Summary: Logan is forced to play Santa for the day and when he doesn't take to the role as he should Kitty, Jubilee and Ororo take it upon themselves to change his attitude. FF/M Tickle Fic
Warning for some swear words. ;)
"Aw c'mon! How 'bout I shoot a claw through my own head?! Or ya can make me eat Twinkies until I puke! Anything, but this!" Logan practically whined as he glared down at the bright red Santa suit currently spread out over his bed. Ororo was smirking back at him, looking more than pleased with herself.
"Sorry, Logan, but a bet's a bet. We need a Santa, and Piotr has taken ill and won't be able to do it this year. Besides, it's only for one day." Wolverine groaned and shook his head.
"Ya can't possibly think that I'm cut out for this. I mean, who in their right mind would think that I'd be good around kids?"
"Obviously the man who gave you a home here at this school has faith in you. And I think if you really tried then you would see that too," she looked so sure of herself that Logan hated to shoot her down, but he knew himself better than that.
"That's cute an' all, but really, ya got the wrong..."
"It's time you helped us give back to the community, and there will be no talking your way out of this one. My mind is made up," Ororo placed her hands on her hips, which Logan knew was her way of showing that she was dead serious and not taking no for an answer.
"Rrrrrr...fine. But only fer you," the feral man growled with a defeated slump of his shoulders as Ororo reached over and placed a soothing hand on his forearm.
"Thank you, Logan, and cheer up. It won't be that bad. You might even have fun," she smiled, receiving a typical grunt in reply.
"Hmph. Fuckin' doubt it," he muttered then gave a yelp as she poked a ticklish spot on his ribs.
"Not with that attitude you won't. I suggest changing your tune when you get to the venue. Be there tomorrow morning by 9am. That's when the kids arrive. See you tomorrow," Ororo gave him a quick peck on the cheek before continuing on her way, leaving a less than happy Wolverine mumbling curses under his breath.
"...Fuck. The things I get myself into," he growled after a minute as he gathered up the suit.
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The next morning...
"Thank you for helping out again this year, girls. I couldn't do it without you," Ororo smiled as she set up the camera into the correct position for the photo ops.
She, of course, was dressed as Mrs. Claus while Kitty and Jubilee donned their own elf outfits to serve as her helpers and make sure everything went smoothly.
They had spent the last few hours transforming the center of the local mall into a miniature North Pole and it was less than ten minutes until the kids were scheduled to arrive.
"Anytime, Ororo!" Kitty piped back as she fluffed up some of the fake snow strewn around the area.
"Yeah, I love doing this! Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year!" Jubilee added before looking around, "But, um, where's our Santa?"
"Didn't you say you actually got Logan to agree to fill the position? Where is he? I'd love to know how you did that by the way," Kitty laughed as Ororo frowned slightly.
"He'll be here. He would never let us down like this," Ororo reassured them though having a little bit of doubt in the back of her mind. Almost as if on cue Logan finally showed up dressed in full Santa gear from head to toe, though he hadn't put the fake beard on yet.
He shuffled up to the three women, looking just as annoyed as he did when Ororo had last seen him.
"Aw Logan, you came!" Kitty squealed as she attacked him with a hug followed by Jubilee.
"You're the best, Wolvie!" She shouted gleefully before her nose caught the scent of something as she sniffed at the man a little, her eyes widening.
"Logan! Have you been drinking?!"
"Heh, caught me," he smirked as he reached into one of the pockets on his coat and pulled out a flask of whiskey.
"Give me that!" Ororo scoffed as she immediately snatched it out of his hand to confiscate it, making the man only shrug.
"Don't worry," he reached into his other pocket pulling out a similar flask, "I brought a back up." The three women just glared back at him disapprovingly as Logan got defensive.
"Hey ya couldn't expect me to do this thing completely sober!"
"Actually that is exactly what I expected you to do! Logan, we're dealing with children here. What are they going to think about a boozed up Santa?" Ororo raised her voice while waving her hands around in the air.
"Yeah, as far as they know all Santa eats is milk and cookies," Kitty raised a brow as she shook her head.
