As the applause gradually died down, two children - a boy with black hair, dark brown eyes and a tuxedo, and a girl with short black hair, green eyes, and wearing a santa outfit (with the pants replaced by a dress) - walked out onto the stage.
"Thank you all for coming," the boy replied with a smile. "I see that all of you are in your finest dresses tonight; and for those of us who aren't, good - this isn't the time to be dressed proper."
"So being dressed properly is improper?" the girl asked, clearly confused.
"Considering that there's going to be massive amounts of laughter about, it's best to dress casual, kinda like what you're doing," the boy responded.
"People are going to be laughing at me?!"
"Not here, though, Santa. They'll be laughing at what's on the screen… or rather, what's been
written in text." The boy chuckled, before turning to the audience. "Sorry, just wanted to get the meta dialogue out of the way before we started."
'Why are we standing up here talking about something people are going to be reading?' Santa wondered to herself as Jim talked.
'Because we have to give out a warning before they read the story,' Jim responded in thought.
'Don't read other people's thoughts without permission, or I'll tell Jamiebel you're cheating on her.'
'Sorry, sorry.' Jim looked outwards towards the audience. "Now, you're wondering why Santa and myself are here… well, we may be part of the main cast, but we also were assigned to give you a warning before we move on."
"The following story is in no way canon to Yu Aida's Gunslinger Girl series and Yu Aida is the owner of all canonical GsG property. The non-canon characters are property of their respective owners."
"Also, this story is rather ridiculous, so do not take this story, its characters and its contents completely seriously or absolutely literally - these are the authors just going wild with their imaginations. This story also contains a multitude of references from anime, comic books, webcomics, and the like - such as Hirohiko Araki's JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, for example - so please react accordingly." Jim takes a deep breath before continuing. "This story may cause extreme fits of laughter, corpsing, lightheadedness and shortness of breath, and on the very rarest of occasions, death by laughter. If you experience any of these symptoms, please consult your doctor after reading this fiction."
"And if you live in Italy - or any other country with a secret cyborg program - please be especially careful, because you may end up as a cyborg like us." Santa added, 'Though I'm not sure how they're going to know about it if it's a secret.'
"Thank you, and please enjoy our story." Jim and Santa finished, with a bow. With nothing more to say, the pair walked off the stage, as the audience cheered, and the curtains revealed a silver screen.
Sitting in an oversized fancy chair, a young man with raven-black hair and green eyes spun a tale of epic proportions, about a man who delivers presents around the world, kicking ass and bringing merriment wherever he goes.
"And remember, boys and girls, Santa is a Norseman, and Norsemen do not mess around, especially when it comes to their jobs," the young man finished.
"I'm not Norse, I'm Italian." the girl from the intro objected, now wearing an orange one-piece skirt with black stripes running down the arms.
"And by Santa, I do not mean the one here before us, but the one who hands out presents on Christmas," Alpha clarified.
"I hand out presents on Christmas too, it was my introductory scene."
Alpha raised his left eyebrow. "Every year?"
"Every in-story year since I joined the SWA."
The field agent blinked. "That doesn't quite count. Anyway, it's time for you to run off and do what you do. I'll see you next time, everyone."
As the school of cyborgs rushed out of the common room, the boy from the intro sighed, as he looked over at two girls, both with black hair - one with brown eyes, a purple tee-shirt and blue jeans, and considerably older than the other - and Santa.
"Well, that was a rather interesting tale that our resident senpai spun up, wasn't it?" he asked, with a rather bored tone to his voice.
"I keep telling people I'm not like that," Santa complained
"We believe you though, Santa," the older raven black-haired girl replied, with a smile. "Besides, you're too adorable to be like that picture… and it is the old man, after all."
"I certainly hope so. If you thought I looked like that, people would start wondering how sane you were."
"No kidding, an old guy who is that big and ripped would stand out and not be able to complete missions at all." A young girl attached herself to the group - she was wearing a light blue shirt and green dress and had bright red hair.
Jim nodded. "Let alone anything in the day-to-day life… but back to the main point - Jamiebel does have a point; I think it might be down to bad luck that you're named after the old man himself. Speaking of which, I kinda believe Alpha's story about his origins, and how he's a Norseman - firstly, I thought he was originally from Turkey, and secondly, trust me, anyone with that beard could be Norse - but I just don't believe Santa Claus exists, let alone looks like that."
"So if one of the handlers grew a giant beard like that, they'd be norse too?"
The boy facepalmed, as Jamiebel shook her head. "Not quite, Santa; if they were actually born with the beard, they would be considered Norse. Growing a beard when they originally weren't born with one would be considered cheap, in Norse logic."
"A baby with a huge beard…" Santa tried to imagine it.
Jamiebel took a peek at Santa's thought bubble, and found a baby with an exaggerated big and bushy beard. Taking up an eraser and pen, she quickly redrew the beard, turning it into peach fuzz, and sighed as the baby laughed.
"That's actually more or less what Jim was talking about. If all Norse people were born with beards that big, we'd have a lot more wigs," Jamiebel noted.
"Cyborgs don't need wigs though." Santa responded as she dropped thinking about the baby.
Fortunately Marisa caught it. So she could tickle its feet.
**Soon**
The quartet arrived at Jim and Jamiebel's dorm room - Santa used to frequent there, ever since she met Jamiebel, and the latter treated her like a little sister of her own - where Jim sat down on his bed, and picked up a remote in his hand. Meanwhile, Santa and Jamiebel were sitting beside each other, talking about the possibility of a bearded baby, growing up to be Santa Claus.
"Yeah, well... if anything, you two, we shouldn't get our hopes too high up - since the big guy doesn't quite exist," Jim replied rather bluntly, as he flipped through channels to the news channel.
"Of course not, there are so many problems with how he gets presents to people even dolphins wouldn't be fooled." Marisa agreed
"That's fine - I can follow my namesake even if he doesn't physically exist by completing missions and making Italy better. And if Italy is better, its people - and Enzo - will be happier."
Jim stopped for a second and smiled at the declaration from the young girl. "Yeah… I'm with you on that front. I think we all want to make Italy better… the question is when, rather than if." He looked over at her. "I think this is why Jamiebel likes you so much - you always have a kind soul about you, Santa. And to be honest, I'm starting to believe you, too."
Santa blushed at this.
"If you ever need a helper, count on me and Jamiebel to be there for you." Jim looked over at the television, watching on about the news throughout the continent of Europe.
"And me." Mari agreed.
"Volunteering to be christmas elves? What are we going to do if I need reindeer and a sleigh though?"
"There must be someone in the agency who can convert a boat from working in water to working in air." Marisa solved one problem
"Eh… we'll cross that bridge when we get there," Jim replied. "Right now, I think it's best we relax for a bit. Christmas is coming soon, so..."
"Enzo will probably make me dress up again." Santa concluded.
Jim watched on at the news with bored eyes, as he saw the same stories being repeated day after day… until one story caught his attention.
The story reported a strange red flying object traveling over Europe apparently being towed by several of what witnesses claimed were reindeer.
"Flying reindeer? Do they want to say that cyborg assassins exist too?" Santa was skeptical about the report.
