Character death, not fun, I kept everyone dead that is supposed to be dead except Snape because I wanted him to have a letter…. Yeah you'll see. I hope you can forgive me for this story.

It is inspired by a terribly angsty story I wrote when I was in my freshman year of high school.

Letters to All

Chapter 1

I woke up before the sun this morning and wrote so many letters my hand felt as though it was on fire. But the letters needed to be written. I wrote one for Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna. I wrote one for Dean and Seamus. I wrote one to McGonagall, Dumbledore (even if he was just a portrait now), and even Snape. I wrote a note for George, Ginny, Molly and Arthur. I even wrote one to Draco. All said something similar in the end… they had a different ways of getting to the same point was all.

And the point is simply that I am done.

I am done being sad and lonely. I'm done wishing I was someone else, anyone else. I'm done wishing I could be with the one person I will never have, and mostly I'm done feeling guilty for feeling all of those things.

After I killed Voldemort I expected everything to just suddenly be perfect. I thought that I would finally find a boyfriend that could love me for who I really was, I thought I could figure out the perfect job for myself and pursue it until I achieved it. I assumed I could have a normal year at Hogwarts, I expected to be left in relative peace now that I had fulfilled the prophecy.

What I hadn't realized was that none of what I had dreamed was ever going to come true. It was always only going to be just that… a dream. All of those things I had wanted… they seemed even less attainable suddenly. The day after the war the press found me… it's not like I made it hard, I was just at Hogwarts mourning the loss of my friends.

It turned out I wasn't even allowed to do that.

The press had swarmed me and suffocated me until I wanted to cry and lash out… but what would that have really solved? So I answered their invasive, terribly timed questions and put on a good show. But after months of it, the parties, the awards, the interviews… I snapped.

No one saw it happen. I was sitting in the comfort of my own home and I realized that what I wanted and assumed I would have was really never going to be an option.

The boyfriend I had always dreamed of…. There was never going to be someone that would be able to see past the hero. The dream job I hadn't even decided on yet was suddenly a hand out. They were throwing jobs at me… I wouldn't even have to earn any of them. I wanted to go back to Hogwarts and finish, have a normal year, graduate with everyone else… but McGonagall sent me a diploma attached to an owl and told me that the hero of the world didn't need to go through another year of school.

I had been foolish to assume I could have the things I had wanted. Just because I had saved everyone didn't mean things were ever really going to be different. I was still a hero… the boy-who-lived. I am still these things. People will always look at me with wonder… for years. The children of my friends children will look at me and know my name.

There is no escaping it.

There is only one way out… it's the only way they will let me be at peace.

If I do this… I can have peace.

What a blissful thought, sure maybe if I tried I could have some of the things I've desired… but in the end how would I ever know I actually earned any of it?

So, now is the time… I'm going to make my own peace. I'm going to do something for myself… just this once.

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, I can see forever. It's almost like being on a broom. I can see trees so green they don't even look real; I can see a river flowing gracefully in between all of that green. I can see the sun peaking over the horizon in the far off distance.

I can feel too. I haven't really felt in a long time. There was a brief moment when I finally killed Voldemort, but not enough to be satisfying.

But now, I can feel everything.

The wind lapping at my cheeks in the brisk early morning air, the grass under my bare feet, and the first rays of sun warming my nose are such small things, but suddenly of great comfort. I close my eyes for a brief moment. I don't want to forget this moment. I want to remember this as I fly home.

Mmm, flying. I love flying. I dream about it all the time, of course in my dreams I don't even need a broom. I can fly with just a thought. A broom is the closest I've ever gotten.

I look over the edge of the cliff, I'm not even scared, this is what I want, I feel giddy.

With a smile breaking across my face for the first time in years I take off my glasses. I fold in the sides and place them next to my shoes and broom on the grass. I take a deep breath of the crisp air and let it fill me up with it's cool embrace.

And then….

As I let it out….

…

…

I jump.

I jump off the cliff and throw my arms out to my sides and the smile doesn't leave my face for a moment. Never once the entire time I fall towards the ground do I regret this decision.

And right as I'm about to hit the welcoming brown earth…

…

It all just goes,

Black.

