Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, its characters or any of its concepts. I just love telling stories. And if you're enjoying yourself while reading this piece of fiction, that's all I could have ever hoped for ^^
Note from the author: This story is directly related to my other story "The Secrets We Keep". Don't read this until you've read the last chapter of TSWK! Because if you haven't, it's just one single, big spoiler! XD (And it wouldn't make much sense anyway:)
This story is set one week after the events in "Dr. Bashir, I presume" (season 5).
Synopsis: Not too seldom there are two sides of every story. And sometimes life still manages to surprise us.
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"The bonds we share – Another story"
by Mijra
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Unsure, he stared at the commpanel. At the list of unread messages, highlighted in a bright green as if they were dueling for his attention. His inbox was full of them – and recently he never really got around reading all of them. But there was one message that particularly stood out among the flood of service reports, news bulletins and official messages from Starfleet Medical.
He stared at the sender's name, unblinking, until his eyes began to water. For a dreadfully long moment, he just sat there, his heart pounding so hard in his ears that he forgot everything else around him. But then he tore his gaze away from the display, let out a slow, deep breath - and shut down the commpanel. He was late anyway. And he had an appointment to keep. He drew himself up in a hurry, and squinted with a side glance at the chronometer. It was already past lunchtime. Suppressing a curse, he grabbed his uniform jacket and headed for the door of his quarters.
He'd be late. Again.
Hurrying through the habitat ring, he made it in time to the Promenade to find his lunch companion still seated at one of the free tables in the Replimat.
"I'm sorry, Garak!" he quickly apologized even while he tried to manage his way through the waiting Starfleet personnel. When he dropped heavily into the chair opposite the Cardassian tailor he threw a quick look around to assess how good his chances were to line up behind all those waiting people and get his lunch in time to make it to the infirmary before his shift began. Gloomily, he realized that they weren't exactly good.
"Never mind, Doctor," Garak arched one inquisitive brow at his sight. It seemed as if he had already ordered, a steaming, half emptied plate of Kulba stew before him. Julian couldn't blame him. They had been supposed to meet over half an hour ago. "Please forgive me my blunt remark but you do seem a little preoccupied recently. May I ask if there is something the matter?"
Julian shot him a puzzled, wary look. "What do you mean?"
"If I'm counting right, this is the third time in a row that you're late for our lunch. I wouldn't mind if it were my company you found uninteresting but I doubt that this is the real reason behind it," Garak commented in his typical nonchalant yet attentive way.
Julian shook his head, miserably. "I'm sorry, Garak. It's just that…" he began, but let the rest taper off.
It's just… what exactly? He knew that he hadn't been his usual self lately. At least not after what had happened with Dr. Zimmerman almost a week ago. But could anyone blame him? He still felt rather awkward among people now that everyone must know about the disaster that had happened when Dr. Zimmerman had chosen Julian as the model for the his new EHM. It was like everyone on the station was pretending that everything was okay even though he felt their inquisitive gazes on his back every time he passed the Promenade. Their curious gazes following him, assessing him. Their whispers behind his back. He didn't need to catch them staring at him to know that everyone was watching him. There were times he found it utterly unsettling. And times he wished for the events of the last week to come undone.
He sighed and resisted the urge to rub his eyes.
He felt so tired recently. Or perhaps the recent events had just taken more out of him than he was ready to admit.
Garak kept watching him intently, still waiting for Julian's reply. When the young doctor kept stubbornly silent, he sighed. It was a light sigh, more with the tinge of sympathy than resignation. "Let me have a guess. You're still bothered by the events of last week?"
Julian tried not to meet his questioning gaze. It wasn't really hard to come to this particular conclusion, he thought bitterly. But then he just shook his head. "I got a call from an old friend this morning…" he began hesitantly, not sure why he was even telling Garak. Judging by the look on the Cardassian's face, his interest seemed to be piqued.
"So, I don't see where the problem is," Garak simply shrugged, his intense blue eyes fixed on Julian. Sometimes, even after all these years, that penetrating stare still managed to throw him off balance. It was like Garak was seeing right through him.
"She's one of my friends from the Academy. We were in the same course. She's become a doctor, like me," he offered with a stab of nostalgia. "We…" he hesitated before he said in a quiet voice: "…used to be quite close."
Garak seemed unimpressed, loading a forkful in his mouth before he finally said: "So, if you are such good friends as you tell me, I can't really see what the problem is."
