Your Friend Always
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.
A/N: While I was sick, my muse pondered what might be in the drawer. I've been fascinated by Mary McDonnell's statement since I first read it somewhere (I'm not on social media) and the muse had time to play while I was resting up this week. I'm always happy to hear comments. Hope you enjoy! Respect for humanity and civility in words always wins out. Today is life!
~~~~~PT~~~~~
"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting" ee cummings
They noticed three things when Sharon arrived: The softer clicking of her black heels as she entered the Murder Room, the black suit and matching black blouse and the forced cheer in her greeting. They all knew her well enough by now to know this wasn't a good day for her and that anyone not that familiar with her would think her greeting held the usual spirit as any other day. The question on all their minds was why.
"Somebody die, Captain?" Lt Provenza queried.
"Not today," Captain Raydor answered cryptically. "If any of you have anything to be signed, I'm ready for each of you to bring it in." She touched Andy's shoulder as she passed him, giving a weak smile to his cheery one that didn't match his questioning eyes.
Keeping her door open, she spent all morning in her office taking care of the necessary paperwork her rank required.
Her team was definitely convinced there was something off when their lunch break came around.
"I have an errand to handle. I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm always available by phone," she announced as she prepared to leave. Again she touched Andy's shoulder as she passed him. This time he thought it looked like a sad smile she gave in response to the small one he managed before she was gone.
"Flynn, what the hell is with her today?" Lt Provenza asked his best friend.
"How am I supposed to know? She doesn't tell me everything. We're just friends," Andy clarified for the umpteenth time that day.
"Friends share," Provenza countered.
"You don't always," Andy challenged.
"Uh, well, that's different," fiddling with his tie, "all right, fine, I won't ask again."
"Thank you," Andy sighed, holding his head. It was bad enough he was worried about Sharon, he didn't need the old man harassing him about it when he had no idea what the hell was wrong with her and she wasn't looking like she'd be offering it up to him any time soon.
An hour had passed by the time they heard the soft clicking of her heels announcing her return. "No calls, Lt Provenza, so nothing earth shattering happened while I was away," she said quietly as she looked around the room. Her hand landed on Andy's shoulder once again as she passed him. "I was missing some paperwork this morning. I presume it is ready for me now," she said as she was already on her way towards her office.
"Flynn –," Lt Provenza started.
"You said you wouldn't," Andy reminded him.
Sighing loudly, he changed the subject. "Everyone finished with whatever the Captain is missing?" he asked, looking only at Amy and Julio. "I know it's you two. She's turning the both of you into little perfectionists."
"I always was," Amy quipped as she handed her final stack to him.
"I'm staying out of trouble," Julio explained. "She's got my back; I make her life easier if I can."
"It'll take more than errorless paperwork to be considered out of trouble, Sanchez," Provenza groused, "here take them in to her and thank you, thank you very much." He folded his hands over his stomach as he leaned back in his chair looking into the Captain's office through the open blinds.
"I was going to offer anyway, Lt," the Detective smirked at the older man.
Knocking on the doorframe three times in rapid succession, he waited for her permission to enter. Receiving it, he announced, "This is the last of it, Ma'am."
"Thank you, Julio," she said, looking up at him as she took the stack of papers. Noticing he didn't make to leave, she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"The team was just wondering if you're okay. You don't seem like yourself today."
Giving him her best smile, "Thank you, but I'm fine. There's no cause for concern," she assured him, though he could tell by her hands fiddling as she spoke that it wasn't the whole truth.
"All right then." He began to leave then turned to face her. Keeping his voice low, "I hope you found what you needed on your errand, Ma'am."
Surprised he'd say anything since she clearly didn't want to address it, "I did, thank you, Julio."
"You're welcome, Ma'am." As he walked back into the Murder Room, he shook his head and shrugged. Hearing Provenza sigh and make a face at Flynn, Sanchez just rolled his eyes as he sat down at his desk.
Having signed everything in her pile, Sharon went out to address the others. "Great job today with the paperwork, everyone; it is finally completed." Looking at her watch, she added, "Let's call it an early day."
