Eavesdropping Serenade
"Well that was unpleasant," Piotr let out a relieved sigh.
"No kidding mate," Pyro agreed as they exited the infirmary and began walking down the hallway. "You'd think Mags would at least show us some gratitude after we patched him up and treated his latest round of boo-boos."
"Well he did receive a very thorough beating," Piotr noted. "And we neglected to give him any painkillers until we were about done."
"Huh, that explains why he kept screaming every time I sprayed his lacerated back with iodine," Pyro said. "Iodide salt is the same as iodine, right?"
"I do not think so," Piotr shrugged. "But I am not really sure."
"Oh well. Whatever the stuff was I'm sure it worked," Pyro waved. "Or at least didn't do any permanent damage."
"Unlike the hot pads you placed on him," Piotr remarked.
"Hey, everybody needs hot pads! Especially on strained and tender flesh!" Pyro defended. "Hot pads cure everything!"
"Not when they are boiling hot and placed directly on the face," Piotr said.
"Well how else is Mags gonna get all that swelling down? Put ice on it? Ha! Like that would work," Pyro scoffed. "Besides, it's not my fault the hot pad fused onto Mags' cheeks and he had to rip it apart to get it off."
"No, but it is your fault for filling it up with methanoic acid instead of water," Piotr pointed out.
"Hey, I took care of that, didn't I?" Pyro huffed. "One fire blast and all the acid was instantly vaporized! None of it even got into his eyes!"
"Unlike the burn cream you put on him afterwards," Piotr said.
"Oh picky, picky, picky!" Pyro threw up his hands. "I didn't hear Mags complaining about it once we were done."
"That is because I shot him with a sedative when the room began to shake," Piotr explained. "He should remain unconscious for a few hours. Or a few days. Who knows?"
"Oh, so that's what that was," Pyro blinked. "Did you have to stab him where you did for it to take full effect?"
"No. That was just where I shot him with all the painkillers so I thought, what is one more?" Piotr gave a slightly guilty smile. "And it was fun to stab the needles there."
"I bet!" Pyro giggled. "Still, Mags deserved every bit of the beating he got for making the Plooze mad."
"If you say so," Piotr shrugged. "Too bad it could not stay here. Where did the Plooze decide to go?"
"Didn't I tell ya? It set off and disappeared into the ocean!" Pyro said excited. "It's gonna go and see the world! I suggested it head for the Pacific first and hook up with a pod of humpbacks. That way the Plooze won't be lonely and it can hug the whales and protect them from whalers at the same time!"
"O-kay," Piotr blinked. "That sounds very…uh…nice."
"And the Plooze won't starve since it can eat the whale boats and all the ocean rubbish it comes across! I'm really gonna miss it though." Pyro let out a sad sigh. "But I know I'll see it again soon. Right Colossus?"
"I am sure you will," Piotr groaned softly. "Such as on the evening news."
The two Acolytes entered the Control Room and saw Remy seated at the control board. "Hey mate," Pyro chirped. "What'cha doing?"
"Hmmm," Remy ignored him. He appeared to be concentrating on something.
"Uh Gambit? Gambit?" Pyro walked up to him and shouted in his ear. "Hey Gambit!"
"AHHHHHH!" Remy yelped in shock and nearly fell out of his seat. "Pyro! How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me like that?"
"I wasn't sneaking!" Pyro protested. "I greeted you right as I came in!"
"Pyro is correct," Piotr said walking up to Remy. "You did not seem to hear him."
"Oh. Sorry about that homme," Remy apologized and repositioned himself on his seat. "I was focused on something else."
"No problem mate," Pyro waved. "So what are you working on anyway?"
"Oh, I'm just monitoring what all's going on at Xavier's at the moment," Remy shrugged.
"You are listening to the surveillance devices we planted over there?" Piotr asked.
"Among other things," Remy smirked and indicated the earpiece in one ear. "I was closing listening to one particular conversation before Pyro went and tried to give me a heart attack."
"What conversation?" Piotr asked.
"Oh, nothing you'd be interested in," Remy said smoothly.
"You're stalking that white-striped hair shelia again aren't ya?" Pyro gave him a look.
"I'm not stalking," Remy sniffed somewhat offended. "I'm doing research."
"On no," Piotr groaned.
"Oh yes," Remy grinned. "And believe me it has been very interesting."
"Really? What all have you found out?" Pyro asked.
"Well," Remy consulted his notes. "After very prolonged and extensive surveillance I have discovered that she likes kickboxing, racquetball, gothic novels, summer, sketching, fried catfish, peppermint scented shampoo, a surprising number of Broadway musicals and just about any dessert that includes peaches. She hates History, cats, pickled herring, the color pink, polka music and idiots who have no concept of the word privacy."
"Imagine that," Piotr muttered.
