Author's Note:
I have no clue what I'm doing... (=_=) Reviews about what to write about would be nice.
no reviews = no clue what to write
no clue what to write = sucky author
sucky author = chapters will not come
chapters will not come = sucks for you
sucks for you = unhappy readers
You catch my drift?
Chapter 1: The Memory Machine
Before he left, Gengai added one more thing, "And remember, don't touch anything!"
Who knew just a simple sentence could mean so much? It wasn't like Kagura meant to do it, but it was shiny, and flashy, and it had buttons that were shaped like sukonbu you know?! It could've totally been a sukonbu machine, but nooo, it just had to be a potentially dangerous weapon/machine.
As soon as the countdown from ten started, the panic occurred.
"AAAH! IT'S GONNA BLOW! IT'S GONNA BLOOOOOOW!" Shinpachi screamed, instantly losing it as he jumped away from Kagura, only to have it chucked into his gut.
"I'M NOT HOLDING IT! WHAT IF IT EXPLODES?! THE HEROINE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN TO HER FACE YES?!" Kagura shouted, quickly darting away.
"HERE! A PRESENT GIN-SAN!", Shinpachi quickly passed it over in a violent fashion.
"HOOONONONONO, Y-YOU'RE TOO K-K-KIND P-PATSUAN, B-BUT IT'S THE M-M-MAIDEN WHO SHOULD GET THE G-GIFT NO?!" Gintoki stuttered, throwing it in Kagura's direction (and hitting her head).
"THEN THE OLDEST ONE SHOULD TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY YES?!" Kagura said, passing it to Gintoki.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID IT!" Gintoki shouted, returning it.
"SHOULD THE MAN NOT TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LADY?!" Kagura retorted, tossing it to the straight man.
"WE ALL KNOW THE TRUE MAN IS GIN-SAN!" Shinpachi roared, putting it in his bosses hands.
"W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I WILL FOREVER REMAIN A 10 YEAR OLD AT HEART-" Gintoki protested.
"JUST TAKE IT!" Kagura and Shinpachi both screamed, shoving it at their boss just as a bright white light just started to break through the confines of the small round machine.
There was a loud, Earth-shattering boom, and all was pure white. It was extremely bright everywhere. It was hard to breathe, their ears were ringing. That was the last thing Shinpachi and Kagura remembered, before everything faded into darkness.
The musty scent of hay and damp grass was the first thing Kagura felt when she stirred. Slowly the painful throbbing headache faded away and she could feel her fingers and toes again. Upon opening her eyes, she had to blink a few times until everything came into focus.
It was grey everywhere. The grass, the trees. The sky. Wait, where's Shinpachi and Gin-chan?
"Gin-chan! Shinpachi?" Kagura began sitting up, only to find him right beside her, also starting to wake up.
"Where...?" Shinpachi mumbled, peeling an eye open as pieces of grass sticking stubbornly to his face.
"Dunno Patsuan, do you think this is heaven?" She asked, looking around, "That must mean mommy is around right?"
"Possible," Shinpachi replied, "OOOH! That must mean otou-san is here too... but the last time I heard, heaven was a nice and sunny and happy place."
"THAT MEANS WE MUST BE IN HELL, YES?!" Kagura jolted, jumping to her feet, "NOOOO! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT YES?! I ONLY DID EVERYTHING MOMMY AND GIN-CHAN TOLD ME TO YES?! I HID THE BODY SO WELL!"
"OOOOI WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Shinpachi cried, "WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID?! WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT A BODY YOU SAID?!"
"Shut uuuup."
Shinpachi and Kagura turned towards the voice source, only to find a child leaning against a tree. He was clutching a bloody sword tight to his chest and had glowing maroon eyes, that seemed to pierce their own. He wore a simple blue kimono with white linings. There was something about his hair that was so annoyingly familiar... that silver messy mop-like hairstyle...
"GIN-SAN?!" Shinpachi exclaimed, just as Kagura's eyes widened in realization, "IS THAT YOU?!"
The child stayed silent for a moment, eyes narrowed with pursed lips, before murmuring, "how do you know my name?"
"Eh? What do you mean?" Shinpachi asked, seeming a little confused, "You're our boss aren't you? And why are you so small?"
"Boss?" the child asked, scratching his silvery head, "Sir, are you high?"
Shinpachi blinked, "eh?"
"It might be better if you lie down a bit, 'cus I'm sure whatever beating you received gave you some pretty bad brain damage," the little version of their boss replied, while walking away, "I'll go get some food."
