A/N: Written for Round 9 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. This turned out to be easier than I thought it would be, but writing Dumbledore was hard ohmygod, not that I didn't bring it on myself. Also, I didn't have time to get this beta read, so it may be a tad rough. Forgive me.
Word count: 3146
Onwards.
The clouds seemed to hover a little too low to be considered mere strays, and the darkness that lined the sky seemed to dim the sunlight a little too much, tracing the way toward a bitter morning and a long forgotten moon.
But whenever Remus opened his eyes, the full moon never truly left his mind. It stayed there, and although sometimes it left, perhaps to fulfill another's wish or curse, and he was granted a few moments of peace, if only to mark his students' work or to wake up and stretch his muscles, become familiar once again with his human bones, its presence always lingered, like a marionette's strings, forever holding him in place.
The ache inside always left him feeling heavy, but today was different.
It was worse.
He sighed, shaking hands reaching for parchment, and let himself think that this was normal, that he always had bad days after the full moon. Which he did, but the sickening feeling in his stomach made it harder to breath. Did the students this morning look… frightened of him?
They often greeted him with smiles, with calls of Good morning, Professor! and Hello, Professor! without any trace of hesitation or fear in their voices. If there ever was so, however, he just assumed it was shyness, which proved to be an okay assumption. He could see it in their eyes that they were merely nervous when speaking to Professors in general.
Today, though, he had his doubts. Something-
He shook his head, sighing once again, and pushed the thought away. No. Nothing was wrong. They were never afraid of him in that way. They didn't know.
He was turning the cap off a bottle of ink when the door to his office creaked open.
"Lupin."
He looked up. He knew that voice. It was low and silky, sickeningly smooth. His hand stopped on the cap of the bottle.
"Severus."
Snape slowly pulled into the room, stopping to stand in the doorway, a hand lingering on the handle. He stood with an air of finesse. Remus felt his chest tighten. He almost looked pleased to be here.
"I come with a message from Dumbledore."
Remus forced himself to relax, slowly pulling the cap off its bottle and summoning a quill. "Go on."
"I assume you remember our little encounter last night, as well as its aftermath." Snape's face twisted into a sneer, making Remus extremely uncomfortable. He fought to snap at Snape and tell him not to prolong the news, but he steadied himself, and watched him instead, nodding his head.
"As much as I detest reminding you of such events," Snape went on, in a voice that suggested the complete opposite. "I also assume you remember waking in the forest early this morning."
Remus nodded. He almost didn't notice that his hand had frozen again, but it did. He motioned toward a student's essay, and it felt like it took an hour for him to do so. His hand felt so heavy, as though it were made of lead and would fall off at any moment.
"Unfortunately for you, Dumbledore decided to take the lesser approach to telling you this." Snape jerked his chin up. He was practically radiating a sick sort of pleasure.
Remus' hands shook. He sighed once more, putting the quill down and setting the parchment aside. He couldn't mark anything whilst feeling like this. His voice was steely when he said, "What is it, Severus?"
Snape moved further into the room. He reached inside his robes and extracted a letter, neatly folded, and set it on Remus' desk.
Remus gave Snape a questioning look before pulling the letter toward him, opening it up and flattening out the creases. The words written inside were wide and blotchy. If it was written out of anger or franticness, he couldn't tell. Either way, the first paragraph made him feel like he would collapse.
Perhaps collapsing wouldn't be such a bad thing, his mind mused. He wouldn't have to deal with the pain in his bones, Snape's sneer, the ache in his heart and the sadness that flowed through his veins as he read the letter.
"Second year student, Melanie Braddock, was bitten last night, by you. Very unwise for a young girl to wander the grounds at such an hour, but I think we're all well aware of your former house's tendencies."
Snape's voice burned through Remus like acid, melting his senses and scorching his nerves to the point of numbness. He set the letter down, not having the energy to even begin to think of speaking. Instead, he let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. He had begun to sweat, and both his forehead and hands felt like they had been dipped in boiling water.
"Dumbledore is awaiting your response," Snape said, and if it wasn't for the mention of Dumbledore, Remus may not have heard. "And let it be known, while the parents of the young girl threaten for your removal, he encourages you to stay. I'm not sure if I would take his advice."
Snape stepped back from Remus' desk and retreated to the door, but before leaving, he turned around and murmured, "I thought it considerate to also tell you that the entirety of the school is now well aware of your affliction. I suggest thinking of such as you mull over the news, but not too much." And at last, he slipped from of the room, his aura of sadistic satisfaction lingering in his wake.
Remus' heart beat painfully in his chest, granting him a headache. Blood pounded through his veins, and for a few long moments he felt as though they would burst.
His knuckles were white when he gripped his desk. The words of the girl's parents left a burning hole in his mind. It set his heart on fire, sent sparks coursing through his body. He let out a strangled breath, fighting the urge to whip out his wand and send a curse at the wall. He didn't need confirmation on the fact that it was Snape who spread the message of his lycanthropy, turning almost every one of his students on him in fear.