"Hold on, let's hear what about this red flying object is so newsworthy about," Jim replied, interest piqued.
According to the news, the object had been observed in several places in and around Norway and had been dropping large bags of coal, causing damage and injuries.
Jim raised his eyebrow in intrigue. "Oh? Could this Santa Claus actually be finding a way to punish the Naughties?"
"Santa Claus never did it by hitting people with coal - only leaving it as a present instead of whatever the people actually wanted." Santa responded.
"Oh come on, you guys don't think he exists now just because the news is showing someone similar do you?" Marisa scolded them
"Best to watch on; what else has he done?"
The most recent information the news was able to provide was that after spending some time in and around Norway the flying object seemed to be generally moving in the direction of Italy while continuing its coal dropping activities.
"Good grief, that doesn't sound good," Jim replied.
"If he actually makes it all the way here, he might become our target." Santa speculated
"Good, I want to expose him." Marisa declared
The boy nodded. "If we get called up on hand to stop him, I'll gladly oblige to that. This isn't our normal White Christmas anymore... if he involves guns in this, he definitely will be our target."
"Me too. Having Alpha telling stories about other people with my name is enough without this guy coming here and making things even worse."
"Oh, geez, the guy's stories are incredible, but wow, are they a bit over the top." Jim switched his attention to the television again. "Please let there be no guns involved…"
"Now that you've said that, there probably will be." Santa informed him.
"Let's find out, shall we?"
"How?"
"Watching the news, of course."
"At the rate it's going it's going to be a few days though."
Jamiebel walked over to where Santa, Jim, and Marisa were, and looked at them with a worried expression.
"Maybe they'll run out of coal." Santa encouraged them, "How much could one guy and a bunch of midgets have after all?"
"I looked up the news on the internet… looks like everyone's reporting about this evil Santa Claus. What's worse, the elves are using guns as well."
Jim looked up at the pair of girls. "Welp, that settles it; he's gonna be our target… now if Ferro assigns our fratelli this mission..."
"It's going to be pretty confusing keeping track of whether people are talking about me or that guy." Santa said
"Any ideas for a nickname?" Jim asked the younger girl.
"Dolphin lover." Marisa proposed
"Dio Brando." Santa answered, knowing Jim liked the character.
Jim grinned, and nodded. "... I'm going with Dio… no way Santa would see much of dolphins, and that's just Mari, anyway. Shall we head over to the office?"
"Sure?" Santa replied, not sure what Jim was thinking of.
After some time, the Cassano and Loeb fratelli walked out of Ferro's office, walking down the hallway while Marisa dashed off to get Elio's approval to join the mission.
"Wow that briefing took forever." Enzo complained
"Well, looks like this is gonna be one for the history books," Jim replied with a chuckle. "To mark the occasion, why don't we just go out there with costumes?"
"You just want an excuse to have me dressed like my namesake don't you?" Santa asked.
"Honestly, I wouldn't mind it too much; this is, if I recall correctly, the 50th mission that myself, Jim and Jamiebel have been assigned to," Frédéric quipped. "Gotta do something to mark the occasion."
"Sounds like a good idea to me." Enzo agreed easily.
"And besides, they've got some pretty outlandish clothes too… can't be left out in the cold," Jim joked.
"Geez…" Jamiebel sighed. "When will the puns end with you?"
"Not now, that's for sure."
"Well, I like them," Enzo huffed.
"Pudding brains…" Jamiebel muttered under her breath. "Let's head to the changing rooms - I think that's where our costumes are."
'What's wrong with pudding?' Santa wondered as they went over, 'It's jam brains you need to watch out for.'
*Soon*
"I think the Santa Claus costume looks great on you, Miss Cassano," Jim quipped.
Santa sighed. Enzo had decided that he wanted to have her in her namesake outfit too, so she hadn't had much choice.
"Your costume is pretty spiffy too Jim, going for the flashy heroic look?" Enzo asked, trying to be a little in character for the person he was dressed as - Othar Tryggvassen, GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER, and wearer of green turtleneck sweaters and brown heroic trousers.
"Try flashy villainous look," Jim corrected.
The boy's costume was mostly yellow and black, with what appeared to be something that came out of the Eighties, for his jacket and pants were made of some yellow-goldish plastic leather; his leotard was all black, five gold ring bracelets each on his arms, with his headband, waistband and shin protectors all being a lime-green color and each showing off one heart at the front. To top it all off, Jim had his hair styled by Jamiebel to be standing up, with only the back of his head's hair going downwards.
"Your costume description is way too long." Enzo chastised him, "Mine and Santa's combined are only half that much."
"Careful, Enzo, that bit of dialogue could be too meta," Jim whispered, hoping not to face some sort of divine punishment. "And besides, I wore this costume for Halloween; since it's for Christmas now, it'll be so I can deliver presents to The World… and have plenty of time to spare."
"Please stop with the meta dialogue and the puns," Jamiebel sighed with a grin. "You two always have something that has a pun in it, don't you?"
"Of course not; if we did that, our superiors would take pun-itive measures against us." Enzo answered.
Jamiebel sweatdropped, while Marisa arrived with permission to accompany the group from Elio - and after being delayed by having to go around work on the story's (constantly crumbling) fourth wall, the young redhead was herded into a changing room with a costume by Santa.
Jamiebel's costume was a white leg- and shoulder-exposing skirt with brown edges. It had blue tails in front and back and blue stripes on the outsides of the sleeves as decorations. Finally the costume had brown fur covering the tops of the sleeves connecting them to the skirt, a white hat with blue frills and brown lower edge, and white bow with gold edges on her right leg above her primarily white and blue sandle-like shoes. Her hair was also tied up in a bun and hidden underneath the hat, as to match her character's hairstyle; at the sides of her face were two bangs, framing aforementioned face.
"Even longer than Jim's… but just barely." Enzo sighed before turning to Frédéric Loeb, the handler of Jim and Jamiebel. "Your turn - unless you can get your description to something super-short like, 'He's wearing a black tuxedo,' Santa wins the description shortness contest."
"Well, I personally doubt I'll win that contest," Frédéric replied - in a crisp British accent, a la his character, "but I am fairly confident I may win the 'popularity' contest… for you see, I'm simply one hell of a butler."
Frédéric's costume fit his description as "one hell of a butler"; his coat had a pair of tails also trailing him, but his pants, coat, tie and shoes were all black, apart from his Victorian-era style undershirt and gloves, which were white. His hairstyle was well different from his usual slicked-back style, now being a neat formal style, with two large bangs framing his face, much like Jamiebel's.
"Thank goodness, a shorter description… apparently the hell butler likes black and white, just like his cyborgs."
Frédéric shrugged and chuckled. "Well, it should make my serving role more obvious."
"You're serving? I'd like a couple hot dogs; and some ketchup. We already have Jim and Jam' here to be salt and pepper, so no need to bring those."
"Technically I'm mustard," Jim quipped.
"HA! You've foiled yourself, villain!" Enzo got into character a little too, "Santa doesn't like mustard!"
"Yes, my lord," Frédéric replied jokingly, bowing with his left arm over his chest.
