She sits at her kitchen table. The tears fall her eyes. A cup of tea sits, untouched. The bag still sits in the cup, but the mug is cold now. Finally she had realized the truth. The thing that she had been searching, for, she finally realized, that it was around her, all along. There was no denying it. The only thing that was ever permanent. She stares at the shiny metallic object, on the table.
The cold metal reminds her of the truth. Her whole life had been cold, now... she was going to feel something, if only for an instant. Her hand shakes, she feels broken. She feels weak. She pulls the object towards her.
She plays out the scene in her mind. With one swift movement, she would feel it. She would feel the pain, for one instant. Warm liquid would pour from her, and it would all be over. Finally she would have the one thing, in life that was permanent.
She swallows hard, ignoring the tears trailing down her cheek. The cool metal, presses against her temple. Her fingers know this weapon intimately. It would be an hour before anyone came. It would take them that long to realize that something was wrong. She stares at her phone, willing to ring. She begs for one reason, not to embrace the only permanent thing she knew.
He focuses on the road, as he drives. He stops at the stoplight. He stares at the phone in his cup holder. His gut tells him something isn't right. The light turns green, and he moves through the intersection. He pulls the phone to his ear, and he dials a number, the first one he can think of.
She stares at the phone on her kitchen table, in disbelief. It rings. Her hand shakes as she places it to her ear.
"Hello?" she manages to choke out.
From the sound of her voice he can tell something is wrong, that she has been crying, "Are you ok?"
"I will be," she replies.
"I don't believe you."
She swallows hard, "Please...come here, now," she begs.
"I am on my way."
"I don't know how long I can wait."
"Please wait for me," he begs.
"I will try," she hangs up.
He reaches her apartment, two minutes later. He takes the stairs, foregoing the elevator. He stops at her door, and opens it. He finds that it is unlocked. The scene before him disturbs him. He finds her sitting in a chair, at the kitchen table. She stares at him, through a sea of tears. She holds the sig to her head. Her hand doesn't move from the trigger. She doesn't say a word. He doesn't either. Without a second thought he walks over to her. He slips the gun out of her hand. He places it on the table. He removes the magazine, and makes sure that the chamber is empty.
He pushes her chair out, and kneels beside her. She sobs, uncontrollably. He wraps his arms around her. He holds her tightly, unwilling to let go. He pets her hair. Finally after several moments he lets go.
Finally he asks, "What are you doing?"
"I..." she takes a breath, "I'm sorry."
"What were you thinking?" he questions genuinely.
"I was sitting her, with my cup of tea, and finally it hit me..."
"What hit you?"
"I want something permanent. I have been looking for that, for so long. And this morning I finally realized, there is only one thing in life that is permanent, and that is death."
"You're wrong," he tells her matter-of-factly as he wipes the tears from her eyes.
"I am not wrong."
"Change is permanent, death is permanent, there are a lot of things in this life that are permanent."
"I..."
"This has to stop. You have to stop keeping everything inside. You are not this person. You have to start talking to someone, anyone. This is not something you can take back. I can't believe that you ever thought this was ok. This is not the only way. This is not the only thing."
"Tell me what else is permanent? What else in this life is permanent?"
He looks into her pained brown eyes. He pushes her bangs out of her eyes. He smiles, "I'll tell you what else is permanent. In life there is only one important thing, that is permanent."
"What is that?"
"Love. Some will try, and many will fail. But when you find the one, you never let them go. You fight for them, with them, if you have to, but you never let them go. Love, it lasts longer than life. Do you understand me?"
"No," she admits.
"I am the one who is sorry. I am the one who needs to apologize. You should know that no matter what. No matter what you do, or what you say. No matter how much I screw up. No matter how many times I say, or do the wrong thing. No matter what, I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Not even you. You will not take you away from me, do you understand that? What I told you is true. I cannot live without you. I will not live without you."
"I'm broken, how can you say that?"
"I love all of you, even the broken pieces, that you never let me see."
"How can you say that?"
"Cause the broken pieces, the ones that can't be fixed, they make you who you are. They make you the woman that I love."
She leans forward. He meets her, in an embrace. She lets the tears flow, freely.
"I need help," she admits.
"That's why I'm here."
She clings to him.
"Just promise me, that you aren't going to leave me. I can't handle that," he pleads.
"I promise," she agrees.