Remy shot him a dirty look and continued reading. "She also owns a small silver-handled mirror, a black hairbrush, a designer sweater that Kitty lost and an incredible number of gloves. She knows how to ride a motorcycle, has a missing friend named Risty, makes a mean plate of fried chicken and apparently lived with the Brotherhood for a few months. Ouch."
"Wow. That is quite a lot of information," Piotr blinked.
"See? Doing research can be entertaining," Remy smirked. "There are a few other interesting things here, but no way am I gonna tell you hommes about them!"
"Neat!" Pyro chirped and pulled up a chair. "So, what other kinds of fun, juicy secrets are they talking about over there?"
"Not much. Most of it is pretty boring," Remy admitted. "They seem to talk mostly about school, homework, chores, how everybody hates them for being mutants, blah, blah, blah."
"Awww," Pyro pouted. "I wanna hear the good stuff!"
"Just be patient. Sooner or later they'll…wait, this could be good," Remy isolated one monitoring signal and piped it through the speakers. "Okay, listen."
"Did you get it?" Kurt's anxious voice came in loud and clear.
"Yep," Jamie answered back. "One picture of Bobby dancing around wearing his spaceship and rocket ship pajamas as promised."
"Great!" Sounds of money being exchanged were heard. "What about Sam?"
"He was trickier, but I finally managed to scan his scrapbook," Jamie reported. "Do you want the toddler pictures of him dressed up as a squirrel, a duck or a winged pony?"
"All of them," Kurt laughed. "Man, these are great! Just wait till I show these to Kitty and Scott! That will get those guys back for posting those baby pictures of me using my tail as a pacifier!"
"Oh is good!" Pyro cackled. "Are you recording this?"
"Oh yeah," Remy grinned.
"What about the video showing…you know?" Kurt asked.
"Oh that. It was really hard to find, but I was able to get it," Jamie said. "Here, I have it on the computer. Watch this!"
"Awww, no fair!" Pyro cried. "We can't see what's going on!"
"Oh yes we can," Remy smirked and began working the control board.
"But how?" Piotr asked. "We only placed listening devices at the mansion."
"Yeah, but Sabes bugged their phone, cable and internet lines," Remy grinned. "Not to mention all the satellite dishes and antennas they have running into that place. That means we can monitor their computers and see what they're looking up."
"Really? That's great!" Pyro laughed. "You're a genius!"
"Well yeah, but actually Mags is the one who set it up," Remy admitted. "It's based on the same system that companies and schools use to see what's going on for all their networked computers."
"Here it is," Pyro eagerly leaned forward. "Let's what they're looking at…HELLO!"
"Oh my," Piotr's eyes went wide.
"Okay, I'm impressed," Remy whistled. "I have to admit that boy has taste."
"I'll say," Pyro drooled. "That's the second biggest, tastiest rack of barbequed pork ribs I've ever seen! Look, they even give the recipe!"
"Make sure we record it. We can try it out the next time we make ribs," Piotr said.
"Already done," Remy worked the control board. "I can't wait to try that recipe out!"
"No wonder he wanted that video," Piotr noted. "It made me hungry just watching it."
"That was great!" Pyro giggled. "Who else can we spy on over there?"
"Well let's see," Remy flipped through the various signals. "From the sound of things someone's rummaging through the kitchen, a femme is on a phone talking about clothes, the Ice boy is playing a computer game…oh wait! Looks like somebody is in the Danger Room!"
"How do you know that?" Piotr asked. "We did not put any listening devices in the Danger Room."
"Yeah, but since we bugged their computers Mags set it up so we have access to their security cameras," Remy grinned working the control board. "Too bad most of them are off unless the weapon systems are activated. Ah, here we go."
"So that's the Danger Room, huh?" Pyro watched as Remy brought the video up on the main screen. "Wow, they have even more lasers than we do! Who's all in there?"
"Looks like that Cyclops fool, the telekinetic red head and Wolverine," Remy said.
"They are very good," Piotr noted as he watched the X-Men take out the laser cannons. "The lasers do not seem to be much of a challenge."
"Well we can fix that," Remy grinned evilly and began typing on the control board.
"What are you doing?" Piotr looked at him in confusion.
"Changing the level of their training scenario," Remy replied casually.
"What?" Piotr blinked.
"Hey, what's going on?" Scott yelled on screen as a huge flailing wrecking ball appeared along with several dozen missile launchers.
"Danger Room Level 18 initiated." They heard the X-Mansion computer announce.
"LEVEL 18?" Jean shouted. "How did it…LOOK OUT!"
"What the…YEEEOOOWWWWWW! THOSE ELECTIC TENTACLES HURT!" Logan yelled.
"WATCH OUT FOR THE FLAMETHROWERS!" Jean flew around in panic.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Scott screamed.
