This is Jori sadness! D:

Rated T for language

Disclaimer: I own nothing

It's two weeks into Senior Year and she's been avoiding me since it started. I spot her walking down the hall; she's focused on her phone, her fingers typing away at the keypad.

"Jade!" I corner her. "What?" She puts her phone in her back pocket before looking at me.

"Have you been getting my texts? "
"Yeah. I have."
I shift uncomfortably, "Why haven't you answered them?"
She tries to push past me, "I don't have time for this."

"Oh yes you do. You're going to talk to me dammit!" I grab her wrist and pull her into the janitor's closet, blocking the door with my body.
"Let me out now Vega or I swear."
"Just talk to me, please?"
"About what?!"
"About us, did you completely forget about our summer together?"

She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. "Okay, so what about it? We fucked, big deal."

"Are you kidding me? We spent over two months together. It's a big deal to me Jade! I really like you."

"Oh for fucks sake Tori don't start. You don't like me, I'm not likeable. You liked the sex we had."

She tries again to push past me but I push her back, hard and she slams against the opposite wall.

"Fuck you Jade. You told me you loved me!"

I can see the fire I ignited in her eyes. She closes the space between us, her voice an eerie whisper, "Guess what? I fucking lied. I don't love you. I never loved you. You were nothing but another easy lay to me, now leave me the fuck alone." She shoves me aside and storms out the door.

Her words are venom and I've been poisoned. I should have known better than to have been wrapped up in her. She knows exactly what to say to cut right through anyone. She's the vicious, cruel Jade West but she's sunk her teeth into me, she's pulsing through my veins, and swollen in my thoughts. The only cure is more of her. She's nicotine, I'm the smoker and I can't quit. I sit on the ground of the closet and curl my knees up to my chest. I try to bite back the lump in my throat, but it rips through me and I'm crying. Fuck her, fuck her for using me.

She won't even look at me. It's come to that. I stare at her during class, praying for her to notice and react, but she never does. There's one thing she is for sure and that's a phenomenal actress, pretending we were never anything. I'm sending her messages mentally, somehow hoping they get to her. I flew when I was with her, now I'm being dragged along the ground.

I think back to one of the many nights we spent laying on her dock talking. I lay perpendicular to her, my head on her chest. I'm lightly stroking her hand with my thumb.
"We should leave here".
"Where would we go?" I ask her.
"Somewhere where we can see the stars. There's so much pollution in the air here, you can't see shit. The sky sparkled back where I lived in Jersey, you'd like it there. "
"I'd like it wherever you are Jade." I can't see her face but I know she's smiling. She lifts my chin so I'm looking at her, "I might just love you Tori Vega."
"I might just love you too, Jade West." She captures my lips with her own.

My thoughts are buzzing through my head, I just can't figure out what went wrong. She won't give me any closure. She's blocked me on every social network there is. I wish I knew. I wish I could mend this, but I'm powerless. No one's noticed I don't eat. I barely speak either. I'm standing at the ocean during a storm just waiting for a big enough wave to swallow me. I can't win this; I don't know how anyone survives this because I feel like I'm being stabbed in the chest. Every time I move I hurt, she tore me apart, made a joke of me, chewed me up and spit me out and all that remains is heartache.

I wake up crying almost every night. I haven't dreamt in weeks, at first I had nightmares, now I just see black; I wake up exhausted, like sleeping just took energy and didn't replace it. Today I woke up screaming and sweating, so I went to take a shower. The water was scalding my skin and it felt so good. I held my razorblade in my hand; I haven't cut since middle school. I push the blade against my wrist, testing it, I drag it slowly down and red instantly comes to the surface. The blood was dripping into the water, the cuts deeper and deeper until I was satisfied. I get out and wrap up my wounds before pulling on a long sleeve t-shirt. I'm ashamed.

I must seem like a ghost around school, no one really talks to me anymore, and I don't blame them. I'm depressing to be around; I can see it on my friend's faces. They look helpless, they wish they knew what was wrong but they don't, and I won't tell them so they're stuck. It's easier to just avoid me. Cat and Andre are the only two who still make an effort. Cat and I sit together at lunch and she babbles on telling me stories while I pretend to listen. I think she just talks for the sake of talking.

She's back with Beck. I feel nauseated. Her slap update has over 50 likes. I can't help but wonder how many it would have if that was me. Maybe I wasn't good enough looking for her, I mean I'm plain looking, I don't have the biggest boobs, or nicest butt or anything special, and she, the word beauty was made for her. She's breathtakingly gorgeous. I'm not. I'm average at best. I've cut almost every night. I don't know how much longer I can last. She rubs Beck in my face, lingering on his lips a little bit longer when she knows I'm watching. She's trying to kill me and it's working.

