It was 1:00 in the morning and I thought I should write a ZeroxHiead fic. This is the result. My apologies to the composer of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."

"The Suffering of Clay Cliff Fortran"

by Kitsune

My name is Clay Cliff Fortran.

"Stop looking at me."

"..."

"Seriously, fucking stop.

"..."

"If you don't stop, I'll..."

"You'll what?"

"Is that a challenge?"

I'm a pilot candidate at G.O.A.

"Zero, shut up."

"Shut up! You're telling me to shut up!"

"In a word, yes."

"Well in that case, I think I'll just keep talking. Maybe I should sing a song? TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR. HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE."

G.O.A. certainly is an interesting place, and I've met a lot of people here who I now consider friends.

"UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH. LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY."

"Idiot."

"TWINKLE, TWINKLE LIT- who are you calling an idiot!"

"..."

"That's it, let's go! You and me, right now!"

Unfortunately, my roommates hate one another and cause me constant headaches.

"Come on, shitface, bring it!"

"Zero, no fighting," I finally interrupted, knowing full well that things were about to escalate and that we were all going to get in trouble.

"He called me an idiot!" Zero protested angrily.

Hiead had already gone back to doing his homework.

"Everyone calls you an idiot, Zero," I pointed out gently.

Zero just sputtered incoherently before finally turning back to his own homework.

The room was suddenly quiet, with only the sounds of turning pages and scratching pencils to interrupt the stillness.

Ah, peace.

I let out a contented sigh and returned to my reading. I was already 11 chapters ahead, but I wanted to keep on gathering as much as information as possible. This was truly the best part about being at G.O.A.

Of course, the quiet didn't last. Zero, who quite possibly has ADD, suddenly leapt up and started pacing around the room.

"This is boring. How is reading stupid books going to help us in a battle? This is a total waste of time. Maaaaan, I just want to be piloting my pro-ing right now. Now that would not be a waste of time."

Hiead abruptly stood up and left the room. "Eyesore..." he muttered as he exited.

"WHAT WAS THAT!" Zero screeched, moving to chase after him.

"Zero," I said warningly.

"But-" he protested like a chastised child.

"No fighting."

"He started it," Zero said with a sulk, flopping onto his bed.

I wasn't exactly sure about the validity of that statement, but I wasn't about to argue with him.

And thus I returned to my work, only to be interrupted a few dozen more times.

Just a typical day at G.O.A.

-----

After dinner that night, Saki had dragged me off for some extra practice. She kept insisting that I was going to cease being an incompetent pilot and rise to the top of the ranks, but even as she spoke I knew that she believed her words just as much as I did.

I humored her anyway and practiced as hard as I could. We both knew that I was never going to become a pilot, but the time I spent with her pretending to the contrary was still enjoyable.

It was certainly better than what was awaiting me in my room.

Zero and Hiead had been fighting again.

There were bruises and small amounts of blood, though at the moment it was blatantly obvious that most of the violence had ceased and they were now thoroughly groping one another.

"Not again," I mumbled, turning to leave.

"We're not doing anything!" Zero protested as the two quickly scattered apart, trying to act as though nothing had happened.

Oh why oh why oh why was I cursed with these infernal roommates? Not that Zero wasn't one of my best friends. Zero is great and I care about him a lot. It's just that I don't care for him so much when he's with Hiead. The two of them bring out the worst in one another.

And not to say that it wasn't all very interesting. Zero and Hiead, taken as individuals, were fascinating people. Then, put them together and examine their interactions, their rivalry... I could write a book about the two of them. It would probably go in the abnormal psychology section of the library, but it would still be quite interesting. So from a scholarly perspective, I found Hiead and Zero's relationship enthralling.

I just didn't want to seem them rolling around on the floor touching each other in unmentionable places. Especially not after I just ate.

"Oh, don't let me interrupt. Please continue," I said, making my exit.

I was hoping that Zero could come after me, insisting that nothing was going on.

It was too much to hope for.

I didn't dare set foot back in that room for the rest of the night.

-----

"You've been hanging out here an awful lot lately," Yamagi commented as I entered the lounge for the 17th night in a row.

"You're here an awful lot as well," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well..." Yamagi looked side to side, then leaned towards me conspiratorially. "I need to avoid Roose," he whispered, eyes continuing to dart nervously from side to side. "I can't take much more. All those 'Yamagi-kuuuuun's are driving me nuts."

"At least you don't live with Zero and Hiead," I replied.

"I admit that must be tough, but you have no idea how annoying Roose can be..."

"Yamagi-kun, have you seen those two fight?"

"Yeah, who hasn't it?" Yamagi replied, unimpressed.

"Well, have you seen them fooling around?"

"I- WHAT!"

"Now, whose situation is worse?" I asked, grinning triumphantly. Not that it was a prize I wanted to win.

"Okay, well I guess you have a point..." Yamagi began.

"Ya-ma-gikuuuuun."

"Fuck."

And with that Yamagi was dashing out of the room, Roose chasing after him.

Really, there never was a dull moment at G.O.A.

-----

"Saki, they had their tongues in one another's mouths."

"I'm just saying that maybe it was an accident. You know, their tongues accidentally fell into the other's mouth."

"I would be fascinated to know how such an 'accident' might occur."

"Well, um. I don't know. It would involve sticking their tongues out at one another, suddenly tripping and falling on top of one another in such a way that there tongues fell into one another's mouths, and at just the moment you entered the room."

"Saki, I find your theory highly implausible."

"Well, okay, how about this one? So there was a sudden earthquake-"

-----

I could hear the cries before the door was even open.

I felt panic rise in my chest. Were they really hurting one another!

As I burst through the door, my fear quickly subsided and annoyance replaced it.

They were clearly not hurting each other.

I turned and left without a word. Watching Hiead and Zero makeout was not on my top ten list of things to do that day.

-----

"Clay, are you okay? You don't look so good," Yamagi commented at breakfast.

"I'm so tired," I muttered, trying to keep my eyes open.

"What, were you up reading all night again?" Saki asked suspiciously.

"No," I replied irritably. "I wish that was what kept me up."

"I've told you a million times that that's not good for you," Saki said with a waggle of her finger.

"You know what's not good for me?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly. Insanity was beginning to set in. "I'll tell you. It's living with those two!" I cried, pointing accusingly at Hiead and Zero. Hiead's expression remained as emotionless as ever while Zero just continued to stare into space contentedly.

"Nobody knows the suffering I've seen!" I wailed.

-----

The previous night after lights out Hiead and Zero had once again gotten into a tussle. I had fled the room the second I heard the first moan. I slept in the lounge.

When I returned the next morning, the two were intertwined together, asleep on the floor. As soon as they woke up in such an intimate position, another fight ensued.

When will my suffering end!

I really have the worst roommates ever.

-The End-

Where did this come from? Have a good day.