Hey everyone!
Yes, I know it has been forever since I've posted anything here. I took a few months off after finishing up All That Matters to attend to important matters like the insanity that comes with graduating high school. However, summer is here now, so you should see some more updates from me now.
Anyway, this idea popped into my head earlier and I had to write it. I also plan to write a companion fic to go with it. For the most part I think I am happy with how it turned out, though I feel like it might border on OOC for Sally. You'll let me know your thoughts on the matter, right?
Lastly, before you read, you have been warned. This story CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE HIDDEN ORACLE! It's really just one spoiler that doesn't really play much part in the plot as a whole of The Trials of Apollo and this story is set during HoH, but this entire fic is literally centered around it, so if you haven't read THO yet, that part will be ruined for you. Read at your own risk.
Other than that, enjoy! :)
Sally Jackson-Blofis stared down at the small, white object in her hands, extremely conflicted. She sat upon the closed toilet seat in the bathroom of the master bedroom she and Paul shared, in shocked silence, as she'd been doing for some time now. She gripped the stick gingerly between her fingers, as if afraid that, should she hold it too firmly, it would shock her. The double red lines it displayed seemed to taunt her as she considered them, feeling more mixed emotions than she thought she ever had and having no idea at all how to handle them.
It was positive. Granted, this outcome wasn't completely unexpected. She'd had her suspicions for a while now (She'd felt horrendous these last few mornings). She'd just hoped to be proven wrong. But she hadn't and, if she was honest with herself, she felt pretty terrible about that.
What kind of mother was she?
She knew she should be happy, overjoyed even. Not all that long ago, she had considered a day, much different from this one, in which the same thing would happen, albeit under hugely different circumstances, and had wanted little else from life. Now though, it was real and this was happening, and the thought made her rather miserable.
She disgusted herself.
It wasn't that she didn't want the baby. Quite the contrary actually. Ever since she and Paul had married, just over two years ago, she had loved the idea of bearing his child, someone that was both a piece of her and a piece of him, with her eyes and his heart. She'd known there was a slimmer chance now, at her age, then the first time around all those years ago, when the chances had been only too good, but she'd been excited to at least give it a try. She'd thought of making Paul a father to another child, of giving Percy a sibling…
And it was this thought, more than any other, which finally brought the tears to her eyes. Because it wasn't that she didn't want another baby, but that her first baby was off somewhere faraway, unbeknownst and unreachable to her, and she didn't have the slightest idea when, or, more importantly, if he would ever make it back home, especially after the visit they'd gotten from Chiron just a few days ago, informing them what had happened on July first and where Percy and Annabeth were now. Because how could she possibly have another baby now, when it felt so distinctly like, in doing so, she'd be replacing him?
And then, of course, she felt incredibly guilty because it wasn't this baby's fault that any of that had happened, nor was it it's fault that she and Paul had apparently not been very careful (Though Sally could count on one hand the times the two of them had done anything in bed besides sleep over the past few months, so she knew exactly when the little one currently growing inside her had come to be.). It wasn't this baby's fault that she was such a mess right now, although the hormones probably did play a role. And she, despite everything currently going on in her befuddled and overwhelmed brain, loved this new life with everything in her, as she'd loved Percy from the very beginning, and she would love him or her just as much, no matter what happened with his or her big brother's quest, although her heart threatened to shatter at that mere thought.
Sally took a deep breath and wiped away the handful of tears that had spilled over during her time of inner turmoil. She knew all this stress was not good for her or the new baby in their current state. She resolved herself now to be strong for it, because it needed her. Percy, she reasoned, whether she liked it or not, had to do what he was doing on his own. There was nothing she could do right now for him except to keep the light on and await his return. A brief thought flashed through her mind of the look that would be on his face when he learned of his new sibling, and it brought the smallest of smiles to her lips.
She took a deep breath and tentatively placed her hand over her stomach, which showed no sign yet of the life within, glancing down. She still felt shocked and overwhelmed, but admittedly, there was a tiny bit more excitement than had been there only moments before.
"Okay," she whispered, both to herself and the baby, "It's okay." It was time to tell Paul. That thought sent a flurry of butterflies through her stomach. He would be thrilled, of course (she was too, among many other things). Not for the first time, she felt an intense love toward the man she had married. Standing up, she hesitated a moment before leaving the pregnancy test on the vanity beside the sink, and making her way out of the bathroom. She wasn't quite ready to part with her proof yet.
Paul was seated in the living room, reading a book; from her angle as she joined him in the room, she couldn't see its title, but its pages looked worn and well loved. Sensing her presence, he allowed an easy smile, which didn't quite reach his eyes, to cross his lips. "Hey, Hon," he said casually, reading a moment longer, maybe to finish a line or paragraph, before looking up. Once he did though, he lost interest in the novel immediately and looked concerned. Her face must have betrayed some of her feelings. "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously, standing and closing the distance to her, his book abandoned on the cushions.