"Ahoy landlubbers, I'm ready!" Marisa emerged from the changing room.
Marisa's costume was a purple sleeveless shirt, dark blue equally sleeveless vest, white shorts with a red band around her waist, and red bandanna sitting on her shoulders.
"Are you two going to be warm enough in those clothes?" Santa asked Jim and Jamiebel.
"We'll make sure to bring extra coats," Jim replied.
Jamiebel nodded in agreement. "My character comes from a place called Lowee, which is a land of snow… so why not?"
"Because that's the character and you're just copying her appearance as best you can." Santa replied.
"Well, you got me there," Jamiebel chuckled, as she held up a giant hammer. "The staff part can be collapsable, by the by."
"Is that your prop? I don't have anything nice like that." Santa said, looking a little sad.
"To be fair, I don't have anything like that too," Jim replied, "so I've had to make do with these actual combat knives." He revealed a belt of knives around his waist and under his waistbelt.
"Still better than me."
"Not better than me though, my cutlass is better than anything you guys have." Marisa boasted
'I still don't have anything.' Santa thought without even bothering to say it.
"You're a badass cyborg, you don't need anything else. Let's get going, that santa imitator won't wait for us." Enzo encouraged her and got the group moving
"You heard the gentleman adventurer - let's move out," Frédéric obliged.
'What about my hot dogs?' Enzo wondered, as they left.
"It's too bad we couldn't get more people to come with us. With Dio and all his elves the numbers are going to be close to even." Santa worried out loud.
Jim shrugged. "Don't worry, they'll be coming... in due time."
"It's only Alpha and Davina though, and Dio has at least three elves that we could see on the news. If he has more than one more that, we couldn't see we'll be outnumbered." Santa continued to worry.
The boy chuckled, before laughing. "I'm sorry, I'm just laughing at how you're questioning two of the great cyborgs of our time; Alpha has been there and done that, and Davina's gonna think a few elves is just a warm-up. Dio and his elves may outnumber us, but we have skill galore on our side. Plus, Alpha's essentially bringing a gatling gun with him, thus making his numbers advantage irrelevant."
"And don't forget the reindeer and the sleigh. They're an entire team of flying melee attackers and the sleigh looked sturdy enough to take on a tank." Enzo reminded them from the front of the group.
"We'll need to make sure we also have weapons to take down that sleigh," Frédéric agreed. "That gatling gun of Alpha's is good for taking out the ground forces, but the aerial guys may be more of a challenge."
"We can snipe them, but if they get in close it will be bad for us. Plus, they won't have any reason to give up their flying advantage," Enzo said.
"Best not to - we're not using all our assets efficiently. Getting in close and taking out as much as we can seems the best idea."
"I'm not going to be able to use my big guns." Santa comically cried
"I don't even have big guns," Jim added.
"Don't worry, I got a Dragunov from the armory just in case." Enzo told Santa
"Yes! I get to use the same gun as Rico!" Santa cheered
Jim shrugged. "Oh, well… hello, knives, my old friends."
"Knives suck - they have less range, power, and rounds than the guns we use unless you carry a huge number, and then they still have less range and power."
"I have a belt of knives, you know." Jim looked over to the parking lot. "I think we'll be taking the new Audi SUV we got a month ago."
"You'd have better offensive ability if you had a belt of ammo instead. Plus, if you want something that can be used in melee or launched, you really should be using drills."
"Who the hell do you think I am?" Jim asked jokingly.
"Someone with no penetrating power and a small gun." she answered before turning quietly to jamiebel, "Hopefully your next boyfriend has a good personality and good equipment."
"Or next girlfriend," Jamiebel noted, reminding herself of the accidental times she ended up in such a relationship.
"Anyway, once everyone's got the weapons they need, we'll meet up at the parking lot - Jim will drive us to Norway in the Audi," Frédéric replied.
*Soon after*
Frédéric forgot to mention to the group that he bought two cars for this mission only; the larger and aforementioned oldsmobile Audi Q7 V12 TDI, in which he, Enzo, Alpha and Davina would ride in, and the smaller RS Q3, that would be in the hands of Jim (who was driving), Jamiebel, Marisa and Santa.
"I think it suits them well, in terms of personality," Frédéric chuckled. "Plus, it gives them more time to bond, and more quiet time for us."
"Santa can always use more of that." Enzo grinned, "Though if we'd brought SWA!Santa with us we probably wouldn't have to worry about her increasing the noise level."
"True, normally she is quite the silent soul, if not shy," the Frenchman agreed. "And please stop with the meta dialogue. I thought Jim and SWA!Santa already covered that."
"The purpose of this story is to be funny and entertaining, if I can do that by making meta comments, then I'll do my best."
"Fair enough… I didn't think we'd be reaching fourth-wall-breaking levels of abridging, but hey."
"Neither did I, but I seem to be hilariously meta so i'm just going with it."
"Considering you're dressed as this Othar Tryggvassen guy-"
"Othar's clothes are comfortable and practical. I bet your shoes hurt and Jamiebel is going in a skirt so her legs are probably going to be cold." Enzo responded, while thinking, 'He didn't say Gentleman Adventurer. How rude.'
Frédéric laughed at the thought of that image of Jamiebel. "I am so with you there. Also, I agree on the shoes… why Sebastian decides to wear these accursed things, I'll never know - just as long as these things aren't the death of me, I'll be fine."
"Watch out - whenever people in books and things start saying things like that, it usually ends up happening at some point. You don't want to give your writer ideas and die during a non-canon side story."
"Key words - non-canon. If I die during then, it'll be fine; it won't count, after all. Heck, this isn't even fanon. Besides, I'm sure my voice actor would have me and Sebastian duke it out verbally after all this."
"It would still hurt like crazy though - ever considered what it's like to be shot by an elf or run over by a bunch of reindeer and a giant heavy sleigh?"
"That's like asking me, 'would you like to try dying once?' To which I'd respond with a vehement, Monty Blacker-esque 'no.'"
"Because saying that you don't want to die has ever helped anyone." Enzo rolled his eyes, "We probably won't have to worry about it though, we can leave all the dangerous stuff to the cyborgs."
Frédéric nodded. "Speaking of, how are they doing in the smaller car?"
All the while, Davina clung on to Alpha weakly. "A-Alpha… I-I feel my sanity collapsing…" she spoke in a weak (yet melodramatic) manner.
'Christ, are Frédéric and I the only sane ones on this trip?' Alpha thought to himself.
*meanwhile, in the other car*
"I've noticed you're a lot more talkative than usual, Santa," Jamiebel commented.
"I'm not able to participate in discussion-generated humor unless I talk more so my writer is allowing a break in characterization for this story. I also seem to not be talking in arial black font for some reason."
"The writers will fix that soon, probably," Jim affirmed. "Also, I have to say, Jamiebel, you're kinda like a mother/big sister nowadays, especially around Santa... who kinda looks like you."
"Well, I am one of the newest in terms of when my scenes started getting produced, I don't have any strong established relationships yet, and don't talk much, so i'm fine younger sister material."