~Much later that morning~

Ron woke up slowly, yawning and stretching his arms high above his head, he scratched the back of his neck and wished for the millionth time that Harry was waking him up telling him to get out of bed and get ready for classes. He smiled though, his friend was lucky he didn't have to be at school this year. He smirked as he turned to get out of bed… and that's when he saw it.

Sitting on his nightstand propped against a photo of Harry and he was a note that simply said his name.

He looked at it curiously and reached out for it. He gently picked it up, noticing the handwriting to be none other than Harrys', the very boy he had just been thinking about. He smirked at it; Hedwig must have dropped it off while he was sleeping.

Ron, my best mate,

I can't tell you how grateful I am to have known you. We had rough patches of course, but in the end we got through them all because that's what best friends do. And honestly, when it really mattered most you were always there for me. You were my rock Ron. I can't express how grateful I truly am. I know that I am a better person for knowing you.

Without you and Hermione I wouldn't have even survived past my first year at Hogwarts. And I know that it wasn't easy being my friend… I made life scary and difficult, I know your thinking that they were adventures, exciting and only slightly scary now… and really that's why you will always be my best friend.

Ahh, and you could always make me laugh! Even when you didn't mean to I loved laughing with you, I'm happy to say that is one of the things I will miss Ron… Laughing with YOU.

Having said this I hope you can understand what I am about to tell you Ron.

I'm unhappy. I've been unhappy for so long I don't remember having ever felt anything else. I wish I could say there was something I could do to change this feeling. I wish I could ask for your help and know that it really would work. But in the end this is better.

Maybe right away you won't understand this… but it really is what I want… it's for the best.

I love you Ron, and I hope that this doesn't change that you were and always will be my best mate.

I came here and delivered letters to all of those who influenced me in a larger way.

By the time you read this Ron, I'll be gone, because after I deliver the last letter I'm going to fly my broom to edge of the forest where it ends in a cliff… and I'm going to fly away.

I'm going to go see my parents again Ron, I hope you can understand that this is what I want.

And Ron, I have to ask a favor of you… and I know I shouldn't under these circumstances… but, please take care of Hermione, I know you to have not truly gotten together yet… and when she finds her letter she's going to be very angry with me… and maybe even sad, you're going to have to be there for her Ron, she's going to need you. She was the sister I never had and she deserves someone like you… the brother I never had.

I know you two can make each other happy, so please for me, take that last step.

Love to you always my dear friend and brother,

Harry.

From the very first line Ron knew something was off, the way the letter was phrased was wrong. And, as the letter progressed tears sprang to the red heads eyes. He just starred at the note for a long while willing the words to change, to say something different. He wished they were just the usual update on Harry's life.

And finally the tears fell, as he realized that the words weren't going to change. They were written clear as day on the dry parchment. He curled in on himself. So overtaken by grief that he couldn't even move… he simply cried repeating the same phrases, "I'll make her happy Harry, why did you do this to me, how could you leave us like this, I love you too Harry…."

~*#*~

Across the room Neville, Dean, and Seamus were woken by the sounds of heart tearing sobs. They woke up to see Ron crying as though someone had just died. They rushed over to him and when they asked what was wrong he showed them the note as he continued on with this new mantra.

They all starred at the note a long while before sharing looks and rushing to their nightstands to see if they too got letters.

Neville found his immediately. He nearly ripped it as he tore the flaps apart and read over his letter.

Dear kind Neville,

That first year, as you stood up to me and told me not to go and get myself into more trouble, somewhere inside myself I knew that I would always be able to count on you.

I'm proud everyday to say that you didn't let me down. When Hogwarts was falling apart and it needed someone strong to hold it together you took the challenge with open arms and embraced it. You showed no fear and became someone I could admire and look up to.

I wish you all the best Neville. I hope you become the world famous herbologist I know you can be. I hope you have a ton of children and teach them how to be brave and kind just like you are.

I hope that one day you can forgive me for this. I hope you can understand why I'm doing this. I'm simply unhappy. I wanted a life I cannot have.

So Neville will you do me one last favor?

Will you live for me?

