Disclaimer: I disclaim.
The Intelligence of Gryffindors
The Rocky Mountains reached majestically into the sky, dwarfing the two small figures struggling upwards along a winding forest path in the foothills.
"I hope the children are all right with my brother," Ginny said to her husband, panting slightly.
Harry laughed. "I'm sure they'll be fine. He and Hermione do have kids of their own, you know."
"Yes, but…"
"Ours are better."
"Every parent thinks that."
They continued upwards, savoring their first American vacation. Harry had a hard time getting off work, because, despite his fame, he was getting in increasing amounts and kinds of trouble in the Auror Office for general incompetence now that he relied on his own intelligence and wandwork. But here they were, in the unspoiled natural wonderland that was America, and he was determined to relax and enjoy it.
Suddenly, Ginny froze on the path ahead of Harry (he had gallantly offered to walk behind her in case she fell).
"Harry! It's a rattlesnake!"
"Don't move, Gin, I'll take care of it."
Slowly, cautiously, Harry took two steps forward.
"Hello there," he said to the snake. "We're not going to hurt you. Come here." He reached for it, turning slightly back toward Ginny to say, "Good thing I know Parseltongue, eh?"
Ginny had a strange look on her face. "Harry—" she began.
Too quickly for the human eye to see, the rattlesnake struck.
"OW!" Harry bellowed, holding his wand arm. "How could you?" he cried after the retreating snake.
Ginny rushed up to him, brandishing her wand to perform the anti-venin spell. Once Harry was healed and recovered, he looked up at his wife in befuddlement.
"I don't understand what happened! One minute I was being nice and friendly, speaking to the snake…"
"Harry," Ginny said gently, "you weren't speaking Parseltongue."
"Oops," said Harry.
He blushed, belatedly recalling the occurrences of the last battle, fifteen years ago.
"Well, I never said I married you because you were smart," Ginny commented, and Harry, who knew that most of his life depended solely upon luck, had to agree.