"Vega." I don't think it's real, but when I turn around she's approaching me, fast. She grabs my wrist and pulls me toward the janitor's closet. I wince at the pressure on my wounds. When we get inside she shuts the door and re-grabs my wrist, her nails dig into my cuts and I can't help but yelp and pull my wrist free from her. She furrows her eyebrows, "What happened?" I stutter, "Nothing, I'm fine." She grabs my arm again she pushes on my wrist with her pointer finger and I twist trying to get away. She yanks up my sleeve and I can see her trying to stay calm at seeing my mutilated arm. "Jesus Christ." She mutters.
I yank my arm from her and pull my sleeve back down, "It's nothing."
"That is not nothing Tori. Fuck. Your arm is destroyed, what are you doing?!"

"I'm not doing anything, what do you want from me?!" I defensively shout.

"Andre calls me last night all freaked out about you, he said he thinks you're depressed, and you're not eating and stuff and wanted to know if I knew anything about it. After seeing what I just saw I'm a little freaked out too, so what the fuck are you doing? Are you depressed? "
I was livid at Andre for telling Jade anything. "I'm fine. You don't care anyway." I opened the door and walked out.

I haven't gone back to school since I talked to Jade 3 days ago, I pretend to leave when Trina does, but I just drive to the park at the end of my street where I can see when my parents leave for work and then I drive back. My phone buzzed next to me as I lie in my bed.

"Why haven't you been in school?" It was from Andre.

"I'm sick," I lie.

"Don't move. I'm coming over."

"You really don't have to."

He doesn't answer. The doorbell rings 10 minutes later and I yell from the couch for him to come in. He walks in and sits next to me; we sit quietly for a few, watching the garbage on TV.

"What's wrong Tori?" he's staring at me, but I keep looking at the TV.

"Nothing. I'm just sick."

He grabs the remote and turns off the TV before slamming it down.

"That's bullshit. You've completely abandoned all your friends, you're wasting away to nothing and now you're skipping school? Stop lying to me Tori. What happened? Tell me or I'm going to start guessing."
I stay silent.
"Were you raped? Molested? Are your parents splitting? Fight with Trina? Did a guy break your heart?"
"Stop Andre. Nothing happened."
"It's Jade isn't it? She did something. Did she say something to you? Tori I'm not leaving this house until you tell me what's wrong."
I cross my arms, "Well then get comfortable, 'cause I have nothing to say."
He's getting annoyed, and he's practically yelling
"I'm trying to help you here but I can't do that if you won't tell me what the problem is. I'm your best friend; you should be able to tell me!"
I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, and I turn away from him so he can't see.
"You can't help me. I'm sorry. Please leave."

He stands up and walks toward the door, "I'm sorry too Tori. I care about you and don't want you to hurt." He walks out the door, slamming it behind him and the tears pour from my eyes. I go upstairs and curl up in my bed crying myself to sleep.

I wake up crying again, it's become routine. I lie on my side trying to calm myself down. The door creaks and I see Trina standing in the doorway. She must have heard me crying, I'm sure she hears me every night, her room is right next to mine. She walks in without saying a word. She pulls back the covers on my bed and climbs in, cuddling behind me. She strokes my hair as I cry for what seems like hours. I may not always get along with Trina, but I do love her and at that moment she was exactly what I needed.

When I wake up, Trina is gone from my bed. I check my phone and see it's already 10am meaning I'm late for school. My alarm never went off. I walk downstairs and am surprised to see Trina in the kitchen, painting her nails. She notices me, "Hey I told mom and dad you're sick and I'm staying home with you. Oh, and I turned off your alarm, I figured you could use the uninterrupted sleep."

"Thanks," I mumble before sitting in the chair across from her at the table.

"Do you want something to eat?"

I shake my head.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong, because I've been your sister your whole life and I've never seen you cry as much as you did last night?"
"It's nothing, bad dream."
"I'm not stupid Tori, it's not nothing. You've woken up crying every night like this for the past month. Not to mention the weight you've lost, and that you've been skipping school. So either you talk to me right now or I'm telling mom and dad."
I rub my temples. "Trina, please, it's not easy for me to talk about, you can't tell mom and dad."
"Then talk, was it a guy? We're you hurt? I'll kill him."

"It wasn't a guy."

