It was the finest room the castle had to offer. More like a bedroom than a patient's room, it was lofty and large. At the back was an oversize, overstuffed canopy bed with geese down pillows and silken sheets, taking up most of the space. Beside it was an ornately-carved nightstand and ordinary oil lamp. To top this off, there was a large window on one side of the room with thick, half-drawn curtains, and the curtains above the bed had been completely closed. It would have made the impression of being a beautiful room, fit for a noble, had it not been so dark and ominous.
Standing at the room's doorway was a small figure, a teenage girl in ordinary dress. She possessed a childish kind of beauty, as if she hadn't grown into her body quite yet. In her hands was a tray with a plate of food and a glass of water. The girl stood and stared at the bed in front of her. She refused to take another step. After all, the person within the room just happened to be...
"Gulcasa..." she breathed.
The mighty Emperor of Carnage had taken a nearly mortal blow, by her, no less, and had almost died in the process of trying to bring the dragon Brongaa back to life. Miraculously, he survived the ordeal and had been brought to this castle to recover within the safety of its stone walls. It seemed he was sleeping at the moment... but one could only guess. Nobody knew what sorts of pain he had gone through while trying to bring an ancient dragon back into the world. Only the bandages on his wrists and neck could answer that.
The girl took another step, and then hesitated as if the wooden floor was going to drag her underfoot. Every step she took sent shivers up her spine, and every glance around the room made it seem darker and darker. After actually making it to the nightstand and setting the tray down, she drew the curtains open to let a little more light in. He wouldn't mind anyway, would he?
There was a soft shifting noise within the bed's own curtains. The girl froze. Gulcasa was awake? She didn't even know if the emperor moved around in his sleep. What would he do if he realized she was here? She was the queen of Fantasinia... The person who almost killed him... She was Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz. Though she hadn't wanted to bring attention to herself today, so she decided to forgo the fancy dress and tiara, for now, at least.
So, she wondered, would he recognize her if she pulled back the draperies? Would she see those piercing golden eyes staring right back at her? What was past those curtains... Who was lying in that bed... How would the emperor be feeling today?
A sudden surge of fear swelled in her chest as Yggdra realized she was tightly grasping the bed's curtains. The curtains were thin, a vivid maroon color in the likes of the Bronquian Empire. She ran her fingers along them, curious but afraid. She was anxious and excited, she was scared and she was relieved, all at the same time. The emotions just mixed up and overflowed in her mind and body, and that had been happening for a while now. She wasn't afraid to admit to herself that she might have fallen in love. How, she wasn't sure, but that didn't matter, because there was no way Gulcasa would ever accept her feelings right now.
He might even kill me, she thought. Yggdra swallowed hard. It was impossible to tell what would happen if she pulled those curtains open. Gulcasa was in a dangerous mental state. She sighed as she rubbed a fold of the material between her fingers. It might be love... it might be pity.
And then that came back to her. That. That thing. That thing she was told.
Yggdra gave a deep sigh. That, of every thought, would be the last one on her mind, and yet it seemed to be the most important. She couldn't imagine how he would react if she told him, and she couldn't imagine what would happen if she even tried to speak to him at all. The notion was, at best, a gamble. At its worst, it was outright suicide.
Yggdra shook her head. No! No... She had almost killed him before, she had gotten through so many situations of the sort she had to be used to them by now. There was no way she would be afraid of death, of all things... Not when this was happening.
With a deep breath, she pulled open the curtains.
Staring back at her were intense, steely, golden eyes, and a pale face framed by long locks of red hair. Bandages upon bandages had been layered over his neck, and his ghost white gown didn't do much to conceal that fact he hadn't been eating well. The strong muscles that had once made up his arms were growing weak, and the bandages that covered them were blotched with old blood. Thin red lines ran zigzags through the white linen.
"...You!" Gulcasa roared, and Yggdra jumped away by instinct.
Her reaction was too late. Gulcasa's hands shot up and dug into her neck, forcing her closer to the bed. His arms shook as he sat up and pulled her off her feet. All Yggdra could do was stare at him in desperation, gurgling and choking all the while.
