Chapter One: Stupid Fanfiction
So it was 2:30 am Dec 27, and as I have been doing recently, I was reading stupid fanfiction of the Hobbit, because of course that's how a 18 year old, young adult, and well looking female is supposed to spend holidays! I mean seriously what the hell is wrong with me!? People outside NORMAL PEOPLE spend their X-mas with either friends or family, laughing, eating, telling stories EATING A TURKEY WITH POTATOES, SOCIALIZE! And sharing good moments with their love ones (along posting, liking and sharing their photos on Facebook). AND WHAT DID I DO? While my family was having I nice, comfortable and warm special carol moment, I spend half the night reading frickin Fanfiction on my iPod, half of it The Hobbit fanficton for God Sake!
While everyone made a toast at the dinner wishing for another good year, I was secretly wishing under my breath to be suck into another dimension, hopefully one with elves, dragons and swords and no need to go to school unless wizardly stuff was going to be teached. And don´t even get me started with the present time. While the kids where receiving their gifts I was secretly imagining a scenario that by the time my turn was, I would get a magic necklace that was kept as secret by my family for years, and it was the key to a world where I was the right heir to the throne and I were the reincarnation of a princess and that it was time now for me to return to my world. BUT DID ANY OF THAT SHIT HAPPEN? NO I GOT FUCKIN CHANNEL N°5 (not that I complain it was actually on my list).
Now don´t get me wrong, I am not the classic sad moping teenager who got a really tragic past and that's why she has a need to refuge on fantasy, in order to avoid her harsh reality, no hell no, in fact is by the other contrary I got everything a girl would ask for! A good medium class life, a good well educated school, fun and good friends and a loving hilarious family, seriously they never get me bored, well most of the time, well sometimes… well except that time were my granny showed up and … AGHH I AM GETTING OFF THE TOPIC. Okay in summary I got everything I need and to be happy, except of course A LIFE CHANGING, LIFE ECXITING, and LIFE THRILLING ADVENTURE! Oh my god you see with what I´m dealing! I am dealing with a motherfucker unsatisfying void!
And please again don´t get me wrong I am not a moping person although I MIGHT LOOK LIKE ONE RIGHT NOW but seriously! I was happy I was like Bilbo! I had a nice and awesome life and then GANDALF or in my case PETER JACKSON´S movie had to come in and revive my inner child who would love nothing more but to go to a lifetime adventure. And Gee unlucky me has an inner child with really high adventure expectations about riding dragons and having superpowers and lucky me doesn´t live on a world that can satisfy her childish childhood dreams. And now look at me reduced into reading fanfiction in order to fill a void that will never be truly filled , telling her problems on loud voice to a mirror as if it would magically tell me something awesome was about to happen. (I forgot to mention I had to pee, don´t worry I am over I am just talking to the mirror as if an invisible audience was watching my whining episode, but don´t worry I am officially over.)
Or so I thought
Sighing, I made my way to my room it was now 3:13 and luckily for me everyone was asleep. I took another deep breath realizing my x-mas wish was never going to come true and that anything awesome was going to happen other than me reading a couple of more unfinished fanfictions before sleeping and hoping for a Kili erotic dream. Yeah maybe this wasn´t bad at all, maybe on a few more days I would go over my pathetic and small depression episode and I would come back to live my nice life as happy as I was, you know my really interesting life with teenage normal adventures, going to movies, to parks, to parties, trying to get on collage and trying to get a boyfriend and you know… a peaceful life without the… epic sword fights… and the horse ridings, the battle victory parties… or the handsome men or the super powers or or….the exciting part.. And the
And then… my chair broke.
And with that I lost it!
"GOD I AM SUCH A LOOSER, I AM NEVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING INTERESTING ON MY LIFE, I AM GOING TO HAVE THE MOST AVERAGE LIFE WITH THE MOST AVERAGE JOB AND THE MOST AVERAGE HUSBAND!"
I don´t know if it was the excessive energy I was going through (due to the three packages of smarties and 6 six bags of chocolate I were eating for the last 3 days), the pain of the fall or just the plain emotion of the moment, but I was crying. And God it was so annoying. Like seriously, I was rolled up on a fetal position, tearing my eyes out and giving bratty kicks to all of the pillows. It was by all definitions pathetic.
