A/N: Well, here you are. The Grillows version of 'Have You Ever', which has been subject to song and therefore title change. Review, or I cry =D

Once again, on a similar point in the timeline, a little after 9x11. I have also used 'creative license' so we have the following couples in here

Wendy & Hodges
Mandy & Nick

Riley & Greg

And, I've gotta thank my best friend Hollie, who helped me when I was totally stuck. And for putting up with me, even when I'm an annoying doofus. I love you chick xx

Song: Far Away by Nickelback. If you haven't heard it, go listen now. It's one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Also made Nickelback my favorite band.

The end was kinda inspired by Marg Helgenberger and William Petersen's interview 'The Long Goodbye' in TV Guide.

Anyway, enjoy if possible.

Catherine was sat at her desk. She was thinking about Gil, she often did in the rare spare moments being the supervisor gave her, or when paperwork could not hold her interest. She missed him, that she could not deny. She had had him at her side for 22 years and suddenly, he was gone. To Sara. The woman he really loved.

But she still needed him. The way she had needed him while she was trapped with Eddie. The way she had needed him to hold her after every beating. The way she had needed him when she found Eddie in bed with another woman(whore, like she had been, he had told her). The way she had needed him when she struggled as a single mother to a young Lindsay.

Sighing, she rose from her desk, snatched up her purse, and headed for her car.

'Cath!' she heard someone call as she unlocked the doors. She turned sharply to see Nick jogging towards her. He quickened his pace to reach her.

'Where you headed?' he panted, slightly out of breath

'Home' she answered monotonously. 'Lindsay's staying with a friend, and I only stayed late to finish my report. I just want to go home and relax for a change.'

'How about coming out with us?' Nick offered. Catherine smiled half-heartedly.

'Really Nicky, it's a sweet offer, but I really don't feel up to it tonight.' Catherine replied. 'And just spend the night thinking about what I lost' said the voice in her head.

'Awwh, c'mon. It's just a few of us, a friendly night out is all. We're headed to that new karaoke bar that opened just off the main strip. Come for one drink. You know you want too really.' with this, Nick pulled his puppy dog eyes. Catherine had to laugh.

'ONE drink' she smiled 'but there's no way I'm singing.'

'Whatever you say, Miss' Nick saluted in reply. Catherine aimed to playfully swat him, but he jumped out of the way.

'You know how to get there?' he asked. She nodded.

'Then get going!' I'll see yah there.' he replied, jogging to his car and speeding into the night.

*

The bar was already densely populated and loud, despite the early hour, and Catherine couldn't see the team anywhere. Scanning the crowds once again, she spotted Nicky at the bar and moved to stand beside him.

'Where is everyone?' she bellowed over the music blaring from a nearby speaker.

'Follow me' he bellowed in reply as he paid the bartender and grabbed the overflowing drinks.

They walked what seemed the full length of the bar before Catherine spotted the table where Ray, Hodges, Wendy and Mandy were seated, adjacent to another speaker.

'Where are Riley and Greg?' she asked.

'Oh, they got.....held up. They'll be along later.' Nick explained.

The blaring music faded, and Catherine silently uttered a prayer of thanks, before an even louder song started up. Catherine groaned to herself. She could feel the headache setting in already. It was what it must be like in Lindsay's room.

'What kind of karaoke is this?!' she questioned.

'Oh, that doesn't start till later' he replied calmly.

'How much later is 'later'?! Otherwise this 'music' will kill me.' Catherine whined.

At this point, the music stopped abruptly, and the lights went up on stage as a balding, portly, middle-aged man clutching a microphone clambered up the steps and onto the stage.

'About now' Nick laughed.

'Thank God' Catherine replied, the relief evident in her voice.

'You singing?' he asked casually.

'Christ no, are you crazy?' Catherine laughed. 'What did all these innocent people' she continued as she indicated the crowd in the bar 'Do to deserve torture on that level?'

'Your not so bad. I've heard you singing to yourself in the lab.' Nick chuckled in reply.

Catherine laughed and took another sip of her vodka, then pulled her hair from its bedraggled ponytail, letting in cascade over her shoulders and down her back. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. This was a mistake. Being supervisor, some things escaped her mind for hours at a time, hardly a moment went by when she didn't think of him. It was always worse when she closed her eyes, as immediately she saw His smile, those eyes she could lose herself in, and heard his gentle tone that had always sent shivers down her spine. These memories assaulted her senses regularly.

Catherine sighed as she remembered the night they met, the aching hole in her heart ripped open further to reveal something she'd never felt toward anyone before. She needed to see him, right here, right now, her heart ached for him. She craved his presence. She longed to see his perfect blue eyes, as deep as the ocean, staring back at her and finally meeting her gaze. She craved to be enclosed once more within his strong arms, as they had been every time she needed him. She longed to be protected from everything in the world as she imagined his arms around her, pulling her closer to his warm body. When he held her all her troubles seemed to disappear into thin air as she gently laid her head onto his chest, listening carefully to his heartbeat. She wanted him to be hers forever, but she soon realised that it was all just a dream. A silly insignificant dream that wouldn't change how he felt towards her. Catherine did not sleep at nights any more. Instead, she now lay awake, listening to the quiet ticking of the clock not wanting to sleep, for her dreams scared her. She dreamt she was alone, unwanted, but her dreams became reality and her heart slowly tore as she realised he would never be hers.

Her eyes snapped open and she leaned onto the table. She felt moisture on her face, and placed her fingertips to her cheek. She had not realised she had been crying. Catherine quickly brushed the tears away before anybody noticed them. They hadn't. They were all talking to their partners, except Ray, who had stepped away to take a call. She could see him in the shadows, the disco lights occasionally illuminating his features. He was smiling widely, obviously pleased at what the caller was telling him. While she was mildly curious, she wasn't curious enough to wonder for long, as she sunk back into her miserable reverie, slumping over to rest her head on the table.

