Um, where to start... Well, this was a collaborative effort by both me (Kaze) and Kiara and I feel like I should be ashamed of it... But we really aren't. Er, hints of SasuNaru, KakaIru, ShinoKiba, GaaLee, GenRai, ShikaCho, ItaNeji, and I think that's it... Lots of OOCness... Um, oh, it's their birthday (Kiara and Kaze's/July 20th) and... enjoy! And review. Please.

Disclaimer: We don't own any of them. Just Kiara and Kaze.

Kiara and Kaze had always thought that their teammate, Sai, might have been gay. They were okay with it, but they weren't sure why he didn't ever say anything about it. Sure, he wore tight-fitting, sometimes revealing clothes and seemed to have an obsession with the male genitalia, but he never came out and said "I am gay." Of course, one day as they were contemplating their teammate, he said something that immediately made them realize that yes, he did prefer men.

"We should go to one of those gay bar things," Sai said one day, lounging on their couch and trying to draw. Kaze immediately coughed up her tea and Kiara set her cup down warily.

"Why?" Kiara asked slowly, eyeing their teammate in confusion.

"Naruto said that he and Sasuke always go to one, and suggested I come one day," Sai explained, his voice lacking inflection.

"Wait, when did Sausy-chan and Naru-san start dating?" Kaze asked, having finished choking on her tea. She and Kiara had been the first ones to know about Sasuke's preferences and his confusing crush on his teammate. Naruto had tackled Kaze one day to inform her that he had realized he was also gay, without knowing Sasuke's preferences beforehand. Both girls had been trying to get their friends together, but had so far been unsuccessful, they'd thought.

"I think last week," Sai said, still sounding uninterested. "But he said the gay bar is a perfect place to pick up guys, a lot of them are supposed to be "cute" or something."

"You do realize that we have no reason to go into a gay bar," Kiara began, still trying to decide if Sai had officially been knocked over his head one too many times.

"You two like guys," Sai said, obviously not understanding.

"Yes, we do," Kaze began, narrowing her eyes as she tried to think of a way to explain it to her teammate. "However, all the guys there will be liking other guys."

"But you two aren't girls, you aren't pretty enough," Sai said. Kiara's eye twitched in annoyance as Kaze flipped the couch Sai was lounging on, dumping him onto the floor and pinning him under the couch. "Ow?"

"We are girls, Sai," Kaze said, trying not to actually hit him.

"What do you mean?"

"We have boobs," Kiara stated, watching Sai try to pull himself out from under the couch.

"And a lack of penises," Kaze continued bluntly.

"Really?" Sai asked, dusting himself off after successfully crawling out from under the couch.

"Yea, really," both girls said, sighing and shaking their heads.

"I don't believe you," Sai said, frowning at them.

"You try to make sure and you will lose all mobility," Kaze threatened as Kiara nodded seriously.

"But a bar would be fun!" Sai said, deciding to return to his earlier argument. "I think you two would have fun, even if everyone in there has already decided you aren't good enough for them."

"Sai?" Kiara asked, dropping her head onto the loveseat arm. He looked at her in question and she continued, "Do you want to lose the use of your vocal cords?"

"Not really," Sai said, shaking his head and backing away from Kaze as she moved closer. "But I don't want to go by myself!" Sai whined.

"Ask Naru-san to go with you," Kaze ordered, dismissing him with a wave.

"He's going with Sasuke," Sai said.

"Lee?" Kiara suggested.

"Ew," Sai said, actually cringing at the thought.

"I kind of agree with him there," Kaze said. "Ask Genma to go with you," she said.

"He's going with Raidou," Sai replied.

"I KNEW IT!" Kiara shouted, pumping her fist in victory. "How bout Neji?" She continued.

Kaze flipped the loveseat over, earning a squeal from Kiara as she fell to the ground and was pinned by the loveseat. "Suggest that again and you fly," Kaze threatened.

"I believe I can fly!" Kiara warbled loudly, pushing the loveseat off her and earning an odd look from Sai and Kaze.

"Okay… A little creepy…" Kaze said.

"I have a sudden urge to run away screaming," Sai said thoughtfully.

