, I've always been a team Jacob stan, and I decided to write my take on it. It will be flawed, I'm always open to suggestions! There are a couple of lines directly from New Moon in here as well!
1. Winds of Chance
I sighed, pulling my brown hair over my shoulder and settling back against the bleached driftwood on the beach. The rocks shifting nosily beneath me as tried to get comfortable. I was restless. Everyone was out doing things around me, and I had to stay put, they were after all trying to keep me safe. I bit the inside of my cheek and frowned. That stupid vampire Victoria - She was ruining Spring Break; if she hadn't shown up to kill me, Jake and I would probably be off having an adventure. Instead I was left to wander the Res and First Beach like a ghost. Only coming back to life when Jake would take a break from patrolling or I could get my adrenaline pumping enough to hear him. With that thought my eyes snapped to the cliffs Jake had promised to take me diving off of. I knew he wanted me to wait for him, but, what was the harm in going alone?
I pushed to my feet ready to leave the beach and find the foot path that would lead me to the cliffs. The wind picked up fiercely and pushed me, it was like it was telling me no. I narrowed my eyes. I looked up at the sky and saw that it was starting to turn grey. Maybe I should wait for Jake after all? I stomped back to the driftwood and sat without grace in a huff. I rested my elbows on my thighs and put my chin in my hands. I still felt restless, I wanted to go somewhere, and I wanted to do something. But, doing something dangerous while everyone was fighting to protect me seemed a poor way to pay back the sacrifices everyone was making for me. I resigned myself to waiting for Jacob. I picked up a rock by my foot and turned it marvelling at the way the light hit it at different angles.
I stood and started pacing, throwing the rock up and catching it. I was a little too focused on the rock and didn't pay enough attention to my feet; I tripped over them and fell with a clatter onto the rocks. I cursed under my breath before pulling myself up and inspecting my hands and knees. They hurt from taking the brunt of the impact and one of my hands was bleeding from a rather sharp rock which had embedded itself in my skin. I winced and looked away from my bleeding hand. With how often I hurt myself it should have been easier for me to deal with pain and blood. I wrapped my opposite hand around my wrist and unsteadily got to my feet, heading to the shore. I crouched and stuck my hand in the freezing water, shivering from the cold. I waited until my hand felt numb and pulled it back out. I told myself it would be no big deal to pull the rock out. Nope, no big deal at all Bella, you just gotta pull this rock out nice and quick. It's like taking off a Band-Aid. I quickly pulled the rock from the gash on my hand and immediately looked away. I plunged my hand back into the water quickly, not wanting to see or smell the blood. I heard a commotion in the trees and looked over, confused.
Jacob burst through the tree line in wolf form, which shocked me, he was running straight for me and I couldn't figure out why; when I felt something colder than the water touch my wrist. My heart stuttered I pulled my gaze away from Jacob and shifted my head to look at my wrist. A pale hand grasped it; I followed the hand up to a heartbreakingly beautiful face, with a hateful smile in place for me. In an instant she had me in the water and I flailed uselessly against her in the frigid cold. Jacob was not far from us and let loose a loud howl. He launched into the water after us. Fight Bella! The sweet perfect voice I always found myself chasing after commanded. I listened without hesitation, squirming and fighting against the hold Victoria had one me, even though it seemed useless, it would make it harder for her to tread water, and give Jake time to catch us.
"Keep still you insolent little twit!" Victoria snarled. I did the opposite; it was getting harder and harder as my limbs were going numb in the freezing water. I couldn't see Jake anymore and my heart beat even harder in panic. Take a deep breath, Jacob hasn't left you. I listened to the voice without question and sucked in a deep breath. No sooner had I then we were underwater, being pulled by an unknown force. Everything was confusing from that point on. I tried to see, but I couldn't, all I knew was that Victoria had released her hold on me and something warm was pushing me away from her at top speed.
We broke the surface of the water and Jacob was kicking us towards the shore. He had phased at some point and was human for the moment. "Help me out here Bells, swim for the shore!" I listened to him as readily as I had the perfect voice in my head. I made it much faster than I would have alone; Jacob was strong, and fast. He pushed me out onto the shore and phased back into his wolf. He ran inland, coming to stand next to me and searching the water, a low snarling noise emitting from his chest. Two more wolves broke through the tree line, Jared and Paul. They all stared at each other, and I took it to mean they were communicating in their strange wolf telepathy way. Jared dashed back to the tree line, and emerged in human form moments later.