"Oh man! This is hilarious!" Pyro cackled as he watched the X-Men frantically scramble around while trying not to die. "Can we record this?"
"Already got it running," Remy smirked while viewing the action. "Ooo, healing factor or not, that's gotta hurt."
"How did you do that?" Piotr frowned.
"I just tapped into their control settings for a second and made the slightest little change," Remy grinned. "Amazing the difference one digit can make, huh?"
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Scott screamed as he was grabbed by a giant robotic arm and lifted toward a large buzzsaw.
"SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!" Jean yelled while keeping several flaming tentacles at bay.
"I GOT IT…AAARRRGGGHHH!" Logan yelped as he was hit by an ice blast and got frozen to the wall.
"Ya just can't beat this kind of entertainment," Remy laughed. "We gotta remember to show this to Sabes. He'd love it!"
"Won't the X-Men find out that you broke into their system?" Piotr asked.
"Not if I made it look like a prank by having the command come from somewhere else first. Such as a different computer on their network," Remy smirked. "Man, is that Ice boy in for a surprise!"
"Wow Gambit. I didn't know you were this good with computers," Pyro commented as he continued to watch the screen.
"I'm not. Mags is the one who did all the work," Remy shrugged. "He came up with the ways to bypass the X-Men's security measures. He just never had a chance to try them out."
"Huh, wonder why?" Pyro said absently. "Yay! More fire robots! Go! Go! Go!"
"Maybe we should shut their program off now," Piotr ventured timidly.
"Are you kidding? We gotta see if they manage to survive the giant flaming…" Remy froze and quickly pressed the earpiece to his ear.
"Remy? Are you alright?" Piotr asked worriedly.
"Yes! This is it!" Remy turned and swiftly began working the control board once more.
"Yeah! Yeah…hey!" Pyro yelped as the video feed from the Danger Room switched off. "What happened? I wasn't done watching it yet!"
"Don't worry, the computer is still recording the video," Remy waved him aside. "But this is more important!"
"What is?" Piotr asked, confused.
"I found a way to override the local radio waves at Xavier's by using Mags' spy equipment and satellites," Remy explained while tuning in to a specific signal and pulling out a microphone. "The X-Men will think they are listening to some radio station when they will actually be listening to me."
"Okay," Piotr frowned. "But why would you want that?"
"Ooo, ooo, I know!" Pyro chirped. "You wanna impress that white-striped hair shelia! Am I right?"
"Well, yeah," Remy admitted. "I've been waiting all day for her to turn on a radio and she finally did." He indicated the radio music playing over the speakers. "Now is my chance to begin to win her over."
"But why not just go over to Xavier's and sing to her in person?" Piotr asked.
"Because every time she sees me she tends to keep her true emotions to herself," Remy said. "This way I can get a real, bona fide reaction and know how she really feels about me."
"And you'll be out of pounding distance in case she tries to beat you up," Pyro added.
"That too," Remy didn't miss a beat. "Unfortunately, the signal is coming from the mansion's living room so she might not be alone. But that's a risk I'm willing to take!"
"But…" Piotr stopped as Remy waved him off. He held a strange handheld device to his mouth. He waited for the song on the radio to end and turned on the microphone. "Hey all you fine music lovers out there! Have we got a treat for you today!" The device made Remy's voice sound like a radio DJ's. "Up next is a song dedicated to a certain mutant Southern Belle sung by the Prince of Thieves himself!"
"WHAT?" Rogue's voice could be heard shouting over the speakers.
"This is for you chérie." Remy turned off the device and tapped a command on the control board. A selection of music began to play as he leaned into the microphone. "I'm making believe, that you're in my arms! Though I know you're so far away!"
"Oh dear," Piotr groaned as he watched Remy croon into the microphone. "Let us hope that microphone does not pick up what we are hearing on the speakers.
"What's going on? Who is that?" Kitty's voice was heard.
"This is not happening," Rogue let out a loud groan.
"Making believe, I'm talking to you! Wish you could hear what I say!" Remy sang dramatically.
"No need to do that anymore," Pyro quipped. "She's hearing you loud and clear."
"Somebody turn off that stupid radio!" Rogue yelled.
"Why? Is this song meant for you?" Sam was heard asking.
"Who's singing it?" Kitty asked.
"NO ONE!" Rogue shouted.
"And here in the gloom, of my lonely room! We're dancing like I know you do!" Remy began to waltz around with the microphone. "Making believe is just another way of dreaming, so till my dreams come true! I'll whisper 'Good night', turn out the light and kiss my pillow, making believe it's you!"
"Oh no," Piotr moaned and covered his ears. "I did not need to hear that."
"Man, that song was weird," Ray said.
