Interviewer: What big teeth you have got.
Louis: All the better to suck up your blood with.
Interviewer: What the hell?
Louis : I am a vampire.
Interviewer: Tell me about it.
Louis: It started in 1791. My wife and child had died… No wait… wasn't it my brother?
Interviewer: Unimportant. How did you become a vampire?
Louis: I wanted to die and a vampire answered my prayers.
Lestat: Louis, you want to die?
Louis: Yes.
Lestat bites him.
Louis: Wait, I don't want to die anymore.
Lestat: Too late. Now, share my coffin.
Louis: Do I really have to lie on top of you?
Lestat: Yes. Too bad they cut that from the movie version of your book.
Lestat and Louis kill people. Slaves die. Workers die. Plenty of people die.
Louis: Lestat, I hate you. I can't drink human blood anymore.
Lestat: Try rats.
Louis feeds on rat until one night he comes upon Claudia. He bites her.
Lestat: Ha ha!
Louis: No! Wait! I thought she was a big rat!
Lestat turns Claudia into a vampire. They live happily ever after... until Claudia kills Lestat.
Claudia: Let's go to Europe.
Louis and Claudia travel through Europe until they reach Transylvania.
Dracula: Hi guys!
Louis: Get out, this is MY book.
Claudia and Louis find a vampire coven in Paris.
Armand: I love you, Louis.
Louis: I love you, Armand.
Reader: Isn't that a little too quick?
Claudia: I love you too, Louis.
Louis: And I love you too, Claudia.
Reader: I'm getting confused...