"Are you alright Bella?" He asked. I blinked a couple of times trying to make my mouth work. It was no use, I was shaking hard. The water had been frigid and the wind had picked up, my teeth were chattering. I nodded my head in response instead. "Jacob is going to run you back to his place, and get you dry. We will keep an eye on the beach; she should never have gotten so close to you. We apologize Bella." I shrugged. I didn't blame anyone for Victoria finally finding me. It was no one's fault that I was a magnet for trouble. Jacob sunk onto his stomach next to me and apprehensively I got onto his back. He was up and moving in no time. The run to his house only took a minute and I slid off of him. He motioned that I should go into his house with his head. I nodded and made my way inside, finally getting out of the cold wind. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to quell my shaking as I perched on the edge of the sofa. I wondered idly where Billy was. Jacob burst into the room moments later.
"Bella! Are you okay? I was trailing her, so close to catching her, when she dove off the cliffs into the water. I panicked because you hang out at the beach all the time. I ran as fast as I could…" His sentence trailed off and he ran his hands agitatedly through his hair, his eyes seemed to go out of focus, and then snap back. "I'm so sorry Bella!"
"I'm fine Jake, and it's fine! You couldn't have known what she was planning. I wouldn't have been so close to the water, but…" Jacob quirked an eyebrow; I hated admitting to my once clumsy friend that I was still extremely clumsy. "I fell, and I got a rock stuck in my hand. I had just pulled it out and stuck my hand back in the water so I wouldn't be able to smell the blood." Jacob sighed and dropped onto his knees in front of me holding out his hands, I put my injured one in his hesitantly.
"It doesn't look too bad." He told me after a short assessment. "I've definitely seen you do worse to yourself. We should clean that out so it doesn't get infected." He paused and looked at me sadly. "Listen Bella, I have some bad news…" He kept a hold of my hand but looked up into my eyes. That was never a good sentence to hear. "Harry had a heart attack. My dad is at the hospital with your dad. He's in surgery, but, it doesn't look good." I drew in a sharp breath.
"Oh, Jake, I'm so sorry!" He nodded.
"We found out just minutes before the leech got away from me, I was coming to get you anyway." He sighed. His eyes trailed over me and he stood up going to his room and coming back with some sweats for me to change into. "These will be huge on you, but, it's all I've got." I realized then that I was ridiculously cold still. I stood and took the clothes from Jake heading into the bathroom and peeling out of the wet clothes that clung to my body. The shirt and sweatpants he gave me were enormous, but, better than my cold sodden clothes. I went back into the living room. Jacob was sitting on the floor in front of the couch. I went to sit behind him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. He tenderly took my hand, spraying it with an antiseptic and bandaging it efficiently.
"Thank you." I breathed the word out. Jacob took my hand and held it to his face for a minute before turning to look at me. "Thank you for saving me, and for lending me some clothes. I feel bad always having such a fuss made over me. Especially when you should all be at the hospital." Jacob smiled; it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"We wouldn't all fit in the hospital anyway." He joked half-heartedly. "You don't ever need to thank me for saving you. I'm lucky I got you away from her. It was a gamble, because she could have attacked me as I tried to get you to shore, but, her self-preservation always seems most important. I was hoping she would flee and that is what she appears to have done."
"All the same, I would be dead if it weren't for you." He turned a bit more and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his warm embrace. I sighed still freezing as I was, it felt amazing.
"I don't know what I would do without you." He mumbled into my shoulder. I hugged him a little tighter for a minute before I reluctantly let go.
"You're stuck with me Jake, even if you get sick of me, I'll still be around." I assured him. He took my hands in his looking at me seriously.
"Why do you say things like that? It's not like one day I'll just decide I don't like you anymore." I drew in a breath and sighed it out.
"It's happened before." He squeezed my hands gently.
"I'm not him Bella; I'd never do that to you."
"He promised me the same thing once." I blinked and looked away from Jacob, unable to hold his earnest gaze. "I don't know what's wrong with me." I whispered.
"Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you Bella!" Jacob insisted.