Be the person I was never allowed to be. I know you can. You're brave and brilliant and you can achieve anything you wish. All you have to do is believe in yourself like I believe in you.

As I write this I am so proud to be able to say that I was able to call you my friend. I'm a better person for knowing you Neville. It's the truth.

Love for you always,

Harry

Dean and Seamus opened their letter together just after Neville began to read his.

Dean… Seamus,

I apologize that you do not each have your own letter, but I have many of these to write this night and really my message to you both is simple.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that for all the years we spent sleeping in the same room I never really got to know either of you. We had our laughs though didn't we?

I will remember them forever. Know that I would not have written this if you two didn't mean something to me.

You did. In the end, I saw you two fighting against the dark, I saw how brave you two were against intimidating odds and I'm proud to have even slept in the same room as the two of you.

Please help Ron and Neville through this. I know it shouldn't be your responsibility, but they are going to be upset.

I wish they wouldn't, but they will be. You can remind them that I did this because I'm going to be happier now. Please know this. I'm truly sorry that we didn't have the time to really know each other.

But I'm glad I was a Gryffindor and was able to just know the two of you.

Truly and Sincerely,

Harry

The three boys finished their letters at relatively the same time. Neville was in tears. His face was streaked in long tracks of fresh salt water. And Dean and Seamus were barely holding it together.

It was scary how silent the room was. There was a sob every once and a while, but the heaviness in the room was suffocating… but no one knew what to say.

How did you respond to a letter written by the hero of the wizarding world, that was written specifically for you… telling you that as you read this, he was probably dying.

They sat there for a long time as no one said anything at all. They just cried.

~*#*~

Hermione woke in a relatively good mood. She wished a lot of things were only slightly different… she wished Harry was there, she wished Ron would make the first move… she wished she could see that Harry really was okay… but life was good. Voldemort was dead and the world was healing.

She was even still smiling as she reached for the letter propped against her candle. It was clearly Harry's writing, her name scrawled what look carelessly across the top of it.

She opened it happy to be hearing news from Harry… but from the very first line she knew this letter wasn't going to be good. And the smile that had graced her sweet face vanished.

To my sister Hermione,

I'm going to try and appeal to your more logical sensibilities and go from there. You see Hermione by the time you read this I'm going to be gone. And you know that I'm not talking about a vacation love. You see Mione, I'm simply not happy. I know that I should be, and maybe that's why this is so much more painful. The fact that I should be happy… and still can't is why I'm doing this.

I had a taste for life and adventure and solving riddles, I wanted to make my parents proud, be someone my children could be proud of. I wanted peace and quiet for a little while; I wanted to mourn the loss of my friends and family.

But I realized recently that I will never be allowed this. Peace is not something a hero is granted no matter what I have done. I want so many things that should be attainable so simply, but for me it's like I have to work harder just to be normal.

I know your angry Mione, but always remember that I love you, and that RON loves you. I told him to take care of you, and don't get angry with me for it, you and I both know it's what you really want too.

I was the one that held you as you cried over Ron and Lavender, I was the one that watched the expression on your face as you saw Ron walk out of our tent. So Mione, what are you going to do about it?

Knowing you it will be brilliant… just like you. 'The most brilliant witch for her age', so perfect for describing you. I want you to be happy, please mourn me quickly and move on with your life… okay? Have lots of children and tell them about all the shite I put you two through, make them laugh for me.

I love you my sister, always and forever,

Harry

Hermione was speechless for a long time, she couldn't muster the words to express all the emotions she was feeling. She was angry, and sad, heartbroken, devastated… and even just a little happy.

She was angry at him for doing this at all, how could he do this? She was sad, she understood why, she just wished she could have seen it sooner. She was heartbroken, her best friend, the man that was like a brother to her for the last seven years was gone, she would never see him smiling, or laughing, or fly a broom… She was devastated, what were they all going to do without him?

And she was happy… it wasn't much, but somewhere deep down she knew that he was happier where he was now, he was with his parents, and Sirius, Remus and Tonks… all of the people he had been mourning for all this time, he was going to go see all of them again, and she couldn't bring herself to be sad about that.