"Beating?" Shinpachi asked, getting more and more confused by the minute.
The kid glanced back in concern and kept on walking, "Just stay there! I'll be back!"
"With food!" Kagura chirped, eyes sparkling with excitement.
Lil' Gin-chan rolled his eyes and walked away, "...and to think I expected a 'thank you'... ingrates..."
He returned around 10 minutes later, with two rice buns in his hands and a roasted fish stuck on a stick in his mouth, running at full speed.
"Hwere" He mumbled through the fish, "Fwood."
As they started to chow, the silver haired child began to talk.
"Man, imagine how surprised I was to be walking and to find you two on the ground! I mean, I thought you were just a corpse or something but when that evil Chinese lady started mumbling something about demonic sukonbu contraptions, it really surprised me!" He rambled, as he ripped at the fish flesh with his teeth, spitting out bones, "Peh! Geez fish bones are so annoying! They're like watermelon seeds but instead they prick at your throat if you swallow them! Evil I tell you! It's like the evil fish bones ghost is getting his revenge or something you know? But h-h-hahaha, I-I'm not scared of g-ghosts at all, nope! I f-f-find them hilarious! Funny! I r-relish in fear!"
"Uh huh," Kagura said, chewing on her rice ball, "there's a ghost behind you."
The child became silent, as he almost dropped his fish. He shook his head rapidly and seemed to shrink smaller and smaller by the minute, eyes wide with fear, "I-Is that a joke 'mam? Aha... ahaha...ha, v-v-v-v-veryyyyy funny, hehe... no r-really? Tell me it's a joke! Please let it be a joke!" he squeaked.
"Kagura-chan's just joking," Shinpachi said, grinning a bit at the child's fear of ghosts, "Hi I'm Shimura Shinpachi by the way."
"m'S-Sakata Gintoki", he whimpered, still high on alert for anything supernatural, "If you didn't get a beating, why were you two unconscious?"
"Um... give us a sec," Shinpachi answered, and pulled Kagura in to form a huddle.
"What do we do? It seems like we're not dead after all," Shinpachi whispered, "And, GIN-CHAN IS A KIIID!"
"Patsuan, don't you get it? This is our subconsciousness-aru!" Kagura said, "none of it is really happening!"
"Nooononono, it's as if we traveled back in time!" Shinpachi murmured, "I mean, look at Gin-chan! Look at our surroundings! It's like we've gone back to the war!"
"Shinpachi, how unreal can you get? Psh, I knew you were still reading Gin-chan's Shonen Jump, you can't fool me," Kagura grinned, "Only a stupid angsty teenager could think of a story this stupid."
...I apologize
"Wuho! Who was that?!" Shinpachi gasped, looking around, "God?"
Yes, please refer to me as God. Actually, don't. That would offend so many religions...
"Who are you?!" Kagura asked out loud.
"Eh? What are you, deaf? I told you, I'm Sakata Gintoki," The child said, licking his fingers, "Are you almost done? I'm tired of waiting."
"Sorry! We just gotta talk a little bit more to make sure we're still sane and we're not going crazy, and that this is actually happening. By the way, what year is it?" Shinpachi asked.
"Shinpachi-kun, it's the 1850's," the kid drawled, "the war? Amantos? It's everywhere. Listen to old women gossip more."
"Kagura-chan, I think we're skrewed."
"Nonsense! Don't stop~ Beliiiievin'! Hold on to those feeeeeeelings~~~!"
"Kagura-chan, I think we're skrewed."
"Oi oi Patsuan, you gotta keep hope yes? Hey God! What's happening?"
...Allow me to explain. I am a complex mechanism that is able to scrummage through the brain and open the cabinets of memories itself. I can send people back and forth in the time of memory depending on who I've touched and who's past is most desired.
Now that they thought about it, they had been wondering about the stupid perm-head's history for a while now and have been getting nada in return. It was high-time for some fan service, seriously!
I have sent you back in time to one the most important events of his life. Of course, if his memory was actually manipulated, it would completely change and potentially destroy his brain, and maybe end his life. So that is why a safety protocol has been set so that no one in the memories should be able to see you.
"But Gin-san sees us."
Does he? Checking database... scanning for errors... potential virus has been found. It seems that all safety protocols have been switched off by an unknown source.
"Does that mean Gin-chan's brain will...?"
If you affect his memories too heavily, he will have a mental breakdown and possibly lose himself. Possibility of breakdown is 92% at the moment and steadily increasing, as your very existence is incorrect according to his CNS.
"What?!"