"Dear Valentino, why can´t I have an interesting life?-I asked my red sweater teddy- Why can´t I have sword skills and superpowers? Why can´t I go with the company and HELP THORIN RECLAME BACK HIS LAND! WHY? WHY?"
I began to cry once more, as I hugged Valentino. Really, that old buddy has seen me cry and sleep with me since they gave it to me on my 7th birthday.
"I HATE MY LIFE!"
"God with those screams I would hate your life too"
And then that's when I saw her, there sitting on my desk was sitting. She had long blonde hair that could reach her ankles, porcelain skin and icy blue eyes, she was wearing a pretty white dress, a woman so beautiful she remind me of Lady Galadriel, Of course if Lady Galadriel wore a x-mas hat, black leather jacket, chains on her waist and had several tattoos on her arms and neck.
"What? Who are you?- I asked looking to her in my obviously snot and tear stain face."
"The X-mas-wishing spirit"
My eyes widen and my smile spread from ear to ear from the realizations, could this be possible could the universe finally heard my pleadings?
"Oh my god, it's this possible are you here because you heard my wish?"
"No I am here because I had enough with your foolish wishes!"
Well that broke my heart.
"Honestly girl, I have always receive useless wishes, like seriously I am the X-mas spirit!-The women said on a mocking and yet annoyed voice- I heard the "I want more money wish", "I want a girlfriend wish", "I want to be popular wish" and even the "I want my life to be interesting and thrilling wish shit"
Well it was good to know that the X-mas Spirit was a jerk.
"But never in my life has come a time where even after X-mas was over and they realize they were never going to get their wishes, they would still wish for the same wish, every single day and hour with no STOP, not until Now!"
Her thin finger was pointing at me and by that point she was standing up, (really tall) and looking furiously at me.
"I am sorry… spirit... I don't know where I got it… I … I promise I will stop wishing..
"No, No! You are the whole reason I came here, you and your stupid wish!"
I was looking to the floor sadly not daring to see the probable product of my imagination, produced by my subconscious in a sad attempt to get me overcome my little depression episode.
"Hey hey! Looser, I´m speaking to you!"
"Um… sorry what were you saying"- I had all my hopes lost
"I said I am going to motherfucking grant your wish!"
If it wasn´t because I had pee earlier I would have pee in that moment.
"Really you are going to do that"
"Thaaaats right, and I am not only going to grant your stupid wish , I am going to make sure you never ASK FOR ANOTHER ONE AGAIN!
"So what are you going to give me for my journey, powers? Sword abilities? Emm wizard abilities?"
"Hold on, Hold on, abilities? I am no Motherfucking Santa Claus; I am just going to take you to The Hobbit´s stupid World!"
"WHAAAAAAT? But without any sort of sword skills or fighting skills how am I supposed to survive?!"
"Ahh you should have thought about that before you made me come here!" – She then snapped her fingers and I was suddenly strapped to the bed-
And with that said she began to chant a strange song while everything in the room began to fly and being thrown everywhere, everything even my beloved laptop!
"No please!"-I tried- "I changed of opinion I love my life I want to stay! Fuck I want to live!"
"Too late bitch"
She smirked at me, and snapped her fingers once more and with that the bed began to suck me in, literally, the bed was sucking me inside of it!
I was officially scared…
She walked towards me, a sick devilish smile on her face, and clutched both of my cheeks with one hand,
"Now you better hold up and better enjoy the journey"
"Noo, please!"- I shake my head as the mattress sucked me more.
"Cause you are never coming back!"- And with that said I was pulled into a dark abysm.
I don´t remember a lot about what happen next , only stranger bizarre images of hairy feet, manly beards and Gollum eyes all the way down the hole, her smile as I fell, my screams and I think I saw Mr. Valentino falling with me.
Oh god in what kind of messed up thing had I got myself into…
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooo
A/N: So this is it, my introduction for my new hobbit fanfinction. Lol, It took me 2 hours to write this, well tell me what you think about it! And by the way merry X-mas!