*

'Did you manage to get her to go?'

'Yeah, used Nicky's powers of persuasion' Ray laughed into the phone.

'He didn't let on, did he?' the caller asked, worry evident in his usually warm, reassuring tone.

'No, she's got no idea. Are you ready?' Ray questioned

'Yes. See you soon.' With that, the call ended. Ray flipped his phone shut and walked back to the table.

Catherine sensed a presence and raised her head quickly, sweeping her fringe out of her eyes. She looked up to see Ray beside her.

'You okay?' he smiled

'Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired.' Catherine tried to smile, but Ray saw the pain behind it, the façade she was living. Though he hadn't known Gil long before his departure, he had seen how much he and Catherine depended on each other. And he had seen Catherine fall apart when he left.

'Just please, let it all be okay soon' he thought to himself as he leant down and enveloped Catherine in a comforting hug, as she fell apart for the second time that night.

*

Catherine applauded exhaustedly as another terrible singer handed the microphone back and stepped down from the stage. She turned to take another sip of her drink, her third large glass that night. 'I'd better slow down, or I'm not going to be able to get home' she thought. What she would not consciously admit was that the drink dulled the raw pain she felt inside somewhat.

'Next up, we have....Gilbert Grissom' the DJ announced over the loudspeaker. Catherine's head spun round at breakneck speed. The DJ had not just said 'Gilbert Grissom'. Gil was in Costa Rica, surely? And even if he wasn't, he would never have been singing in a karaoke bar. Catherine had only ever heard him sing once, and even then, she was sure she had dreamed it. She turned back to the table, tears stinging her eyes.

'God damn it, control yourself Willows' she thought.

On the stage, a tranquil guitar solo introduced itself as a smooth yet deep voice began to reverberate round the bar.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

Catherine spun round. 'No, it can't be' she thought. The voice, it was the voice she remembered from that occasion. It was his voice.

And there he was. Gilbert Grissom, in the flesh. Stepping down from the stage, the mic still in his hand as he moved towards her, still singing as the second verse began.

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

Catherine didn't notice the tears as they started an unrelenting descent down her face again, and if she had, she wouldn't have cared. By this time, he had reached her and entwined his fingers with hers as he held the mic between them.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away

Catherine echoed his words

So far away

Before Gil continued.
Been far away for far too long

So far away

Catherine echoed again

So far away
Before Gil took the lead again

Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say

That I love you

There was no doubt in Catherine's mind as she said what he wanted to hear, the words coming from the centre of her soul.

I love you

As Gil sang on

I have loved you all along
And I forgive you

Once again, no shred of doubt as she repeated the words

I forgive you

As Gil continued to sing on

For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you any more
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Catherine didn't need to be told twice as she clung to his shirt as he moved them gently to the music as he rounded up the song.

Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you any more
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

As he finished, he placed the microphone on the table behind Catherine, before cupping her face in both his hands and expressing 20 years of emotion in a single kiss that made them both see stars. The best part being, she did the same as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Breaking the kiss, he whispered 'C'mon. We've got a plane to catch.'

At Catherine's bewildered look, he laughed, as he pulled her from the bar to a waiting taxi, on which Riley and Greg were leaning, arms wrapped around each other.

'Catherine's case is in the trunk.' Greg smiled as he moved to stand.

Catherine didn't ask how the hell he got into her house, she'd kill him for it when she got back from.....wherever the hell it was they were headed.

Gil opened the door for her and she giggled as she stepped into the car.

*

As they drove of into the night, although Catherine was overjoyed to have got all she ever wanted after 22 years, there was one question she had to ask

'Gil.... what happened to Sara?' she asked quietly from where she rested, with her her head rested in the crook of Gil's neck, her eyes focused on their interlocked hands.

Gil shifted at this question, to enable himself to look directly into her eyes as he answered.

'After I left, I met up with Sara. I thought I had everything I wanted there. I thought I loved Sara. But...I was wrong. I missed you, I needed you. Sara noticed and told me to come back. We had both realised, though it hurt to admit, our relationship was dead before it started, because she knew I could never fully commit, because I was too in love with you to think about being with anyone else.'

'But if ' true, then why start a relationship with her?' Catherine wasn't criticising, she needed to know.

Gil sighed deeply 'I was stupid. I thought that you were to far out of my reach and Sara, well, she wanted me. I thought she would help me forget. I cared about her, I thought I loved her, but eventually we had to admit that it wasn't working. And I knew it was because I was too in love with you. So, I came back, hoping that maybe I hadn't screwed up so badly that you wouldn't want to know me....'

at this, Catherine cut him off with a tender kiss.

'Let's leave the past in the past.' she suggested after she broke away.

'Works for me, my butterfly' he replied as the taxi slowed to a halt outside the airport.

'You never told me' Catherine commented as she went to help him unload cases from the trunk 'Where are we going?'

'All in good time my dear' he smiled with a twinkle in his ocean eyes.

*

A few hours later, the pair lay on a large bed in a Mexican beach house, a thin sheet covering their sweaty bodies as they lay with their legs entangled.

'Our last weekend.' she smiled as she lay with her head on Gil's chest, listening to his heartbeat, the sweetest lullaby she had ever heard.

'Indeed.' he replied as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissing the top of her head.

Slowly, they drifted off to sleep in the afterglow of their lovemaking, both dreaming of what lay ahead of them, and looking forward to every second of it, now that they had each other.

Forever.

The End

Review? Winter-Faerie.X