She immediately went back towards her office. Andy waited until everyone left before approaching. Knocking gently as he stood in the doorway, he quietly greeted her with, "Hey, I'm not gonna ask what's going on cuz you already know I'm here for ya if you need me. Would you maybe like to have dinner tonight, my treat, to distract yourself a little?"
Smiling, "I'd love to, Andy, but may I share something with you before we go?"
"Sure, always, uh anytime, Sharon," he stumbled as he closed her door.
She gestured towards the chair with one hand as she reached for the professionally bound dossier in her drawer with the other. "It will explain my behavior today. I only wanted you to know," she said as she rose, and then walked around her desk to sit beside him.
Looking at the label on the cover, he saw "the 2nd cummings, ee Finnegan, Galway, Ireland."
"I don't take it home with me so we can't just go over it there. It has to be here. Is that all right?"
She seemed a bit nervous to him. "Wherever makes you the most comfortable, Sharon."
"Thank you, Andy." She briefly held his hand as she smiled sadly.
"Who's ee?" he asked without it being opened yet.
"Cummings or Finnegan?" she smirked.
"He's a poet. I saw your book, remember. Who's from Galway, smart a-?" he cut himself off just in time.
"Good catch, my friend," she smiled, "Finnegan wanted to be a poet just like Cummings. She was named after each of her grandmothers. She wasn't thrilled being Erin Emily so she went by ee."
"You named your daughter after her."
Shaking her head, "Yes, I did. When I was filling out the information for her birth certificate, all I could think about was how ee would probably have tried to convince me not to do it."
Connecting her use of the past tense and the completely black outfit, he squeezed her hand. "Tell me all about you and this great poet we missed out on."
As she was thinking about what to say, their hands intertwined. Looking at them, she compromised with herself. "We could go to your place for more privacy but," taking a deep breath as she hugged the dossier, "you have to promise to bring it back to me at work tomorrow. Please, Andy."
"Of course, I will, Sharon, let's get out of here."
Standing, "I'll drive you," she offered.
"You'd have to pick me up tomorrow then."
She smiled at him, a real smile this time. "I don't mind starting my day with you." Then blushing, "I mean –"
Chuckling, "I know what you meant, let's go."
The ride to his place was quiet. She had put the dossier in her bag so he didn't have a chance to go over it during the drive. Upon entering his home, "You know your way around. Do you want some tea?"
"Yes, please, Andy," she answered on her way to his living room.
Bringing both mugs over to the coffee table, he asked, "Should I look first or you wanna tell me about her then I look?"
"I can talk while you look," she offered, patting the spot next to her on the couch. "You would've liked her," then blushing slightly, "you probably wouldn't have spent so much time with me once you met her."
Without thinking, he moved some hair away from her eyes, "I doubt that very much," he said softly, causing her skin to take on a pinker hue.
She spread the open book across both their laps. "I had it made up like this when my empty nest began. It'll last longer," she explained as she touched the picture of herself and ee then moved her hand slowly over the note.
Sharon, you are my best friend always as I sign my notes to you. You remain always in my heart, my mind and my soul. You are the perfect donut, my love, crumbly and put together on the outside but soft on the inside. Continue to inspire as you go on, my dearest and first friend in America, the land of opportunity. Your behaviour benefits humanity; may it never change. Hardship makes us stronger, my love, but we will always come out on top. Stay cheeky for me, Sharon, your friend always, ee.
"We met in fifth grade. She was very pretty and she had the most beautiful brogue. It didn't matter what she was saying, I just loved the lilt in her voice. I could listen for hours as she chatted on, being cheeky as her mother, her mum, called it."
Smiling as he looked at her, "I know what you mean," he said, squeezing her hand.
"I didn't tease her," she added quietly, "like a lot of the other girls did at first."
"Of course you didn't."
"She used to write me notes, as girls do at that age, but most of them would be poems and she started signed them your friend always, ee."
As they went through the pages, he saw pictures of the two of them together, her favorite poetic notes, letters that touched her deepest sent when they were in different cities; she told him the associated stories as he read each page.
He would bump her shoulder gently or kiss her cheek if he noticed her spending more time on a particular page, her fingertips gliding over the contents and a faraway look in her eye. On the few occasions that she sighed and he saw her eyes mist at the memories, he'd kiss her temple as his hand moved slowly over her back.