"Agreed - I've been participating in a few roleplays myself, and started to develop what some would call big sister material," Jamiebel added, before looking over at Santa. "Come to think of it… yeah, apart from the eye color, we kind of look like sisters."
"No problem, fraternal sisters can have different eye colors."
Jamiebel nodded. "If you and I were put on a mission together, or if we were in some sort of non-canon fic centered around us two… I think we'd make a great pair of fraternal sisters."
"Maybe our writers can be convinced to work together more after this story is done and my writer can get a few more scenes of SWA out."
"Considering how slow he writes the Social Wellness Agency story? I think that'll be a long while before he does so," Jim commented, before driving on.
Jamiebel stuck out her tongue at Jim. "I know I'm already a big sister-figure to one of the newer and adorable cyborgs in Marzia… wouldn't hurt to have another adorable one in Santa."
"Yeah, Bathduck really needs to hurry up, I want to actually do things." Santa sighs, "If I get lucky maybe he'll enter me in the soccer thing that's going on."
"Well, if you don't make it, you can at least cheer me and Jim on in the sidelines." Jamiebel patted her 'little sister' on the back.
"Sure, as long as your team colors aren't red and white."
"Don't worry, they aren't." She hugged Santa. "You're so adorable, you are."
"Thank you." Santa returned the hug, spotting Marisa flipping through some notecards on the other side of the row, "What are you looking at?"
"Studying my dolphin flashcards."
Jim raised an eyebrow. "Odd, I thought you despised dolphins… and 'cats,' for that matter."
"Elio says that if you want to dislike someone, you should be smart about it... so I'm learning all about them, so I know all their bad points. One of you quiz me." She handed over the ring of cards.
"Ok…" Jamiebel flipped through them.
"Give me the scientific name for the Hector's dolphin." Santa took over without needing the cards.
"Cephalorhynchus hectori."
"Where does it live?"
"New Zealand."
"How endangered is it?"
"Endangered but not critically endangered as of 2008."
Jamiebel sweatdropped. "Jeez, how in the world do you like having a writer who lets you know things about dolphins and the like?"
"It's nice, but definitely not worth trading scuba knowledge for."
"If you three are done with the sister-bonding and dolphin-learning... there's something interesting you gotta check above us," Jim noted, pointing above.
"Yes?" Santa rolled down her window and stuck her head out.
It didn't take long to locate what Jim was talking about - a large red object flying near them.
"Keep us steady." she told Jim while fishing around in back of the car before taking her item to the roof, 'Glad I brought my sniper rifle despite them.'
"Will do… but he actually exists!" Jim replied, keeping tabs on the object. "Who'd have thunk it - and in Norway, no less! Anyway… fire when ready!" Under his breath, he muttered, "Looks like I owe Alpha 20 euros."
*Bwoo-i* *Bwoo-i* *Bwoo-i* Santa's shots quickly started hitting the sleigh and got the imposter's attention.
"With Santa's aim, we'll be able to get this done quickly, and head home with nary a sweat wasted," Jim thought to himself calmly, as he kept his eyes on the sleigh.
'Being right sucks, it really is tough like a tank - no damage at all.' Santa observed the effects of her shots, 'Well, the reindeer and the people can't be that sturdy.'
*Santa resumes firing as the sleigh closes in*
"Oh, crap," Jim muttered, as he saw the sleigh start to drop onto the roof of the car. "Santa, hold your fire - he's about to pancake us!"
'Is he going to eat us too? Yuck.' she thought as she grabbed on.
Jim slowed the car gradually, to open up a gap big enough avoid the imposter's incoming attack of flattening the cyborgs' car. The sleigh fit just barely in said gap, allowing the golden-haired cyborg to slightly close the gap and nudge the sleigh.
"All clear, Santa! Fire!" Jim noted to the youngest of the trio.
Marisa was the first one to act after dodging the sleigh-jumping up into it to engage in close combat. Close up the villain was just as buff as Alpha had described him though unlike the story the evil one's beard was equally enormous.
"Prepare to be walked off the plank and fed to an echinoderm!" Marisa told the giant as she started attacking.
The two had a round of one side dodging sleigh-strength blows and not being able to do damage despite landing hits while the others attacked the sleigh…. and still not doing damage despite being point blank.
"Santa, have you tried aiming for the sleigh's rails?" Jamiebel popped up from the sunroof. "Also, aim for the bag!"
"And destroy people's presents? No way!" Santa fired at the rails, "Plus Mari is up there."
"This is an evil Santa Claus, remember? I don't think this guy will be giving out toys… more like something worse!"
"Guns? We can use those. Swords? Marisa and some of the other Gen 2's will use them."
"What the- I so knew it," Jamiebel muttered under her breath, catching an AK-47 that fell from the bag, before firing at the side of the sleigh.
"Firing at the sleigh doesn't work, Sis - even I wasn't able to do anything. Try the reindeer or the imposter."
"Well, we better hurry - that impostor's getting away!" Jamiebel pointed up towards the sleigh making a quick retreat, with Marisa jumping off as it left.
"No wonder he's evil - he's running away when he's not even losing and leaving behind someone's present."
"A coward, indeed," Jamiebel sighed, as she popped back into the car with Santa and Marisa following. "He got away. We know where he's heading, and he knows we're here. Time to get prepped up, guys."
"We were using a bunch of nice weapons already, do we even have something better? Anti-christmas gear or something?"
"Really, that guy was tough like a bivalve."
Jamiebel nodded. "We need better weapons… and I need more dialogue."
"Now who's getting meta?"
"Wrong person to direct it to - that'd be Frédéric the straight man, sis. Good try though."
*back in the bigger car*
"I'm sure they're doing OK." Enzo answered Frédéric, the pair, plus Alpha and an unconscious Davina, oblivious of the ensuing action that occurred behind them.
The Frenchman simply nodded. "This is fine."
*Eyecatch & scene change*
"By the way, Santa, we don't have any anti-Christmas gear, because we're trying to save Christmas, not destroy it altogether," Jim replied, leading the team up a hill of snow.
"When you have an evil buff norseman with an invincible sleigh dropping coal from said invincible sleigh, maybe the SWA needs some." Enzo observed.
"If we were some sort of agency that helped out with fantasy affairs... I think that could work."
"Only if the writers want to create another alternate universe to the original work though. What can we do about our weapon situation, before they do that, though?"
"If the writers did an AU to this work, some of us wouldn't need weapons - our costumes would give us our powers; I'd have brought out my Stand, stopped time, slammed a steamroller on the impostor, and that would be the end of the story… but it's not, so I can't."
"By that logic, Davina and I should be going goddess-mode, and the rest of you would back us up," Jamiebel quipped, "since we'd be Console Patron Units."
"I'd have my ship and crew to back me up." Marisa added.
"And thanks to my namesake, I'd be stuck delivering presents." Santa concluded. 'Weren't we talking about weapons?'
*Expectant glance from Jim*
Santa sighed. "To The World," she finished
"Thank you," Jim smiled.
"Just following my handler's example and delivering entertainment."
"Then again, you guys are badass cyborgs - you don't need anything else," Frédéric noted. "And that's coming from Enzo Cassano-"
"GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER."
"-here. Now get out there and save Christmas!"
The group finally arrived at the peak of the hill - in sight was the workshop the impostor Santa had been working at. Guarding the workshop were the reindeer, a number of elves armed with pistols, and a few turrets.
"Goodness, you think we'd have gotten a warmer welcome," Jim chuckled.
"When where they live has this sort of weather? No way." Enzo said
"Also, before we begin fighting, Mr. Enzo, I just want to know one thing… how come I haven't had that many lines in this whole story?" Jamiebel lamented.
"This is only an incomplete prototype of the story that's going to be released so all the dialogue isn't perfect yet. On top of that, your writer seems to favor giving lines to Jim, possibly because they have the same name. Don't worry, now that you've pointed it out, they'll probably add more in for you later."
"Yeah, Davina only has one, and Alpha doesn't have much more with that story from the beginning." Santa reassured her.
"Well… come to think of it, Deej and I haven't spoken much, because I honestly think the writers are setting me up for a big entrance with her," Alpha noted. "Not that I'm in love with her, or vice versa."
Davina nodded. "Besides, I only do everything… I don't need to speak that much - do I?"
"Then get to it, the reindeer and elves seem to be getting bored waiting for our free-action talking to end." Santa told them, "Be sure to use all the abilities that you'd never get to in canon because we don't know when we're going to get another chance like this."
"Well, the 'abilities we'd never be able to use in canon' is probably gonna be reserved for the 'Alternate Universe' version - well, some of them, anyway - but…"
Alpha stood up with Davina, and nodded. He swept away his cape, revealing the machine gun and backpack of ammunition that he brought with him the whole time.
"Like I said before, Norsemen don't mess around-"
"I don't either - and I'm still not Norse, thank you." Santa interrupted
"-and nor do I. Anyway… let's do this. LEEROOOOY JEEENNNKIIINS!" Alpha charged down with Davina towards the workshop.
"Starting before everyone else is cheating!" Marisa dashed after him, "Feresa attenuata!"
"What the hell?! Now Alpha's got even more lines, and that cool Leeroy Jenkins battlecry… I really hate my author now…" Jamiebel wailed.
'Is that what counts as a cool battlecry now? Why doesn't he yell something equally ridiculous like, 'WRYYYYYYYY!'' Enzo wondered before consoling Jamiebel, "Don't worry though, you're still ahead of Davina."
"Marisa's was pretty cool though."
"Well, whatever he's doing, he's mown down the turrets and some of the elves," Jim noted, pointing at the action, before standing up. "I think it's our time to shine now, with what's going on!"
While Alpha had the targets distracted Enzo and Santa found good vantage points and started assisting with cover fire.
Jim armed himself with the AK-47 that Jamiebel picked up earlier. "Time to make our move… WRYYYYYYYY!"*
*pronounced "ureeeee," rhyming with tree.
Between the seven, Alpha managed to damage everything, Davina focused on the garden gnomes christmas elves, the Js focused primarily on reindeer, and the Cassano duo took down opponents when they received good shots from Frédéric's directions, while Marisa KO'd anything unlucky enough to get her attention.
"Hey, I gotta disprove the fact of my people being cheese-eating surrender monkeys," Frédéric noted, as he pointed at one of the reindeer for Enzo to shoot.
Enzo ignored the point and shot the one with the glowing red nose that was getting ready for the most obvious charged charge attack ever against Frédéric.
"How Jim and Jamiebel let that one by their sights, I'll never know," the Frenchman chuckled. "Thanks, Enzo."
"Our writers might be the only ones who have any idea what a cheese-eating surrender monkey is." Santa sighed, nailing Mr. Loeb's designated reindeer.
As Jamiebel and Jim fought back the advancement of the other reindeer, Jamiebel spotted the impostor Santa Claus making a sneaky escape to the sleigh.
"Santa! It's your time now!" Jamiebel called out to her 'younger sister-figure', pointing out the escape.
"Got it!" she started dashing after the sleigh, 'I better hope Enzo is having second thoughts about naming me after this guy.'
'I sure am glad I didn't name her after this interpretation of Santa.' he was thinking at the same time.
Frédéric dashed over to where Santa's rifle had laid and began picking off the elves, as Jim and Marisa followed Santa, chasing after the sleigh.
"This is it! Down to the big guy!" Jim shouted, as he latched on to the rail of the sleigh and was unintentionally face-planted when Marisa used his head as a step to follow Santa into the sleigh.
Santa jumped up into the sleigh to fight directly again, starting with reaching into the bag to pull out the first thing she could reach.
Rubber pow hammer. *Bonk*
Followed by Marisa with a whale harpoon. *Clang* Moby dick is forced back a step.
M1897 trench shotgun. *Bang**Dink* No damage.
Sphyrna mokarran(hammerhead shark). *POW* The dolphin-ally is thrown off-balance.
Large bag of presents. *CRASH* It's super effective and the huge guy went over the side as Jim managed to get in.
"Buy us some time." Santa handed Marisa a swordfish, "We're going to set up a takedown."
"No way - I'm going to turn him into a protozoan!" She jumped down and went back to where the imposter was digging himself out of the snow.
Meanwhile Santa commandeered the sleigh and took it to pick up Jim and Jamiebel.
"Toys are super effective against him, take these." Santa dug out a pair of Sakuya's knife-holding purple spheres for Jim to use.
Jim climbed onto the rear of the sleigh, and picked up the spheres, with a confused look. "What the… who in their right mind would, and how in the world am I supposed to, use this?!"
"Just reach into the stars and grab knives from them, then you can throw them or make shockwaves or something." Santa demonstrated before taking the sleigh's seat and flying it over to where Jamiebel was so that Jim could help her into the sleigh and equip her properly.
"Do we have any white leotards, sky blue wings and an axe?" Jamiebel asked.
"Of course." Santa easily found them inside the imposter's bag and handed them over.
Jim picked up the items, and passed the costume components to Jamiebel. "Present for one Jamiebel, courtesy of Santa Claus Cassano."
"Thanks, Sis!" The raven-haired girl winked, as she picked up the leotard, wings and axe, before letting go of Jim's hand… and disappearing in a white orb her size.
Jim pulled up to the sack, and looked over at Santa. "Now, if we can get his attention, we can finally end this with a big battle."
"I have that covered already. Get ready christmas elves!" Santa steered the sleigh directly at the imposter who was being shot at by the handlers.
*POW**BANK**BONG* the giant goes under the sleigh and gets run over.
Jim sighed, clinging onto the seat. "Well, that was pretty anti-climatic…" Hopping over the sleigh, he turned over to Santa. "I'm gonna check if we got everyone, and see if we can't finish the job for our impostor."
"Take this with you." Santa tosses a steamroller ornament to jim, "Merry christmas. I would give you a full size one but you probably wouldn't have any use for it after this story even if the handlers let you keep it."
Jim quickly caught the ornament, and observed the size of the thing… and just as quickly, was amazed that it was half the size and weight of an actual steamroller, but light enough for him to lift easily. "We really are going the extra mile for cosplay character canonicity, aren't we?"