Finally as she accepted that last emotion as the one she would let rule over the others she tipped her lips in just the slightest of a smile and said simply to the letter, "Oh Harry. I love you too".

She stared out the window for a long time as she considered all the emotions running through her, hoping Ron wasn't showing his despair by hurting himself in the process of breaking things.

~*#*~

In the dorm next door where the seventh year girls slept, Ginny woke with a yawn and a stretch. She was groggy like she was most mornings, so she didn't notice her note for quite some time as she just lay in bed forcing herself to awaken.

Finally blinking repeatedly she opened her eyes and rubbed them fiercely. She looked around still trying to get the sleep from her eyes when she saw it.

A note lay neatly on her nightstand waiting patiently to be read.

She opened it already knowing who it was from.

(established that Ginny knows Harry doesn't love her like that….)

My dear little sister Ginny,

You're not going to like what I'm about to write, but try and hear me out.

I'm not happy Ginny. You know more than most how hard it was for me to deal with the aftermath of the war. You were my greatest comfort Ginny, you were always there when I was having a bad day to hold me, never telling me to let it go, allowing me to just feel.

I know that I hurt you when I told you I didn't fancy women. You felt betrayed, you never said it, but I knew. And that's why I love you so very much. Even though I had hurt you in a way no one should have to feel you still cared about me, you didn't turn your back on me and make me feel like scum even though that's what I felt like anyways.

You're a kind heart Ginny, and you're going to do great things. I'm sorry that as you read this letter I'm going to be gone, I'm sorry I won't get to see firsthand the wonderful woman I know you're going to be, but know that I am still going to be watching. I could never really abandon you could I?

I love you Gin, try not to be too angry with me, your brothers are going to be really upset and they are going to need your level head to sort them out.

Love to you, a wonderful woman and beautiful sister,

Harry

Ginny let out a hiccup sob clutched the letter tightly to her chest before slamming her fist on the bed next to her. She couldn't wrap her head around it.

He was really gone… She was furious with him. How dare he just leave with only a note! She already wanted him back, she didn't care if he fancied men, she just wanted him back…

~*#*~

Down in Ravenclaw Luna was waking up. She pulled the sparkly blue gel eye mask of her face and smiled a wide smile as the morning sun hit her face. She blinked her eyes open and with a start turned around and snatched the letter she knew was on her nightstand up.

She opened it with her delicate hands and smiled as she began to read it.

LOONY Luna,

That was the name I received the first time I ever met you. I think it suits you, in one of those fantastical sort of ways. You really are loony, but that is what makes you so very special isn't it?

I am pleased to say Luna that this is going to be my favorite letter to write because I know the truth.

You already know, you see things before anyone else even considers it, you were always brilliant, even if no one else understands that, know that I know exactly how incredible you really are.

You taught me so much Luna, I honestly can't even describe most of those things, but I know that I am leaving with more wisdom because of you. I understand that when you say and do things that most people think are odd, they all have meaning, maybe not to everyone, but always at least to you.

You know what's funny Luna? When I imagine aspects of heaven, I always imagine people dancing like you and your father did at Bill's wedding. Dancing in a circle waving your hands above your head… You looked so happy!

Oh Luna, I'm going to miss that happy look on your face as you declare words of wisdom that sound like gibberish.

Well Luna I think It's time to say what this letter is really about, and that's goodbye. But do me a few favors okay, I only ask because I know you will be pleased to do them.

First: Tell Neville to make a move.

Second: make sure you speak at my funeral, even if no one understands what you're saying know that I'm going to be there to watch it okay? I want to see the looks on everyone's faces when you tell them all the stories we made up together.

Ha ha, to my Loony Luna always,

Harry

P.S. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to share our stories with your mother, I know she would love to hear them!

"Ha ha, oh Harry." She smiled delightedly at her letter, because even though it was a sad thing to know that one of her dearest friends was now gone, he was happier. He was in a better place. She really mourned the loss of the only person other than her father that had understood her. But she shook her head in agreement as she looked at the letter. He had been right on all accounts. And she couldn't think of something she would be more honored to do then speak at Harry's funeral.

A few more chapter and a lot more letters.