He turned to the window, but even the warm sunlight was too painful to bear.
His hands went to his hair and he gripped his head, the cold sweat of his palms mingling with the warmth of his temples. He closed his eyes tight against the outside world, willing himself not to cry. He couldn't cry - it would do no good. But oh, how he would love to just collapse then and there and leave the rest of the world behind, leave all his pain and suffering on the wind and let the marionette strings break.
But puppet masters were not merciful.
As stars erupted before his eyes, tears burned within them, and the full moon laughed at him from below the treetops of the forest.
"Remus."
That voice. He knew that voice. It sent a shiver crawling up his spine, chilled his heart into suppressed fear, but at the same time wrapped comfort around his shoulders and cut the puppet strings from his limbs, but it wasn't enough to tear him away from the window.
Palms digging into his eyes, he very well may have collapsed already, another piece of his heart withered and torn, run dry by tears. But Remus found himself unable to breath, every inch of his body screamed for air, but the hurt was suffocating him, slowly.
"Remus."
This time, the voice was stronger, but Remus paid no heed to it. It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real…
…Or perhaps it was real.
But the pain felt too real. It encircled his insides like smoke. Remus let his nails dig into the skin on his head. What a strange thing it was, to be caught in the midst of wanting to cry and feeling as though he were being strangled. Pain was very much like being tortured.
"Remus." Dumbledore's voice shocked the air, so firm and so strong. Remus' eyes flew open, and he found himself jolting back from the window. His mind was laced with fear, not for the Headmaster's presence, but for his voice. It was very rare that he used that tone.
"Dumbledore," Remus gasped. He shook his head, spluttering. "Albus."
Dumbledore sighed. The light that could normally be found in his eyes had gone out.
He motioned toward Remus' desk, and reached for the crumpled letter that sat between stacks of unmarked essays. He looked over it once, before folding it, and pocketing it.
His eyes scanned the floor. "I should've known sending Severus wasn't the best idea."
Remus stood there, shoulders slumped, back hunched, staring at Dumbledore. He took a moment to glance longingly at his desk chair, before heaving a deep sigh.
Dumbledore looked up then, and for a second he seemed to be gathering his thoughts, letting out another sigh. He gestured toward the desk chair. "Please. Sit, Remus."
It was almost as though Dumbledore expected him to object, but he didn't. Remus moved over to the chair and slowly lowered himself into it, closing his eyes once he could lean back. He wanted nothing more than to escape this world. But sleep was only temporary, and it was several hours off before he could get the chance to do it again.
Suddenly the thought of resignation didn't sound as bad as it did before. The thought of it had run through his mind the minute he had finished the letter he received from Snape, but with it came sadness and shock. Now though, there was only relief. If he could catch a train out of Hogsmeade, that guaranteed a few hours rest.
He heard the creak of the chair opposite the desk, and he opened his eyes to Dumbledore sitting across from him. He appeared to be studying something. Whether it be the floor or the wood, Remus didn't care enough to tell.
"When you came back from forest, Remus, I should've told you," Dumbledore said. His voice was soft and low. "I'm sorry."
Remus was quiet, but when his question demanded an answer, he spoke. "Is she okay?"
Dumbledore looked up. "Yes." He nodded. "You were detained before it could get out of hand. Miss Braddock suffers injuries to the face and jaw, but Madam Pomfrey has managed it well." He paused. "One of the Professors sent a knock-out jinx toward you, which is how I assume you went quiet for the rest of the night."
Remus nodded, stiffly beginning to rub the burn on his right arm. It had been healed, but still left a slight sting when touched.
"As of this point, we are unaware if Miss Braddock suffers permanent afflictions," Dumbledore went on. "Because as I said, you were detained."
Remus nodded, turning his eyes to the sunlight outside. He decided to appreciate, if only for one small second, a moonless sky. The morning had blossomed like a berry in spring, fresh and bright, foretelling better days, but then clouds began to move in, and Remus was reminded to never rely on fate. It only said so much.
He shook his head. That thought seemingly left him more depressed than anything.
He heard Dumbledore take a deep breath. "I'm sure you know by now that the whole school is aware of your being a werewolf, but Remus, believe me when I say that none of us want to see you go."
Remus had put his head in his hands, massaging his temples, but he glanced up at Dumbledore's words. He opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore got there first, "The better of us, at least."
Remus blinked, and not only to erase the sting from his eyes. He licked suddenly dry lips, and shook his head. "I think it is for the best that I resign."
Dumbledore frowned, but inclined his head. "Well, if it what you wish. Dare I say, however, that I will be greatly dispirited at your departure. Severus does not take kindly to rejections."
Remus smiled, and it was genuine. He even let out a small laugh. "Send him my condolences." He straightened up and pulled to him a roll of parchment and a quill, finally taking to use of the opened bottle of ink.
Minutes passed as Remus wrote his letter of resignation. When that time was up, and the sun had painted a mosaic of gold across the room, shining through patches of overcast, he handed it to Dumbledore. The handing over of his position as Defense teacher was heavy on his heart, but light on his conscience.