Unbeknownst to Jim or Santa, they didn't realize that the impostor Santa Claus was still alive (and buried beneath the snow), although on his last legs. With the last of his strength, he charged forth at the younger of the two cyborgs and the sleigh…
"Huh…? Santa, look out!"
Given enough warning by Jim, Santa was able to move the sleigh into the air upside down above the imposter while opening the bag ludicrously wide.
"THE WORLD!"
Within a matter of moments, everything around Jim - the impostor, Santa, Jamiebel (who had appeared some time after falling off the sleigh on purpose), Marisa, the reindeer, and even Alpha, Davina and the elves - had now stopped in place.
"Time has frozen," Jim replied under his breath. "10 seconds of stopped time… now, if Santa's instructions were correct, just reach into the stars of these spheres…" He did as told by the younger cyborg, and grabbed three knives in each hand. Smiling, he tossed said knives in the direction of the impostor, before looking at his belt.
'I knew I should have used these first…' he thought to himself.
By the time he stopped throwing knives, Jim had currently thrown 100 of the sharp blades towards the impostor's way. With a look of discernment, he leaped up into the air...
"ROAD ROLLER DA….!"
...and in that instant of time, slamming the steamroller ornament on the impostor, pounding it at almost breakneck speed, before jumping out of the way of whatever Santa was about to drop on him. Performing an action roll, Jim quickly stood up, and smiled coolly.
"One second left…" Jim replied under his breath, "...zero."
Time moved as normal - and the youngest cyborg had opened up the bag so wide, that from it, a gas tanker fell out cab-first, and slammed straight into the impostor.
"Ooh…. and an oil tanker for you!" Jim quickly noted, observing the tanker almost crush the impostor Santa Claus. To finish the job, he leaped to the top of the tanker, and began punching it at breakneck speed, like before, before leaping off, next to Santa.
And cue the explosion.
"Merry Christmas." Santa said promptly.
The boy chuckled. "I think the rest of the team should be finishing up…"
"ARRRRRGH! What the hectori! I wanted to finish him off!" Marisa exclaimed, chewing out Jim.
The boy grinned. "Time stopping, my dear Alboreto. The one who controls time, controls the world…."
Meanwhile, Jamiebel finished off the last of the rebellious reindeer with Alpha and Davina, before panting and putting her hand on her chest. This new form really took a lot of energy to expend, but boy, was it strong. Approaching Jim and Santa, she smiled.
"You like what you see?"
Her new outfit was a white leotard with black and blue highlights, socks with black and gray, and gloves that covered from her hands to above her elbows with extensions on the outsides of her arms to her shoulders and blue palms and black and gray highlights. On top of this, her hair changed styles: no longer was it smooth and raven-black, but it was spiky and sky blue, with a thick strand standing upwards, as well as longer sideburns either side of her head. Her irises changed as well, now red with a power symbol in the middle.
"You look like you should be cold in that. It does look nice though."
"I should be cold, but I'm not… told ya Lowee is a land of snow," she said with a grin. Oh, and her voice had gone down a few octaves from her normal pitch. "Thanks a bunch, Sis. I like what this guy made… slight, sleek and cool."
'My costume doesn't change my appearance or voice. Having a famous namesake sucks, the people who don't get to wear cool costumes like that and the namesake ends up being real and evil.' Santa thought to herself
Rummaging through the sack, Jim pulled out a pair of costumes packaged for Santa herself, before giving them to the young girl. "Having an infamous namesake may suck, but having a famous voice - especially one as cute as yours - doesn't. Merry Christmas, Santa."
"Do you realise you just robbed my own bag of presents for something to give to me?"
"Sis, let it slide for this year," Jamiebel chuckled. "Jim's merely found your present… well, part of it, anyway. The holiday only comes once a year."
"Having to fight an evil version of my namesake regularly is a curse, not a present."
"Still, we did save Christmas… that's something, at least," Alpha shrugged, walking over with Davina.
Davina grimaced. "And why the heck does Jamiebel have that cool new costume? Is there one for me, Santa, Jim?"
"As long as you don't expect me to help with Walpurgisnacht." Santa gave her a costume before getting an answer.
"Or in the Japanese, 'Walpurgis no yoru,'" Jamiebel noted. "And I think she'll be fine."
Davina nodded. "Thanks, Santa!" she replied, before disappearing in a same white orb.
Frédéric and Enzo were the last to arrive on the scene, gazing at the cyborgs having fun. As the Frenchman looked up into the sky, he replied, "Sometimes, it's good to be young, isn't it?"
"Sure, in between all those times when you have to be out assassinating people." he responded before calling over to the cyborgs, "Hey, we have to get all the rest of these presents out to where they belong before the owners wake up."
"Oh, crap, you're right," Jim replied, turning to the others. "Anyone up for a late-night toy run?"
"I'll drive, I have the best vehicle." Santa volunteered herself and the sleigh.
"Don't forget the toys," Davina replied (also with a lower-pitched voice, white hair, turquoise irises, and a black leotard with small grey rectangles on the side), dropping off another big bag of toys. "No use pleasing the children of the world, if you don't have anything to give them."
"Will time stop if that happens?" Jim chuckled, causing Davina to groan a few moments later - when she finally understood the unintended pun.
"Davina and I will guard the sleigh, if anyone wishes to attack us," Jamiebel requested.
'Who does he think will want to stop us, now that the huge guy is taken care of? The grinch?' Santa wondered.
"Looks like Jim and I have the duties of sitting alongside Santa," Alpha noted, boarding the sleigh with the younger male cyborg.
"I'll stay here with the handlers. Somebody needs to protect them after all." Marisa said, clearly thinking about ways to torture the evil santa.
"Enzo, Frédéric, what'll you do?" Jim asked, turning over to the handlers.
"We'll contact the agency and make sure this guy starts making presents properly for next year, and return to the agency after that. You guys can deliver everything and come back in your car after that." Enzo answered him.
Frédéric nodded. "We'll also be narrating your adventures in delivering said presents."
"Alright, you three, we'll see you soon," Alpha replied, before looking over at Santa with a nod.
/Enzo and Frédéric narrating the cyborgs delivering presents to the children and such
"Narration, it says." Enzo scoffs, "Fine - the team in the sleigh flies around giving presents to everyone on the planet. They then return the sleigh to the workshop and drive home. The end."
'I hope they don't want me to make a The World joke here.' Enzo thought afterwards, 'And it looks like they'll be leaving that writing note in the final draft to make my line work.'
'Nah, that's probably gonna be left to Jim, anyway.' Frédéric noted in thought. 'Also, when the edits come around, we're gonna need to expand on that story… I'm sure one of our writers has a stop he'd like to make for Jamiebel.'
'Why do people keep reading our minds without permission?'
'It's a spoof story; deal with it, Cassano.'
In a little park located in Paris, a young raven-haired girl with hazel eyes – and looked like a certain cyborg of the Loeb fratello – sighed as she stared at the starry night sky. This year for her was a rather whirlwind of emotions for her… but to her, she also found love in what was a rather dull and drab land, known as England.
"Merry Christmas, they say... " the girl muttered. "Christmas hasn't been too kind to me - I don't suspect it will be any time soon."
