A/N – Ok, I was going to hold off on posting this till I had 5 chapters done but I just couldn't wait. I am really excited about this story! It is Jake/Bella, trust me. But first Bella needs to experience some things and learn some hard lessons about love before she can see true love. This story is going to touch on some very touchy subjects and contain adult themes and situations and lemons. I hope you all enjoy it; it will be all from Bella's POV since that's the best way this story is going to be told. I am also going to try to have a min of 2,500 – 3,000 words each chapter, which is what I've seen from some really good fics. My fics have been 1,000 – 1,500 words and I'm just trying to improve with this story.

Ok enough babbling. Review and let me know what you think :)

One

The beginning of the End

I hugged Jacob Black close to me, tears welling up in my eyes. "I am going to miss you Jake." He was my best friend, my sun. He was there for me when things went sour with my high school sweetheart Mike Newton. I cried on Jake's shoulder about Mike's infidelities with Jessica Stanley for days.

Jake was always there for me. My best friend.

"Bells. You don't have to do this. Who cares what happened. Don't leave. Stay here with me."

I stepped back and my eyes met with Jake's dark ones, I could see the sadness written all over his face.

This was why I wasn't even saying good-bye to anyone else. I hated good-byes. There were so, permanent like you were dying or something.

Just this one goodbye with Jake was going to kill me as it was. So maybe in a way, I was dying.

"I have to go, at least for a little while. Everywhere I go, there are so many whispers behind my back and I just can't take it. You can't even take a shit in this town without someone talking about it behind your back." I ran my fingers through my hair; it wasn't going to be hard to leave Forks. It was going to be hard to leave Jake and Charlie. "You'll explain this to Charlie for me, right?" Jake nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

I was 22 years old and I could do as I pleased, but somehow telling Charlie I was leaving was terrifying to me. I knew that Jake would receive less of his Chief of Police questioning than I would have, or at least I told myself that to keep from feeling even guiltier about making Jake do my dirty work than I already felt.

"Well, I got to hit the road." Jake pulled me into his embrace one last time. "Stay in touch Bells. Please." I nodded into his chest; I was going to miss our closeness. But at the same time I was also eager for a break, Jake had feelings for me that I just couldn't bring myself to return. He never once pushed me though, and I really gave him much credit for that.

As I took him in one last time, part of me wished that we had gotten together instead of me and Mike. I might not be running off to California if that had been the case.

I waved to Jake before I ripped the band-aid off and made a mad dash for my truck, my suitcases thrown in the bed and I was praying to not drive through any rain. I turned the key and the engine roared to life, an engine that Jake had rebuilt for me shortly after Charlie bought this truck from his dad Billy. I would always have a part of Jake with me and for that I was grateful.

I threw the transmission into drive and took off before the tears could blur my vision too bad and I would have to stop driving, possibly changing my mind and turning back to the only real home I'd ever known.

Once I made it outside the city limits my decision to leave weighed less on my mind and I was able to become more focused on the task at hand; driving 15 hours. I luckily had a nice chunk of change saved up from working a ton of hours since I turned 18. Charlie wasn't too pleased with me that I decided not to attend college, but at that point in my life I wasn't ready to leave Forks. Mike was there and I assumed that we would get married, have a couple of kids, couple of dogs, and a house with a white picket fence.

No such luck, Bella.

Those dreams were smashed to tiny pieces when six months ago I walked in on Mike with Jessica Stanley. Mike, being the asshole he was, forgot he had given me a spare key to his apartment.

I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality when I noticed that the gas gauge on the truck was hovering dangerously close to E. Looking around I saw the bright welcoming lights of a nearby gas station where I pulled into and filled up the tank. I saw a welcoming hotel sign illuminating through the darkness a little way down from the gas station; I decided that would be my next stop. I prayed they had a vacancy. I needed to close my eyes and feel the softness of a bed for a couple of hours. I still had a good chunk of Oregon to cover before I even hit California. Covering my hand to hide a yawn I pulled into the parking lot of the well-lit looking hotel before grabbing my bags and headed to the front office.

I booked one room and the nice lady who worked there helped me carry my bags, as soon as the door was shut I collapsed on the bed but not before I sent a text message to Jake.

I'll hit Cali tomorrow. Miss you Jake. 3 Bells.

Sleep over took me before Jake even had time to reply.

The bright sun shining through the cheap sheers on the window woke me up, I stretched thankful that I decided to pull over and get some much-needed shut-eye. My cell phone still lay on the empty pillow next to me, picking it up I saw I had two missed calls and new voicemail. Quickly I scrolled through the call list to see Jake and Charlie had called me, swallowing hard I dialed my voice mail.