Dumbledore looked it over for a moment, then nodded his head. "Thank you, Remus."
Remus nodded back, then a thought struck him. "Albus," he said, a slight urgent tone in his voice. "Sirius-"
"Is safe," said Dumbledore, folding Remus' letter and placing it inside his robes. "Everyone is safe. Sirius is free and currently on the run once more."
Remus was able to relax a little after that. He nodded again, sinking back into his chair.
Dumbledore seemed to contemplate speaking his next sentence for a while, before finally he said, "Peter had escaped, however."
Remus stopped rubbing his temples again to stare at his former Headmaster, unease written on every line of his face, and perhaps there was a little disgust in his eyes as well. He tried to speak, but found himself unable to.
Dumbledore let out a soft sigh. "It is believed that he has gone and returned to his former master, but we cannot be sure."
Remus nodded, narrowing his eyes. Peter was cowardly, but for him to act in the way of one would hardly be looked down upon this time. Remus only hoped his past friend would do so.
Remus turned away as silence flooded the room. He realised suddenly that in mere seconds he would be preparing to leave this office, and Hogwarts once more. The thought made him turn to window at the end of the room. This time, he allowed himself to take in his expression.
He was pale, which only made the scars on his face stand out so much more than they already did. His eyes were red, his body looked like it could break in half at any moment. He sighed, forcing himself to look away, but instead caught Dumbledore's face in the glass.
His expression was unreadable, and he didn't appear to judging, to which Remus was thankful for. Obviously, Dumbledore never judged him, but when Remus looked at his own reflection, he saw only the monster he always feared he would be, and had to only assume that others saw it as well.
This time he really did look away, taking in a sharp, shaky breath. "I should be going now."
Dumbledore turned and gave him a quiet, sorrowful look, but nodded.
Remus gathered his suitcase, and spent the next ten minutes packing in silence. It didn't take long for him to complete the task. Reaching for his traveling cloak, he turned regretful eyes on the unmarked essays. "I'm sorry," he said.
Dumbledore remained silent, but when he looked up into Remus' eyes, they shared a quiet exchange. Both seemed to have extravagant understanding of each other when it came to teaching.
Remus let out a quiet sigh, and sat down to grade the last of his student's work.
The next half hour passed in dulcet silence. Only the scratching of a quill and the flipping of parchment could be heard between seconds. Remus traced every score with select care, a final wave to his students, a goodbye to each of them. When he was finished, he stood up and Dumbledore gave a small smile.
He shouldered on his traveling cloak, giving Dumbledore a nod and quiet "Thank you" before departing to the door.
"Remus," Dumbledore said abruptly, holding his hand up. Remus, his hand on the door handle, turned back around to the Headmaster's words, "Your carriage shall be at the gates when you reach the grounds, but… Say goodbye to Harry."
He stood there in silence for a moment, then felt his lips turn up ever so slightly into a sad and tired smile. "Of course."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. He slowly stood up and gave Remus a short bow. "Until we meet again. Now, I must prepare the applications for next year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I do hope we are as lucky as we were this year."
Remus half smiled, despite his exhaustion. It felt so good to smile. "Good luck." And he closed the door to Dumbledore's parting grin.
Of course, he thought, as he began down the stairs of the Defense classroom, this wasn't really a goodbye. He would see Hogwarts again. He would see everyone again.
He only hoped it was at a time when things were better.
After all, Peter had escaped.
Peter had escaped.
Those words burned an even deeper hole in his mind, every word meant something different, and all of it sent Remus' heart plummeting again. He let out another long sigh as he departed his old classroom, in search for Harry. However, something about the situation made Remus think that Harry was already in search for him.
He looked toward the grounds as he made his way down the corridor, taking in the high wind, the gathering clouds, swathing the world in a cloak of grey. How odd it was, to wake to a morning so bright only to be greeted by a storm in the afternoon. Remus pushed the thought away, however, as rain began to fall around the castle. It hardly mattered.
He stopped suddenly, reaching into the pocket of his robes and feeling for the Marauders Map. It was there, and a kind of warmth flowed through him. He would give it to Harry. It would be in the hands of whom it truly belonged to, just as it was always meant to be.
He secured it back in his pocket, and as the rain soon began to pound heavily down on the castle, Remus watched the marble staircases move above him, the many portraits that hung along the walls exchanging lively looks. A thousand years standing Hogwarts was, and even still, after all the times he had passed through the same corridors, none of it ever failed to amaze him. He smiled as the last thoughts of his old job departed his mind. The students would be safe, and he would no longer be a burden. The moon was gone for now, his puppet master rendered powerless for another month. His marionette strings had been cut, and Remus was able to make amends with peace at last.
A/N: For the record, I made the name (or unknowingly stole, forgetting the source) of the girl. Also, I was going to write a scene between Remus and Harry, but it wouldn't have been much different from the ending in PoA, so I left it out, and I assume most people would be able to guess how it went because of that. I'm not entirely happy with this, but it's better than it could've been, I suppose. Any kind feedback is greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading!