Things Left Unsaid
A night in Tokyo was never completely dark. Although all the stars were veiled and invisible, there were permanently thousands and thousands of lights in the countless skyscrapers and the dazzling flash of neon signs, illuminating the shady world around them.
In these artificial surroudings, a young man silently watched his roommate while pondering over the events of the day. His plan had proved flawless. Yet again he was in the possession of a Death Note and of his memories, and had therefore obtained the means to exterminate the scum that soiled this world. However, there was one variable he had not taken into the equation.
Reaching out, he touched L's cold cheek, tracing the jawline and his throat until he reached the collarbone. It was already autumn, but they didn't wear a shirt because their combined body heat was enough to keep them warm at night. The eccentric leader of the Kira investigation looked so much like a innocent child when he slept, the dark smudges under his closed eyes less prominent and thumb resting against his lips.
Light Yagami. Seventeen-year-old college student who outstandingly played the role of the perfect son. Not to forget that he was Kira and at the same time part of the investigation team. But before he had given up his Death Note, he had never once considered to fall for his arch-enemy.
The figure beside him shifted and all of a sudden wide, unblinking eyes stared up at him through long strands of raven-black and unruly hair. Light froze upon seeing the look in his dark eyes. Something inside of them always made him feel as if the detective could see through all of him. The childlike appearance he had admired before had vanished completely from his pale face.
L didn't move an inch nor did his voice contain any sort of emotion when he stated in a monotonous tone: "You didn't wake me."
"It's five thirty in the morning, Ryuzaki. The investigation team won't arrive before eight." They had led this conversation at least a hundred times and Light was convinced that by now L just found pleasure in teasing him for his need of sleep that lasted more than four hours a night.
"I fail to see your point." Using his hands to push himself up, the detective sat up and for the short moment that the sheets slipped from his body, Light very much appreciated the exposed skin and the scrawny yet lithe form that stood so much in contrast to his own toned and slightly tanned body.
"We're up against Kira in this case, that is why we need to spend every waking moment of the day trying to catch him and prevent further deaths."
"I know you're very set on catching him and believe me, so am I", Light said and felt a little disappointed when the sheets were pulled back around the sinewy body. "But if this goes on, it won't be Kira who'll kill me with a heart attack, but the lack of sleep you force on me."
"I don't remember seeing you sleep when I awoke." Those black orbs were watching his every move again as they usually did. How naked he felt beneath that constant scrutiny; and there was something in that look, something melancholic and mistrustful as if L long since knew that he would without a doubt die at Light's hands. No, in fact Light was pretty certain that L knew and that alone broke his heart and almost, almost made him back out of his plan to rule his recreated world. But he was a God. And Gods aren't supposed to be selfish. They aren't supposed to only focus on one human being, they aren't supposed to care for the happiness of only one. It's their duty to tend to the welfare of humanity as a whole, to share their love with every single individual. And the way things were right now, what the world needed most was a God who could overcome all hindrances and bring justice to every criminal in order to stop the world from rotting. He needed to be that God, even if it meant giving up his own happiness.
"I...couldn't sleep", Light replied mechanically. Although it was half of the truth it felt like the greatest lie he had ever told. The mask he always wore in front of people, even his own family, the mask that permitted him to lie to everyone with a completely straight face, this mask was crumbling away, which made it impossible to keep up his act in front of L.
As the three best detectives of the world, L was fully aware of his bedmate's excellent acting skills. So when the blanch face just turned and those charcoal eyes grew even darker and more soulless, Light instantly knew he had messed up. Thanks to his lack of a perfect façade it became apparant that he felt uneasy and emotionally shaken.
In that moment he wanted nothing more than to tell this stubborn and sweets-loving insomniac that he loved him, that he was the only person he could ever feel in tune with and that there would be left a gaping hole once he was gone. However, none of these confessions came across his lips, and he was positive he would never hear those words from L either.
Instead, he leaned forwards and pulled the fragile body close to him, burying his face in the slender neck and breathing in the faintly sugary scent. He felt the detective tense upon the close contact, but as soon as he started to trace soothing patterns on his back, he relaxed and leaned his forehead against the other's.
"I told you innumerable times, Light-kun, that we can't laze around in bed all day", L reprimanded but didn't make any effort to get up or shove him away. "Evil never sleeps."
"And I told you innumberable times that you're an idiot."
"Last time I checked I've been the top three detectives of the world, possessed an IQ of 160 when I reached the age of ten, and not to mention..."
"Seems like I forgot to mention you're also an enormous show-off", Light interrupted and prevented further arguments by gently pressing his lips against his. That shuts this bastard up for sure, he thought smugly.
His hands found the way into L's hair that felt a lot softer and silkier than it looked at first sight. Their kiss soon turned less innocent when L started nibbling at his lower lip and slipped his tongue inside his mouth, both fighting for dominance.
When L made a barely audible noise in the back of his throat, Light recoiled as if he had just kissed a shinigami. Breathing hard, he stared at the detective in utter horror. In his ears that small strangled sound L had emitted could have as well belonged to a man about to get a lethal heart attack. And in his mind, a flash of those eyes boring into him, even wider than usual, haunting him before his adversary was even dead.
Light really wasn't someone prone to tears, but in that moment he had to pull himself together as to not sob like a stupid and helpless child.
Of course L had misunderstood his seemingly rejecting actions, a look of distress in those eyes, those damn haunting eyes tearing at his very heartstrings!
"Say, Light-kun...do you think that an abstract construct such as love is something the human race just invented?" He swallowed hard and averted his eyes. "Because that's what I always thought, but it might be one of those rare occasions that I'm actually mistaken."
Light didn't even need to hesitate to get the underlying message.
You have to understand, Light-kun, that I've never thought of love as something existent, but there's a high possibility I have in fact fallen in love with you.
But as much as Light wanted to return these feelings, he had to stay true to his divine goal. "To be honest Ryuzaki, I never would have thougth to hear such a stupidity from you. Love is nothing more than an euphemism for sexual drive."
You cannot honestly think that I'm fond of you, can you? We've kissed and slept together because chained as I am, you were the only person I could turn to.
"I understand." Without his usual grace, L got up and Light was shocked to notice he looked like a corpse that accidentally found its way into the realm of the living.
He did not fail to perceive the underlying words this time eitiher.
Go ahead and kill me, then.
Kira has won.