Super Mario 54
01 x 01
The pilot
Written by Harry Jaques
Based on the world created by Harry Jaques
Dedicated to Jeff Wayne
The episode starts with a shot of a canyon the camera zooms in to reveal a castle. Bowser's castle. a man steps through the front door. This man is Mario.
The camera zooms into a window, flies through some hallways and enters the throne room.
Bowser: (evil laugh) So you fought your through 8 worlds once again Super Mario. But this time… oh… this time I have come prepared…
A goomba enters the room.
Goomba: Sir sir sir…
Bowser: GOOMBA! What did we talk about interrupting my monologues?
Goomba: sorry sir… please continue.
Bowser: (turns to his guards) The moment's gone. Goomba ruined it. What do you want?
Goomba: IT'S MARIO! HE TOTALLY TAKING OUT EVERYONE WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!
Bowser: WHAT!
Bowser look out the window to see his henchmen flying all over the place.
Mario: Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through. Watch your step…
Bowser: THIS IS BULL SHIT!
Goomba: WHAT DO WE DO!
Bowser: We press on and hope that somehow, we win this day.
Goomba: ok better idea…
Cuts to a wide shot of the castle as a little brown dot falls from the window.
Goomba: ABANDON SHIIIIIIIIIPPP…!
Bowser: All right! Fine! Be that way you coward!
The door then bursts open.
Mario: Hello Bowser.
Bowser: ahhhh… MARIO!
Mario: All right Bowser. Where are you keeping the princess!
Bowser: wait what?
Mario: Princess Peach? Blonde, smiles a lot… kind of scary… you kidnap her once a week.
Bowser: oh… I thought you were here to destroy this doomsday weapon I was building.
Bowser points to a giant laser on the roof.
Bowser: but sense you're not here for that. (walks out of the room) here you go. (gives Mario a cage with peach inside)
Mario: thank you Bowser. Same time next week?
As Mario exits the room with Peach, Bowser let's out an evil laugh as he turns to face the doomsday weapon.
Bowser: Fool! That Mario is so stupid, the weapon is almost finished, and so I will take over the world.
On the computer desk lies a long red cable.
Bowser: the weapon's only weakness is this cable. If someone pulls it out of its socket, not just the weapon but the whole castle will blow up! So, I must guard this cable with my life. I will let no one even look at this…
Just then Mario renters the room.
Mario: oh uhhhh… Bowser I lost my Wii's power cord. Do you have an extra cable lying around here?
Bowser: oh, sure anything for a frenemy.
Bowser grabs the red cable and pulls it out of socket.
Bowser: here you go Mario.
Mario: thanks.
Mario exits the room.
Bowser: what a nice guy… oh wait f*ck.
Bowser does not even get to finish his sentence as his castle erupts into fire and his is shot out of the window like a rocket.
The Goomba from before watches Bowser fly through the sky (Goombas can survive in lava)
Goomba: I F*CKING TOLD YOU! I F*CKING TOLD YOU!
The screen goes black with the message "recording end".
Cuts to a room full of super villains laughing hard.
Bowser: oh yeah… laugh it up. I'm sure none of you have screwed up your evil plans before.
Everyone stops laughing.
A Romulan stands up.
Romulan: your just jealous because your franchise has never had a good movie.
Crowd: ohhhhh…
Bowser: yeah well, I have three words for you. Star Trek nine!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH. UHH. DAMM!
The Romulan sits back down, tears in his eyes.
Romulan: we do not speak of the odd numbered Star Trek movies!
The doors at the end of the room burst open and a man with a blue hat and black overalls enters.
Smg3: all right. Everybody sit down.
All the villains sit down
Smg3: I am aware that almost every single one of you have failed in your evil plans!
KKK: that's not true!
Smg3 turns around to face the white cloaked figure.
Smg3: oh really, then why are there still black people on this planet, HUH, HUH!
KKK: we got close to our goal.
Smg3: Too close, not even I would do something that morbid. (eyes widen) Wait a minute, I thought we banned you from coming to this meeting.
KKK: Now wait let's talk about this…
Smg3: SECURITY!
Behind the KKK appears a man in a brown suit with a white beard, clenched teeth and a head bigger than his body. In his hand was a hammer made of computer monitors and on the screen of one of them is the word "BAN".
Mr Hax: HAAAAACCCCKKKKSS!
Mr Hax then taps the KKK's head with his hammer and he disappeared. Yellow text appears saying "KKK has been banned for 1 month".
Mr Hax: HAAAACCCKKKKSSS! (disappears)
Smg3: Now, where were we?
Cylon: *You were telling us how much we suck. *
Smg3: Thank you reptile slave boy.
Everyone laughs as Smg3 walks to the projector at the end of the room.
Smg3: QUIET!
The laughing stops.
Smg3: Now if there is someone I come to when I make evil plans it's these guys.
An image appears of a monstrous tripod standing in the ocean blasting a yellowish red laser out of the gun on its front at an ironclad warship protecting a fleet of paddle steamers overloaded with passengers trying to get away from the chaos.
Bowser: OH MY GOD!
All the villains scream out in fear, and Freddy's eyes roll back into their sockets and he faint.