"You!" he screamed. "I should've killed you from the start! You... You wretch!" His eyes grew even wider. "Die!"
Yggdra's arms felt as if something tight had been holding them back. She barely managed to grasp onto his shaking arms in an attempt to calm him down. Squeezing the hardened muscle with soft fingers, the queen refused to make another sound, even through all the pressure.
Gulcasa's hands still had a firm grip on her neck when he realized she was touching him. His gaze softened. "You..." he muttered, releasing his hands from her throat. Gulcasa looked down. "You..." he looked up again with gritty, disturbing honesty in his eyes, "you should've killed me when you had the chance."
Yggdra rubbed her neck. She ran her fingers over the deep welts that his nails had made and tried to massage her bruised throat. When she looked back at her hand, there was blood on her fingertips. It was her blood. The same substance was on Gulcasa's nails.
Yggdra looked back at the young emperor. He was staring at her, fists dangling lamely at his sides. She then realized why he had stopped trying to choke her. Crimson blotches were actively seeping into the white bandages again. The wounds hadn't completely healed over yet. Yggdra gave a weak, bitter smile. Of course. Overexertion would lead to nothing except self-destruction.
That was probably what he wanted, anyway.
Gulcasa narrowed his eyes. "You should go," he rasped. "Standing around here will do you no good."
Yggdra cocked her head at the emperor. His eyes had a strange light in them. Was he holding back? Though... holding back on what...?
"What are you waiting for?" Gulcasa barked. "Stop staring; leave!"
"No!" Yggdra retorted. "I have something to tell you—"
"You think I care?" A gruesome smile spread over Gulcasa's face. "Listen close. I could kill you at any given moment, you understand? The only things holding me back are these bandages. I have nothing to live for."
"What about your country? Your people?"
"You think they would care? About me? I nearly killed all of them! I nearly destroyed them!" He gave a twisted grin. "Ha ha ha! You're going to die if you continue to linger here. It doesn't matter whether you care. It doesn't matter whether anyone cares. I will find a way to destroy myself, regardless of the circumstances. I'll sacrifice everyone in Bronquia if I have to."
Yggdra watched with wide eyes as he continued to speak. She was speechless.
"What? Stop looking at me like that. It's as if you didn't know that I've tried to kill myself several times. Where do think these bandages come from?" Slowly, Gulcasa began to unravel the ones on his left arm. Blood still trickled down from the open wounds. "You see? This blood? It's hot. It burns. It's Brongaa's, and it wants to be in Brongaa's body. He is a raging spirit, and I can only be considered a temporary container for him."
"You shouldn't say that," Yggdra replied. "You've been able to contain him this whole time, haven't you?"
Gulcasa smirked. "Barely! He's still in there, in my mind. Do you know what he tells me? 'You have no existence without me.' It's impossible to get rid of him without getting rid of me. You have to kill me if you want to stop Brongaa's constant threats. We are one in mind, body, and spirit."
"Don't say that!"
"I will! It's true! Stop hiding yourself from those facts! You were the one who tried to kill me, after all! You wanted to get rid of me." His smile only grew wider. "And now you're saying you want to save my life? What kind of game are you playing, Your Highness? Or say... in that heart of yours, there's room to feel guilt for attempting to murder me? You think I have a soft side, that you'll be able to bring that out if you'd just show me how to live my life."
"I may not," Yggdra said quietly, "but wouldn't Emilia?"
"Emilia is my half-sister. She's a boastful, impudent child, but she clings to me. I am her greatest pillar of support and comfort. Of course she would speak to me. What are you trying to say?" Gulcasa narrowed his eyes at her, as if trying to figure out the verbal puzzle in front of him.
"Hasn't Emilia been able to quell those thoughts of fury?" she asked. "When you're with her, isn't it anymore peaceful? At all? Or are you so coldhearted that you'd never even given a thought to her at all about what she's trying to say to you?"