"Anyway, so Sausy-chan, Naru-san, Neji-sama *glare*, Raidou and Genma are all out," Kaze continued, glaring at Kiara as she mentioned Neji.

"What about Shino?" Kiara said.

"No, he's going out with Kiba," Kaze replied. Kiara gaped at her in shock. "What you didn't know?"

"K-Kiba-kun?" She wailed. "Why!"

"Cause Shino's awesome like that," Kaze replied, shrugging. "Anyway… Kashi-sensei?"

"With Iruka-sensei," Kiara replied, sighing sadly.

"Erm… Who else is there?" Kaze asked.

"Gaara-san?" Sai suggested.

"I think he's with Lee," Kiara said.

"Really? Why?" Kaze asked.

"What about Shikamaru-san?" Kiara asked, ignoring Kaze's question.

"He's going to the bar tonight with Choji," Sai said.

"Right, I remember that," Kaze said, sighing in defeat again.

"How about Itachi?" Sai asked. Kiara immediately jumped up from her place on the floor and punched him in the stomach. "Oh… Right… He's with Neji," Sai gasped in pain.

"I still don't understand that," Kaze said as Kiara cried silently in the corner.

"The only other people I can think of are Ibiki-" Sai began.

"Who's with Anko," Kaze said.

"But does that necessarily mean he's straight?" Kiara asked suspiciously. The three of them momentarily pictured Anko and shuddered in sympathy.

"Yea, I'd say so," Kaze said.

"Poor Ibiki," Kiara muttered.

"Asuma-" Sai continued.

"With Kurenai," Kiara said shaking her head.

"Gai-" Sai shuddered.

"Scary straight," Kaze replied, gagging slightly at the picture she'd momentarily received of Gai as a gay man.

"And Kankuro," Sai finished, shuddering again.

"He's kind of creepy," Kiara replied, shaking her head.

"Fine!" Kaze shouted, grabbing her jacket. "We'll go, you pain in the butt!"

"Yay!" Sai momentarily cheered. "You aren't going like that, right?" He asked, eyeing the girls' outfits.

Kiara looked down at her clothes and frowned at Sai. She and Kaze were wearing their normal outfits, and neither could understand why they couldn't wear them to a gay bar, especially since they weren't going to pick up guys.

"I will help you two, you're bound to have something acceptable in your closets," Sai sighed, walking up to their room and rummaging through their clothes.

When he was done with them, Kiara was wearing a low cut, green-sequined, black halter top. She had low sitting dark blue jeans and lace-up black boots with a four-inch heel. He had curled her hair neatly around her face and attacked her with makeup, successfully lining her eyes with black eyeliner, putting dark red lipstick on her lips and shimmery green eye shadow on her eye lids. He'd also forced her to paint her nails an emerald green as he attacked Kaze.

Kaze ended up in low-sitting black leather pants, a midriff bearing black halter top with dark red and purple sequins, and similar high-heeled, lace-up boots. Sai had lined her eyes in black also, pairing it with dark red eye shadow, dark red lipstick that was almost black, and ran purple coloring through her already multiple colored hair, successfully streaking it the additional color. He'd made her keep her hair down and paint her nails with black nail polish flecked with red.

The two girls wandered downstairs, trying to figure out why they had let Sai anywhere near them or their clothes. "He's a dead man," Kiara muttered darkly, tugging on her curly hair in agitation.

"This may be fun," Kaze said, trying desperately to convince herself. "Let's wait until afterwards to kill him."

Sai came down also, his clothes basically the same, just with added glitter and sequins. "Why do you get to stay in normal-ish clothes!" Kiara whined, pouting at Sai.

"Because I know what to expect," Sai said, fake-smiling at her.

"I hate you," Kiara said, turning away.

Sai ignored her and led the way, in the dimming twilight, to the gay bar Naruto had shown him. The three of them walked in to the heavy beat and the blinding strobe lights, pausing for a moment to look around before Naruto ran up to them. "Hey, you managed to convince them!" He laughed, eyeing Kiara and Kaze.

"Aren't you gay?" Kaze asked, pushing him to stop him from eyeing the already uncomfortable Kiara.