First new message.

Hey Bells, it's me Jake. Thanks for texting me to let me know you are ok. I miss you. I wish you would just come back here, stay here in the rez for a while. Less drama, I promise. Plenty of room here with me and Billy and he'd love to have a woman around to cook. You know I'm kidding Bells, but yeah I miss you tons. Love you.

Second new message.

Bella, it's your father. Jacob told me you decided to leave Forks. I wish you would have talked to me about this before you made such a rash decision. You certainly are your mother's daughter. Please be safe and let me know when you get to wherever it is you are heading. I love you Bella.

The tears welled up in my eyes before I could even think about stopping them. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand I gathered some fresh clothes from my bag before heading off to the shower that would hopefully wash away more than just the grimy feeling I had from the long drive. I was hoping it would wash away the guilt that was forming in the pit of my stomach. It was the guilt from just turning and walking away from two people who really truly loved me that I wished most of all to be cleansed from my mind and body.

A little while later I was tossing my bags back into the bed of my truck and climbing back up into the cab. My shower had cleared my mind for now; I wasn't planning on calling Jake or Charlie until I finally made it to my destination, San Francisco. I wasn't sure exactly why I had picked that city of all cities in California. I think maybe part of it was because I found a really nice apartment listed on craigslist and the landlady was nice enough to let me sign the lease via mail. I mailed her my check for first month rent, security deposit, and a signed copy of the lease she had emailed me and about a week later my key arrived.

I only hoped the place looked half as nice as it did in the pictures, for all I knew I could be pulling up to live in a one room apartment that has nothing but a hot plate and a fold out couch. I shuddered at the thought.

My favorite song came on the radio so I reached down and turned it up the whole way, thankful that my cousin Emmett thought to buy me a nice new stereo system for my truck last Christmas. I was also thankful that Jake was nice enough to install it.

I continued my way down the highway having to stop for gas a couple more times, but I wasn't surprised at this. I knew my truck didn't get the greatest gas mileage, but I wasn't going to part with something that had such sentimental value to me.

It was almost nightfall when I saw the signs for San Francisco, and the relief flooded through my body. I was so exhausted from driving I just wanted to collapse on the floor of my new home. I just had about 50 miles to drive on I-80 West and I would be there, home at last. The place of fun and sun, and oh how I missed the sun. I couldn't wait to start soaking up the Vitamin D on a daily basis instead of just sporadically.

Of course that didn't mean I would actually tan.

I hated that about my skin, it seemed no matter what I did; I couldn't achieve a lasting golden tan. When I lived in Phoenix with my mother I would spend hours in the sun and just turn a slight reddish color for about two days and then fade right back to my deathly pale color.

While trying to continue watching the road I dug in my mess on the passenger seat desperately seeking my directions that would get me to my apartment from the San Francisco exit. I finally found them after having to throw a bunch of my shit down to the floorboards. The first thing I would have to do once I unpacked was clean out my truck.

I was lucky; I found the one lonely apartment that was cheaper than $1,000 a month. It was a studio, which was perfect for me. I would be able to do my art and work on my writing at least that was the plan. My studio apartment was only a mere $675 a month which was a steal for the San Francisco area; I knew it was going to be small. "Cute" in an apartment ad might as well just be translated to "small". It was just for me, so I really wasn't concerned too much about space. Besides, it would be less furniture I was going to have to buy.

I also lucked out in finding the nicest landlady ever, when I told her I would be moving there from Forks with pretty much nothing but clothes she offered me an extra bed that she had stored in the attic at her home and she said she would have it moved in before I was to arrive.

This all seemed too damn good to be true.

I followed the directions, luckily it wasn't too hard to find. I was soon pulling up in front of the building I was about to be living in and pulled in the back parking lot where I was told tenant parking was. I saw a sign for a space reserved for my apartment number so I swung my truck in and cut the engine.

My joints were stiff and achy as I climbed out of the truck, stretching and taking in a big whiff of the air. California smelled different from Forks; I could almost taste the salt in the air which made me realize how close to the ocean I was. Mentally I planned a trip down to the beach within the next couple days.

Reluctantly I grabbed my bags from the bed of the truck, I really didn't have enough energy to carry them but with my luck someone would have stolen them. I was not about to chance losing everything I owned. Dragging them behind me I entered the building and headed to the elevator.