Julian shook his head. "It is not that simple…"
"Oh, my dear Doctor, correct me if I'm wrong but you simply sit down before the commpanel, push the dial button and…"
"Garak!"
For an awkwardly long moment, they kept sitting silently opposite each other. Until Garak suddenly spoke up again. "Am I correct if I assume that they didn't know about your genetically enhanced background?"
Julian stared miserably ahead. Did they know? Of course not. No one had known. And that was the problem.
"Well, Chief O'Brien didn't know about it either and the last time I saw you two in the holosuites the day before yesterday he was still your friend," Garak offered thoughtfully. "And if it is any comfort to you, I am not disturbed by the recent events either."
"That's something different…"
"Is it, really?"
Julian shook his head, his mind involuntarily wandering back in time. It was so long ago. Almost like in another lifetime. There had happened so much during the last five years since he graduated from the Academy. But he still remembered those days they had spent together as if it had been yesterday. They were so much a part of him that he doubted he would ever really forget them. Even though their lives had led them so far away from one another that they hardly had the chance to see each other now, he felt a certain warmth in his heart every time he thought back to the seven years they had spent together. Only that today it was different. At the memory, he felt his stomach turn into knots, and his throat tighten painfully. Because something had happened. And he wasn't sure if he could ever again put it right.
"I'm sorry, Garak, but I think I have to go," he said in an all at once unsteady voice and drew himself up in a hurry. From one moment to the other the place felt suddenly crowded. Cramped and noisy. "Sorry for the lunch. I promise, I'll make it up to you."
He turned away quickly enough before Garak could question him further – just to almost bump into Jadzia. He hadn't seen the young Trill coming up to them.
"Julian! I was searching for you," she exclaimed in surprise. Then her lips drew into a mischievous smile. "I've got some splendid news!"
He kept his head low so that she couldn't see his face while he pushed past her at the same time.
"I'm sorry, Jadzia. Can we discuss this some time later?" And with that he just left them alone in the Replimat.
He didn't see the stunned look on Jadzia's face. Nor did he see the dark frown on Garak's when they watched him disappear into the bustling crowd.
He all but fled into the infirmary, heading directly to his office and locking the door behind him. He wasn't sure why this was getting so much to him. He knew that Garak was right. It was just about answering the call and explaining the situation. All this was his fault anyway. He'd known that sooner or later someone might find out the truth. And more than once he'd thought about what his friends or colleagues would say if it happened. It was just about gritting your teeth and getting to it. So why was it so utterly difficult for him?
He dropped down heavily into the chair at his desk – and buried his face in his hands. Numbly he realized that his hands had begun shaking.
Because it was about to happen again.
All the time he'd tried to push it from his mind, all the years he had spent with them, lying to them, holding back what he knew he should have told them. To protect himself. To push the feeling of guilt and remorse from his mind. And now they'd found out the truth. He could barely begin to imagine as what a shock it must have come for them. They'd shared so much. They'd been so close all those years. And now they had to learn that everything had been a lie. That he had been lying to them all the time.
He felt despair close in on him, making him draw his hands into fists.
He'd never wanted to hurt them. They'd been his family. They'd been so close. He'd been so afraid of losing them – and now the day had come when exactly this was happening.
When he'd told Garak that it was something different, he'd meant it. Because the bond they shared was something completely different than the friendship he had with Chief O'Brien – or Garak for that matter. They'd practically grown up together. They'd been as close as friends could ever be. They'd gone through so much together. They'd trusted one another.
They'd trusted one another.
His forehead sank to the table as he tried to sort through the chaos of feelings in his mind.
He should have told them. The heavy weight of regret was almost unbearable. But it was too late for that now. He'd probably never make up for what he had done to them. He was so scared of seeing into their faces now that they must have learned the truth.
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to clear his thinking.
"Sisko to Dr. Bashir."
The sudden call cut through the heavy silence in his office like a knife, making his head jerk up in surprise.
After a dreadfully long moment in which he considered what would happen if he just ignored the call, he finally pulled himself together. "Bashir here. What's the matter, Captain?" He just hoped his voice didn't sound as unsteady to the captain as it sounded to his own ears.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Doctor. But could you spare some minutes to come to my office?"
He cursed the perfect timing. He knew that he must be a terrible sight right now. "Oh…I-I… actually I have my hands quite full right now. But I can drop by in - let's say half an hour?"
"I'm sorry, Julian. I need you here now. It's an emergency."