"Why yes, I am, but I'd be willing to change for her," Naruto said, winking at Kiara and causing her to blush in embarrassment.

"You both look amazing," Sasuke said, actually smiling at Kaze. Kaze just managed to not gape at him in surprise and instead cleared her throat. "Anyway, we got a table over here with Shino, Kiba, Kakashi, Iruka, Gaara, Lee, Shikamaru, and Choji." He waved in the general direction of the table and Kaze managed to pull her horrified gaze away from the "dancing" happening on the dance floor to see where he was pointing. The group waved happily and Kiara noticed uncomfortably, that she and Kaze were the only girls in the entire bar. Even the people working at the bar were guys.

"I'm a bit uncomfortable here," Kiara muttered to Kaze.

"Meh, we can survive an hour," Kaze said, again trying to convince herself. She and Kiara sat down at the table, though they noticed that nearly every guy was watching them walk. "Okay, maybe we can't survive an hour. This is really getting creepy."

"Too true," Kiara muttered, shying away from another guy's leering.

Kakashi stood up, grabbing Kaze's hand and leading her away as Iruka did the same for Kiara. Both girls tried to stay seated, but the winning smiles their former teachers gave them made them melt into gooey puddles of happiness, even if the two men were gay.

A couple hours later (yes, they did survive more than one hour) Kiara and Kaze had been conned into dancing with EVERY gay couple at the bar, much to their chagrin. They finally flopped down in their seats, their tops thankfully staying put, and ordered a few hard alcoholic drinks.

"Wait a second, you two aren't of legal age yet," Kakashi said, laughing.

"Actually, and I don't know why I have to explain this to the one teacher who actually tried everything in his power to get us drunk when we were twelve, but we are now of legal age, thank you very much," Kaze said, downing her drink and ordering another. Kiara followed suit and, before anyone had thought to stop them, both girls had basically inhaled four drinks each.

"When did you two turn legal age?" Iruka asked innocently, winking at Kakashi and ordering the girls yet another drink.

"Um…" Kaze said, pausing in her drinking and looking towards Kiara hesitantly.

"I don't know about you, but for some reason these drinks are severely lacking in alcohol," Kiara muttered, downing another drink and still able to see clearly. "But, go ahead and tell them, they'll figure it out eventually."

"It's not today, is it?" Shino asked, just as innocently as Iruka, watching Kaze choke on her drink.

"Wait a second…" Kaze said slowly, looking around at the guys.

"I have a feeling that these jerks just pulled one over on us," Kiara giggled, the low alcohol content of their drinks finally kicking in. "Weren't these supposed to be hard alcohol?"

"We decided to cut down on the alcohol since we didn't want you two drunk before the surprise!" Sai said, taking the place of Kakashi while Naruto took the place of Iruka.

"Where'd they go?" Kaze asked, the alcohol beginning to fog her brain.

"I don't know," Shino said, suddenly looking a lot like Hinata.

"Yea, they must have left or something," Shikamaru laughed in Ino's high voice.

"If you're trying to confuse us," Kiara began, looking around and setting her drink down, "it's definitely working."

A large cake was wheeled in, most of the dancers of the floor disappearing in little poofs of smoke and Kiara and Kaze spun around to watch it warily. After a few moments of silence, since the music was abruptly cut off, the top of cake flew off and Kakashi, Iruka, Shikamaru, Kiba, Sasuke, Shino, and Itachi all appeared in the middle of the cake, each shirtless and yelling "Happy Birthday!"

Kaze and Kiara tapped their lips with their forefingers, eyeing the seven guys thoughtfully. The seven paused, not sure if they were all about to get a lesson in flying until the two girls shared a glance.

"Hot shirtless guys popping out of cake," Kaze began.

"All the alcohol we can drink," Kiara continued.

"This is best birthday we've ever had," Both girls finished, launching themselves at the "cake".

The ending's kind of lame... So sue us. But it was fun. Oh, and yes, Sai definitely regretted taking the two to a "gay" bar. In case you werent sure: No, none of them are gay in this story, yes they did plan everything for Kiara and Kaze's birthday, which is why Sai fought so hard to get us there. So. There ya go!