So guys, this is a new story from me. It's about Arizona trying to heal after losing her wife (Lauren). And Callie (psychologist) wants to be part of the healing process. So I'm only uploading the first chapter. And if the story is well received, I will continue it. Lauren only exists in flashback (italic). And both Arizona and Callie exist in present time (normal). Along the way, I will explain more about each character. All mistakes are mine. So enjoy and let me know in the review. And Lauren haters please don't leave me your nonconstructive comments in my review just because you hate her. Completely A/U.
*Flashback*
Lauren awoke to the feeling of lips leaving a soft trail across her bare shoulder. She was half naked in her own bed, lying on her stomach with an arm hanging over the side of the bed. She tried to open her eyes but bright light causing her to groan and turn her face into the pillow. The early morning light somehow managed sneaking in through the closed windows. Her memories from last night events were vague. And the pain caused by her obvious hangover making her head hurt too much to even function. Next time, she should listen to her wife more and not swallowing the whole bottle of tequila like some invincible teenagers. God, she was way too old to ever drink that much again.
Arizona rested on the edge of the bed, fully clothed and ready for work. "Hey… sleepy-head… go back to sleep…" she whispered, sweeping messy strawberry blonde curls to the side and pressing a warm kiss to the back of Lauren's neck.
"My head is killing me…" Lauren mumbled while coughing slightly to clear her throat. It was basically dry like a freaking desert. She moved, shifting from her stomach to her back. The covers slid down from her shoulders, exposing some of her chest. A small yawn slipped from between her lips as she watched Arizona staring at her with an amused expression.
"I told you not to drink too much." Arizona let out a soft chuckled. Her wife was adorable, especially when she just woke up and drunk.
"Where are you going? I thought it was your day off…" She said, releasing a whined sigh against the pillow. Great, she felt like a total crap and her wife is going somewhere.
"Yeah, it was. But Teddy is paging me… I'm sorry…" Arizona trailed off.
"Can you not go? Please… Please… Please…" She begged, clutching the front of Arizona's shirt with both of her hands and tugging her down. It forced Arizona to prompt her elbows down to stop her from falling completely on top of Lauren.
"I wish, but I have to…" She tried stole another quick kiss but Lauren was holding her neck still and instantly pulled her into one deep kiss. Within seconds, they both moaned into a kiss.
"Babe… I really…. really need to go…" She barely able brings herself to say the words between the kisses.
Lauren wrinkled her nose a little and brought out her best puppy eyes. "I'm going to miss you… a lot…"
Arizona sighed heavily and placing a soft kiss to Lauren's forehead, finally forced her reluctant self to move over to the edge of the bed. Turning her head slightly to face her wife once more. "I should really go now… I'm already late."
Lauren found herself smiling, despite her throbbing head. "I see you at lunch?"
"Yeah… Sound good to me... Bye, I love you…" She blew a kiss and turned for the door.
"I love you too Mrs. Arizona Boswell…" Lauren was heard yelling behind the closed door. Arizona had to smile at that. Even though they decided not to take each other's last names, but it still didn't stopped them from occasionally using it to tease. Arizona locked the front door and wore a huge smile on her face. Probably for the rest of her day. Life with Lauren was good.
"Hey are you okay?" Teddy reached out and grasped Arizona's forearm, giving it a firm squeeze.
"Flashback." Her answer was simple and easy. Teddy was there, all the way through hell with her. One word was more than enough for Teddy to understand.
"I'm sorry. What can I do to help?" Teddy voice was overflowed with sympathy for her friend. A friend who didn't deserve any of the bullshit that kept on happening to her.
"Nothing. It will pass… eventually…" Arizona released a breath she didn't even realize she was holding.
"You know I will do anything to ease the pain right?" Teddy said while tilting her head slightly. Her hands still rested firmly on Arizona's forearm.
"I know… But I miss her and there's nothing you can do about it." Arizona's expression was calm, almost detached.
"You need to talk about it you know. It has been 3 months now. You can't just keep on running away. You moved across the sea just to escape the talk. It's not healthy and everyone is worried about you. I'm worried about you."
"So now you regret having to follow me around and having to move here?" Arizona shot back at her.
"Ari…" Teddy's voice almost whispering now. She knew Arizona like the back of her hand. When things get tough, Arizona bailed. She was more confident in avoiding the problems than facing it like any normal people would do.
"I left because I'm tired of everyone looking at me with pity in their eyes. I'm tired of feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every damned day. I'm tired of waking up in the morning and then remembering that my wife is gone..." It was true, the first couple weeks after her wife gone, her colleagues, her staffs, her boss, even the coffee cart lady eyeing her like she was a beaten dog.
"I know, but…"
"Can you stop? My wife is gone and she left me alone. There's no need to talk more about it." Arizona swallowed thickly the lump that threatening to build in the back of her throat; her voice was softer than before. The guilt for snapping at Teddy slowly kicking in. She knew that her best friend just trying to help. But the thing was, she didn't need any help. She was fine. Time heals all; so she just needs to wait for time to heal her.
"911 in the pit. I have to go. See you at home…" Arizona mustered some courage before pushing the chair backward and stood up.
"Yeah, okay. See you at home…" Teddy answered softly.
