"Jay..." Her voice was soft but raspy as it usually was when she first woke up and it automatically made me smile. My back was towards her but immediately after hearing my name mumbled I turned to face her, wrapping an arm around her small waist in the process. "Good morning." Though her eyes were still closed, I saw a small smile grow on her face. Instead of responding I tightened my arm to pull her closer and kissed the top of her head.
After a couple of minutes, I began dozing off again before I felt her move from next to me. "Hey." I opened my eyes to see her sitting on the edge of the bed, patting down a messy part of her hair. "What's wrong?" I sat up as well and kissed her shoulder lightly from behind. This kind of romantic affection I showed her was not something I shared with Alex. When I was with Alex it was always quick and more out of raging hormones but Manny was very different. She wanted to feel loved and though it took some getting used to, I enjoyed the time she and I spent together no matter how lovey-dovey it was.
I heard her sigh quietly to herself and saw her hand raised to rub her face. "This is so wrong, Jay." Biting down on my lip, I backed away from her and immediately realized this wasn't the reaction she wanted when she turned around and saw her eyes getting wet. "Because I'm falling for you. And I don't want last year to happen again. So I think that we should just end this now." Before I even had the chance to disagree she was out of the bed and getting changed. I couldn't lie to her, because I did want to keep Alex around but I didn't want to lose what I had with Manny either. Was it so selfish to want the company of two different women? So as I watched her grab her small bag and finish dressing, I lay back on the bed and pretended not to see her crying quietly to herself. She didn't want it to be like last year with Craig but it was obvious that it already was.
It was already morning and I already wanted to go back to sleep, but somehow I got the motivation to get up and dress myself in a black shirt, covered by a grey and blue jacket and some regular old black pants. After I was finished getting into something clean, I had to decide whether or not to wear my old black hat as well. I know it may seem trivial but it really isn't, Manny prefers no hat while Alex seems to like me better with it. Most mornings I didn't have the luxury of getting to choose due to time restraints, but since it was Saturday, I had all the time in the world. Stop being a dumb as, he told himself, a hat doesn't mean anything. If only for a second, I managed to make myself believe that and before I began thinking about it again, I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed my car keys.