"Take it easy, my healin' factor is already killin' my buzz anyways. They won't know jack shit."
"And that's another thing, absolutely no cursing in front of the kids!" The white haired woman stood over the shorter man as she pointed a finger into his face, making him smirk again.
"I'll try."
"Logan..."
"Whaddya want from me?! I told ya I wasn't cut out fer this! If I'm that bad then why don'tcha find yerself another Santa Clause?" Ororo was about to retort, but the kids were already beginning to arrive and she closed her mouth. There was no time to find a replacement now.
"Just behave, ok?"
"Oh, I'll be a fuckin' saint," Logan grinned as Ororo gave an exasperated sigh and then went over to greet the kids with Kitty in tow. He took a sip from his flask; the flavor of the alcohol making him sigh in contentment before tucking it back into his pocket.
"Hey, Wolvie, so how'd Ororo manage to get you to agree to this? What was the bet between you two anyways?" Jubilee asked, making Logan let out a muffled growl.
"I bet her that she couldn't chug a beer faster'n me. Damn woman's got a throat big as the Grand Canyon," he shook his head in slight amusement as Jubilee then poked at the large protrusion underneath the front of his coat.
"Put on a few pounds, huh? Really letting yourself go in your old age," she smiled and got a crooked grin back.
"It's a pillow. Santa's s'posed to be fat, ain't he?" Jubilee nodded in reply as Logan took out the fake white beard and strapped it into position over his mouth.
"Well I appreciate your effort in that sense. But remember that Santa is supposed to be jolly also."
"Yeah yeah, I'll work on it. No promises though. Alright, lets get this over with," he grumbled as he strode over to the big chair that had been set up for him, not really looking forward to having a bunch of kids jumping on and off his lap all day.
The first couple hours went by and Logan had remained less than cheerful, but so far no major incidents had occurred. He was far from enjoying himself though; his stubbornness keeping him from getting out of the mindset he was in.
The line seemed endless as the kids came and went, and Logan found himself glancing up at the clock every few minutes. Time just wasn't moving fast enough for his liking.
"...And I want a bicycle, and a pony, and a...," the six year old girl that was currently on his knee rambled on as Logan sat there with his chin in his palm, pretending like he was listening.
"Uh huh. Uh huh. That's great kid, yeah, a pony, sure. Whatever." The little girl beamed happily as she jumped off his lap and ran over to where her mother stood with Ororo to collect their photo.
After she left, Logan shook his head and reached into his coat pocket to pull out his flask for a quick drink as Kitty gasped and immediately began to scold him.
"Logan! Put that away! You can't be drinking that in front of the kids!"
"Relax, darlin', it's just a sip. 'Sides," he turned the flask towards her to show where he had used a marker to write the word 'MILK' in big letters on the side, "Told ya they won't know shit." He smirked as Kitty just sighed in frustration, guiding the next kid over to him.
He was an older kid, maybe 11 years old, and as he sat on Logan's lap he fixated his stare right into the man's eyes. Logan just stared right back with a brow raised until finally after a few long moments his patience was running thin and he growled.
"What's yer problem, kid? Why ya starin' at me like that?"
"You're not the real Santa," the boy said in a know-it-all tone of voice, agitating Logan's nerves even more.
"Oh yeah? An' what makes ya say that, ya lil' snot?" Logan asked while the kid seemed to disregard his last comment.
"If you were the real Santa then you would already know what I wanted for Christmas." Wolverine grinned big time, seeing the chance to have a little fun at this brat's expense.
"Oh, but I do. In fact, I got it right here. Why don't ya come over here an' take a look in my sack?" The kid tilted his head curiously as he climbed off of Logan's lap and walked around to the side where a big red bag sat filled with empty boxes that had been gift wrapped.
Logan leaned over in his chair and began to rummage through the bag.
"Ah, here it is. That look like it?" Logan put his hand on the kid's back as he pushed him closer to reveal his set of adamantium claws sticking out of his other hand, though keeping out of sight of the parents. The kids eyes widened in fear as he looked up into Logan's face.