The wedding announcement was a personal note letting people know she'd found the man of her dreams.
To all of my most treasured loved ones, I'd like to let you all know that today I married the man of my dreams. I am living the American dream, my loves, and I wish the same to all of you. The happiest day of my life is today, love always, ee.
He saw the hesitation as she was about to turn the page. "We could take a break," he offered. When she shook her head, he picked up her mug and handed it to her, closing the dossier and placing it on the coffee table. "Break time, Sharon." He breathed easier when she didn't debate.
They talked about their children and he stood her up to hug her when the sad look reappeared on her face as she said, "We should get back to it or we'll never eat tonight." Opening the book as they sat, she hesitated once again before turning the page and he told her to take her time or leave it for another day but she wanted him to know ee on this day. "It's important I share her with you today, Andy, you'll see why."
Steeling herself, she turned the page. Before him lay yellowed newspaper clippings neatly arranged by date: One article relating her death just a year and a day after the wedding; another detailing the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband; the last one detailing the quick conviction of first-degree murder with exigent circumstances and the sentence of 25 years to life with the possibility of parole after 25 years served, good behavior to be taken into account at the time of his hearing. She had the card from the wake under the articles.
The next page held a letter. "It's the last correspondence I received from her. It's almost like she sensed her American dream was coming to an end," she said sadly as he wrapped his arms around her.
My dearest friend, Sharon, you have been my constant wherever life has taken us. Whatever happens, know that I love you. Whether we were chatting in class, flirting with the boys after school, on the phone or reading letters, we have been the truest of soulmates. If we are on Earth or in the Heavens above, our friendship remains strong, everlasting and undefinable for words. Life is fluid, life is transient, life is lived with others and by loving others, and life is held in memories and photos. Wherever life begins and ends, know that I love you, Sharon, and we'll always meet again. Stay cheeky for me, your friend always, ee.
"We asked but we didn't push back then," she explained softly into his chest, not looking up.
"We blamed the victim back then, Sharon. Oh she musta did something to make him mad, they'd say. Women didn't admit things like that back then even if you asked them point blank, looking in their eyes while you did it. This isn't your fault, Sharon."
"I know, Andy, it's just we were so young, only 21. The world lost a talented, beautiful soul." Sighing, and finally looking at him as she moved away slightly, "What the hell did we know about life?"
"Not as much as we thought we did, that's for sure." Running his hand through her hair, he followed up, "So you decided to be extra vigilant about possible victims of domestic violence."
"Yes, many people thought it because Jack hit me when he was drunk but he didn't. He was just very unkind with his words but ee's death didn't have to happen so I took it upon myself to try to prevent future Erin Emily's if I could." She saw the look on his face, "Yes, obviously, that has been used against me but it's worked more times than not."
He read the last article again. "What were the exigent circumstances that they got him on first-degree?"
"She was pregnant and he didn't beat her to death like we all thought. He had beaten her very badly that day so she went to rest in the nursery she had set up. He shot her while she slept. She didn't know a thing; her parents were told they both died instantly."
"Oh God, Sharon," he whispered, looking at her moist eyes. He wrapped her in a hug, continually pulling her closer to him until she just gave into the joyful feeling of spending so much time being in his arms. They remained like that until he worried he was pushing the limits of friendship.
When they had moved apart, he looked at the article once again. "What the hell were they doing in Harlingen, Texas? Now it's a hot spot for illegal crossings but I'm not sure what it was like then."
"Her husband kept moving around, even when they were dating. I'd know where she was when I got a new letter from her."
"That's very odd," he shook his head, dumbfounded.
"Yes it was but he couldn't hold a job for very long so it didn't seem odd at the time. Only when her parents looked into things after her death did they find that he moved each time the police were too interested in his behaviors in any part of his life be it at home with ee, at work with his peers or during his extracurricular activities he'd never tell ee about. The police didn't go into details to her parents beyond that. After that, they always just told me to be a good cop and not let anything or anyone stop me from helping people."
"Especially people like ee."