"Oh, that's where you're wrong. Do you know why I brought you those bikes to fix?" I asked. I looked back at him and he shook his head no. "It was so I could hear his voice. Whenever I do something unsafe, or adrenaline inducing, I hear his voice. It's crystal clear and perfect, not like my memories of it. He's always mad at me, of course, but the voice is there. And in those moments, I almost feel whole again. Sometimes I can barely breathe I feel so broken." I admitted. Jacob just sat listening, and I appreciated that. "Just today I was going to go cliff jumping, without you, to hear his voice."
"Why didn't you?" Jacob asked. I shrugged.
"It didn't feel like the right time. The wind practically blew me back and I looked up at the sky. It looked like a storm was coming. I decided it was a bad idea."
"It would have been a very bad idea. The water was getting rough; you would have had a tough time fighting the current. I'm glad you didn't do it." I sighed and dropped my head onto Jacob's shoulder.
"I don't deserve you." I whispered. "All you do is care for me, and think of me and me – I'm just selfish." Jacob's hand ran gently over my back.
"I'm not as selfless as you're making me out to be."
"I'll never be what you want Jake. I'll always be this fractured half person. I'll always be pining stupidly over the boy that left me as easily as you leave trash in the garbage. You deserve better than that, you deserve someone whole, and who will love you back fully." Jacob pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes.
"I will be with you until you're whole again. And it really is up to you Bella. You can be hurt and half of a person or you can fight past it. It's not up to me to put you back together, it's up to you. I think you've been doing so well lately! I'm here, always here, if you want to talk, or just need someone around to feel less alone. I'm here Bella. I'm here." Jacob was here. He wasn't and he never would be again. I took in a deep breath thinking over what Jacob had just said to me. Maybe I did put too much stock into other people. Maybe I didn't need Jacob to make me well again. Maybe I needed to be strong on my own. Because even though Jacob was promising me forever, I couldn't trust it, and what would I do without him? Fall apart again? I couldn't do that. Not to myself and not to Charlie.
"You're right Jake. You can add five years onto your age for being way smarter than I am." He grinned. "Maybe I do rely on other people too much, I should be able to stand alone, but, somehow, I can't."
"You used to, before…well, before. You were your own person. You'll get back there Bells, I know it!" I smiled at his optimism and felt grateful that he was my friend.
"Thank you Jacob, and don't just shrug it off, I mean it." He grinned before he let my hands go and rested his back against the couch. He grabbed for the remote and turned the TV on flipping through channels until he found some cooking show to watch. I sighed and lay down; now that the adrenaline had long since left my system I was tired. I reached out and slung an arm around Jacob's neck. Wanting to borrow some of his heat, but also wanting him to know that I appreciated the talk we just had. He turned his head to look at me, a small smile on his face. He drew his knees up and pulled me a little closer, lacing the fingers of his opposite hand with mine. I curled into his warmth and within moments I was asleep.
I woke up to the sound of the door opening. Jake was still in the same position, but his head was tilted back, he was sleeping too. I blinked at figure of Billy rolling into the house. I sat up and shook Jacob awake at the same time. I could tell from the sad look in his eyes that Harry hadn't made it. "Oh, Billy," I tried to keep my voice from breaking. He looked over at Jake and me and just sadly nodded before rolling off to his room. Without thinking my arms went around Jake's neck and I hugged him gently from behind. He took my hand again and pressed it to his face. I could feel the tears there. The whole community would affected by Harry's death it was so tight knit. My thoughts flashed to Charlie. One of his best friends was gone. "Can I go home Jake? I want to be there for Charlie." Jacob held me closer for a second before releasing me.
"Let me go phase and see if there is any news on the vamp first, I also need to go get your truck, it's still at the beach. Either way I won't leave you alone after today. I'll check in on Billy and see if he's alright too." He got up and headed to his dad's room, he knocked on the door before letting himself in. I heard a muted conversation, only picking up words here and there. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. A couple minutes later Jake reappeared he threw me a sad look before he headed out the back door. It felt weird to be in the house without him. Billy's grief was palpable in the air. I tried not to cry, knowing that I would need to be strong. Jacob didn't take very long and was back before I had too much time to think. He held his hand out to me. I took it and grabbed up my still damp clothes, which I had folded and left by the door, as we exited the house. I followed him to the truck and easily got into the passenger side. I was still fairly tired, and trusted Jake more than myself to get me home.
"So, was there any news from the pack?" I asked after the truck roared to life and Jake backed it up slowly. I tried not to shiver, but it was chilly outside. Jake noticed the movement and pulled me easily to his side. I gratefully leant into his warmth.
