Title: Passage
Summary: Filling in the 6 months between Reloaded and Revolutions.
A/N: Putting everything else on hold so I can start and finish this fic. Filling in the whole 6 months between M1 and M2. Be ready for a long fic. I wrote this at 2 in the morning so I'm sorry if it sucks. Oh…I'm Australian so Australian spelling is in this so don't flame for spelling. I do spellcheck.
Disclaimer: Not mine...obviously. Timeline: Set between M1 and M2
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Chapter 1
The blast of the EMP sends an unseen force over me. The sentinels drop onto the metal floor with a resounding clank. He's alive. He's the One and he isn't dead and I love him don't I? But I don't feel in control now. I'm just a spectator. I gently reach my up and brush his cheek and his eyes open revealing pools of brown. His gaze is met with mine and unspoken words flow between us. Our lips meet, a kiss of gentle passion. What the hell am I thinking? I hardly know Neo but then I realise I'm not thinking. My mind is gone, on an invisible shelf and my feelings take charge for once. Free your mind.
A cough resonates behind me and I turn my head to see that Morpheus is standing not too far away.
It all comes back to me. Waterfall. Feeling upon feeling cascading down and crashing into a puddle of emotion, the damage of which I will have to sort through later. Death. betrayal and most of all pain. If I could brake maybe at that moment I would. My heart shattering into tiny pieces, spiraling out of control into oblivion. Each shard a symbol of the feelings I have locked up inside but I won't allow it. I can't allow it. Why give up a habbit that you have kept for so long?
Blinking away invisible tears, I look at Morpheus and I see the pain that I am so sure would be seen in my face if I would allow it to show through. Control. It's all about control. Controlling your feelings eliminates weakness and one thing a soldier does not need is weakness. I gaze upon his dark face. My years of working with him allowing me to read his emotions like a book. The pain is intermingled with hope. A glimmer of light in a pool of dispair and I know who the glimmer is for. Neo. He's the One. I knew it all along even though I denied it for so long. But there was no denying it now. You could only deny something for so long.
"Are you two okay?" He asks, his brow furrowed in genuine concern.
"I am. Not sure about Neo though." I reply mechanically. Am I really okay? The answer to that would be no. But I can't let anyone know. I'll deal with it myself. I don't need anybody's pity. I can deal with my problems myself. Or can I?
"Neo, are you okay?" I ask.
"Yeah...I think so." He answers unsure of himself but I doubt he's okay. I mean who would be after dying and coming back to life and deleting an Agent?
Our eyes once again meet. Why does this feel so right? Just looking at him brings all these feelings I never knew I had to the surface but there isn't time for that now. For the second time I turn around and meet Morpheus's gaze and then I see Tank. Tank. Tank maybe lost the most out of all of us. Not only did he lose his friends but he lost a relative. A real relative. Something Morpheus, Neo and I don't have and will never have. But maybe that's a good thing. Having no one care about you deletes the possibility of people caring about what happens to you thus leading you to living your own life without anyone telling you what to do. Tank's facial expression is one of pain and loss. My eyes meet his wounds and I flinch. Charred flesh. Another reminder of that bastard Cypher. A burn on all of our minds. Forever imprinted. I look into his eyes once more and I slowly whisper an apology. No one should ever have to suffer that much loss in one day.
"We need to get back to Zion but I am at a loss to how. We have no power and I am not sure how far we are from the closest hovercraft." Morpheus speaks. His words bouncing from the metal. I look around and survey the damage. Metal scraps are piled onto sentinels which are piled on the floor of the Neb and then it hits me just how long this is going to take to fix. There's only four of us now. "Trinity, since the med bay has been damaged you can take Neo to your cabin and see what you can do for him. I will see what I can do for Tank."
I nod slowly and straighten myself. I move away from the loading chair and help Neo out of it.
"Thanks." he says.
"For what?" I ask slowly.
"Everything."
To that I have no reply. I can't even explain what I did. How the hell are you meant to explain something so bizarre as bringing a person back to life? Most people would say it was impossible and it probably still is.
He gets up slowly. Staggering with each step. "God, it feels like I've been run over by a truck." he says, pain hinting in his voice. I can't imagine what he must feel like. Knowing that you're the One meant to save humanity must be a pretty bad mind fuck.
I open the door to my cabin. This it the first time anyone's been in here but myself. We sit down on the bunk like one unit, perfectly in synch with each other and we sit in silence for what seems an eternity. I don't know what to say. What are you meant to say to someone you just confessed your feelings too? This was a totally new experience for me. I was definitely not the type of person to go around telling people I loved them.
"Trinity?" he asked. "Are you okay?" he asks. The concern in his voice is almost painful to hear.
"Really, I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
Bingo. There it is. Wall number has been breached.
"Look, it's not your problem. I can deal with this myself." I say harshly and I see him flinch. Hurt evident in his eyes. Fuck, I didn't mean it in that way.
"You know what your problem is? You keep shutting people out. No matter who much they care about you, you push them away." He says calmly even though his words are angry. Shit. What I have I done?
I don't flinch. I don't do anything. He's right. He hardly knows me but yet he knows so much.
"Shit. I'm sorry Trinity."
"Don't apoligise. You're right."
"I didn't mean it." He says, looking genuinely embarrassed for lashing out.
"It's true. Fighting a war takes a lot out of a person. Emotions are usually the first thing to go. Soldier's can't be weak. Soldier's aren't meant to be weak Neo. Which is why this isn't going to work. There is no us Neo. All I did was my job, nothing more. Emotions are a privilege that we as soldier's can't have." I say coldly, where the hell is this coming from? What am I doing? "We're friends Neo. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now if you're fine, I have to go and help with the repairs."
I look into his eyes and all I can see is the exspression of a hurt man. Puppy dog eye's tinged with hurt. I've really done it this time. Ruined my one chance at true love. Why does the soldier in me always interfere when the woman wants to come out? I always prided myself as being a control freak but I'm not really. Inside I'm just one big mess. I turn around and walk out the door. I don't turn around and I don't look back because when I see his eye's I will break. That is one thing I can count on. I head towards the core, trying to shut out all thought that don't include Neo but that just leaves my min empty. Who am I kidding? I'm going to have to sort out this mess sooner or later but for the time-being the latter will have to do.
The damage is pretty severe. I was right. It's going to take ages. I decide to try and fix the power. Moving over to the tangled mess of wires I start to work, hoping that this can take my mind off Neo but it's not working. Why do I feel like this? I feel something moist roll down my cheek and I realise I'm crying. God, what is the world coming too? The Trinity is crying. I hastily brush them aside. How long have I been working? Can't be more than 2 hours and still I've gotten nowhere. I get up and stretch and then the exhaustion hits me like a ton of bricks. My joints ache and I have a killer headache. Maybe it was more than 2 hours. Everything seems to be happening at once. All the pain is back. Emotional and physical. This is too much. I can't take this. I can usually take on more problems than anything else but this is just too much. The pain builds on itself creating a black wall in front of my eyes and with my last blink, I slip away from consciousness.
~TBC
Okay…I deleted some of my fics. I'm just focussing on this now. Expect updates. My writers block is clearing. I hope you like this chapter. It was fun to write!