Julian swallowed, but instantly drew himself up. "I'm on my way."
He entered the captain's office with the medkit firmly in his hands. He knew that the short trip to the bathroom had done little to conceal the exhaustion on his face. When he had looked into the mirror, he'd winced at his own sight and just prayed that in the dim lights in the captain's office Sisko wouldn't pay closer attention to why his first medical officer literally looked like death warmed over.
With a quick look around the captain's office, he tried to assess what kind of emergency was waiting for him. But the only thing that was waiting for him there was the familiar sight of Captain Sisko behind his desk. Sisko was leaning back in his chair, his baseball in his hand.
"Where's the emergency?" Julian asked in confusion with another uncertain look around.
Sisko drew himself up and came around the desk. When he had noticed the pale look on Julian's face, he was discreet enough not to comment.
"Right here," the captain said firmly as he laid one arm around his shoulder, steering the young man with him to the couch at one side of the office and gesturing for him to sit down. Confused, Julian did as he was told, the medkit still dangling from his hand, not quite sure what to make of the situation.
"Some time ago, I received a call from a certain person who told me that it was very important that she get in touch with you," the captain began in that unsettling even voice of his that betrayed little of what was really going through his mind at that moment. "She told me that she's been trying to contact you for days, but that you wouldn't answer any of her messages," he offered with a raised eyebrow. His voice carried a slight tinge of worry.
"But, sir," Julian blurted, utterly unsure what this was about.
"She's gone to great lengths to contact you. I think you should hear what she has to say," Sisko watched him intently.
And then it finally began to dawn on him. This had to be some kind of bad joke. Sisko couldn't really mean… He felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. But then the captain went over to the computer interface and activated the display as if he was sensing that if he left Julian with any choice, he'd have all but fled from his office.
"I'm really not…" Julian tried to save the situation, already about to draw himself up just to be interrupted by Sisko who held up one hand to stop any further protest that might have come from the young doctor.
"You'll listen to her. And that's an order," he simply said, all but ignoring the half startled, half terrified look on his chief medical officer's face.
Julian swallowed hard, but with no other choice, he finally nodded weakly.
"Take your time. I'm out in OPS," Sisko said before he turned on his heels and vanished through the door of his office. Julian watched him go with a queasy feeling, his whole body so tense as if something terrible was going to happen to him any minute now.
Anxiously, he turned toward the screen and watched the Starfleet logo being replaced by a blurred image. His heart pounded up into his throat and his hands had gone all sweaty. It came so suddenly, he hadn't even had time to collect his thoughts. He wasn't even sure what to say. With a pounding heart, he watched the display flicker into life. The person on the other side seemed to be online.
The first thing he recognized was something – or someone – moving in front of the camera. He heard some giggle and the next moment a soft voice drifted over the commlink. "Come on, sweetheart, let your mommy have some free minutes for once." And suddenly he realized that it was a toddler who was standing in front of the camera. He saw a pair of strong hands lift him up in the air and out of the camera view, followed by another disembodied voice. "Thanks, Steven."
His heart beat faster.
He knew that voice. And another second later, a young man grinned into the camera, waiving with the child in his arms. "Say hello to Uncle Julian."
Steven… Somehow that name rang a bell. His mind worked to place where he knew the name from. He knew that it sounded somehow familiar…
Another moment later, she finally came into view.
"Marin…"
She hadn't changed. She still wore her hair flowing lightly over her slender shoulders, her face as fine and gentle as he remembered it. With a twinge of guilt he realized that he hadn't spoken to her in three years. But seeing her familiar face over subspace it strangely felt as if it had only been yesterday.
She blew out her cheeks and measured him with mock indignation. "Julian Bashir, you know that I've been trying to get in touch with you for more than a week now, don't you? What have you been thinking by ignoring my calls?" She held his gaze firmly for several more seconds, before her face suddenly broke into a broad smile. "It's so good to see you, Julian!"
"Marin, how did you… I mean… you just contacted my commanding officer!" Julian said incredulous despite all his nervousness.
The young woman just grinned. "You didn't leave me much choice, did you? By the way, he's a very nice person."
Then her face became a little more serious. Her brow furrowed when she seemed to search for the right words. "Julian…" she started hesitantly.
