I.
There were times when Ren wished his sister had been born heir to the family.
She was intelligent, powerful, but knew how to hide that in order to be a diplomat. She had every trait he did not which would have made her a much better candidate. But she was spared and denied all of that, because she was a woman.
She was a much stronger shaman than Ren. She had a greater spirit, higher mana. And she had an iron will which no one could deny. She was strong and she was beautiful, but allthat meant nothing to tradition.
II.
There were times when Ren wished Jun could assume his 'birth right'.
He hated himself for it, his weakness and cowardice. How could he think of condemning her to the life he had been forced to endure? He loved her, more than anything. But sometimes he would give anything to free himself.
Ren knew that any given day, she would give up her life for him. He knew that she was so courageous that in an instant she would trade places with him, if she could, to save him from what he was willing to sentence her to.
III.
There were times when Ren wished his sister could have been chosen to fight.
Sometimes he got so sick of all the endless killing. After it had slowly leeched the rage from him, it made him want to be sick, and still it didn't end. She would withstand it, he was sure.
And...she would fight with a spirit ally, not a jiang si. She would never have known Bai Lan. Ren would be spared the burning jealousy for what they shared, spared that look in Jun's eyes when she regarded Bai Lan which should have been only for him.
There were times Tao Ren wished he was never born.