"Yer right. I ain't the real Santa Clause. But if ya tell any o' the other kids that then I swear ya won't be around to see yer next birthday. Got it, punk?" The kid quickly shook his head before letting out a whimper as he ran off of the platform.
"Merry Christmas!" Logan called after him with a sardonic grin, looking up to see that Kitty had witnessed the whole thing as she just stared at him in disbelief. He simply shrugged, feeling absolutely no guilt.
"Next!" He shouted before mumbling under his breath, "Lets keep this shit show going." Kitty glared at him again, but he didn't notice this time.
Jubilee walked over holding hands with a small boy who couldn't have been more than four years old as she picked him up and placed him on Logan's knee.
"So what can ol' Santa get ya fer Christmas, kid?" The little boy just stared back at him with a blank expression and wide eyes. Logan tried another approach.
"How 'bout a football or a pair o' skates or...shit, what are kids into these days...I know, an Ipad." Still the boy said nothing and just kept staring at him, draining the rest of Logan's attempts to play nice as he got a little frustrated.
"Well? What the hell do ya want, kid?" Logan said just a little too gruffly as the boy broke down and started bawling in his lap much to the man's annoyance.
"Aw fer cryin' out...'Ro! Come get this kid, wouldja?" He tossed his hands up in the air as Ororo hurried over and scooped the boy away from Logan, returning him to his waiting mother. Luckily the woman had been far enough away and hadn't heard Wolverine snap at her kid, assuming that he was just scared of being left alone with a stranger.
That was where the line cut off for now so the four of them could all go take a break. It was after noon and a sign was put out saying that Santa had gone for a milk and cookie break, but would be back in an hour.
Logan immediately stood and headed for the backstage area as the three women all looked at one another and shook their heads, resetting the platform and getting the camera ready for the next batch of kids. When they finished they all went to the back room as well so they could sit down and relax before they had to come back out.
When they go there they found Logan passed out in a chair with his arms crossed and his feet up on the small table as he snored lightly. He'd removed the fake beard, probably so he could finish off that booze that he had from the now empty flask laying on the floor beside him.
He was a pretty heavy sleeper and didn't even twitch when they came into the room; the alcohol probably contributing to that.
"Maybe I should have got someone else to do this. He's just too stubborn when he's in one of his moods," Ororo frowned, regretting her choice, "I mean, it's not that hard. All he needs to do is smile a little."
After a few moments Jubilee grinned, giving a knowing glance to Kitty before she too was sharing in the grin.
"Hehe, I think I know a way. C'mon, help me move him. He's heavy..."
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When Logan woke up a short while later he found himself staring up at the ceiling and realized that he was now laying on the floor. He figured he must've somehow fallen out of the chair in his sleep and went to sit up. But he couldn't.
He discovered that his arms and legs were wrapped up with some of the leather straps that had been used to decorate the fake reindeer on the set and they were secured to two support beams in the room, stretching him out.
"The fuck is goin' on?" Logan growled loudly and tried to pull down his arms, finding no give in the restraints.
"Oh goody! He's awake!" He heard before looking over to see Kitty, Ororo and Jubilee approaching him.
"What're ya guys doin' to me? Let me go right now!" When he saw who was behind this it dropped his anger level down a little to just being annoyed. He'd never be angry enough with his female companions to trigger his berserker rage.
That meant no claws would be coming out, nor would he be able to summon the amount of strength needed to pull free of the thick leather straps. He was stuck for now.
"Not so fast, compadre. We noticed that you haven't been very happy today and thought we'd fix that for you," Jubilee smirked as Logan cocked an eyebrow.
"Ya think tyin' me up is somehow gonna make me happy? That is the craziest idea I've ever...," he faded out as he realized that they had all gathered around beside him on the floor and the grins on their faces alerted him that they were up to something.
"I wouldn't say it's too crazy," Jubilee said as she swiftly undid the buttons on his coat and removed the pillow he'd had stuffed inside before tossing it over her shoulder, "You won't be needing this."
