Mind's Eye
(Takes place after Siamese Dreams)
Captain Nathan Bridger sighed as he surveyed the damage that Clay Marshall had done to his boat. At least there still WAS a boat. A nuclear warhead had exploded and only three people had gotten hurt. He decided he should be grateful. He bent down to pick up some pieces and threw them in a barrel. His mind drifted to Med Bay where Lucas and Dagwood had been taken. They were so different yet so much alike. Both looking for acceptance, looking to fit in. Did Marshall see something of himself in the two of them? Deep in thought, he didn't hear the footsteps behind him.
"Captain?"
He jumped, a decidedly un-captain like thing to do. My nerves must still be on edge, he thought ruefully, as he turned to face Commander Ford.
"Captain," the Commander repeated, "Dr. Smith would like to see you in Med Bay. I also took the liberty of informing UEO command of the incident. They would like a full report from you, later, at your convenience.
"Thank you, Jonathon. I'll go see what the Doctor needs."
As he turned to go, Ford put up a hand to stop him. "I hope they'll be ok, sir."
"So do I, Jonathon, so do I."
As the Captain walked towards Med Bay, he prayed to every god he could think of. Entering, he saw only one bed was occupied. He fought down the coldness that threatened to overtake him. Maybe Wendy let Lucas go back to his cabin.
Wendy broke off the conversation she was having with one of the nurses and came over to him. He took a quick glance at Dagwood, who's head was wrapped and appeared to be sleeping.
"Dagwood should recover in about a week when his injuries heal. It takes more than a nuclear explosion to bring a GELF down." The Doctor gave him a small, tight smile. "It's Lucas I worried about. I put him in the back where it was quieter."
She walked toward a curtained off area. Nathan trailed behind her, a little concerned about what he might find. Lucas was lying on a exam bed, eyes closed. Wendy walked to the bedside and rested a hand on his arm.
"He's been unconscious since Jonathon and Tony brought him here. From what Dagwood could tell me, Clay went into Lucas' mind and ripped out the information he needed. Lucas wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know and resisted as hard as he could, but he was no match for Clay."
"What does that mean?" demanded Bridger. "What can we do to help him?"
"It means,"said Wendy, turning to look in Nathan's eyes so he could see her pain, "that Lucas' spirit, whatever makes him unique to himself seems to have fled his brain and hid so that it couldn't be abused anymore. He's locked it behind a wall. It means that someone needs to go into his mind and coax it back, tell him everything is all right. The longer he's gone, the harder it will be for him to get back. Eventually, he'll just be brain dead."
Bridger stared at her in horror. The thought of that inquisitive young mind, so full of potential, being destroyed, was a painful one.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Go in and help him!" Nathan started to pace, running his fingers though his hair.
Wendy turned away so she wouldn't have to face him. "I tried. I thought I could help him and you know I want to, Nathan. But, it seems, I can't suppress my feeling sand my memories for Clay. He was a part of me, still is in a way, after all this time. Lucas must have sensed that and withdrew even more. He's locked himself behind a wall that he thinks will save him. I'm sorry, Nathan, I can't help him but I think that you can." She turned around in time to see Nathan send a questioning look. "I've known about your abilities for some time now and you have a strong bond with him. He'll listen to you and be reassured that he is safe."
Bridger started to deny the fact he had psi ability but he knew it would be useless. Now it was his turn to turn away. Most people did not know about his ability and that was the way he preferred it. He was a private person and it was painful for him to open his thoughts to others. That was why it had been easier to hide on his island, rather than be around people who tried to express their sympathies and empty platitudes when his son died. He was not one to talk his pain away. He used his abilities when it suited him but he was not interested in developing them. It was ironic, in a way. Perhaps if he had developed his fledgling talent, he could have known what Marshall had intended. Now, he had to use his abilities, in which he had little to no confidence in, to help save Lucas.
Taking a deep breath to gather his strength, he walked over to the bed. "What do I have. to do?"
"Concentrate on Lucas and imagine yourself being drawn into his mind. I'll be here to support and guide you."
Bridger closed his eyes and thought of Lucas. He opened up his mind and let it float free. He felt a slight push and sensed Wendy's presence giving him support. The background noises began to fade as he traveled through the darkness and touched what was left of Lucas' mind.
It seemed empty and a little unsettling, nothing like the time he had joined thoughts with Savannah. Nathan was reminded of an onion with many layers. The first layer was filled with everyday thoughts - what Lucas had to eat that morning; his latest project; how he smuggle that fish into Ortiz's bed. He pushed deeper, noting how easy it was to move around, taking in all the faces and places that were a part of Lucas.
One layer seemed to be filled with facts and equations, all the knowledge that the teen had acquired in his young life. He was pictures of his own face and Darwin and was overwhelmed by love and happiness. Briefly, he saw the faces of the other members of the seaQuest crew.