"It was pretty nice," Kitty was heard next. "In a weird, creepy sort of way."
"Rogue? Rogue? Are you blushing?" Amara asked.
"NO I AM NOT!" Rogue yelled. "AAARRRGGGHHH! I AM GOING TO KILL THE LOWDOWN CREEP WHO SANG THAT!"
"Hey, that's the shelia that makes fire! I wanna sing to her too!" Pyro squealed and swiped the microphone from Remy.
"Hey! I'm not done yet!" Remy tried to nab it back.
"Too late! Now it's my turn!" Pyro held up the voice-changing device while quickly working on the control board. "Hey there! Here's another song dedicated to a certain female, fire-making mutant!"
"Huh?" Amara's voice sounded confused. "Is he talking about me?"
"Oh no," Rogue moaned. "Not that maniac too!"
"Here it goes!" Pyro finished on the control board and turned off the voice-changing device just as another selection of music began to play. He began to sing into the microphone. "I just wanna set the world on fire! And I wanna start a flame in your heart!"
"Oh brother," Remy rolled his eyes. "What a line!"
"You have to admit, he is quite good," Piotr remarked.
"In my heart I have but one desire!" Pyro sang cheerfully. "And that one is you! No other will do!"
"Oh my." The Acolytes could practically hear Amara blushing over the speakers.
"Is this a joke?" Roberto asked in disbelief.
"If only," Rogue groaned.
"My blaze has ignition! The world is aflame! And I wanna be the one you love!" Pyro happily danced around while singing his heart out. "And with your admission that you feel the same! I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of, believe me!"
"Dreams big, doesn't he?" Remy quipped.
"Who is this guy?" Sam was heard asking in shock.
"Trust me, you don't want to know," Rogue muttered.
"He does have a nice voice," Kitty commented. "And he sounds kinda familiar…"
"I just wanna set the world on fire! And I wanna start a flame, a flame in your heart!" Pyro finished with a flourish.
"Okay, that's enough!" Remy walked up and tried to take back the microphone. "Back to me!"
"No! No! No! I wanna keep singing!" Pyro whined and flicked the microphone off.
"Too bad! It's my turn again!" Remy snapped. "Now give it!"
"No!" Pyro shouted. "Hey, I got an idea! How about we both sing together?"
"What? No way!" Remy took another swipe. "I sing alone. It's the only way to really win over a femme."
"That no-good, rotten, sneaking Cajun," Rogue was heard grumbling over the speakers. "Having the nerve to sing that trash over the air…"
"See? She likes me!" Remy beamed.
"Huh?" Piotr blinked. "But she just said she hated you."
"Yeah, but she's around other people right now so she's hiding her true emotions by saying the opposite of what she really feels," Remy glowed. "That means she really likes me!"
"Oh boy," Piotr groaned. "And I thought Pyro was crazy."
"Now give me that mike!" Remy turned his attention back to Pyro.
"No! I'm singing again and there's nothing you can do about it!" Pyro snapped and selected another song. "If you wanna change your mind and join in that's fine with me!"
"Forget it!" Remy huffed.
"Suit yourself," Pyro turned on the microphone as music began to play once again. "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!"
"Oh great! Now they're doing a song I actually like!" Rogue groaned.
"Really?" Remy blinked and quickly moved next to Pyro. "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore!"
"I will never understand these people," Piotr moaned as Pyro held out the microphone so it was shared equally between him and Remy.
"Will someone please turn off the stupid radio?" Rogue yelled.
"Not until you tell us who these guys are," Kitty said.
"ICECUBE!" Logan's voice roared over the speakers. "THERE YOU ARE! YOU THINK THAT LITTLE PRANK OF YOURS WAS FUNNY?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Bobby was heard gulping very nervously.
"Don't try and play dumb with us Bobby?" Scott yelled. "We traced the original command signal back to your computer!"
"You are in big trouble mister!" Jean shouted. "JUST LOOK AT MY HAIR!"
"What? But I didn't do anything…AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Bobby screamed.
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Scott yelled.
"Wow, this is starting to get embarrassing," Amara commented on the singing.
"Man, they'll put anybody on the radio these days," Ray commented.
"Rogue? Are you blushing again?" Kitty asked.
"SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!" Rogue yelled.
"What the flaming heck is going on in here?" Sabertooth appeared in the doorway.
"Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling! Ting-a-ling-a-ling! And you'll sing 'Vita bella'!" Remy and Pyro sang at the top of their lungs with their arms draped around each other's shoulders while swaying in unison. "Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay! Tippy-tippy-tay! Like a gay tarantella!"
"Uh," Piotr began. "Well, you see what is happening is…"
"Forget it!" Sabertooth did an about face and quickly walked away. "I don't wanna know!"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the songs "I'm Making Believe", "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" or "That's Amore".