"Indeed. I'm afraid you've left us no choice, Logan. We need to lighten your mood a bit." Wolverine was still confused as Ororo spread his jacket open a little more, revealing the off-white wife beater that he wore beneath; his chest and stomach muscles visible through the thin shirt.
"An' just how the hell're ya plannin' on doin' that?"
"Hey Loooogan," Kitty called in a sing-song voice to get his attention as he turned his head, looking more than un-amused with his situation.
"What is it, darlin'?"
"I was just wondering...I mean, it's been a little while so forgive my memory, but...you're still super ticklish, right?" An instant flinch broke onto Logan's face as he now realized what was about to happen to him.
"Am I still WHAT?!" Before he knew it, Kitty had mounted him to sit on his thighs to hold him down with him shaking his head frantically. She didn't weigh a whole heck of a lot for a guy like him, but in her position she had leverage on her side and would easily be able to keep him in place.
"N...No! No ticklin'! Seriously, don't! Ya know I can't take that shi...Aaaggh!" He yelped as she gave him a good squeeze around the waist to shut him up.
"Sorry, Wolvie, but we need a happy Santa, and currently you haven't been fitting the part. As a matter of fact you've been quite the bad Santa," Jubilee tsked him with a wag of her finger while Logan got to protesting.
"Then get someone else! Any asshole could do this lame ass...No. No, wait! I'll try harder! Really! Please, no! No, I...errrgggh!" He grit his teeth to hold it all in as Kitty's fingers began skittering up and down his sides. He was going to fight it as best as he could and not give them what they wanted.
Logan writhed around as she slowly dragged her manicured fingernails down his sides before lightly digging them between his ribs. A giggle or two escaped him, but other than that he was so far succeeding in keeping quiet.
"Awww, it's so cute when he tries not to laugh," Jubilee snickered teasingly as she joined in, using her fingertips to scratch wildly all over the plane of his belly. The feral began to squirm even harder with the chuckles now becoming more frequent, though he'd manage to hold them back for short periods.
"Huh...heh...ehehe...nnnghhh...qui...quihit it!" The girls only increased the speed of the tickling, knowing they'd get through to him eventually.
"Come on, Logan! Lets hear those Ho Ho Hos!"
"Yeah! Laugh, you old Scrooge you!"
"We're just going to keep tickling until you do!"
"Tickletickletickle! Coochie coochie coo, Mr. Grinch!"
"Haha! Look! He's turning red! Just let it out, Logan. You know you want to..." The combination of all the teasing and Jubilee sliding her fingers up to the sides of his chest, finding that really sensitive spot just below the armpits finally got Wolverine to break despite his best efforts.
"Gggaahahahahaha! Noohohooo stahap! Stopihihiiit!" Logan laughed uncontrollably as he wriggled and twisted, trying desperately to pull his arms free with the girls just giggling at his frantic reactions.
"There you go, Wolvie! Guess we just needed to find the right spot, huh?" Jubilee grinned as she drilled her fingers further into his armpits, making the man shriek and hilariously flop his upper body around.
"AHAA! Ahahahahahaa! No...No more! Lemme gohohohooo! Shihihit, that ticklehehehels!"
"Good, that means we're doing it right. Not that it's hard with you," Kitty teased, lifting his shirt a little to scribble her fingers along his bare stomach with Logan already beginning to tear up from laughing so hard.
"Yeah, I think we'd have a harder time trying NOT to tickle him," Jubilee said, making the three women all laugh at how true that was. This wasn't Logan's first rodeo; the two girls had tickled him many times before this.
They had accidentally discovered how ticklish he was when attempting to retrieve the television remote he'd stuffed inside his shirt after refusing to change the channel from the hockey game he was watching. Needless to say Logan had been forced to watch American Idol that night instead.
Normally when the girls got it in their head to tickle him Wolverine wouldn't be restrained and could at least curl up and use his arms to defend himself. Now in this position he felt completely vulnerable and it had him feeling more ticklish than ever.
He wasn't usually able to escape unless they allowed him to, but at least he would have more of a fighting chance than he did right now. The rock hard muscles of his body were completely useless to him since they grew beneath the ticklish layer of skin that needed the protecting.