It is strongly suggested that you move away from him now, as mental breakdown is starting to initiate.
"Ugah!"
Kagura and Shinpachi turned around to find little Gin-chan on his knees, trembling. The whites of his eyes showed and he started foaming a bit at the mouth. The world started to distort. He started to scream, a chilling tormenting howl as blood poured out of his mouth, nose and eyes. Everything started melting like cream cheese.
Calculating... chances of host death is 83%. Care to proceed?
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! HOW DO WE STOP THIS?!" Shinpachi roared, as Kagura ran over to the child version of their boss in attempt to help.
Would you like to reset all settings? 3 resets available, enables one to completely-
"DO IT! AS LONG AS GIN-CHAN DOESN'T DIE, DO IT!" Kagura screamed, panicking as the small torso of the child began to disintegrate into ashes in her blood-covered hands.
Almost as immediately as it started, suddenly it ended. With a bright flash of white light and a loud ringing sound, everything became dark. The next thing they knew, they were lying on the ground and once again left there with a painful throbbing headache.
"What was that?!" Shinpachi asked, eyes wide and alert.
All actions upon arriving in memory zone has been erased. 2 more resets remaining.
"You can do that? Then can you get us out of here?", Shinpachi said.
Very well. Initiating... terminating programs... error, exit prevented by unknown source. The route to leave the current area is blocked.
"...So we're stuck yes?" Kagura asked, "Are we going to remain as Hansel and Gretel in the wicked witches house forever? I call being Gretel, 'cus I'm not gonna be the fat one okay?"
There is two ways to escape. One, commit suicide. Two, find the unknown source and get rid of it, then the route back would be unblocked and I would be able to send you back to the conscious world easily.
"I like two better," Kagura decided.
"Me too!" Shinpachi added.
"But I thought you always wanted to become number one Shinpachi! This is why you won't ever become Shinichi, you puny number 8," Kagura said, eyes crunching up in pity.
"Oi, I happen to like living you know!" Shinpachi exaggerated.
Option 2 it is. Please get rid of the abnormalities. I will send you to the first destination with the most errors.
"How do we know what's an error?"
You will know it when you see it...
The two yorozuyas blinked, as they saw their feet beginning to fade, and the same empty sensation spread to their chests, and the next thing they knew, they were gone.
Beeehind the scenez: part 1
A pair of half-lidded maroon eyes stared up at him with irritation. A familiar silver-haired mop-like hairstyle and the classic picking of the nose. It couldn't be... could it?
"G-G-Gin-san?!" Shinpachi asked, slightly confused as he stared down at the much younger version of his boss, "Why're you so small?"
"Think Patsuan, use that useless brain of yours," Gintoki muttered, "why do you think the gods of this world would turn me, the super awesome Gin-san, back to when he was still a brat?"
"Um, uh, maybe-"
"Exactly! Fan service is what the whole world is all about these days," Lil' Gin-san sighed in exasperation, "Look at me, what have they done! I may look small and cute but don't be fooled, I still have those abs that I took so many years training when I became the fierce and almighty Shiroyasha!"
Kagura peeked in the scene, roaring with laughter "HAHAHA DON'T BE FOOLED EVERYONE! I SAW GIN-CHAN STARING AT THE BATHROOM MIRROR SHIRTLESS A FEW SCENES BACK YES?! HIS TUMMY WAS AS FLAT AS SUKONBU!
"SHE LIIEEES!" Gin-chan cried, face flushed red with embarrassment, "THAT IS SO NOT TRUE, MY ABS WERE AS FIRM AND 8-PACKED AS EVER!"
"Gin-san, it's not good to lie you know~," Shinpachi said slyly with a triumphant grin, "It's okay if you don't have abs you know~~"
"HOOOAAA WHAT'S WITH YOUR CHARACTER CHANGE?!" Gin-chan roared, kicking Shinpachi in the nuts, "GLASSES-BOY TURNED SO OUTTA CHARACTER! DO YOUR JOB AUTHOR! GLASSES BOYS SHOULD STAY QUIET AND PLAY STRAIGHT MAN LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO!"
Shinpachi squeaked as his man-berries were hit, and slowly slid down to the floor as Gin-chan kept throwing his tantrum, "...c-critical hit..."
"YOU'RE JUST HAPPY YOU FINALLY HAVE BIGGER ABS THAN I DO AREN'T YOU?! EEEEHHH?! WELL LISTEN UP MEGANE, THOUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE BIGGER ABS, YOUR BALLS ARE STILL AS SMALL AS EVER!"
...to be continued!