Title: Jane's Diary
Rating: T for language
Author: tika12001
Summary: Okay, so here's the deal. I pretty much had this totally absurd idea that Maura gives Jane a diary, because she feels that Jane is not dealing well with her emotions. This is the outcome. Humour, Rizzles... umm... enjoy? :-)
Thursday 2nd May 2013
Dear Diary,
That sounds really stupid. Kids write in diaries. Teenagers write in diaries and moan about the world and how unfair it is. Adults don't write in diaries.
Do they? Maybe they do...
Whatever. I don't write in diaries anyway. Maura gave this to me because, and I quote: "Jane, I'm ever so worried about you. You obsibidal spatula has been orbiting at an alarming rate lately, and I fear that your cranial lobes are going to implode then explode, shooting off into the stratosphere. This is terribly alarming. I am going to give you a diary to write in your innermost feelings like a little girl. You must write in it once a day minimum."
Okay, so maybe she didn't say it EXACTLY like that, but whatever. Close enough.
Why do I always do what Maura says? I don't listen to anyone else. *sigh*
Okay, fine. Today was good. I woke up, walked to the bathroom and brushed my hair. Afterwards, I headed out to the kitchen where I... you know what? Screw this.
Sunday 5th May 2013
I did not say your obsipidal spatula is orbiting. What is that anyway? I simply stated that the micro expressions on your face led me to the conclusion that you were suffering undue stress, and that that stress may be relieved by writing it all down in the form of a diary.
And the reason that you listen to me is because you know what's good for you.
I haven't seen an entry for the past couple of days, care to explain why?
Monday 6th May 2013
...whaaaa? Maura? How did she get hold of my diary?
Huh. Oh well. I guess I will write in here again. I just don't know what to write. I mean, how much detail do you put into a diary? Do you write down every meal you had, the time and volume of your bowel movements...? This is the reason I have never written in one, because it just seems like a waste of time. Maura wants me to do it though, so I'll try.
... 3... #... %... &... 1234567890...abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
I don't know what to write! Screw this.
Monday 6th May 2013
You really should take better care of your belongings. The reason I am able to 'get hold' of your diary is because you leave it everywhere, usually open and inviting inquisitiveness.
You most certainly do not write about your bowel movements. That is, unless you are suffering from gastrointestinal difficulties, and need to keep track of these things on medical advice. Meals are a similar story. Unless you are under the care of a dietician or similar, there is no need to write down what you are eating. However, it might be a good idea for you anyway, Jane, so that you can better understand what I have been saying about the benefits of reducing the amount of caffeine and saturated fats in your daily diet.
No, the reason I gave you this diary is so that you can write about your feelings! Various things that happen to you throughout the day! There are no set rules on what to write about in a diary or journal... you can write down the amusing things that happen to you, the major life altering moments, or you can simply write about your mother, for example, and how she drives you insane, figuratively speaking.
Hopefully from now on, I will begin to see proper diary entries in here, and not written renditions of the alphabet.
Tuesday 7th May 2013
Maura. It is not 'inviting inquisitiveness'. It is being a buttinski.
Do you not recall the definition of the word diary? It is 'a daily record of personal events or news'. You see that? PERSONAL. Meaning for MY EYES ONLY. Stop going through my stuff.
7th May 2013
If you don't want me to go through your stuff, it might be a good idea to not LEAVE YOUR DIARY IN MY OFFICE.
Hey... wait, you listened to my definition of the word 'diary'?
T 7th May 2013
That was an ACCIDENT.
I always listen to you Maura.
7th May 2013
Oh Jane, you're so sweet
T 7th May 2013
Gag. Whatever. Am not. So, I'm actually gonna start trying to use this properly now, okay? So no more peeking.
8th May 2013
Okay Jane. I will no longer be a 'buttinski'.
Wednesday 8th May 2013
Good. Oh... Maura?
8th May 2013
Yes, Jane?