However, tonight would be a much different night, and for the better; the wind blew harshly for a few moments, causing the girl to pull her trenchcoat on tighter - but unknown to her, it was a sign of hope to come. Another gust of wind, this time in the opposite direction… but this time, it came with a murmur of a voice.
"Charlotte?"
The girl turned around behind her - nobody there. When she turned back forwards, however, she saw the item of her affection, waving at her with a grin as wide as the Cheshire Cat.
Jogging towards Jamiebel, Charlotte smiled, and immediately hugged her tight.
"Jay-bee!" she said with glee. "Merry Christmas… I missed you so much, girl!"
"I missed you too," Jamiebel replied, embracing her 'doppelgänger's' hug. "Sorry I haven't been around much… so much going on right now."
"Agreed - I've also got quite a bit in my life too… but now that you're here, I don't care what happens."
Charlotte smirked, before giving an unaware Jamiebel a quick kiss on the lips. "That's for not visiting me once every month, you know." Jamiebel couldn't help but blush, but she shook it off quickly, and handed her a present.
Charlotte frowned. "Now that's not fair, Jay-bee." This caused the cyborg to tilt her head slightly.
"Eh? Why not?"
"You didn't give me a chance to get you a present."
Jamiebel simply smiled. "You being here is present enough for me… I'm not really into the mood for receiving gifts."
Now it was Charlotte's turn to blush - and by the look on her face, profusely, at that. "Th-th-th-th-thank you, Jamiebel…"
Jamiebel put her index finger on Charlotte's lips. "Shh. No need to thank me... I have to go though. I'll see you on New Year's Eve!"
Just as quickly she had appeared, she ran off to the sound of a gust of wind. Charlotte turned around once again, but like before, only became witness to just the grass. She let out a soft chuckle.
"See you soon… my love…" she whispered silently with a smile.
/Final words\\
"Merry Christmas to everyone, and to all around The World, a WRYYYYYY-ly good Christmas!" Jim exclaimed, in a grandiose fashion… before Davina sent Jim flying into a huge pile of snow with a punch.
"Oh, for the love of Mike, shut up, Jim!" Davina exclaimed, finally at her pun-itive breaking point, before walking over to the car.
"Keep practicing Jim, you'll be a pundit some day." Santa encouraged him, 'And not punted. By the way, who's Mike?'
Jim could only manage a muffle of affirmation, before Jamiebel carried Jim to the car.
'All the presents are delivered, and all was right with the world.' they decided.
/Epilogue\\
Jim, Jamiebel and Santa walked into a comfy room with a chair and couch facing each other. In the chair was a young interviewer, and motioned for the trio to have a seat on the couch.
"Welcome, you three. I'm here on behalf of a magazine, here to interview you all on the making of the christmas story. Why don't you go ahead and have a seat?"
Jim and Jamiebel obliged, and sat down on either end of the couch, reserving a spot for Santa in the middle.
'Is this guy cleared to know the details of that? We are supposed to be secret and all.' Santa thought to her fellow interviewees, hoping their mind reading was still working.
'It's a spoof story, so anything goes,' Jamiebel thought, with a nod. 'Or as the French say, tout est permis.'
'I'm with Jamiebel on this one. You and I did do that prologue in front of a crowd, after all, Santa,' Jim added.
"Thank you, what do you want to know?"
The interviewer smiled. "First off, let's get the introductions out of the way, before we go into the meat of the interview. We'll start with the little girl in the middle, then go either way, whoever wants to go next. Please tell us your name and who your voice actor was for this production."
"My name is Santa Cassano and I am voiced by Yui Ogura… and Katsuyuki Konishi voices my handler Enzo Cassano." Santa responded while thinking, 'I'm not that little, hasn't this guy read my second scene?'
"I am Jim Eligino, and my voice actor for the story is Takehito Koyasu. My handler is Frédéric Loeb."
"I'm Jamiebel Angkahan, and I am voiced by Wendee Lee. My handler is the same as Jim's, Frédéric Loeb, who is played by J. Michael Tatum."
The interviewer nodded, and jotted down their names, before looking up at the trio. "Now, then… what was it like, during the making of the story, for you three?"
Jim was the first to speak up. "Honestly, it was pretty funny. Like all ideas, it just started out with throwing out ideas for different christmas stories. After we decided on a laugh-out-loud comedy, we just got to work. It was fun working with Mari, Alpha, Davina and even Santa here - we were told to let loose and have fun."
"'Even me'? Thanks a lot. Anyway, the first time my writer was exposed to the idea of doing this story was CC's 'do you believe in santa?' thread where it was proposed by tremec6speed. Somehow that comment snowballed into all this. Actually, participating in this was a lot of fun - I haven't gotten to do much in my own story yet, and getting to work with the Loeb fratello was fun."
Jamiebel nodded. "My and Jim's story was considered 'done enough,' but I digress. I have done a lot of stuff beforehand with Alpha, so working with him was always going to be a fun experience, and getting to know Santa and Enzo was really cool; I know one of the staff called me and her 'sisters,' on the basis of the two of us looking alike… that eventually snowballed into the story too, but I grew to like the link."
"Well, you two are the most adorable pair of 'fraternal twins' I have seen," Jim quipped with a chuckle.
Busy writing down what the trio said, the interviewer nodded. "I see." Once he put the finishing touches, he looked back up. "Okay. What was it like for you to meet your voice actors after filming/writing and in post-production?"
"I'll start," Jamiebel giggled. "For me, it was so sweet to meet Wendee; knowing her famous roles like Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop, Haruhi Suzumiya from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and the character that I dressed up as - Blanc from Hyperdimension Neptunia - I knew the writers made a good choice for someone who has a voice range the size of the Earth."
"Don't you mean 'The World?'" Jim commented, laughing. Jamiebel couldn't help but facepalm with a chuckle. "I'm sorry, just had to get it out of my system."
"I had fun. I'm a big fan of Yui-chan's performances in Ro-kyu-bu and Aquarion Evol and my dress from the first scene in this story is based off what her Aquarion character wore. It was strange meeting the person who my writer decided I would have the voice of though."
Jamiebel nodded. "Also to note, Ogura-san also played one of Blanc's little sisters, Rom, in the Neptunia series. I think she did a fantastic job as Santa, brought out the adorableness in her."
*Santa with a small smile at Jamiebel's compliment*
Jim nodded. "Also, now I see the link between Jamiebel and Santa, in terms of being 'fraternal sisters,' character-wise." He cleared his throat, before speaking. "Well, if your voice actor has 500+ roles, such as Koyasu-san, the amount of respect you give has to be on Greatest-of-all-time levels. The man has a list that includes Ryosuke Takahashi from Initial D, Jade Curtiss from Tales of The Abyss, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo from Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, Excalibur from Soul Eater, and various Dio Brandos - five, in fact - in the new JoJo's Bizarre Adventure game, Eyes of Heaven. It's no surprise that on , his list of notable roles is listed as 'everyone,' or 'too many to list.'"
Jotting down the last of Jim's words, the interviewer nodded. "Incredible. Now, throughout the story, there were a lot of references... which ones would be in your top three? We'll start with Miss Cassano."