"Was it a girl? I didn't think you swing that way but if you do, I accept you. Look you can talk to me about it; it won't leave this room, scouts honor." She put two fingers over her heart.

She kept asking me questions and I just snapped,

"Fine ok, it's Jade. Over the summer we had a thing. I honestly thought she liked me, I was stupid. She made it very clear that she was just using me, okay? So excuse me if I'm fucking upset because I fucking liked her a lot." I pause, tears caught in my throat," I love her."
Trina looks like she's trying to comprehend everything. "Oh... I'm sorry Tor... I didn't know. So wait are you like gay?"

I rub my forehead, annoyed," That doesn't matter; you're missing the whole point! She led me on, played with my heart for over 2 months and when she was done with what she wanted from me, she tore it out and stomped on it with her stupid fucking boots. She never loved me, she played me, fucked me over, made me think she liked me and then spit it back in my face and I'm fucking hurt. I'm hurt because I couldn't see past the facade she put on and I fucking fell for it and I'm so god damn stupid."

I'm yelling and crying and slamming my fists on the table.
"-and most of all I'm hurt because I still love her, after everything she's put me through, I fucking hate that I still love her, I just want to punch her and scratch her eyes out and kiss her and hold her all at the same time. It's really messing with my head Trin, I can't think straight and I can't breathe or function without her because all there is, is sadness and I'm really sad that I'm sad because of how sad I am!" I take a deep breath and collapse on the couch. Trina sits next to me and wraps her arm around me. "It will be okay Tori, it will get better. You'll get over her." I'm sobbing against her shirt. "I don't want to get over her, I just want her back. All I can see is darkness without her and I'm drowning in it and there's nothing I can do."

"Have you told her this?"

"Well after the summer when we got back to school she just started ignoring me and then I finally cornered her and told her how I felt and that's when she told me she was just using me and she never loved me." I start crying so hard I'm nearly hyperventilating and Trina is trying is trying to hold me together, but the only one with the glue strong enough was Jade and she's gone.

By the time I've stopped crying, I'm a mess and Trina tells me to come upstairs and she'll make me a bubble bath. I insist that she doesn't stay in the bathroom with me, but she's informs me that she doesn't trust me in my current mental state alone. I undress trying to keep my arms covered but she notices and grabs my hands turning them so my wrists are face-up. "Oh my god, Tori!" She's freaking out, "When did you do this?!" She's studying the wounds. "It's okay… It looks worse than it is…" She's still staring at them with a horrified look, "When?!" I glance at the tub that's filling up. "Almost every night, "I say in a hushed tone. She flings open the medicine cabinet and grabs some hydrogen peroxide and pours in onto my cuts over the sink. I cringe as the liquid bubbles over the injuries. She helps me over to the tub and I get in, soaking in the lavender scented bubbles. She sits on the side of the tub and gently takes out the hair ties that held my hair in loose ponytails. I've never seen Trina act like this before, so motherly. She turns on the waterproof radio and it's on the oldies station. It's too long before she realizes that "Ain't no sunshine" is playing; Trina goes to change it. "Oh shit, sorry Tor!"

I stop her, "No. I like this song."

"You sure?"

I nod and start belting out along with the song.

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Only darkness every day. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, and this house just ain't no home, when she goes away."

Trina joins in and we sing the entire song. After I get out of the bath, I get dressed and Trina and I spend the rest of the day cuddling in bed watching old Disney movies.

Prologue

We're finally graduating today. I'm happy I made it. There are days when I thought I wouldn't when I would think of Jade and feel the pain all over again, the wounds fresh, but it's different, I heal much faster now. I'm honestly doing okay, I've learned that what Jade did to me was probably her messed up way of protecting her own heart, and I've come to be alright with that. I've forgiven her and I don't think I'll ever stop loving her, because those two months we spent together, even though that seems like a short time, changed my entire life. I saw a different side of the girl most people are scared of. I saw a vulnerable side, a beautiful side. I saw a side of pure love, and even though she said she didn't mean any of it, I know somewhere deep in her twisted mind, she did mean it, she did love me. Whatever happened that changed that, I'll never understand but right now I don't need to. If someday she wants to explain that to me, I'll probably listen. Maybe someday in the future she'll realize she screwed up and come back and take me to Jersey and we'll lie under the stars again, but for now, I'm moving on. I'm finding new sunshine.

Thanks for reading! ^_^ Reviews are my favourite thing :P

I've started working on a sequel to this but I'm not sure I like how it's turning out, but I will let you all know!