"Wait! Hold that please!" A tiny pixie like girl came rushing up to the elevator right before the doors closed. "Thank you so much!" I smiled at her.

"Are you new here? I don't think I've ever seen you here before. I'm Alice." She extended her hand to me and I shook it.

"Bella, and yeah I just moved here. Like today. I just got here from Washington."

"Well, if you need anything Bella come see me. I think we'll make good friends. Oh, I live in 34D."

"I'm moving into the studio on the top floor, 38A"

Alice grinned at me, "That's a really cute apartment."

Again. Cute? That place must be microscopic.

The ding of the elevator signaled that we had arrived at Alice's floor. "Remember! If you need anything, anything at all!" She waved at me as the doors whooshed shut.

Someone told me people in California were supposedly rude. Wow. They were really wrong.

The elevator deposited me right on my floor and I slowly made my way to my new front door, pulling the key out of my pocket I let out a huge breath. I had made it, all the way to San Francisco by myself. I was actually pretty proud of my accomplishment.

After I turned the key in the lock I slowly turned the knob, now holding my breath trying to prepare myself incase my apartment didn't exactly turn out as expected.

It was pretty dark by now but some moonlight illuminated the room casting shadows on to the wooden floor. I reached out my hand skimming along the wall in search of a switch which I flipped up when my fingertips finally found what they were seeking.

The sight before me was about what I was expecting, a big huge empty open space. Well, not huge but it seemed pretty huge to me. Up against the walls furthest from the huge windows the bed had been setup. I was thankful for that bit of help with decorating and deciding where to place things, but I knew I loved it.

I dropped my bags right inside the door and finally shut it being sure that I used the dead bolt. The building seemed pretty secure, but this was a strange new place to me.

Kicking off my shoes I grabbed my cell phone and made my way over to the bed. I didn't even bother to grab the sheets I had brought, I was too exhausted. I just threw myself right down on the bare mattress and let out a groan, my body felt as if it had taken one hell of a beating today.

I would have killed for just one glass of wine right about now.

Flipping open my phone I knew who my first call would be too, Jake without a doubt. I knew that Charlie cared for me, but at the same time I was a big damper on his life. A bachelor couldn't exactly live his bachelor lifestyle with his 22-year-old daughter living under the same roof.

My mother, well she was another story. She was probably happy and content thinking I was still living with Charlie in Forks, and I intended to keep her thinking that until she decided to call me. Then maybe I would tell her about my decision, if she called that was. Since she married my step-father Phil who was younger than her she changed.

It was like she wanted to relieve her lost youth, a childless youth that was.

Once I strolled down to Jake's name in my contact list I hit send, a Secondhand Serenade song started playing through the speaker.

"Hello?" His voice seemed sleepy and I felt bad that I had woken him.

"Jake. Sorry if I woke you up. I just got to my apartment."

"Bells? So good to hear your voice. Glad you made it safely. How do you like it?"

"It's alright. My neighbor Alice seems pretty nice; I met her in the elevator."

"Good. Now we need to figure out when I'm coming down there to live with you." Jake laughed, and so did I. I knew he was only half-joking, if I had asked him to come down here he'd do it in a heartbeat.

"You are going to come and visit. I miss you Jake, I really do." My teeth found my bottom lip; it was a comforting type of pain.

"Yeah. You know it. You let me know when you are ready to have me and I'll be there. I miss you Bella, you have no idea how much."

I smiled, "Thanks Jake. I'll let you go back to sleep, I want to call Charlie real quick and let him know I'm ok."

"You better. He won't admit it, but he's sad you left. He'll be glad to hear you are ok. Love you Bells."

"Love you too Jake." I flipped the phone shut, and an empty feeling started to grow in the pit of my stomach. I was starting to second guess my decision. It was pretty rash. Why was I running away from someone who loved me?

My eyelids were starting to feel even heavier so I quickly dialed Charlie's number; I called him on his cell since he was probably working.

You have reached the voicemail of Charlie Swan, please leave a detailed message and I will return your call as soon as possible.

I sighed; a little grateful I didn't have to face the wrath of Charlie quite yet.

"Hey dad. It's Bells. Just wanted to let you know I made it, I'm sure Jake explained everything to you. Miss you, I'll call you tomorrow. Love you."

Once I hung up from that call I could feel the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach grow, I closed my eyes tight and said a silent prayer that things would work out for me. Before I knew it the blackness overtook me and I slipped off into unconsciousness.

A/N – Keep in mind this is the back story of the story. The first few chapters are all in the past. I'll let you guys know when we hit present day.