Moments
By liltrick89
Spoilers: Darkest Hour & Haunted
Disclaimer: Las series, los caracteres, y el todo del mediador sobre él pertenecen a Jenny Carrol... Significo Meg Cabot, lo que su nombre verdadero es. (Disclaimer's in Spanish for a change)
Summary: "Often, my own feelings would surface through in brief moments… ones where I couldn't help myself." Jesse reflects.
My mother called me Jesse. No one else did. Until Susannah.
I told Susannah to call me that. I don't know why, as I watched her enter my room for the first time… when I knew she could see me, I was planning on introducing myself as Hector. To keep our relationship formal. But when it came to introductions… when I felt it was right to say my name, I said Jesse. Not Hector, Jesse. I suppose it was then, that I knew we weren't going to be formal. We'd be close.
Not that I didn't try to keep it from that. But at first, yes I encouraged, even hoped that Susannah would think of me as more than the person haunting her bedroom. It was when I started to get attached that I pulled back.
That was when I got, what does Susannah call it? Ah yes, hit by reality.
I'm a ghost, a specter, a spirit… what ever you choose to call it.
And Susannah? She's the mediator. Her goal is to help ghosts move on to heaven or hell , or their 'next life' as she puts it.
A ghost and a mediator, the idea is romantic, but possible? No. Yet, I couldn't keep myself from constantly watching over her. Playing the role as an overprotective parent, as she often reminded me. Often, my own feelings would surface through in brief moments… ones where I couldn't help myself. Those were the moments when I almost kissed her. But, I guess fate would have it that I be woken up from these moments by various interruptions.
And, with the exception of those moments, the majority of time I kept my feelings under control.
Until she rescued me from purgatory. Then? I lost control, despite the threats I received from the priest and her father ("Don't you dare touch Susannah in that way, you know the way I mean.") I kissed her. And that moment? It seemed to last forever, and at the same time only seconds. I would give anything to relive that kiss again.
It was the fact that I felt that way that made me begin to shun her. To become more like the overprotective parent than a lover. I wanted to protect myself from her. I wanted to protect her from me.
I think I have a protection problem.
I was more concerned with my own protection than hers though. I had no way of knowing her feelings, her thoughts, on "us". Did she feel the way I did? How could she? I'm… dead,
I wrapped myself into the world of books. I refused to touch her again. I feared what I might do if I did. I feared losing control.
Then Paul came, the híbrido. He sent her flowers. She had been at his house. The feelings I felt… jealous, angry… I wanted to rip his throat out. She had been with him. The same boy that had tried to kill her, only she denied it. It was true, he had left her and me for dead. He deserved the broken nose I had given him.
When he showed up at our room though, that's what did it. A final straw. Every word he said rang true. It was when he suggested Susannah had done an… an indecency with him… I became furious. How dare he attempt to harm her virtue?
One minute I'm thinking this the next…
I was attacking him.
To say I regret it is wrong. I don't regret it in the slightest. He deserved every bit of it. To say such things about Susannah! Nombre de Dios!
I regret not what I did, but I wish I had chosen a more appropriate moment. One where Susannah wouldn't have to witness my rash behavior. As it is, she was the one who saved him. He better thank her for it.
And Paul Slater better keep his face out of my sight.
Then one of those moments, the ones that seem to last forever and only a little while all at the same time, came. It happened as I sat at my grave, the new one. And she came. Like an angel. She told me… that she felt the same way I did. My heart, if I still had one, would be leaping. It is impossible to describe the feeling I felt in English, it was… paraíso. Then…
I kissed her.
And the moment seemed to last forever, and seconds all at the same time.
A/N: I think I'm more of a Paul person, for writing. How'd I do on Jesse? (And check out my "Aggressive" fic!)