Gulcasa's pursed his lips. "You're wrong," he replied. "She's not that kind of person. If anything, she would still want you dead. I don't think she believes in peace like you do, or at least not the kind of peace you're talking about. Bronquia is a warring country... and Emilia is anything but innocent. She may act like an impudent brat, but the truth is she's just as broken as I am." He looked at her with cold, earnest eyes. "In fact... it may be better for her if she doesn't survive."
Yggdra took advantage of the pause. Every emotion she had tried to hold inside her suddenly burst out.
"Emilia's alive!" She slammed her hands down on the bed. Her voice began to shake. "Emilia's alive! Aren't you happy about that? Can't you be happy about that? Why are you so intent on having people dead? What kind of person are you? What... what..."
"Listen," he said calmly, in an effort to silence her, "I don't think you know me as well as you think you do."
"I..."
"I became a very difficult person to deal with after Brongaa's awakening. Since he lives in me, and since he is awake, his consciousness—his soul—is alive. Once I die, who knows what will happen? Even I don't. But holding him inside me is torture. Physical, and often psychological. You could say... I'm a disaster just waiting to happen."
"Can't anyone help you?" she asked breathlessly, eyes narrowed. "How long are you going to stay like this...?"
Gulcasa rewound the bandages on his arm and looked down at his fingers, flexing them. "Isn't that hard to say? But don't worry so much; if you do I'll be afraid you've fallen for me."
Yggdra felt a jolt in her chest.
"Then again, changes are ordinary over the course of a lifetime. Humans are very indecisive. Who knows? Someone might have the power to change me. I'm not saying it's impossible."
"Mm..."
"If you don't want me to kill myself, I guess it's your call. Now that I think about it, I feel that myself alone won't have the ability to bring down the entire country... and Brongaa's spirit won't be released without the help of a lengthy ritual. That won't happen anytime soon, either. I'm only one person, you know?" Gulcasa looked at her, his face concealing all but a smile.
Yggdra's expression softened. "Yeah. You're right."
"Eh?" Gulcasa's face twitched. "Stop making those big eyes at me," he muttered, turning away.
She simpered. Gulcasa was so much more manageable when he wasn't trying to kill people.
"I know what you're trying to get me to do, but I'm not going to open up and pour out all my feelings to one person. I'm not you, Yggdra, and I honestly can say that I will remain unstable for the rest of my life. If you want to take care of me, then go ahead. You'll be dealing with a suicidal, homicidal madman at worst."
"At best?" Yggdra ventured.
Gulcasa stared at her for a moment, and then opened his mouth. "I'm going to see Emilia. Tomorrow."
"Ah...?" she asked, curious as to why the subject had changed so suddenly. Regardless, she went along. "You're hurt, though..."
"I appreciate the concern, but seeing as you've got a much more stable life, I'd tell you to worry about yourself," he said, staring down at his hands. "I'm sure you can tell I'm not a weak person. Emilia, though... I'll have to see about that. And maybe then..."
"...things will change," was what he was about to say, until he felt something fall onto his open palm.
Gulcasa looked down. It was what seemed to be a drop of water. Only when he saw Yggdra's face did he notice she was crying.
"Ah..." she smiled up at him through the tears, fiercely fighting the urge to tackle him then and there for fear of whatever form of retaliation she would get in response. "I've never seen you like this before. You..." She gave a breathless laugh, or sob; it was difficult to tell. "I..."
Gulcasa noticed the red bruises and welts on her neck from just a few moments ago. The tears freely falling from her eyes streamed down to the various marks.
He offered a rare, lopsided smile. "You're a mess."
Yggdra's voice was low, but her retort was just as strong as his. "Like you should be saying that..."
She looked him in the eye with a furrowed brow. He grinned.
A/N: This is the product of a very lengthy process that included several beta versions, two of them looked at by Feral. This is, in fact, a request from her that she asked me to do a few weeks ago, so it's a bit overdue. And, yeah, that other fic sort of coincides with this, not to mention this is from an actual scene that took place in her fic, Stupid Cupid. So don't blame me for stealing her idea. Though I have to admit, the more GulcasaxYggdra I write, the more I get used to it...