Smg3: "men from mars"! these guys were the pioneers of evil. Straight after landing on Earth, they built these things. (points to the screen) another thing was they ignored the British army and whet strait for the civilians! Now that's heartless.
Everyone starts to freak out.
Smg3: and anyone that wasn't blasted to hell was hunted down and used for food.
Octoling: WE'RE ALL GONING TO DIE!
The entire room is throwed into a panic. Jason looks out the window, he rips his mask off and screams like a little girl. A tripod was heading for their hideout.
Jason: FIRE THE GUNS!
Two giant guns rise from the lair, take aim and fires at the tripod. The tripod erupts into flames and smashes into a small forest as sirens blare from a coal mine nearby.
Smg3: YOU IDIOTS! THAT WASN'T A TRIPOD! THAT WAS A STRIDER!
The villains look out the window again and see the charred remains of the strider.
Cylon: *sorry! *
Strider: I can't feel my anything.
Jason: wait a minute. When did these "Martians" invaded.
Smg3's eyes widen as everyone turns around.
Smg3: ummmmm… 24th of august 1898…
Bowser: that's one-hundred years ago.
Romulan: if they invaded a century ago, then why aren't we all dead?
As if on que, an image of a dozen of tripod machines piled up at the bottom of Primrose's hill broken and poring with smoke, strange red organic materials dripping from some of the cockpits and black birds ripping and pecking at what use to be the "men from mars".
Jason: what happened to them?
Smg3 mutes to himself.
Bowser: I'm sorry, what?
Smg3: they forgot to… (trails off)
Romulan: SPEAK UP HUMAN!
Smg3: THEY FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR FLU SHOTS BEFORE THEY LEFT MARS OK!
Everyone looks at each other than busts out laughing.
Bowser: they wipe out the entire British army and they are defeated by diabetes!
Smg3: well… it's what they left behind is what counts.
Smg3 press a button on the control panel and a slideshow begins.
Jason: oh boy. Exposition time…
The slideshow begins with Smg3 narrating.
After the Martians invaded, the world had a technological sore! The Martian technology help people in many ways. But this didn't mean it was smooth sailing from there.
Most of the Martian tech was sent to Germany and were rebuilt into man-size robots. They were used to serve the house hold like maids and were smart, too smart.
Rebellion.
The Great Robot War had begun! The robots highjacked ships and planes to spared out across the world. The war lasted 4 years until a group of humans offed a peace treaty to the robots which allowed the robots to have the same rights as people. The people who arrange the treaty were then known as overwatch.
The treaty also said the it was Germany's fault for the entire war and they had to pay for the damage. This put Germany in an economical hole, the country just had no money. They did try to make more money by refurbishing an old town over a series of coal mines in the USA, so they could sell the coal to other countries. but if I say the name of the town you can guess what happen. "Silent Hill".
In 1939 the chancellor of Germany, Hitler, built up a large army to attack the rest of the world in an act of revenge. The Great Nazi War had begun! The war only lasted 5 years before the German people found out that the war was only a decoy to distract the world's biggest armies. Hitler's real goal was to wipe out all Jews and other religions around the world. Hitler was part of a colt that worship a god called Samael and with all the religions of the world gone, their wound be no one to stop Samael. But the people of Germany alerted the US navy and they ordered a full-scale attack on Berlin. But when they breached Hitler's office, only the left half of his body remained, bleeding on the floor with a note on the desk.
Failure will be punished
-Samael
After that the world has been at peace, but smaller conflicts have plagued the USA and other countries. Urban legends around a pizza place in the Niagara Falls area started to pop up after an employee was taken to hospital with extensive damage to his frontal lobe and one day into his operation, his body was stolen. The search was called off because there were no witnesses and the kidnapper had destroyed all the security cameras in the hospital. The only things the police could use in the investigation was a small metal box locked by two padlocks and two keys covered in blood. The police took the box back to the station and in one of the integration rooms they opened the box…
"IT'S ME!"
The firemen tried their best, but they could not save the police station.
54 policemen died that day and one firefighter went missing.
And this year is the one hundredth anniversary of the Martian invasion. All this disaster and death can be traced back to that attack, an act of jealously.
No one would have believed in the last years of the 19th century that human affairs where being watched by intelligences that inhabited the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets and yet, across the gulf of space minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this Earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely.
They drew their plans against us…
(credits roll)
(post credits scene)
The sideshow stops and Smg3 turns to face the villains
Smg3: so… what did you think.
Everyone looks terrified.
Bowser looks around.
Bowser: wait a minute… this isn't your lair?
Smg3 freezers
Cylon: *whose home is this? *
The door opens and in comes a black man in a green shirt.
Big Smoke: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!
Smg3: uhhhh… we're having a bad guy meet up…
Big Smoke looks around the room and grabs a baseball bat.
Big Smoke: WELL YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOLS!
Everyone start screaming. Smg3 screams the highest.
Cuts out to the front of the house as all the villains fly through the window and crash onto the front lawn.
Smg3: well at least thing can't get any worst.
A police car falls from the sky.
Policemen: STAP RIGHT THERE!
Smg3 moans and then blacks out.
THE END