... It happened again.
This is vaguely hypocritical, considering I usually don't approve of songfics. I never really liked them myself, so I can't expect you to like'm much either.
But alas. Here we are.
Sorry about the "he", "him", thing. I was trying out new perspective stuff, but I think it got a little muddled 'round the middle. So if you can't figure out the POV, just, uh. Make an educated guess. You lot are a clever bunch.
I also use an undue amount of quotes. See, I think this would be a lot simpler if I could just vid. But technologically illiterate as I am (using WordPad right now, as a testement), we're stuck with this.
Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars
You only know what I want you to
Years of hiding who he is, what he is - his whole life, just one massive secret; his entire existance as everyone knew it, a lie.
But it had never bothered him until now.
Of course it was hard - lonely. To be the most powerful man he knew, and have to live like a shadow. To be special, and pretend he's a fool. He hated the lying, the secrets - but they never hurt like lying to Arthur.
But he had to. The king wasn't ready. He knew that, one day, he would be. Because it was their destiny.
I know everything you don't want me to
Of course he knew.
He was king, not blind. Even he knew he couldn't slay a dragon unconcious, or any other number of magical creatures bent on his personal destruction. And just one too many tree branches had broken with convenient timing for things to just be coincidence.
He didn't instantly know it was Merlin.
But once he did, it made sense.
It was a little strange - with his upbringing, his father, his entire life until those few years ago when everything changed - he should have felt angry, betrayed; should have taken the wizard under arrest immediately to face sure death in the morning.
But he didn't.
Your mouth is poison,
You're destined to be Albion's greatest king. Nothing, not even stone, can stand in your way.
I'm happy to be your servant, 'til the day I die.
I swear I will protect you with my life, or die at your side.
your mouth is wine
I came back because you're the only friend I have and I couldn't bear to lose you.
A servant who is extremely brave, and incredibly loyal to be honest, not at all cowardly.
I thought we'd lost you.
You think your dreams
Camelot. Home. At peace, prosperous, ruling from the throne in a way he could be proud of. A way his mother would have been proud of. A council of those he can actually trust the words of - his knights; as they had always been, even when Uther had still been alive and at large, they had always been his knights; a circle with no head, but one leader. King in all rights. With a queen by his side.
are the same as mine
Camelot. Arthur. A time when he can finally reveal who he really is without fear of judgement, or pain, or death. A time when he can fight fully by Arthur's side, fight with his king who he owes so much. When he can finally find his place in the world.
Together.
I don't love you,
He can't.
but I always will
He shouldn't.
Oh, I don't love you,
Insufferable, arrogant, self-absorbed, selfish bully.
but I always will
His best friend, his king, everything that Camelot could ever need, everything it deserves. Everything he wants. Everything he can never have.
I don't love you,
Insolent, lazy, weak; the worst excuse for a servant he'd ever known.
but I always will
The only person he could trust. His best, his only friend. The unexpected protector, slaying beast after bandit and denying all credit, not that anyone ever guessed it was the lanky beanpole at the back that killed the griffen.
His manservant. And to be honest, he quite liked it that way.
I always will
I wish you'd hold me when I turn bright red
He wished Merlin would understand.
He wished Arthur could.
The less I give
A hundred undeserved punishments, chores and insults; shouting and anger that isn't at Merlin but at everything he isn't, and why can't the rest of the world be as selfless as this one, bumbling manservant. It's too much for him to take, so he pushes Merlin away, as far as he'll go, before he breaks.
Useless. Idiot. Worst manservant he'd ever had. Bumpkin. Startled stoat. Dollophead (that's Merlin's word). Girl. Coward.
Liar.
the more that I get back
Toad. Clotpole. Dollophead. A thousand hundred others sprouting from who knows where, never really said with any menance. Because as much as he means them, he means everything else more.
Friendship. Undying loyalty. Saving his life more times than the king would ever know, more than he could ever count. Being brought back from the brink of death time and time again with no reward, no thanks, but he didn't need it. So long as Arthur was alive.
Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
How many times would he have died if Merlin hadn't been there?
How many times had he fallen, sure he would never get up, only to wake moments later, his servant's form at a inconspicuous distance, but his eyes never wavering from his own.
And how many times had Merlin killed?
I don't have a choice,
It is your destiny.
Arthur is strangely fond of the boy.
You're like two sides of the same coin.
but I still choose you
And he always would.
And he always would.
I don't love you, but I always will
Oh, I don't love you, but I always will
I always will