Taking penance
A/N: Tag to The Magic Moment. Since GA was on hiatus,I decided to do a story about the Teddy/Cristina interaction in the OR.
Teddy exited the Attendings locker room preparing to go home, to her empty home because her prodigy killed her husband. How twisted can the world be? Nevertheless, the day had been long and somber and silent house or not she needed to sleep in her own bed even if one side was empty. She decided to take the stairs thinking it's her best bet to avoid her former best friend Owen Hunt. She walked a floor down before she heard something that sounded like soft sobbing. Immediately she stopped, not wanting to get involved into the latest Seattle Grace Mercy West drama when she already had enough going on. She turned around, fully intending to head back up the stairs and simply take the elevator instead until she heard a familiar voice.
"Hey are you alright?" The voice belonged to Jackson Avery and he sounded pretty concerned about whoever was crying. Instinctively, Teddy thought the crying person was Kepner. The sobs were definitely feminine and given what happened in the OR she was probably upset.
"Yeah I'm just a ray of sunshine. Do I look alright?" The girl asked rhetorically if not sarcastically. That definitely had to be Cristina's voice. Teddy would know, she had been listening to Cristina talk nonstop all day. But that couldn't be Cristina because that girl was crying and Cristina didn't cry. Teddy silently walked down a few steps, craning her neck to see better. Yep that was definitely Cristina with her knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped loosely around them, wearing an utterly defeated expression. Jackson was sitting beside her with a sympathetic but not pitying look on his face.
"Well you are crying in a stairwell." Jackson pointed out with a smile. "By the way, not the best place to hide."
"Shut up I know it's not my greatest hiding spot." Cristina admits "I just…-"
"Needed to get away?" Jackson finished her sentence quietly. He sounded like he knew what it was like to want to get away, to disappear.
Cristina merely nodded and stared straight ahead. Jackson just sits patiently waiting for her to speak. Teddy felt as though she was infringing on a personal moment and almost backed away…almost.
"What Teddy did to you was…"
"I'm fine I can…I can take it." Cristina cuts him off. She gets up to leave but he grabs her wrist and gently forces her down.
"Look Avery if you needed a damsel in distress I'm sure Kepner is whining somewhere." Cristina's voice has an irritated edge to it, but her voice also has a ting of pain that doesn't go unnoticed by Teddy or Jackson.
"Don't pull that fine crap with me alright? We both know you're not fine. If you were fine you wouldn't be crying in a stairwell." Jackson's voice rises slightly before he remembers himself and lowers it again. "What you suffered in that OR today was terrible and cruel and I don't blame you for being upset."
"But I deserve it!" Cristina exclaimed. "I killed Teddy's husband. I killed my mentor's husband, what am I supposed to get? A medal? A freaking parade? " Her voice holds irritation and barely concealed guilt. Jackson tries to speak but she beats him to the punch.
"Did you know I didn't even know it was Henry until after he died? Apparently my husband mister freaking chief of surgery didn't feel it was necessary to share that bit of information with me." Cristina's voice took on a bitter, angry quality that almost scared her mentor. Teddy couldn't help but wince because not telling Cristina was her own idea.
"Wow that's really screwed up." Jackson agrees. "But still Teddy had no right to make relive that over and over."
"I relive it even when I don't talk about. I think about it all the time. I killed my mentor's husband, how could I not think about it. She tells me not to be guilty. How can I not be guilty after something like that? How can I look her in the eye every day when I killed someone she loved?" These questions are said more to herself but the other two still hear. Then she lets out a sigh full of both mental and physical exhaustion.
Teddy then notices her voice sounds kind of hoarse but she has been talking for hours at a time. What she did in the OR was pretty screwed even she had to admit it. Cristina was known as a robot so Teddy thought she could handle it, apparently not. There was no denying that Cristina blamed herself and Teddy had been so wrapped up in hating everyone for his death that she failed to see the guilt was eating her resident alive.
"The worst part is she doesn't blame me. She told me I was her in there, that there wasn't anything she would have done differently. She doesn't blame and I shouldn't feel guilty but I…I still do. She gave me an out and I can't even take it. How terrible is that?"
"It's not terrible you're just confused. You expected her to yell and hate you but she doesn't and that makes the guilt worse." Jackson's voice is soft and comforting. Teddy couldn't help but wonder when Jackson and Cristina became good friends. Sure they were close when he was on Cardio but this was different. On cardio, they teased and fought for surgeries like two little kids. But this time he sounded like an older brother sharing his wisdom with his little sister.
"When did you get all wise on me?" Cristina joked making Jackson chuckle lightly. By now all her tears had subsided.
"Come on I'm sure the pit has something for us to do." Jackson suggested as they both rose. Cristina nodded.
"Maybe you're not so bad after all Avery." The raven haired resident stated as they exited the stairwell.
Teddy didn't move as the sound of descending footsteps became fainter and fainter. She rubbed her head mulling over everything she had just heard. Maybe a small, bitter part of her wanted Cristina to suffer and suffer she did. Teddy noticed the pain and guilt in Cristina's eyes every time she looked at her but she was too angry to care. Now she felt extremely guilty hearing the amount of sorrow in her hoarse voice as she talked to Jackson. She needed to make things right but how? Whatever it was it needed to be one hell of an apology present. Teddy began descending the stairs still in deep thought. The scars of Henry's death would eventually fade but teddy knew Cristina would still carry the guilt with her unless she intervened. She owed it to her student to make it all better and she wouldn't rest until she did.
A/N: I thought what Teddy did in the OR was kinda cruel. I know Teddy was grieving for henry and she wanted to know what happened in the OR but still. I'm sure Cristina felt really guilty and that was only making it worse. I'm not hating on Teddy and I loved henry (I cried when he died) but what she did was kinda messed up. Anyway please rate and review.