Dean's POV

I sighed, skimming over the pages of the book propped open on my lap and downing the last drop of whiskey from my glass.

"Castiel hello. Possible loose nuke down here. Angelic weapon, kind of your department," I grumbled.

There was no answer. Figures.

"Did you hear that Cas?" I tried again, getting up, glass still in hand.

"Hello Dean."

I spun around, rolling my eyes when I saw Cas standing there calmly. I'd be lying if I said he wasn't a sight for sore eyes.

"Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam and you come for some stupid horn."

Cas looked down at the floor.

"You asked me to be here and I came. I—

"I've been asking you to be here for days you dick," I snarled.

There was a heavy silence between us, as Cas seemed to struggle to find his words.

"I-I didn't come about Sam…because I have nothing to offer about Sam," he said solemnly.

"Well that's great because for all we know he's just gift wrapped for Lucifer!"

"No he's not Lucifer."

"And how do you know that?"

Cas sighed, picking the bottle of whiskey up off the bookshelf and unscrewing the top. He walked forward slowly and refilled my drink, still refusing to look me in the eye.

"Because if Lucifer had escaped the cage, we'd feel it," he explained, looking at the bottle curiously for a moment before taking a small sip himself. He winced at the taste. Had it been a different sort of situation I would've laughed and given him shit for not being able to handle his liquor. But it wasn't.

"But…but, there's gotta be…I mean, what's wrong with him?" I asked, cursing the slight tremor in my voice.

Cas turned away from me, shaking his head.

"I don't know Dean. I'm sorry."

"What happened to you Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one," I growled at him.

"I'm at War. Certain, regrettable things are now required of me," he mumbled.

Anger bubbled under my skin.

"That's not good enough Cas. Regrettable things. Are you shitting me? You always have a choice Cas. You could always ask us for help and you never do. What is it huh? You don't trust me?" I snapped.

"Of course I do."

"Then would you look at me!"

He turned slowly, took a deep breath and then finally let his eyes flicker up to meet mine. I sucked in a breath. He looked so sad and completely broken.

"Cas what the hell happened to you?" I asked, softer this time.

"I told you…the war—

"Nah man, I mean to you. Personally."

"I…Dean I—

He broke off, choking slightly on his words as tears spilled over, flowing down his face. Without even thinking I stepped forward and pulled him into my arms. His arms hung loosely at his sides for a moment before they came up to wrap securely around my back. We sunk to the floor together, Cas borrowing further into my neck, his tears soaking my t-shirt. I hushed him, gripping him tighter, as if pulling him closer to me would fix everything. Fix him.

"The war Dean. I started it. It's all my fault," he managed between sobs.

"Shh, it's gonna be alright Cas. It's gonna be fine," I promised, rubbing his back.

"But…but it's—

"I'm here Cas. Just calm down. I'm here."

He nodded against my neck and pulled away enough to take a few deep breaths. Once he was calm embarrassment seemed to wash over him and he tried to get back up. I kept a firm grip on his arms.

"Hey, hold up. Don't feel bad about it Cas."

"I'm an angel. I'm not meant to break down, so to speak," he said, using air quotes around the words "break down."

"You can't always be okay Cas. That's not how it works. Angel or not."

He nodded, pausing to think for a moment.

"Are you okay?" he asked

"You know me, I'm always okay," I said, trying my best to grin at him. I could tell it didn't reach my eyes.

"Dean," Cas said, eyes searching mine.

"It's just…all this shit with Sammy is starting to take its toll on me man. Last night, I thought about killing him in his sleep, because whoever he is, he's not my brother anymore. And I want to help him, but I don't know how," I said, looking down.

Cas touched my cheek gently, coaxing me into looking back up at him. His eyes were deep and sad, but full of determination.

"I will do everything in my power to help you figure out how to help Sam," he said seriously.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and nodded. For the first time I realized how close Cas's face was to mine. My eyes flickered to his lips and before I realized what I was doing I had pressed my mouth to his. I felt him jolt in surprise, but he made no move to pull away. Luckily my brain caught up with my actions and I jerked away from him. His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted, staring at me in awe.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that? Shit. Cas I'm so sorry I—

He cut me off, leaning forward and crushing our lips together. My hand curled instinctively around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss had a little too much of everything; teeth, tongue, saliva. It was evident that Cas was inexperienced, but I didn't care because he was kissing me with everything he had. His hands were gripping the front of my shirt so tightly I worried he might rip it in half, so I ran my fingers over his knuckles in an attempt to sooth him. To prove to him I wasn't going anywhere. He sighed into the kiss, loosening his hold and opting to let one his hands slide up the front of my shirt. I broke off with a gasp.

"Sorry, was that too much?" Cas asked, tilting his head.

"No. Not at all man. It was, uh, really, um good. I just wanna know why?"

"Why what?"

"This. Us. If there is an us anyway. Why now?"

"Dean. I have held your soul in my hands. Pieced you back together after you were ripped to shreds. Watched you do the impossible time and time again. After being my your side so long you must know I'd come to feel something for you. How could I not," he said softly, lacing our fingers together.

"So, you, um, like me then?" I asked quietly.

"I love you," he corrected, smiling shyly.

"Oh. M-me too. I mean, about you though. Like, I don't love me, I um—

"I understand Dean."

"Good, cause this is getting dangerously close to a chick flick moment," I grumbled.

Cas just smiled and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

"What do we do now?" the angel asked.

My eyes flickered from him to the bed behind us.

"Oh I can think of a few things."