W 8th May 2013
HA! Knew you wouldn't be able to resist peeking.
8th May 2013
Hmm. Perhaps this is something I need to address, my need to know what is going on in other people's lives.
W 8th May 2013
You don't need to address it; you just need to stop doing it.
8th May 2013
Perhaps I should buy you a journal with a padlock, so as to avoid temptation on my part? Congratulations on your correct usage of the semicolon by the way.
W 8th May 2013
A journal with a lock? What, like one of those pink tween ones? Yeah, no. And... thanks? I am very proud of my... semicolon usage...
8th May 2013
They come in black too, Jane. You are welcome. You may want to work on your over usage of the ellipsis though.
W 8th May 2013
... nah. I'll just have to hide this better. J What is an ellipsis?
8th May 2013
An ellipsis is the name for those three little dots that you have been using in abundance.
W 8th May 2013
...
8th May 2013
Are you mad at me?
W 8th May 2013
...Why... would... I... be... mad... at... you... sweetie...?
8th May 2013
Very funny. Never mind. It's just me being overly paranoid. I love you Jane and I respect your privacy. I won't peek anymore.
W 8th May 2013
I love you too, you big goof ball.
Thursday 9th May 2013
Maura?
Friday 10th May 2013
Huh. Guess she's not going to respond anymore. Good. Good? Good. Right. Good.
Anyway. So... write about my feelings. Um, well today was a big cock up from start to finish, let's just start there. At least it's Friday. I woke up late, to a phone call about a possible homicide. So I had to get dressed and run straight out the door, only to find I had left my wallet inside. So there went my chance at picking up a coffee and some food on the way. When I got to the crime scene, I had already made up my mind that I would borrow some cash off Maura for the day, plus, if she had a coffee with her, I'd steal a bit of that as well. Anyway, got to the scene and discovered the oh so delightful Dr Pike there instead of Maura. Frost, Korsak and Frankie were all standing around looking rather irritated, and my own anger levels had shot right up after seeing Pike, so I went straight over to them and asked where the hell Maura was, and Frost told me that she had taken a sick day. Well, that worried me right away, because Maura doesn't really GET sick. Like, ever. So immediately I started thinking of other possibilities... like maybe Hope had gone over to her place and somehow hurt her feelings again, or Paddy's sidekicks had found her, or... and so, without really thinking about it, I spun around to head back to my car. And, of course, that's when the camera crews showed up.
"Promising young law student turns up dead, and we have exclusive footage of police detective Jane Rizzoli preparing to leave the scene without even a preliminary screening of the body and crime scene. Is this really how crime scenes are solved these days, Detective, or do you just not care anymore?"
Yeah. Seriously. I kid you not. So then, of course, I had to pretend that I was simply getting gloves out of my car (even though they'd been in my pocket the whole time), and I took great delight in snapping them on in front of all the cameras.
Assholes.
Anyway, so after processing the crime scene and putting up with Pike's annoying ways (I swear every time I see him, he's picked up 20 new ways to tick me off), several hours had passed, and it was close to lunch time. I still had not had coffee or food, when finally I ran into my mother.
"Janie! Why do you look so awful? Did you not sleep?"
"Gee, thanks Ma, I feel so much better after that compliment. No, actually, I slept really well. So well, in fact, that I overslept, forgot my wallet and have not had any coffee or food so far today."
"Oh, poor baby. I'll bring you up some food from the cafe."
"Hey, Ma, did you see Maura this morning?"
"Oh yes," Ma nodded, pursing her lips. "Poor thing looked dreadfully ill. I wanted to stay home with her but she insisted she'd be fine."
At which point I of course went ape shit crazy on Ma and asked her why the hell she hadn't called me, at which point Ma started accusing me of caring more about Maura than I did about her. WHATEVER.
END CHAPTER ONE
Hi! I've split this up just so it's not so long to read all in one hit, and I'll be posting one chapter a day :-) Reviews make me happy!