The Tale of the Body Thief
Lestat : Hi David. Wanna be a vampire?
David: Nope.
Lestat: Okay then. I will go kill myself.
David: Come back here when you are done.
Lestat goes into the desert and fails lamentably to kill himself. He goes back to Talbot Manor.
David: I love your tan, Lestat.
Lestat: I love you, David.
David: I have seen God.
Lestat: Cool.
Lestat wanders around the world and meets the mysterious Body Thief.
Body Thief: Let's switch bodies.
Lestat: Yes. I don't consider even for a second that you might want to steal my body forever in spite of my preternatural intelligence.
The Body Thief runs away with Lestat's body. Lestat is trapped in a human body. He rapes a random waitress and has sex with a nun. He then realises he cannot endure defecation and goes to Louis.
Louis: I have no purpose in this story other than introducing homosexual fantasy.
Lestat: Make me a vampire.
Louis: No. Sucks to be you!
Lestat burns down Louis's house.
Marius: Sucks to be you, Lestat!
Lestat: Shit!
Lestat goes to David for help.
Lestat: I want to recover my body and I want to have sex with you.
David: I want to have sex with you too but I can't because I identify myself as Faust and you as Mephistopheles and therefore I cannot give in to you.
Lestat: I don't understand.
David: Nevermind. It's Anne Rice's attempt to bring deepness to the plot.
David helps Lestat recover his body from the Body Thief.
David: Surprise! I switched bodies too!
Lestat: Now I'm jealous. I will make you a vampire in spite of the fact that each time I make someone a vampire against their will something bad happens to me.
David: Oh, finally, it's cool to be a vampire. Let's go to Rio with Louis and make an homosexual love triangle.
Lestat and Louis: Yay!
The End