"The three best references...Oh, when I pulled out Triela's shotgun out of the imposter's bag for a Gunslinger girl reference, the Anne of Green Gables reference at the very end, and all the references to the real life Santa Claus were my favorites."
Jamiebel smiled. "You picked some pretty cool ones, Santa… let's see… gosh, if I had to pick three… I'm going to go with the 'GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER' references by bathduck and Enzo, from Girl Genius, the Touhou knife-sphere thing, and Davina's 'I only do everything!' line from Hyperdimension Neptunia. I'm still jealous that she got two voice actresses - Asami Imai and Erin Fitzgerald - for her character, though; I will give Mingosu-san and Erin their due… they made Davina much more humorous than she was."
"Mingosu?" the interviewer asked.
"Oh, that's [Asami] Imai-san's nickname, Mingosu," Jamiebel clarified, before the interviewer nodded, and scribbled away.
"Well," Jim replied with a chuckle, "to get it out of the way, I loved the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure references, such as 'The World,' but not as much as I loved Alpha's 'Leeroy Jenkins!' battlecry and Frédéric quoting Sebastian Michaelis's catchphrase from Black Butler, 'I'm just one hell of a butler.' Tatum really nailed that down for Frédéric… he might be gaining some extra fans from that."
"He might, he might," the interviewer replied. "I have also heard that you guys also made a version where your costumes actually gave you powers. What was it like, doing that version?"
"Well, I'm not gonna mince words… it was so much fun. Being able to fly, use ice magic and attack with a giant axe was just a blast!" Jamiebel giggled.
"Stopping time, throwing knives, stand-user and this onomatopoeia (ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ)*… what's not to like about that?" Jim agreed.
*Translated onomatopoeia - "go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go" (romanized); meaning: "menacing"
"The only version of my namesake that has powers is the evil one that we just defeated." Santa protested.
"Hmm." The interviewer jotted down what was said and nodded. "Any thoughts on Alpha, Davina, and the other cast members?"
"Mari was just a bundle of energy, wherever she went. Davina was relaxed between scenes, but when it was time to continue the story, she just goes into 'serious mode.' Alpha, as usual, is just an awesome big brother to everyone and a good ham," Jamiebel noted. "Still sour Davina got two voice actors, though."
"My favorite other cast member was Enzo. Alpha and Davina were nice, but with their limited lines and actions I don't know much about them yet." Santa said.
"Do you know of their VA's, though?" Jim asked.
"I've heard the Japanese voices for several characters that Vic has voiced but pretty much none from Erin and I haven't exactly heard their performances either."
"Mm. I personally like Erin's roles of 'Best Girl' Chie Satonaka from Persona 4, and the aforementioned Noire from the Neptunia series. But yeah, Davina was my favorite, on the basis of her being so off-the-wall hammy."
Finishing off the last sentence, the interviewer nodded. "Any last words to the fans/readers/anyone to wrap up the interview?"
"Merry Christmas." Santa supplied.
"From all of us on the cast and crew of the story, Merry Christmas." Jamiebel nodded.
"I hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as we made this," Jim noted. "And to everyone, thank you."
"Right, that'll be all from me," the interviewer said, shaking hands with Santa, Jim and Jamiebel. "The name's Joe Jones, and we'll be calling you up to do the cover page in a few days."
"Thank you very much, Mr. Jones," Jim replied. "We'll see you soon, then. Just... be careful you don't get attacked by a time-stopping vampire."
With all being said and done, Jim, Jamiebel and Santa exited the room, knowing that they will be famous within a couple weeks.
/Bloopers and Deleted Scenes:
Jim: Well, that was pretty anti-climatic… (hops over the sleigh, turns over to Santa) I'm gonna check if we got everyone, and see if we can't finish the job for our impostor.
C!Santa: Hold on, take your present with you. (draws a large steamroller out of the bag; tosses it to Jim) Merry Christmas.
(Thud. Cut to wider shot - Jim is crushed underneath the steamroller)
Jamiebel: Holy crap, are you okay, Jim? (rushes over to her boyfriend)
Jim: (affirmative muffle)
(Beat. Jamiebel laughs, as she pushes the steamroller off of Jim)
Jamiebel: (laughing) Wow, who'd have thought the great Dio Brando would be done in by his most famous weapon?
Jim: (standing up, dusting off the snow) Not my fault that reality came to play!
C!Santa: You'd have better offensive ability if you had a belt of ammo, instead. Plus, if you want something that can be used in melee or launched, you really should be using drills.
(From the closet, Jim pulls out - indeed - a giant drill.)
Jim: Tengen Toppa, Gurren Lagann! Who the hell do you think I am?
C!Santa: You're wearing a shirt, so you must be an impostor of Jim.
(Santa takes down the "impostor"… before she and Jim break into laughter.)
Jim: I'm sorry, I just had to do it… somebody had to do it, and Alpha sure as heck wouldn't be caught doing that!
Enzo: What happened to you guys?
Jamiebel (somewhat shellshocked): Santa was completely invincible.
Marisa (in a similar state): Used rock every time.
Enzo: What happened?
Santa: We couldn't decide who should take the last soda, so we had to play for it. I won, but Jim wouldn't give up, so I had to break his spirit. It took more than two hundred games.
Enzo: Of what?
Santa: Rock-paper-scissors.
Jim (completely comatose): Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock….
Frédéric (staring up at a snow-covered Douglas Fir Christmas tree, sighs): Times like this remind me of that time I went to the Brogue Kick Saloon.
Alpha: Oh? Do tell, Mr. Loeb - where was this saloon?
Frédéric: It was about five or six years ago, when I was going bar hopping, searching for a bar, pub or saloon that I could return to in the near future. I remember it pretty clearly. The rules were… if you were under 21, you got something called a Brogue Kick. If you were over 21, which I was, you got a Brogue Kick. If you had a face, Brogue Kick. If you breathed oxygen, Brogue Kick. If you were the 'ultimate lifeform' or 'perfect human specimen' - the latter of which was a picture of the saloon owner in his prime - you got a Brogue Kick. However…
Alpha: Yes...?
Frédéric: …if you managed to counter or survive the Brogue Kick, you got a pint of Guinness and got to Brogue Kick the owner.
Enzo: What exactly was it?
(Frédéric pounds his chest twice - once per pec - stretches his arms to their full wingspan, and yells:)
Frédéric: Faugh a Ballagh! (Irish Gaelic translation: Clear the way! - pronounced "fella")
(He kicks the tree's trunk with great force, causing the snow on the branches to shake and fall off. The tree remains standing.)
Frédéric: See? That, my friends, is a Brogue-
(A crack is heard. The tree Frédéric kicked starts to fall and hits another tree, thus starting an inadvertent domino effect of Douglas Firs toppling.)
Frédéric (winces): -Kick.
Enzo: How many people do you have to knock over, to be doing it properly?
(A final thud is heard in the distance. Zoom out to view that the Frenchman has knocked over fifty of the aforementioned tree, organized by a 10-by-5 rectangle.)
Frédéric: Just one, I think… apparently, I did it a little too well...