There was a memory of the teen's parents fighting. Feelings of abandonment, of loneliness assaulted him. Interesting; he had thought those issues had long been resolved. He made a mental note to make this a future subject of discussion. As a man who had lost his son, he had always been bewildered by the lack of interest the Wolenczak's had in their son. Didn't they know how lucky they were?
Nathan was amazed by everything he saw and felt. This was one way to truly know a person. Was this what Wendy saw when she probed people? What a difficult way to live your life, being so intimate with everyone you laid eyes on.
Feeling himself getting tired, he knew he had to move quicker. After all, this wasn't a sightseeing tour, he chided himself. Moving deeper and deeper as images swam around him, he stopped in front of a dark black wall. It reminded him of an energy field and reached out with his mind to touch it. The electric shock that hit him left him reeling. Was this where Lucas had barricaded himself? There was no time to investigate now, as he felt the last of his strength leave him. It was
time to go.
"Hold on," Wendy whispered in his ear as she signaled someone to bring him a chair.
Bridger sank into it gratefully. "I think I found him but I couldn't reach him," he said, rubbing his aching head. "What if we're too late? I can't lose him because of Clay Marshall. There has to be something else we can try."
Wendy sank to her knees next to the chair to offer comfort, feeling the captain's frustration and helplessness. Wendy tried to hide her own guilt from him. The same thoughts kept circling around her: Clay was on this ship because of her; she should have seen what Clay was up to; Lucas was dying - and it was her fault.
A hand came down on her shoulder and she looked up into the compassionate brown eyes of Nathan Bridger.
"Hey, none of that now," he said gently. "He wouldn't blame you and neither do I. I know what it's like to trust some one and then be betrayed."
"I have one last idea,"she said quietly, "but it will be hard on you."
"What is it?" It couldn't be any worse than tramping around in Lucas' brain, he thought.
The doctor leaned in, looking intently into his eyes. Open yourself up to him. Open your mind and let him know how much you need him. I believe he'll come back to help you."
People have many dark places that they hide, that they are ashamed of. Nathan Bridger's own particular demons usually surfaced early in the morning. He knew his guilt over Robert and Carol was of his own making, that he had done the best he could. Yet it still existed, hidden away with the other secrets of his life. If he dropped his barriers that he had carefully built over the years, it would all come to the surface, good and bad. He and Lucas had shared a lot over the last several years and had filled holes that existed in the other's lives. It was a second chance for him to be a father. He had once told the Professor that coming back had meant he had to let people in again and risk losing them. Could he now let Lucas past the walls he had built so he wouldn't lose him?
He stood up and shook his head slowly. "Do you know what you're asking? There has to be some other way."
The doctor studied the captain and sighed. Of course she knew what she was asking. The same thing she had gone through over and over again since she was eight. Give him some time to get used to the idea, she thought to herself. She remembered a line from an old college text book; the loss of a child is the single greatest harm that the human psyche could suffer. What would happen to someone who lost two sons? She had to convince Nathan to try this, to see that it was as important to himself as to Lucas.
"What are you afraid of? What could happen that could be worse than losing Lucas?"
The captain put his hand up to his head, closed his eyes, and said quietly, "I could lose myself. You don't know what it was like, what I was like, when I lost Robert and then Carol. It took me a long time to climb out of that darkness. If I drop my walls who's to say all those memories won't come rushing back? What if the darkness pulls me back and Lucas with it? There are things that I don't want Lucas or anyone to see. There are feelings I don't want to experience again."
"You don't have to relive everything, Nathan. And chances are that Lucas won't be able to comprehend what's happening. Show him your pain, the pain of losing of your son, and what it would be like to lose someone all over again. Give him a reason to come back," she urged.
Nathan shook his head slowly as he chewed his lip. "I don't know. I'll have to think about it."
"Well, there are a few people I can call. Maybe they'll have some ideas." She put a comforting arm around the captain and walked him to the door. "You should get some rest."
*****
Robert was reaching out for him - "Help me, Dad! You've got to help me, you're the only one. Please, Dad, save me!"
Nathan reached out his hand and watched in horror as Robert slipped farther and farther away into the blackness. But then suddenly, it was Lucas' face and Lucas' voice calling him.
"Help me, please!"
He woke up sweating, heart racing, gulping for air. Getting up, he poured a glass of water and downed it in one swallow. Looking into the dolphin access tube he wasn't surprised to find Darwin watching him. It had been a long time since he had a dream about Robert. In fact, lately it seemed he thought of Robert less and less. Sometimes he's go a week or more and not have some memory of Robert pop up. Things that Lucas said or did seem to fill him memories now. He'd think of something one of them had said but couldn't remember which one had said it.
He sat sown heavily in his chair, his mind whirling with indecision. He had opened his mind for Savannah. Closing his eyes, he could still feel the light touch of her mind against his, the electricity of it. Why was it so hard for him to do it for Lucas? He hadn't been able to save Robert, and he know that he would never forgive himself if he didn't take this chance to help Lucas.
