Genre: MWPP era, humour and 'romance' according to the terms of a young Sirius Black
A/N: So I stumbled upon the list of 'traditional' anniversary gifts and this is the resulting ficlet. Call it a sort of present for those of you waiting so patiently for Dancing in the Dark :)
Warning and Disclaimer: This fic contains nudity, adult themes and sexual relationships between males. The characters are of legal age in the location of the fic. If you don't like any of these things, do not read. Also, JKR and publishers own the characters from Harry Potter; no copyright infringement intended.
Remus swore on the scarf his nan knitted him that he placed his Arithmancy textbook in his bag before lunch. He remembered it vividly, in fact.
Memory or not, Remus still ended up riffling through this bag upon his arrival to class and discovered his book grew legs, found something more interesting to do and walked away (which actually wasn't too far-fetched a theory in the Wizarding world). Either that or he was already becoming senile at the age of sixteen.
By now, Remus was quite used to the bizarre and abnormal so he wasn't surprised to burst into the dormitory to find Sirius Black lounging seductively on his bed, wearing only a large bow around his hard cock. Truth be told, this particular scene wasn't too bizarre or abnormal to Remus (except the ribbon). The two students had shagged in twenty-four different locations in and around Hogwarts within seven days of their first official date so it was quite impossible for Remus to claim a hot and bothered Sirius was odd in shape or form. In fact, Sirius still liked to call that week his 'Introduction to the Wonders of Werewolf Hedonism'.
But Remus had neither the time nor patience to deal with a horny Sirius Black right now.
"I should have known." Remus pinched the bridge of his nose in aggravation.
"Should have known what?" Sirius asked innocently.
"That you were behind the kidnapping of my Arithmancy book. Now where is it?"
"I have no idea what you mean Moony."
Instead of engaging Sirius further, Remus simply tried another summoning spell. Soon, banging could be heard from the inside of Sirius' trunk, causing Sirius to pout and cross his arms in a decidedly unseductive manner.
"Padfoot, open your trunk right now!" commanded Remus. He didn't dare try to spell it open himself. Madame Pomfrey was still experimenting with ointments to fully remove the rash James got in first year when he foolishly tried to use magic on the Heir of Black's trunk.
"Why?"
"You know well why! I'm going to be late for class!"
"Ugh, I'm laid out naked and still all you think about is books and lessons. Am I doing something wrong or do you just really need to rethink your priorities?"
"Currently, my priorities happen to be 'kill my idiot boyfriend' then 'get my book so I can get to class'."
"You know, I was waiting for you in the first place but now you've killed the mood. I need your help. I've got a bit of a dilemma."
"Yes, I can see it. If you didn't want to use your own hand, just use a spell. You've created enough of them by now I should think."
"Come now, Moony, you think so poorly of me. My dilemma is purely school based."
At this point, Remus decided to search the room for the large key that unlocked Sirius' trunk. When Remus didn't inquire further, Sirius continued.
"I've got to write an essay on muggle traditions and thought that the best way to understand them was if I tried one. That's where you come in. Pun intended of course."
"Are you telling me it's muggle tradition to tie a ribbon on your penis and loaf about in the nude? Are you also telling me you want to write an essay about the two of shagging? I'd rather Professor Knaggs didn't know about our sex life, thank you."
"Moony, I thought you were smarter than that. I overheard Evans talking about muggle wedding anniversaries. Apparently they give a certain gift depending on the year and the fifth is traditionally wood." Sirius explained and it took a moment for Remus to actually work out Sirius' train of thought, resulting in a groan of frustration.
"First of all, that's not what muggles meant. Second, we're not married, much less for five years and third, open this bloody trunk before I hex you!"
"No, but we have been together five months and Prongs was complaining the other day that we act like an old married couple. I think in this occasion you should focus more on the spirit of which the gift has been given my dear Moony," continued Sirius, ignoring the third point.
"Sirius! This is neither the time nor place! Accio Sirius' key!"
Triumphantly (and rather relieved he had not been cursed by touching an inanimate object), Remus clutched a large and ornate iron wrought key in his hand. He went to unlock the trunk that still had the book bumping weakly against its sides. Finally, textbook in hand, he turned to run back to class. Sirius watched open mouthed (not at all in the way he had been hoping) as Remus ran out the doorway. After a few moments, a note fluttered through it and landed lazily on Sirius' stomach. He opened the note with a grumble but soon a large grin spread across his face as he read Remus' unmistakable handwriting.
P.,
Shack, 7 PM. Bring my present.
Happy anniversary,
M.