"Yes, they wanted that most of all." Squeezing his hand, she added, "I didn't just try to help women whose husbands were hurting them. I tried to help anyone who needed helping. You know, people with good hearts who could have a good life if given a chance."
"Or a few dozen chances during your time in IA," he kissed her temple, "you dealt with us not liking you because you knew you were doing your best for us despite ourselves."
"Yes, I'm glad you understand that now." She turned the page and he saw the announcement. "It wasn't long after her last letter."
To all of her loved ones: It is with deep sadness and regret that we report our beautiful girl Erin Emily Finnegan, ee, of Galway, Ireland has been called home on this day, 13-03-81 at the tender age of 21. Erin Emily touched many souls during her short time on Earth. She will protect many more in the Heavens above. As many of you know, ee always said know that I love you to those most closest to her. Today we say it back; ee, know that we love you. Love is everlasting and knows no boundaries. Your true smile can now return, sweet child of ours.
He looked at the announcement date again before speaking. "So you were about to graduate from college? You weren't a cop yet when she died."
"No, but I knew that I was going to be. Her parents and I stayed in contact. They buried her in Galway in the family plot." She took his hand in both of hers. "She's home again, Andy, she's where she belonged but I'm so very happy to have met her and to have shared as much of my life with her as I did."
With his other hand, he caressed her jawline. "I'm sorry, Sharon, it's just such a waste and so sad for everyone involved but for a parent to lose their child, I can't imagine and I don't want to know."
"They were almost shattered but they are both very strong. They moved back to be near ee but we still correspond." She smiled at that thought. "I think they do it because we were so close and so similar. They get to maintain that connection."
"I'd say that's exactly why they do it. I would if something happened to one of my kids. I'm sure you would too."
"Yes, I would, Andy."
Moving away from her, he wondered, "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I learned to keep her to myself," she said without explaining further. "While I was at Church today lighting a candle for her, I kept thinking of you and wondered if you'd mind me sharing her with you." Shrugging, she added, "So I took a chance. Thank you for letting me, Andy."
"I am here for you anytime, Sharon, about anything." Closing the dossier, he asked, "Why is it only in your desk?"
"In the beginning Jack didn't want it there. He thought it was morbid. When I had Emily, I didn't want her to know what really happened to the person she was named after. I've only ever told her that ee was a very dear friend who had a wonderful heart, innocent soul and brought goodness and light into my life but that she died unexpectedly at a young age."
"So she'll always be in your desk?"
She nodded, "Until I retire, then she'll have to go home with me. I just hope I'm ready."
"You will be. In the meantime, if you ever feel like moving her from your desk, she can stay here. I'll give you ample visitation rights," he teased to lighten the mood.
"I'll take that into consideration." Kissing his cheek, "Thank you for the offer, Andy, it's very considerate. I do like having her near me when I'm at work though so I think I'll leave her there." Moving into his arms of her accord, "But if there's ever an emergency where my desk has to be emptied, I will take you up on your offer without hesitation."
He didn't want her to move away so he let her know he was just moving them back to be more comfortable. She curled up into him, his arms around her protectively. Slowly she felt herself being moved but he didn't let go of her so without her truly realizing it, she ended up between his legs with her legs still folded. Thinking about it, she found she was quite comfortable like this. "I could stay this way all night, Andy. I mean –"
"I know what you mean, Sharon," he chuckled. "I really don't take every double entendre from you as sexual innuendo."
She didn't look up, just let out a soft, "Oh," and snuggled in closer.
"However, if you wanted me to I could. Just say the word, Captain, and I swear I won't report you."
"That's better, Lt," she smiled into his chest. "Thank you for letting me share."
He kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for sharing her with me. It gave me insight into you that I didn't have before."
"Hmm, we are very good friends always, Andy, no matter what happens or what we become."
"That sounds good to me, Sharon." Hesitating he decided to go for it and push the envelope just a little. "Look up for a minute, please." She did as he requested and he kissed her cheek softly, lingering, knowing he was closer to her mouth than he usually aims for but she didn't pull away or look to get up. She just tightened her arms around him. "We are first and foremost good friends always, Sharon," he said as she put her head back on his chest.
"I thank you, God, for this most amazing day, for the leaps of greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes" ee cummings
[The End]