She shook her head as if to contradict him that nothing was wrong, but she didn't say anything as she was still fighting with the part of herself that was utterly unhappy with the timing and the circumstances while battling the feelings of intense guilt that came with it. Paul placed his hands lovingly on either of her arms, his anxious eyes wide and questioning, silently communicating so much. He waited.
"Paul," she said, noting that her voice sounded remarkably hollow and emotionless, "I'm-"
And just like that, her eyes were blinded with tears threatening to fall and a knot had formed so thickly in her throat that it rendered her incapable of continuing. She took a deep, extremely shaky breath, which betrayed the sobs she was suddenly struggling to keep at bay.
"Sally," Paul pleaded, "What is it?" He moved to hold her closer, but she stood her ground where she was, knowing full well that the second he wrapped his arms around her she would lose it completely. Not that it would be a first-she had cried on him many a time over the past seven months, but this was important. He needed to know and she needed to tell him now.
She took a deep breath and then another, and when, after a few seconds of silence between them, she judged herself capable of words again, she spoke, looking into his eyes, brown and shining with concern as they were. "I'm pregnant," she informed him in a weak voice little more than a whisper. And then she waited, still staring intently at him, and watched his reaction flash across his face.
There was a beat of silence in which nothing at all happened before her words seemed to register with him. His wide eyes grew wider and his mouth fell open in a near-perfect "O" that Sally normally would have found utterly adorable. Yet, already her eyes were tearing up again and she mentally scolded herself for what felt like the thousandth time since finding out herself, feeling like a terrible mother for being so conflicted in this moment that should have left room for joy and nothing else.
Paul seemed to be struggling to remember how to form words. "P-pregnant?" he managed finally, "You're-we're going to have a baby? You-Now? I mean…" Sally just nodded, one of the tears she'd been fighting back winning out and tracing its way down her face. Paul watched her answer and almost immediately realized the cause for it. Automatically, some of the excitement that had taken up residence on his face a second earlier faded, replaced with sympathy and a sorrow of his own, leaving Sally feeling even guiltier for ruining this for him. "Percy…" Paul said in reply and Sally didn't answer except to cry now in earnest, finally breaking under the weight of all the mixed up, pent up emotions. Paul enveloped her in a hug then that left no room for argument and held her as she wept.
"I'm sorry," she cried into him. He gripped her tighter.
"Don't be sorry, Sally. You have nothing to be sorry for." In that moment, she had never loved him more.
Paul let her cry herself out for a few minutes, stroking her hair and whispering comfortingly to her, and eventually, she had gained enough control of herself to pull away slightly. She met his eyes and saw that he regarded her with an even expression. "Honey, you do want this baby, don't you?" he asked after a pause.
"Of course I do," she answered immediately. "I'm just…"
"A wreck, I know." Paul supplied tenderly.
"I just want my other baby too."
Taking her face in his hands and leaning forward slightly, Paul replied, "I know. I want him back too." He wiped a last stray tear away with his thumb, "But it's going to be okay. We're not replacing him, I promise." She was unsurprised that he knew exactly what her thought process was without her having to say anything.
Sally nodded her head in his hands, not trusting her voice at the moment. Then, he leaned even closer and brought his lips to hers, infusing so much love and strength into the kiss that she immediately felt a little better. When they separated, she took a deep, slow breath. "Thank you," she told him.
"I love you," was his response. Cracking a tiny smile, she told him likewise, feeling immensely more cheerful about the whole situation. After that, his eyes slowly travelled down to rest on her abdomen, the beginnings of a smile playing around the edges of his own lips. "We're having a baby," he muttered, maybe only to himself. He shook his head a little, bringing his eyes back to her face. "Oh my gods."
Despite herself, Sally smiled wider. Paul had only been a part of the world of Olympians and demigods for a few years, but he'd adjusted so well, even to the point of altering his day-to-day syntax to match that of the rest of them.
Paul eyed her for another second, smirking now, before saying, "Percy'll be thrilled," his words mirroring her own passing thought from before.
"Yeah," Sally replied, bringing her hand to rest casually on her stomach and looking down at it, her joy growing as she imagined her second child within, who she couldn't help hoping would turn out to be a little girl but with whom she would be just as content as a boy; who would grow up to be happy and healthy, who would love his or her parents and adore his or her big brother, who would be a source of joy for the two of them over the coming months, no matter what, and who would be loved beyond words. "He will."
Thanks for reading!
Like I mentioned above, I am planning a companion piece to go along with this, which I will probably post pretty soon. It's just a matter of writing down what's in my head. So be on the lookout for that.