"She's gone. We have no idea where she is, but, we'll keep you safe Bells. I promise." I nodded against his shoulder.
"And Billy is he okay?" I asked. Jacob sighed and pulled me a little closer to him.
"He will be…he just needs some time alone. I'll have one of the guys check on him tonight."
"You don't need to stay with me. If Billy needs you, you should be with him." Jacob looked over at me briefly.
"Billy doesn't have a bloodthirsty vampire after him. And if he did, the Res is the safest place for him. She got too close today Bella, much too close for comfort. I'm sticking around until she's gone and you're safe." I shuddered and felt selfishly relieved that I didn't have to worry about him leaving me. We were quiet for the rest of the ride, the silence ringing around us as Jacob turned the truck off. Jacob put his other arm around me and pulled me into a full hug. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing – and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed at his own joke. I wondered where the comment had come from. I wondered to myself if it was really worth it to keep pushing Jake away? Jake rested his cheek on my head and I drew in a breath. If Edward could leave me behind to go and be happy, shouldn't I do the same? I was starting to think that maybe what I had with Edward wasn't love after all. I knew that if I turned my head, and pressed my lips to his shoulder, everything that followed would be easy. Loving Jake, fully, would be easy as breathing. So I did. My lips pressed gently into Jake's shoulder in a soft kiss.
"I might not feel the same as you, but, it would be so easy to feel that way Jake. I'm done holding onto the past, holding on to someone who broke me and never looked back."
"Do you really mean that?" He asked breathlessly. I nodded. His gaze flickered to my lips and then back up to my eyes. He slowly drew closer. My heartbeat sped up, and I closed the distance, bringing our lips together. It was weird; I had only ever kissed him – Edward. I forced myself to think the name, letting his power over me weaken. I had only ever kissed Edward, and it was an entirely different experience. His lips were cold, and unyielding, kind of like kissing a statue. Jake was warm, and his lips were soft under mine. It didn't last overly long before I drew back, looking at Jacob uncertainly.
"I don't know if I'm ready to fully commit to anything, but, I'm tired of holding back, and tired of hurting you." Jake smiled and reached his hand out to my face, rubbing his thumb gently over my cheek.
"Take your time Bella. I'm not going anywhere." He vowed. I turned my head and pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand before taking it with my own, and following Jake out of the truck. We had gotten home before Charlie and I immediately went to the kitchen to fix food. Jacob followed me and sat at the table, watching me as I threw together a casserole and popped it in the oven. Jacob caught my hand and pulled me onto his lap as I passed him to start the dishes. I looked up at him curiously. "I'm worried." I waited for him to elaborate. "I don't know how to make any of this better for my Dad. I was young when my mom died, and it was different you know? My sisters were there…" I nodded in understanding. I was no grief counsellor myself.
"He's your dad Jake; you'll know what to do." I assured him. It was at that moment that I heard Charlie's cruiser pull into the driveway; I pushed up off of Jacob and went to open the door for him. He looked tired. "Hey Dad, I'm sorry about Harry." He uncharacteristically pulled me into a hug.
"Thanks Bella, I'm really going to miss him. " I nodded and stepped back to let him into the house.
"How's Sue doing?"
"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" His voice trailed off for a moment. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen." I nodded sympathetically.
"Dad, I hope you don't mind, but Jake is here." He looked confused for a minute.
"Surely he should be with Billy?" Jake appeared in the hall and drew Charlie into a brief hug.
"Billy wants to be alone Charlie. I'm sorry about Harry too; I know you two were close." Charlie nodded. "I had to drive Bella home too; she had an accident at the beach today." Charlie looked unsurprised but then looked at me, dressed in Jacob's clothes.
"What happened?" He asked, we all made our way to the kitchen and sat at the table. I looked at Jake; we hadn't come up with a cover story.
"Well, you know Bella. She fell, got a rock stuck in her hand, and then went to go wash the cut out, and stumbled into the water." He shook his head at me, and I played along.
"Somehow I got pulled out into the water, it was rough waves today. Anyway, Jake had to come in after me, but, I'm fine." Charlie looked at me and sighed.