She knew. He could tell by the shimmer in her eyes that she had heard of what had happened with Dr. Zimmerman. God, by now the whole quadrant must know about it. He felt his cheeks flush. And his gaze dropped ashamedly to the floor. "I'm sorry. I know I should have told you. I'm so sorry you had to learn it this way…" he blurted even before she had the chance to speak. His heart was hammering so fast that he felt short of breath, his stomach all knots. This was even worse than he had imagined.
"I'm sorry, Marin," he whispered, so quietly that he wasn't sure if she had even heard. But everything else than a whisper seemed inappropriate in this situation. It was so awkward a moment that he'd given about anything not to be trapped in the captain's office.
"Julian," he heard her soft voice, "…look at me." It took all his courage to do as she told him. But when he reluctantly lifted his gaze, she was suddenly smiling. It was that special smile of hers. Sad, yet affectionate. Like back in old times. He hadn't known how much he had missed her in all these years.
She took a deep breath and sighed. "Julian… we already knew."
The words came so utterly unexpected that he wasn't sure that he had heard right. Julian glanced up at her image, perplexed. "What… do you mean?"
"The enhancements," she smiled sadly, a little bit embarrassed. "I know that you might have thought that we found out through the events with Dr. Zimmerman but… the truth is that we've known all along."
For a long moment, Julian just stared at her image. "What?"
And suddenly another voice sounded over intercom. "Has nobody ever told you that you're talking in your sleep?" And with a pounding heart he saw another figure moving into the view of the camera.
"Alan…"
Julian watched the screen with complete bafflement. There they were. His two friends. Like in old times. He was so taken aback by the sudden turn in events that he knew he must be a sight as if a wormhole had just opened up before him. "But… how…?" he stammered.
Marin smiled sadly. "Julian, we're your friends. We spent almost every day of seven long years together. There are things you are bound to notice when you're so close to someone."
If he had expected much, he surely hadn't expected this. He was so lost for words that all he could do was stare at the display and try to make sense of what they were telling him.
"At first we weren't sure," Alan reluctantly began as he sat down next to Marin. He hadn't really changed either. But he seemed to have given up on those big black-framed glasses he used to wear back at the Academy. And he looked a lot more grown up than the last time he'd seen him. "At least not until after the incident with Amos."
Amos. It was the first time in years that he was hearing that name. He felt a stab of something, unsure what it was. But almost against his will, he found his thoughts wandering back in time, to a distant place, many years ago. The incident with Amos. The experiment. He'd thought years of normal life had put the events behind him. But within the blink of an eye, he was there again. He remembered that day in Amos' lab – and all the other days in ICU afterward like if it had been yesterday, the memory more vivid than ever.
Amos. The man who had influenced his life in a way nobody else ever had. How often had he found himself wondering what had become of Amos after that fateful night almost nine years ago. Until at some point or another his memory had more or less faded into oblivion. With a start he realized that he hadn't thought of Amos for a long time. At least not since he'd come to the station and started his new life here.
At the memory, he felt a strange tingle.
Alan pressed his lips into a tight line. "Do you remember the time after they released you from the infirmary when the thing with Amos happened? You had so much trouble sleeping then. You stayed up night after night because you couldn't sleep. And even when you fell asleep your sleep was fitful and restless. Sometimes you would wake to the sound of your own cries. And it always took me a great deal to convince you that everything had just been a bad dream and that you were safe. I don't think you ever remembered those nights when you woke up drenched in sweat. But I did. And you scared the living daylights out of me." Alan took a deep breath. "I mean, I knew that you went through a lot and that the accident with Amos in his lab had been nothing to make light of. But I also knew that there was something else that was wrong with you. But I didn't know what. You kept telling me that you were okay. But I knew that something was wrong. And that was when I went to Edwards to ask him for help."
"You went to Edwards?" Julian swallowed. Edwards. He knew how scared and intimidated Alan had always been by his presence. He could hardly imagine how a conversation between Edwards and Alan must have looked like.
"He was the only person I could think of. He had found you after the experiment and he'd been the one to tell us first about the accident with Amos in his lab. And I was just convinced that he knew more about the whole story than he tried to let on. I told him about your condition and that I just wanted to help. But the only thing he told me was to be there for you. He wouldn't tell me more. He just asked me to take care of you. And that was when I definitely knew that something else was going on."
Unsure, Julian's eyes shifted from Alan to Marin and back. Talking about events that had happened so many years ago, in a completely different time of his life, felt strange. It was like if they were back to being students. As if they had all traveled back in time.
