Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.

Warnings: Angst

Mindless Babble:

The Bustle in a House
The Morning after Death
Is the solemnest of industries
Enacted upon Earth-

The Sweeping up the Heart
And putting Love away
We shall not want to use it again
Until Eternity

Emily Dickinson

Raph,

Master Splinter is making us write a letter, he says, to help us cope. Like a letter will take away the grief. How can that be true when just about everything around me reminds me that you're gone? That I'll never get another chance to play a prank on you or have you slap me upside the head?

Every morning, I wake up thinking that you you're still with us. But then I line up for practice and you aren't at my side. Then it hits me harder and more painfully then anything you ever laid on me. We will never spar again. Never race across the roof tops. Never beat up thugs and then go out for pizza.

I can't do this any more, bro! I can't go on pretending like it didn't happen, like you never existed! You were my brother, best friend and hero! I

can't forget you…

The other day, I was looking for something to keep my mind off of you when I found a picture of you that Donnie took with that camera he built. You were doing a kata that Splinter made you do 'cause you did something stupid. I don't remember what, though. Don caught you doing an aerial kick. I always thought you looked so cool in that picture!

Do you remember those snow globes that April got us for Christmas last year? You know the ones that you can put your own picture into? Well, I decided to put that picture of you in my globe.

I guess that's how I'll always remember you, Raph. Strong and fierce, soaring through the air. Forever frozen in that moment of time with tiny plastic snowflakes and glitter swirling around you. A time when you were alive and we were a family. But now there's a gap in my heart that won't ever go away. You're dead, and writing some stupid letter isn't going to change that!

I miss you,

Mikey

Dear Raphael,

I know we never could really tolerate each other. Even as kids, we couldn't get along that well. I don't think you ever forgave me for that whole fiasco when the city went to war when we killed the Shredder. Or that time with the albino croc. Or that time I called you a ninja drop out. Or that time I pushed you and called you trash. Um… You can stop me at anytime…

But I hope you know that I loved you no matter what happened. You always had my respect, not for your rash plans or your fighting style, but for the loyalty you showed to your family. And for those rare moments when you let your tough guy act fall and showed us the depth of your love for us and those around you. I still remember Tyler, the kid you helped rescue his mother. And even how you befriended Casey. I don't think any of us could've pulled that off.

And I don't ever think I'll ever forget the look on your face when you thought Leatherhead had killed Mikey. The fury that was plain on your face was made all the more terrifying by the sorrow in your eyes. I wasn't sure if you were going to go on a killing spree or have a complete meltdown. I was just happy that it never came down to either one.

After the Shredder tried to kill me, and I lay dying on the couch at the farmhouse, I remember hearing all the stories that you and my brothers told to get me to wake up. I remember your voice clearest, though. And I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for all the help you gave to me while I was recovering.

I guess, now I never will.

Leo

Hey Raph,

Things have been strange around here since you died. Mikey hasn't cracked a joke or even smiled and Leo wonders around like he's looking for something only he can see. I guess you could say that the jester's mask is broken and the leader has lost his way.

And me? I would like to say that I've thrown myself into my work, that I'm building new and better things to keep my family safe. But the truth is that I haven't touched anything. I just sit at my workbench and stare at the last TV you broke during one of you tantrums. I know I should fix it but somehow it feels like if I do, then you'll really be gone. I know, in my brain, that you're gone, but for some reason my heart won't let you go.

Silly, huh? I bet you never thought you'd see the day when Mr. Brain couldn't figure something out with logic.

I read last night that in time the pain of loss would ease with time and we could get on with our lives, but how can we move on when part of our soul is missing?

Don