Forcing Myself to Love You

CHAPTER 1

Teddy Duncan's eyes sparkles as she held the boy close to her. He brought his lips closer to hers, and she knew what was happening. She pulled herself in and connected them together. His arms held her close. He pulled away, giving her a gentle smile, but it wasn't going to last forever. This was the end; the last time she would kiss the boy she loved.

She opened her eyes, stunned from the dream she just had... But it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare of the past. Teddy glanced over at the clock. It was already past midnight.

There was a picture framed in her room. It was a picture of Spencer and her together. She looked at it and stared at it with her big brown eyes for a second. The past was tempting to think of, and she just wanted to move on from it already, but her heart couldn't bear to see him go. She forced herself back to sleep, a tear coming out of one of her eyes.

Wiping it away, she closed her eyes, and then forced her aching body to sleep.

Morning

Teddy looked at herself in the mirror. Her skin turned pale thinking of him again in the morning. Is that all she could think of? Could she never move on and get away from the past? It was glued to her mind.

She adjusted her tank top and pajama pants, and made herself smile in the mirror, but happiness was not the case right now. For the truth, it was anything but happiness.

"Teddy!" Amy called. "Breakfast is ready!"

The blonde teenager sighed, pushing her hair behind her ears. She walked to the kitchen to see her usually-happy family not being as giddy. Only her parents were glowing with happiness because the new baby was coming soon. Sure, it would mean adjusting, but life is life. Her brothers were frowning. Normally P.J loved pancakes, but he just stabbed his fork through it.

Gabe looked fine to the family, though. He never tried to show his emotions like his siblings.

"Kids?" Amy was bothered by their unhappy approach. "Are you two alright?"

"Yeah, Mom." Teddy lied. "I'm fine."

Teddy got a fork from the drawer and poked her pancake with it.

"You don't seem alright, honey..." Amy sighed.

"It's nothing, really. Just some guy troubles I'm having." Teddy said.

"Boys? I'm great with boys!" Amy exclaimed. "I mean, I don't think I should be meddling with your love life." She only said this so her husband wouldn't be upset.

But all Bob did was let out a little smile.

"I don't need help, anyways." Teddy convinced herself to say. "I'm totally fine. Hey Mom, I'm not hungry right now."

"You sure, sweetie?" Amy asked.

"Positive." Teddy replied. "Plus, I think I should get ready."

"Huh?" Bob asked. "Sweetheart, where are you going?"

Teddy didn't want to talk about the boy. She wanted to forget his name and be with the man she really loved. Instead she was forcing herself to say everything was fine. Her love life was crumpling her soul. Teddy blinked for a second.

"I asked you a question." Bob demanded. "Earth to Teddy?"

"Oh, right," Teddy bit her lip. "I have a date with Derek."

"Alright, then." Amy said. "If you get hungry in that time, just come back down. So what about you, P.J?"

"I'm still just a little bummed about my break up with Skyler..." P.J sighed. "But I guess I'll be fine since I have a date with Kelly today. Well, there's plenty of girls out there for me."

But the teenage boy was also lying to himself. He was in love, and no girl could replace the one he built so much up with. Skyler was P.J's world. Every night he would secretly cry himself to sleep thinking about her.

And her moving was just... Such a surprise! It took him by shock, and now it ate him alive. He would rather be in New York with Skyler than at home with his family. It had come to that. P.J was hoping Kelly would be perfect for him, and he'd stop thinking about Skyler for one night, He wiped the sweat off his face.

"Okay, then." Amy felt awkward now. "Well, have fun on your date with this girl."

"Oh, I will have fun with her." P.J forced himself to speak.

What could be more fun than a date with Skyler? Not this Kelly girl. He knew it was true, but he wouldn't admit it. Not even to himself. He pretended like Kelly was his only future.

Teddy gulped, thinking about her date with Derek. She walked out the door and back to her room, taking gentle steps. How could she do this to herself? Nothing in her life was worse than forcing herself to love the wrong guy.

"I'm happy." She said to herself.

By then, she was practically chewing her lip off. Her stomach was hurting, and her body was aching. She closed her eyes and imagined how life could be perfect. There were so many opportunities that she could've forgiven Spencer in. If she had accepted those many offers, she could have been smiling right now, and had no history with Derek whatsoever.

She began wiping tears from her face. There was a secret she had, nobody knew it except Spencer. Not her parents, not Derek, not even her best friend...

She dressed herself in a loose blouse and white jeans. Was he happy right now? Could happiness be forced like this.

Then the bell's harsh sound struck her ears. Derek. He was here.

"Hey, baby," Derek's low voice said.

"Hi..." Teddy said, trying to avoid the fact that she just cried.

"Come on, let's go." Derek smiled.

But Teddy didn't want to go. She wanted him to leave and never return. She just wanted him out of her life already! She was tired of forcing herself to look happy around others when her heart wasn't feeling joy.

Teddy asked, "Where are we going, Derek?"

"A bar." Derek gave a very misleading grin. "We've been going to so many stupid places I just got a little bored. I decided it's time we take a wild side to this relationship and go party and have some beers, right?"

"Derek, I can't drink!" Teddy cried, in a hushed tone so her parents wouldn't hear.

"Come on, baby," Derek laughed. "Nobody's gonna know a damn thing."

His voice was so... Menacing. It was like he was ripping through the flesh in her body, and drilling holes in her life. She wanted to break up with him right then. That's what her inner heart desired the most. To end things with this physco monster! He was just a big jerk... He thought everything Teddy thought was fun was stupid? That was a new insult from him.

Were her date choices that boring that he'd stoop low enough to ask to take her to a bar? Who was she kidding!? He didn't even ask. He demanded that their date was at a bar. She couldn't believe how little of a gentleman he was.

He stood there, waiting like every moment was a waste of his life. And Teddy felt the same way because of how he treated her.

"Look, I have a family crisis going on-" Teddy began.

"You couldn't have frikin' told me that before I came all the damn way over here!?" Derek angrily snapped. "What the hell is up, Teddy? You never act like this."

"And you never act like this!" Teddy yelled. "What? Have you had an overdose of jerk pills?"

"Goddamn..." Derek sighed. "Whatever, I'll be a nice guy and put this incident behind us. And don't you dare cancel like that on me again."

He can't do this. It wasn't right. Derek can't tell her how to lead her own life. She cursed in a whisper and then her eyes met with his furious face again. Nobody can treat her like this!

"If I'm busy, I'll cancel if I want to." Teddy snapped.

"Don't snap at me." Derek demanded.

"Stop pushing me around!" Teddy yelled. "Derek, I'm fed up with you! Get out of here!"

He grabbed Teddy by her blouse and pulled her forward.

"Shut the hell up." He snapped.

Teddy gulped loudly. The messy-haired teenager was pushing her against the wall of her own damn porch! She tried pulling him away, but he forcefully kept her there. Why would he do this? He had tried being so sweet for the past weeks. He mentioned how adorable she was, how everything reminded him of her, and how much he loved her... But then, all of a sudden he became this jerk.

Derek pushed her against the wall harder. He smirked at her before trying to pull her blouse off. Teddy kept making noises and trying to scream, but his other hand pushed terribly hard against her mouth.

Her body was trembling. Derek was assaulting her.

Sexually.

I will start a focus on P.J in the next chapter