Alan rubbed his temples. "And then there were the midterm exams… Even though you almost missed four whole weeks you were again best of our class. Everyone thought that you were just putting so much effort into catching up. And then everyone knew that you were just an extraordinary student. But they didn't see you alone in your quarters. They didn't see you sitting on your bed, staring for hours at the same page of your PADD with an expression that left no doubt that you were actually miles away. They didn't see the hollow look in your eyes whenever you thought no one was watching you. They didn't notice you stealing yourself away at night when everyone else was fast asleep, spending hours at the racquet ball court to wear yourself down enough to find at least some few hours of sleep."
Julian stared at Alan, mortified. He hadn't known that Alan had noticed. He'd always thought that he'd managed to be quiet enough not to draw Alan's attention when he picked up his racquetball bag at night and tiptoed across the room. He'd always thought that Alan had been fast asleep at that time. But he remembered those nights. He remembered how much the events with Amos had shaken him. And he knew that he'd been anything but himself in the weeks that followed. He remembered how desperately he had struggled to go on with his life. And how much it had hurt not to be able to tell anyone. But now that he thought about it, he also remembered how much Alan and Marin had been there for him. Whenever he'd felt like he'd break under the memory, Alan and Marin and Brigs had been there for him.
Alan suddenly chuckled, embarrassedly running a hand through his hair, like if he had just remembered something funny. "Do you remember that tea my Mum sent us from home which we used to drink every evening before we went to bed? You don't really want to know what was in there…"
"You drugged me?" Julian asked, incredulous.
"Only a little. And only at the beginning. Edwards' advice hadn't been really helpful and I didn't know what else to do. You just looked so terrible. And I was afraid that if I did nothing you would one day just collapse in a heap at somebody's feet," he laughed, a strange look of honest relief crossing his face. As if he was glad that he no longer needed to keep it secret. Like if he had been waiting all these years for the day when he could finally tell Julian the truth.
"It had been Marin's idea, actually…" Alan admitted with a sheepish grin, just earning him a devastating look from the young woman next to him. "It was also her who came up with the idea that somehow you were more talented than you tried to let on…"
Marin shook her head. "You were just so good. Not only after the incident with Amos. You always seemed to manage so well. Doing all your studies, going out with friends, doing all your racquetball, and still get the best grades in class. And then there was that incident with that small boy in the botanic garden, do you remember?" She asked with a sparkle in her eyes, as if she was seeing it all again in her mind's eye. "I saw your face back then. I mean, it was when I saw the real you for the first time. You were so different then. So…" she was struggling to find the right words. "…capable. It's like I saw for the first time what you were really able to do… I mean, when you're not held back by others. It was like a completely different you."
Alan leaned forward with a grin. "Or do you remember when we had to do the essay on the Eugenic Wars? You all but exploded on Marin on that day. You were suddenly so furious and no one knew what was up with you."
Julian swallowed. Had it been that obvious? With a queasy feeling he wondered how many others might have noticed as well.
"It were small things. But added up they spoke volumes," Marin said thoughtfully.
"After Marin came up with the idea, we went back to Edwards," Alan commented. "He still wouldn't tell us the truth. It was only when I told him that just because he wasn't answering my questions I wouldn't stop asking them that he seemed to realize that the damage was already done and that the only thing he could do was to try to do some damage control."
"He told us the truth. About you and Amos," Marin hugged her arms around her and for a short moment, her face adopted that painful look he knew all too well. It was the same look she'd given him back when they'd first visited him in the infirmary after the accident with Amos. Like if she was unspeakably sorry for everything. Like if she would have given anything if she could just make him feel better.
"But why haven't you said anything?" he asked with honest astonishment. It was the first thing that came to his mind.
"Out of the same reason you never mentioned it," Alan said slowly. "We promised Edwards that we'd never lose a word about the things he'd told us. He made us promise that we would never approach you – unless you told us first. It was hard. But he thought that after everything with Amos, the last thing you needed was to worry about other persons knowing about the truth no matter if they were your friends or not."
Julian felt a sudden rush of emotions. It all came so suddenly. He'd never thought… he'd never even suspected…
"I'm so sorry, we couldn't tell you earlier," Marin grimaced, obviously struggling with her own emotions. "You know, when Dr. Zimmerman chose you as the model for his new project, we were so worried that something like this would happen. That the truth would somehow come out."
He felt his heart skip a beat. "You… know of Dr. Zimmerman?"
Marin offered a crooked smile. "It's hard not to know of him. That man's a real… well, definitely someone you don't want to work with if you ask me. He's working in the same department at Jupiter Station as Alan."
