A/N: Eh, crackfic is crack. This will probably be my only attempt at humor. Also, since this is a parody, under the fair use laws, this fic is totally valid without a disclaimer. Ha!
Once, a bright light spoke and said, "Let there be Narm!," and thus Yugioh was born. Baby pandas and dogs named Joey were had by everyone, and even Seto proclaimed that Yami does, in fact, look good in a tutu.
With the advent of Yugioh came the fangirls, in every shape and size, especially of the yaoi variety, and with many fangirls came a common purpose: the creation of Yugioh fanfiction! Thus the Yugioh cast had to be kidnapped and taken to Fanfiction HQ where they could be transformed into any version of themselves that suited the fangirls and cloned, so that no harm would befall the actual characters.
Our scientist will be Professor Oak, since we all know the characters from Pokemon secretly want to torture the characters from Yugioh.
Professor Oak smirks much like his grandson Gary at the cast of Yugioh before saying, "First up is one Yugi Mutou!"
Yugi attempts to run away, but the fangirls are blocking the door!
"Hey, aren't you supposed to protect me from this sort of stuff?" Yugi mutters to his mou hitori no boku.
"Aibou, I'd protect you from Zorc himself, but even I have no power over fan girls!" the great Pharoah proclaimed.
Yugi sighed. "Fine...what first?"
Yugi is led into the Awesomely Pure Light of Brightness Machine, which instantly transforms any hikari into a light so pure and good and sweet, everyone in the vicinity develops diabetes.
"Golly everyone, am I blinding you? I'm sorry. I just want to spread cheer and lollypops and friendship to everyone here!," Yugi says, almost outshining a Disney movie character's smile.
Some of the fangirls start to boo, so Yugi clones are made for a small part of the audience, and then it's back into the machine the baby panda goes! Using the Awesomely Pure Light of Brightness Machine on Yugi is pretty redundant anyway.
This time it's the Woobiefier 2000 which can turn a character into a terribly sick, depressed and neglected sobbing mess in two seconds or less.
"How bad can it be?," Bakura snarked.
Professor Oak chuckles, and says, "Pretty bad. A little girl named Pollyanna wandered in a couple months ago, and this is who came out..."
He gestures to a cold wintry scene, where the Little Match Girl shivers in her rags.
"Ohhhhhhhhh...," says the entire Yugioh cast in pity.
Ahem, yes.
"I thought you were supposed to be a nice guy...," Bakura says softly.
Everyone gives him an odd look, and he mumbles, "I like Pokemon, and on the show he is nice..."
Professor Oak adjusts his glasses and says, "Yes, within the Pokemon universe I am quite nice. This, however, is a crack fic, meaning I get to be mean."
With that, he pushes the button to start the Woobiefier 2000 which Yugi has been waiting in, and we have the most miserable sight a soul could bare to see: broken Yugi. Dramatically, he falls to the floor with a cough and tears running down his pale cheek, landing on the cuts on his arm. Yami rushes forward.
"Aibou!"
"Oh, Yami..."
Many of the fangirls sigh, but something is amiss to some of them.
"Why aren't they proclaiming their undying love?," a voice cries out.
"Yeah!," cries out most of the audience
I sigh. "Aren't there any people who don't like yaoi here?"
A single hand goes up, and so I make a clone of the current Yugi and Yami, before pushing a button that turns their sexual orientation.
"Yugi...I could never live without you..."
"Nor I without you Yami...I love you."
Fangirls swoon, and I quickly make clones of them so I can get through this without gagging. Most of the Yugi fans have gotten their Yugi, but there is one machine left. It's supposed to be for Yami, but evil Yugi is too good a chance to pass up on. Pikachu and I push Yugi into the Super Special Awesome Villain Transformer, which makes any character it's used on both evil and hot.
Professor Oak turns it on and nothing happens, except for the machine glowing pick and teddy-bear shaped sparks start shooting out from it. The knob is pushed up to 11 and while the machine hums like crazy, it doesn't seem to be working.
Suddenly, it EXPLODES! ...and out steps Yugi, clutching his head.
"Man, I feel like I've been turned inside out , put in a mixing bowl, and turned rightside out multiple times," he groans.
"What a wimp," Kaiba mutters to Mokuba.
Well, this isn't good. The remaining fangirls start closing in on Yugi, but then Dartz skips by, stamps the green Orichalcos sign onto Yugi's head, and skips off again.
"Oh, Author...?" Yugi says in a creepy sing-song.
You know, the fourth wall is there for a reason.
Yugi shrugs and says in a sing-song, "Don't get a chance to repay the fangirls for their adoration?"
Eh...
He starts inching towards the fangirls in a very Yami Marik sort of way...
No. This fic is only rated K+ and that's unmoral. Now get back to normal!
"I don't think I want to," Yugi says, inching towards the authoress with a knife in hand...
- This fic has been terminated due to danger to the author's life. -