Arizona jogged slowly across the hallway until she was welcomed with a massive commotion in the ER. God, something bad must be happening. People were running in pretty much every direction. Yelling and ordering at the same times.
"What do we got here?" She asked the paramedics who just came through the emergency door.
"10 years old kid, got hit by a drunk driver… massive internal bleeding… few crack ribs… his eyes are not responsive…"
"Okay… Get the boy ready in the O.R ASAP."
"Someone please page Dr. Altman for me." It had been about an hour now and Arizona still wasn't even halfway done. The kid's heart just too weak to handle the entire surgery so she needs the best cardio surgeon on her side. Just to be prepared.
All of sudden the monitors started beeping. It put everyone in the room on high alert.
"Pressure's dropping." One of the assisting residents spoke. "And we've got some bleeding."
"Try giving it more irrigation." Arizona ordered. "Damn, I barely see anything."
"Dr. Robbins…" Before the resident could say anything, Arizona cut him off.
"We've got to get the bleeding stop quick, before his loses any more blood." Arizona snapped. She could practically felt her heart beating out of her chest. She needs to save this kid. And by now, she wasn't above begging to God if it would help her. "Don't just stand there moron, find the source and stop it."
Just when Arizona thought the situation couldn't get any worse, the patient went into V-fib. The machines were beeping continuously as if it was mocking her struggle to save the kid.
"Dr. Robbins… He's coding."
"Screw this… start with cardiac massage…" Arizona threw her blade aside and manually started to pump the tiny heart. He's only 10 years old. She won't let he die, especially when he was on her table.
She knew she was fighting the losing battle here. The injuries were more intensive than she thought. There was nothing she could do to save the kid's life. But somehow, she just couldn't bring herself to stop and finally called the time of death.
"What happened? I got your paged…" Teddy barged in the room completely scrubbed. "You, fill me in…" She said while pointing out to the nearest scrub nurse.
"The patient went into V-fib and normal sinus rhythm was not restored for almost 5 minutes now." The nurse stated with the matter-of-fact tones.
Teddy made her way to Arizona's side. She slowly reached out to Arizona's hands that still massaging the heart non-stop.
"Arizona… He's gone… You can let him go now…" Teddy placed her hand against Arizona and gently gave it a squeezed.
"I can't stop… I can't…" Arizona's voice was hoarse, her throat was dry.
"Ari… Yes you can…" Once again, Teddy gave one gentle squeezed as she said the words.
Arizona persistence began to crumble almost instantly, and she turned around just to fall into Teddy's arms. Like always, Teddy pulled Arizona body closer against her chest and tightens her hold.
"Everything will be okay… Everything will be okay…" Teddy kept on repeating those words as she felt hot tears washed against her neck.
Arizona was ready to go home with Teddy when she paged by the Chief. She was hoping for nothing serious. She was extremely tired and completely worn out. So, she gestured Teddy to go home first as she made her way to the Chief's office.
She took one deep breath before knocking the door. Within seconds, she heard the sound of a deep voice asking her to come in.
"Chief, you paged?" She said as she stepped in.
"Yes, sit down." Dr. Webber reached out his arm to motion her to take the empty seat. He waited for Arizona to feel comfortable before he continued. "I think we need to talk."
"I'm sorry?" Arizona furrowed her eyebrows a little bit.
"I heard about what happened in the OR today. And I know it wasn't the first time." He stopped for a while to find a better way of saying what was in his mind without hurting the pride of a young surgeon in front of him. "I think it's time for you to get some help."
"But Chief, I don't need a help. I'm completely fine. I'm just having a really bad day. That's all." Arizona started to feel confused and cornered.
"Calling your colleagues moron and snapping at them when they are trying to help you is not fine. It's far from fine. I hope you know that." His voice was fixed and it reminded Arizona of her dad, The Colonel.
"With all respect Sir, I'm..." She wanted to argue the case but she knew there was no reasoning with Dr. Webber.
"You need help; professional help and I would suggest a counselling. Or…" He let his words trailed off.
"Or?"
"Or… I'm sorry that I have to let you go. You are talented surgeon, and it's great. But in here, we also want a surgeon that can work with others as a team. If you can't be that surgeon then I'm sorry, I have to let you go."
Releasing a deep sigh, Arizona finally found her nerve. "Okay, I'll think about it Sir." She answered submissively. She needed the job because to be honest, she liked it here. It was far from everyone she knew. And she just couldn't afford another do over.
"Good… So this is Dr. Callie Torres's card. She's great and I'm positive that she will be able to help you." His voice started to sound more lightly than before.
Arizona reached the hand forward to take the card. "Thank you Sir. I should probably go now."
"Okay… I see you tomorrow… and Arizona, please give Dr. Torres a call."
"I will…" Arizona shoulders dropped as she made her way to the door. She cursed every God in the universe for making her life so freaking miserable right now. Once she was outside, she took one good look at the name card in her hand before shoving it roughly into her pocket. So tomorrow she supposed to call some old psychologist with Calliope Torres as her name and asked her for help. Great, just great.
AN: Leave me review if you want me to continue the story.
AN: There are slight adjustments to Forgive Yourself storyline, so, I hope I can post a new chapter soon.