"You can't imagine how worried I was when I first got wind of his plans!" Alan blurted, as if he had been waiting all these last weeks to finally tell him. "I heard of his project and that he was going to see you on DS9 and when he showed me that questionnaire of his…"
"Alan called me instantly," Marin shot Alan beside her an amused look. "He was all back to his old self. You know, back in the first year when he was so nervous he couldn't bring out a coherent sentence at one go. And it was in the middle of the night. He was so flustered about Dr. Zimmerman poking around in your private life and he so dreaded that he might find out and that we had to do something. I think he would have even sabotaged Dr. Zimmerman's shuttle if I hadn't stopped him."
Julian sat there on the couch of the captain's office, completely unsure if he should be laughing or crying. His friend's unexpected confession had thrown him completely off balance that was sure. In all the years he'd never even suspected that they could know the truth. God, he'd felt so bad for not telling them. And now, after all these years, he had to find out that they'd known all along. He felt like his whole world had suddenly turn upside down. He was so stunned by the sudden turn in events as if someone had punched him right into the face. But even as he tried to digest the news and grasp the momentousness of his friend's confession, even as he slowly started to realize that finally, after all these years, he no longer needed to hide who he really was, he felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was like for the first time in years, he was allowing himself to relax just a little, the sensation sending tears into his eyes because he'd almost forgotten what it felt like not to carry with him the heavy feeling of guilt. He'd never thought that one day he'd be able to face them. As himself. As the person he really was.
"I… never knew," he admitted in an unsteady voice, suddenly thick with pent-up emotions. "I felt so guilty about not telling you. But I just couldn't… Not after what happened with Amos anyway…"
Alan offered his most reassuring smile. "Same here. You can't imagine how I felt when Dr. Zimmerman came back to report his devastating encounter with you. But I'm glad it finally came out. I'm glad we're finally able to talk about it. I'm so glad how all this turned out."
Julian almost unconsciously wiped at the moisture that had begun to form in the corner of his eyes. It felt as if a lifetime of pressure had suddenly been taken from him. He laughed in spite of himself, a solitary tear stealing its way down his cheek as he tried to keep his emotions at bay. He didn't know what to say. He was so overwhelmed that for a few long moments he simply struggled to regain his composure. But it felt good. He couldn't tell how good it felt.
They would have spent several more minutes sitting silently next to each other hadn't it been for the young boy who suddenly came stumbling into view, collapsing giggling at Marin's feet.
"Julian, there's someone I'd like you to meet…" With a fond smile, Marin hoisted the child up and helped him to sit on her knees. "You remember my son?" she beamed at him, making the little boy on her lap wave at him.
Still struggling with his emotions, Julian's face lit up with genuine surprise when he watched the young boy on the other side of the subspace link. "Wow, he's grown so much! I mean, the last time we spoke he was just born," he said with wonder, remembering the day three years ago when Marin had contacted him with the newborn in her arms. Had it really been so long? Where had time gone? "He's got your looks. I can't believe that it's been so long…" And with a stab of nostalgia he suddenly realized that he knew exactly where the last three years had gone. She only hadn't been a part of it. Only now he realized how much he had tried to keep the different stages of his life separated. How much he had tried to be someone else. How much he had tried to leave his old life – and his friends – at the Academy behind and start a new life here. All but ignoring his past.
He shook his head. And it was when his gaze dropped again to the little boy in Marin's arms that he suddenly remembered. "Marin… I heard you talk to someone called Steven earlier…" he began slightly unsure.
At his words, the young woman's grin widened even further. Then she shot an amiable and conspiratorial side glance at Alan. The young man flushed, but then he just smiled, a little bit embarrassed. "You know him, Julian. I've told you about him when we were still at the Academy." He paused for a long, significant moment, until he finally said: "Steven's… my younger brother."
Julian almost jumped up from the couch at the news. Could it be? Could it really be…? "Alan…"
"It's been three months since we brought him back. He's still on medical surveillance but we're positive that he'll make a more or less complete recovery."
"Congratulations! That's… that's…." Julian stammered. "That's great! I knew you'd do it! I just knew you'd do it!" He would have hugged Alan hadn't he been on the other side of the quadrant.