"I wish you would be more careful Bella." I shrugged and looked apologetic. Thankful that Charlie believed I was clumsy enough to accidentally get pulled into the tide. "Thanks for looking out for my girl Jake. I don't know where she'd be without you." The timer for the oven interrupted us and I pulled the casserole out.
"Are you hungry Dad? I made dinner." I offered. He shrugged. I dished up three helpings anyway and sat back down. We ate in near silence and I jumped when Charlie stood.
"Thanks Bella, I didn't realize how hungry I was. I'll clean up if you kids want to find something to watch on TV."
"I can clean up Dad!" He shook his head and waved us out of the kitchen. I guessed Charlie needed some time too. I sat next to Jake on the couch and flipped the TV on, finding a news channel and letting it play in the background without much thought. Jacob put his arm around me, and I gratefully melted into his side. We didn't talk, just sat in the near silence. Charlie entered the living room after finishing the dishes. He briefly raised his eyebrow at Jake sitting so close to me. I shrugged and he collapsed into his recliner with a sigh. We all sat through the remainder of the news and the start of a sitcom following the news before Charlie stood.
"I'm beat; I think I'll head off to bed." Charlie's voice sounded gravelly. I nodded and stood giving him a hug.
"I'll probably head up to bed soon too Dad, do you mind if Jake stays tonight?" Again that raised eyebrow as he looked over Jake.
"I don't mind, as long as it's okay with Billy. You can make up the couch for him." I knew I would hear more about this after Jacob left, but Charlie seemed too tired to fight about anything. He trudged off up the stairs and I went to get some blankets and a pillow for Jake.
"Thanks Bells, you know I don't need blankets though." Jacob smiled at me from where he sat on the couch.
"It makes a nice visual for Charlie to believe you're normal though." He nodded and I sat back down next to him.
"How's your hand?" He asked, casually taking said hand and flipping it over, he looked like he could see through the bandage. It wasn't so bad. I had mostly forgotten about it.
"I had some amazing first aid, so, it's fine." Jake grinned at my stupid joke. "I should go shower and get to bed, it's been a long day."
"It has," Jake agreed. "Would you sleep down here? I don't like the thought of being away from you right now." He asked with an indefinably intense look crossing his features.
"Uh, sure Jake, I'll be back down soon." I quietly ascended the stairs and grabbed my toiletry bag from my room before heading to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth while I waited for the shower to heat up. I stepped into the warm spray and sighed. I took my time washing the day from my body, the heat from the shower reminded me of Jacob and I found myself blushing for some reason at the thought. I quickly towelled off and hauled a brush through my snarled hair, before throwing on some pajamas and heading down the stairs. Jake was still sitting on the couch and smiled softly at me as I re-entered the room. He held his hands out and pulled me onto his lap again.
"Feel better after your shower?" He asked. I nodded. "I…I don't want to scare you off Bella, because we've worked so hard to get to where we are, but, I'm excited! I'm excited about us, and I know you need some more time, but, I can be patient." He assured me. I smiled a rare, true smile, and placed a hand on his beautiful face.
"I just need to know that I'm strong enough alone, you know? I just need a bit of time to self-reflect." Jacob nodded, all the same I couldn't quite fight the pull I was feeling to lean up and capture his lips with mine; my actions an exact counterpoint to my words. It was a little more heated than the kiss in my truck had been. My hand slid up into his hair and he gripped me closely to him. I felt an unfamiliar heat coursing through me as his hands came rest on my hips. I slowed the kiss down and eventually pulled back from it. This was confusing. "Sorry Jake, I didn't mean to do that." He smiled at me before resting his head on my shoulder.
"I don't mind." He assured me. I laughed. His lips ghosted over my neck before he straightened up. He shifted so we were laying, cuddled together on the couch, I didn't have the heart or motivation to push him away from me. "I'll swap onto the floor before Charlie gets up."
"Charlie feels like you can do no wrong Jake, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't care." I mumbled, the heat rolling off of Jacob making me tired.
"Well, I'd like to keep his opinion of me high." He laughed. I nodded against him and pushed further back into his chest. His arm settled a little more fully on top of me, and soon my vision faded into dreams – warm, happy dreams.
AN: Okay, so what do ya'll think? I'm dying to know! This is not my first fanfic despite what my profile says, I just like to keep my accounts separated by inspiration source. I was not confident in posting this on my main account. So leave me a review, as I'm truly curious what the twilight crowd thinks of my writing! Thanks!