Med Bay was quiet when he slipped though the door and walked unobserved to Lucas' bedside. The night nurse was sitting at a desk, back to the door, engrossed in paper work. Lucas looked so young and peaceful as if he was sleeping. A vision of Robert as a young boy passed through the captain's mind.
Nathan stood by the bed; taking a deep breath, he let his feelings for the boy come to the surface. Closing his eyes, he force himself to relax and willed his barriers to fall away. He thought about them laughing and playing with Darwin together. As if watching a movie, he saw them discussing experiments and theories as they worked on the new seaQuest together.
They had talked often of Carol, but the subject of Robert was seldom discussed between the tow of them. He was sure that Lucas had many questions but, respecting his privacy, had gone else where for answers. He opened up the vault where he had hidden away his memories of Robert and the pain, as always, was an open raw wound. Now, though, his concern for Lucas tempered the sense of loss. The teen had given him so much; helped him heal emotionally. Dropping the barriers, he opened up his mind to let Lucas see into the core of his soul.
*Help me. Lucas! I need you!* he thought, sending out a silent plea.
Minutes passed and nothing happened. Nathan tried to subdue the panic that was starting to build. Be open, let him come to you, he reminded himself. Give him a reason to come back. Now he had made up his mind to do it, he wouldn't give up now.
A hand on his back nearly made him jump out of his skin. Glancing back, he saw Dr. Smith. Fear flashed in his eyes as he grabbed the doctor's arm.
"No, Wendy, this can't be happening again! I'm going to lose him and there's not a damn thing I can do!"
Wendy wrapped him in a warm embrace. They stood that way for a minute until a noise behind them brought their attention back to the bed behind them.
Lucas was weakly stirring, his eyes barely opened. Nathan quickly stepped over to the bed and took his hand reassuring him that everything was okay.
"Captain," the teen whispered. "Sad...thinking of Robert...help you?" With that, his eyes drifted closed.
Wendy moved in, glad that she do finally do something for her patient while the captain watched anxiously. Doing a quick check of his vitals and a brain scan, she turned to Nathan with the first real smile that he had seen for days. "He's asleep, which I suggest that both of us try to do."
Bridger looked at her face and saw the exhaustion of several days of worry. He had forgotten how much the doctor had been through. Now it was his turn to walk the doctor to the door. "You go ahead, I think that I'll just sack out in the chair here, in case Lucas wakes up and needs anything."
It was mid-morning of the next day when Lucas woke to the sound of quiet voices. He tried to sit up but found that it took too much effort to try and move his body. He wiped his eyes with his hand and turned his head to see two pair of eyes staring at him. "Did anyone get the number of the truck that hit me?" Suddenly, he became aware of the fact that he was lying in Med Bay. "Hey, what happened? I was with Marshall. He, he wanted the security code but I wouldn't give it to him. Then there was a terrible pain in my head..."
Bridger dropped wearily into the chair and smiled at the boy. "Clay reached into your mind and took the information he needed. Dr. Smith says that you withdrew from your mid to escape him."
"Wait a minute - I saw you in my mind!" Lucas eyes him suspiciously. Memories floated back to him as he realized what had happened. "What were you doing in there? Not that I particularly object, but I generally like to be awake when someone goes rummaging around up there. And the you were calling me, you were upset about...Robert." His blue eyes widened slightly as he tried to puzzle out what it all meant.
Giving the teen's hand a slight squeeze, Bridger explained, " Don't worry, kid, all your secrets are safe with me. Actually, we thought it was the only way for you to find your way back into your own brain. When that didn't work, we resorted to drastic measures. That's why I called you." I know all my secrets are safe with you, too, he added silently to himself, not knowing what Lucas had seen or could remember. There was time, now, to talk about it later.
Wendy cleared her throat to remind the two that she was still there and moved forward, with a apologetic smile."Do you mind if I do a quick scan to make sure that everything is back where it should be?" At Lucas' nod of consent, she scanned and was pleased to see that there was no damage from the experience. "Now why don't you rest for a bit and I'll have some food brought down? Then you can take a nice nap." She moved to the desk and flicked on the intercom, talking quietly.
Seeing the gleam of rebellion in the teen's eye, Nathan snorted. "Well, I guess I should back to the business of running this boat. I'll come back later and we can have dinner together. We need to have that little talk again about hacking classified UEO data."
It was a familiar argument between the two of them, and right Nathan felt he needed to fall back on the familiar.
"Hey, I'm just trying to stay ahead of you. Someday, you may thank me for knowing stuff I'm not suppose to know!"
"But it seems to get you into trouble! Now relax and do as the doctor says." Bridger started walking toward the door, already thinking about the many things he had to take care of now this particular crisis was past. A quiet 'thank you' stopped him as he was going out the door.
Nathan smiled. "Same back to you, kiddo," he said softly as he shut the door.