That was something they endlessly loved to tease him about.
"Hehe, too funny. All these muscles and you can still be taken down from a little tickling," Kitty laughed as she tickled his heaving stomach for a moment more and then moved on to attacking his kidney area.
"Seriously! He can go from a snarling ferocious killer to a helpless giggly bundle of adorableness in just seconds," Jubilee cooed at him, back to tickling that one spot on the sides of his chest.
"Guhuhuys! This ain't faahaahaaair! Uhuntie meeheehahahahaa!" Logan was able to twist at the waist to one side, succeeding in guarding one set of ribs, but leaving the other totally defenseless.
"Aww, but Logan, you're just too fun to tickle! We can't let you go yet!" Furiously wiggling fingers plunged into the exposed armpit and ribs as Logan howled and rolled onto his other side, setting himself up all over again.
"Oho! Ohohoho stohohohop! Pleheheheease! I caahaan't take no mohohore o' this!" He was surprised when they did stop, letting him swallow down some air before Kitty leaned over and peered down into his flushed red face.
"So Logan, are you going to be a good boy now and be the jolliest Santa anyone's ever seen?" She smiled down at him as Logan caught his breath before scowling at her.
"...If ya think a lil' ticklin' is gonna magically change my mind theHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Logan erupted with screaming laughter as the girls dove right into some of his most sensitive areas; his lower ribs and under his arms.
"Not a little tickling, a LOT of tickling! Guess you've left us no choice, we're just going to have to tickle you to death!" Kitty declared with a wink at Jubilee as their victim rolled around in ticklish agony with streaks of tears already on his cheeks.
He tried with what strength he had left to pull free of his restraints, though unfortunately he was feeling about as strong as a newborn baby right now. Being tickled was one of his greatest weaknesses, though he had to count his blessings that only few knew about it.
He was seriously considering tapping out right about now, though he was still holding out in the hopes that they would give up soon and leave him alone.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door to the small room they were currently in and before they could answer the door was opened. The girls immediately stopped tickling Logan and turned their heads to see who it was.
"Hello, ladies. And Logan. Just wanted to see how the whole Santa meet and greet was going," Jean poked her head through the cracked open door with a smile before her face turned to confusion when she noticed Wolverine all tied up.
"Sorry, did I interrupt a staff meeting or something?"
"Sort of, my friend. See, Logan isn't being a very nice Santa so we're just trying to lighten his mood. You know, just trying to get him laughing a bit," Ororo smiled as Jean looked over to Logan for a more clear explanation.
"Je...Jean...help me...they're gonna kill me...," Logan pleaded, desperate for any type of assistance to get him out of this.
He could feel her peek into his mind and before he could stop her she had seen all the events that had happened that morning, which was mainly Logan's bad behavior up to his current position. She felt not one ounce of sympathy for him after that and gave him a disappointed look, right before an evil smile appeared on her face.
"Ahaha! No! Noho stop! Stop! Bahahahahahaa!" Logan suddenly exploded into frantic laughter and squirming, confusing the girls because they didn't even have their hands near him at the time. It was only then that they noticed Jean grinning and realized that she was using her telekinesis to tickle the feral with unseen hands.
"Don't forget, ladies...he's really ticklish right below his hip bones," she winked, having indulged herself in Logan's sensitive spots in the past as they all laughed along with him.
A few moments later, Logan had stopped laughing and was panting for air again as he glared over in the direction of the red-headed woman.
"Y...You...You crazy broad...," he sputtered out; his loss of words making her smile as she placed her hand on her hip.
"As if you don't deserve it. I have the right mind to stay here and give them a hand," she threatened him, making the girls jump up to concur with her.
"Yes, stay Jean!"
"Yeah, stay! It'll be fun!"
"It's quite tempting, but I'm afraid I have other matters to attend to. Was definitely worth making a stop here though. I know you girls will set the old man straight," she gave one last invisible tickle to Logan's sides, laughing at the squealing sound he made and then ducking back out through the door.
Kitty and Jubilee picked up from there and were once again tickling all over Logan's upper body as he shouted obscenities and thrashed about. Soon enough though he was laughing too hard to make that much of a fuss.