Alan grinned, his face full of gratitude. "Yeah, you kept telling me so. And hadn't it been for you, I'd given up a long time ago." He seemed to swallow hard. "Thank you. It's you and Marin who helped me going on. It was hard and it took a great deal of time and courage. But we did it. I still can't believe that we did it…"
For a long moment they sat silently, separated by light years between them. But right in that moment they couldn't have felt closer. And finally Julian couldn't help ask.
"Have you heard anything from Brigs recently?"
Marin shook her head, biting her lip. "Not since the Voyager was reported missing. They still don't know what exactly happened to her but last month they seemed to have confirmed that she was somehow catapulted somewhere into the Delta Quadrant. They're still trying to build up a subspace relay to get a proper communication with them."
Julian couldn't help a grin. "Oh, knowing Brigs that sounds as if he's having the time of his life." And all of them burst into laughter.
"You can't imagine how I've missed you two," Julian finally laughed between tears, trying to get his breathing back under control.
"Promise me one thing, Dr. Julian Bashir," Marin said coughing. "Give us a visit on Earth. You need to meet my husband and my son and Steven. They'd so love to meet you."
Julian nodded. "I will. I promise." And he knew that he would. Because even after all these years they were his friends. And there was something they shared which not even time or space was be able to take from them.
"Okay you three, now that the immediate crisis is over, I suggest you let that captain of Julian's have his office back. He needs to command a space station after all," a thoughtful voice interrupted their conversation and he saw Steven come up behind them with an amused smile. It was only then that Julian registered where he was and what he was doing there. He felt his cheeks flush. "Oh… right. I completely forgot." He really had. How long had he made Sisko wait? He slowly drew himself up, somehow reluctant to end this moment of special intimacy.
"So I'm waiting for your call then," Marin said conspiratorially with an encouraging wink. "Take care."
"You too," Julian smiled amiably before they finally severed the commlink.
For another few minutes, Julian just stared at the black display, trying to sort through the chaos of feelings in his heart. He still needed time to digest the sudden revelation of his friends. It all had come so suddenly news. But even now, trying to get his head around it all, he noticed that something had changed. For the first time in years, the dark place in his heart had vanished. It was a relief he couldn't put into words. It was as if a lifetime of worry and guilt had suddenly left him, as if a heavy load had dropped from his shoulders. Like if all those separated parts of his life had finally clicked into place. He couldn't help a wistful smile, seeing Alan, Marin and Steven one more time in his mind's eye. And Brigs – wherever he was. He awkwardly wiped the last remains of the tears from his eyes, idly wondering what Captain Sisko would say if he found his first medical officer all in tears in his office. He couldn't help a chuckle.
When he turned for the door, he suddenly stopped when his gaze fell on the big viewport behind the captain's desk. On all the small, pinprick seized stars out there. For a long minute, he kept watching the stars, totally lost in his own thoughts. But then he shook his head, and tore his gaze away.
With a deep breath, he squared his shoulders. When he stepped out into OPS, he felt all gazes turn on him. But somehow this time it was different. He saw Captain Sisko interrupt his conversation with Major Kira when he saw him emerge from his office. There was a hint of a frown on the captain's face when he came over to him – but it quickly eased when he saw the look on his first medical officer's face. "Is everything okay?" he asked gently, as if he knew exactly what the conversation between Julian and his friends had been about.
Julian smiled sheepishly, even a little embarrassed. His gaze strayed over to Major Kira and Lieutenant Dax. Then back to the captain. "Yes…," he said slowly, a wistful smile still on his lips.
"…yes, I guess it is."
Because for the first time in all these years, his world was perfectly okay again.
He regarded the short message on the computer display with a slight, almost wistful smile on his lips.
He'd done well. He'd never been one for giving up before and all these years he'd been sure that he'd make it. In the end, it was good how things had turned out. In many ways. He was proud of the boy. And perhaps always would be.
His fingers hovered inches above the display's glassy surface. Above the single line that was written there. Above the few words some part of him had known he would write as soon as he'd heard of the news. But now he hesitated. Another nostalgic smile played around the edges of his mouth. And then he shook his head.
No, the world was just fine as it was. Everything was okay the way it was. And he knew that he would be okay. Remembering the days many years ago, he had no doubt to that. Within moments he had erased the single line on the display. And shut down the commpanel.
Then he took his white lab tunic from the chair next to his working space and drew himself up. He turned the lights down and slowly went out into the brightly lit corridor filled with the laughter of children. He threw another faraway look at the console before he closed the door, smiling.
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=/\= The End. =/\=
2013 by Mijra