Maroboshi.
T: A short(ish) look at how Subaru moves from the boy at the end of The Year to the man we see in X. Given the subject matter I doubt I need to warn about the ANGST factor but shall do so anyway, vague Slash though nothing as in your face as my regular readers will be used to! It's not mine, though by now I'm sure I've got a part stake in Subaru!
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'I, and only I, will kill him.'
It had been eight long years since he had spoken those words, since he had dedicated his life to gaining 'justice'.
His grandmother believed he wished to literally destroy the Sakurazukamori and, though this was not the case, she was giving him support enough that he'd not corrected the assumption.
The truth was that he had wished only to metaphorically kill the other, meant only to purge his heart of the poison of his yearning for the man.
It had taken him only a month to realise the pointlessness of such a want, to realise that, no matter what occurred, he would always care for the other.
For a while after that he'd drifted aimless, his life guided only by duty and the insatiable want in his stomach to do something.
Then he'd stumbled, quite accidentally, upon an alternative manner to be free of the other forever.
He'd been walking home from a particularly gruelling assignment, fatigue and poor health, causing his steps to be a stumbling uncertainty.
A momentary distraction had pulled his attention, for a brief moment, from the path before him and, inevitably, he'd wobbled into someone.
He'd apologised once he was again on his feet and, once he was assured that the other was unharmed, he'd thought to carry on his way.
Then the sign above the stranger's head had caught his attention.
It'd been a battered metal sign depicting a pair of scissors and the Kanji of the proprietors name, the simplicity as well as its state of disrepair meaning that, if not for the collision, he would simply have passed it by.
Yet in that moment it had clicked some hidden switch in his mind and the thought had come to him…
If he became like the Sakurazukamori…if he gained power and a cold diffident attitude…perhaps he might become irritant enough to the other that he would kill him and thus destroy the illness in his heart.
He'd visited the hairdressers that had been at the rout of this 'epiphany' and had asked for his hair to be cut and styled into a manner matching the Sakurazukamori's.
He'd packed the bare essentials from his apartment and moved as far from Shinjuku as possible.
He'd sold the outfits his sister had crafted for him and, with the money; he'd bought a new, low key wardrobe.
He'd then spent a year feeling out the boundaries of his 'new' self and learning to push away the innate kindness in his heart.
It had not proved enough and, at the conclusion of that year, he'd made the decision to push further into the illusion of his new self.
He'd sought out a set of 'allies' more suited to the persona he had constructed and, through their influence, he'd begun to explore the shadowed edge of his nature.
He had gained insight from the experience, had gained a ream of impure habits that had brought him almost within reach of achieving his goal.
Yet still it had not proved enough.
His grandmother had eventually put and end to his association with 'those people', had done all that she could to erase the marks their influence had left upon him.
He'd believed that she would realise the truth after that, believed that she'd ask him questions that he could not answer and make requests of him that he could not grant…
Yet once she had done with the lectures and the purification spells she had simply informed him,
"You need to become stronger, Subaru."
Never before had she been so very direct with him or so very close to naming him unfit for his position as the Clan head.
He'd been curious for the cause of what could almost be deemed insubordination and thus he'd enquired,
"Why do you say such a thing, Obaachan?"
"Because you shall face the greatest of challenges next year…shall be called to fight for not only your fate, but the very fate of this world."
Slowly he had pulled more information from her and, after an hour, he had learned all that he had want to know of 'The year of destiny.'
It seemed the world was going to end in 1999 just and the girls connected to the 'dial q' incident had predicted.
It seemed also, as though he was expected to do what he could to prevent such a conclusion.
It was a role he had no want to undertake, of what consequence was the world's destruction to him, after all?
Yet, simply for the manner in which his grandmother had discussed the matter, he knew that the Sakurazukamori was also to be involved in the events of that year.
If he could by meet the other again, could expose the new persona and the new strength he had built for himself, he might, at last, be able to realise his wish.
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T: Nothing to add about this and thus I say R+R and, don't be afraid to ask me about anything you don't understand!