"Aren't you going to help, Ororo?" Kitty turned and looked up at the older woman, who shook her head.
"No, I think you two are doing a good enough job. Besides, we don't want to kill him. Maybe we'll give him a little break though," Ororo smiled as the girls nodded and left the man panting for air.
"S...Soon as ya...lemme up...I'm...I'm outta here...an' ya can't...stop me..."
"Oh, you want to pull that tough guy act with me, huh? Very well. Lets see how tough you really are," Ororo grinned as she scooted over along the floor towards his feet. Logan then felt her removing his big black boots and he panicked.
"Wait, don't! Don't do it! I'm not tough! I'll stay! I'll stay!"
"I thought you didn't want to kill him, Ororo?" Kitty laughed, knowing that was the game changer as his feet were his ultimate weak spot.
"I changed my mind," Ororo winked as she got both the boots off, revealing his twitching socked feet that Logan tried desperately to pull free.
"Hold on! Wait 'Ro, please! I'll do anything ya ask! Anything! Just not the feet!" Logan pleaded and squirmed around nervously while the two girls just watched in amusement. That was until Jubilee looked down at her watch.
"Oh shoot! We're supposed to be back out there in ten minutes! Better wrap this up!"
"Very well. So Logan, what's it going to be? Are you going to cooperate now and be a jolly Santa for the kids? Or would you rather I spend the next several minutes tickling your toes?" Ororo grinned as she lightly pinched the pinkie toe on his socked foot and wiggled it around; even that small touch getting the best of him.
"Hehehe...No, I'll doohoo it. I'll be nice t...to the kids. I prohohomise. Just...no more," he giggled and nodded his head in compliance, seeming to satisfy his teammate as she released his toe.
"I'm glad to hear it, Logan. Though can't say I'm not a little disappointed that I didn't get to do...THIS!" Her fingers quickly spidered up and down his soles, making Logan throw his head back and roar with deep, bellowing laughter until she stopped a moment later.
"I suppose that will tide me over for now," she chuckled as the girls got to work untying the humbled Wolverine, while she went to gather his boots, beard and pillow for under his coat. He sat up with a blush on his cheeks, but still managed a 'thank you' as Ororo handed him back his belongings.
"So no more bad Santa, right Wolvie?" Jubilee asked, giving him a nudge and receiving a sigh in reply.
"Yeah, ya win. I'll do better. Long as ya three keep yer hands to yerself fer the rest o' the day." Despite it he seemed to be more relaxed as he got back into full Santa attire and waited for his cue to return back onto the platform.
They all still seemed surprised that Wolverine was true to his word and had completely changed his attitude. He showed more patience with the kids without once snapping at any of them, playing the best Santa he possibly could manage complete with Ho-Ho-Hos and and wishing every child a genuine Merry Christmas.
Ororo especially was delighted with the change, thinking that perhaps their threats alone weren't what had got his demeanor to improve. As she watched him interact with the kids she got the feeling that Logan's act really wasn't an act at all. He really did seem to be in a much better mood.
His eyes were bright and the smile on his face wasn't forced as he spoke gently to a little boy; the both of them laughing as Logan bounced him on his knee before sending him on his way. He looked up and noticed Ororo watching him as he smirked and rolled his eyes a little, trying to act like he wasn't having as much fun as he made out.
Ororo just smiled back at him before his attention was taken away by the next excited kid walking up to him. She felt a lot better, realizing that her choice for the rough around the edges Wolverine to play as Santa really hadn't been such a bad choice after all.
I will probably write an Epilogue for this! There's still a little more I want to write! :D
Anyways, I fucking LOVE the movie Bad Santa! (I didn't think Bad Santa 2 was as good as the first, but lets not talk about that. lol) And I thought that if Wolverine were forced into playing Santa that he would act very similar. But of course he just needs a little tickling to get him to change his ways. ;)
I'm glad I got this done in time for Christmas day! I was a little worried that I wouldn't finish it on time. I hope the few people that read this find some enjoyment in it, and I wish you all a Merry Christmas!