This is a fanfic of Raised by Wolves, which was written by Jennifer Lynn Barnes.

I do NOT own it, if I did, Chase would still be alive.

Bryn's story.

It's not that I can't forgive him; I have. It's just that I'm upset with myself for not being good enough to safe him.

Maybe if I'd been more, if I'd thought it through more, if I'd done something more, he might still have been alive.

So that means every now and then, I get into these little depressions that leave me crying and snarling. Even my wolf—who never even knew Chase—mourns for a loss that I could have let go if I tried. Lake always tells me off for it though, and I get on with my life until one starts again.

Dev comes over to the Wayfarer sometimes, he knows when I'm in one and just sits with me. I remember when we were younger, when things were so much simpler, and think 'How stupid was I to think it could last?'

Devon asked for permission into my territory for Christmas, I said yes. But when he got here, I stayed outside in wolf form where I had sat with Chase and just thought. This surprised both me and my wolf. We usually didn't think much about the past anymore. About anything except protecting my pack, my females and Chase.

In this form, when I let my wolf blend in, the emotions, the past, what happened, didn't matter. What did matter was here and now. But Chase flooded everything, tainted everything with him. Thoughts, whenever the pack got together for the full moon, he was there. When I got up in the morning and he wasn't.

I wondered how I was going to survive the horrors of the teen years of Lily and Katie and the other kids. I dream of him. We're together inside of Callum's silver cage, hands entwined and he is smiling at me; the scar near his mouth pulling up. I laughed at him; but tears spilled over, and I wondered why. Only when I'm about to wake up do I remember that he's dead, and I cry for hours afterwards. When I sleep, it's always the same.

"Hey Miss Bryn," Devon whispered and sat down next to me. I whimper back, and if I could kick myself in this form I would have. Being a sook is just not me. Dev's fingers buried themselves in my honey coloured fur and I leant into the touch. Even though Dev had his own pack, he was still my best friend, and he'd the always been there, even when I had Chase and Lake, Devon was there. Sora had said that I'd been it for him, and I'd never given it much thought, until a few years ago.

It's been almost seven years since then, and my wolf didn't want Chase as much. Devon was here, and when he was next to me the pain went away; Devon was what I needed. Wolves were lucky to ever get a mate in their life time, and I'd most likely gotten two. I'd had Chase when I was human, but I was an alpha, his alpha. But would I ever want Dev that way? I chanced a sidelong glance at the six foot something man sitting next to me.

Callum had said that being an alpha meant being lonely, I remembered not for the first time in a while. Even though I was surrounded by people that loved me, and I loved back, I was lonely. My wolf was too, which was why I leaned into his touch. She craved it, so I did. I'm pretty sure the fact that people relied on me is the only reason I hadn't tried to kill myself yet. Besides an unhappy wolf is a dangerous wolf, and the only good a wolf like that could do is to die.

I moved out from underneath Dev's hand with a toothy grin, a fake one, but at least I have the motivation to even try. Devon knows it's fake; he can smell my grief, but goes along with it because I'm trying. I shut my eyes for a second and started to shift back.

The pain of muscles and tendons and sinew resewing themselves. And bones breaking and resetting back as different things passed over my body. I knelt with my head down and my hair pooling around me in a mess. "Bryn—'' I growled and he paused, "Careful," I warned; I didn't have complete control at the moment, and if he started to bark orders at me, as best friends do, my wolf wouldn't see it as that. "Want some clothes?" He asked in a surprisingly quiet voice. I raised my head and blinked; I knew my eyes would have taken on the colour of my wolf. I nodded at him and yawned; I was just so tired. He got up and came towards me and touched my hair gently; a possessive gesture that calmed his wolf, but riled up mine. I growled softly and he pulled his hand away, "Don't Bronwyn," he said, not a trace of his usual finesse, "I need this, don't." I snorted, but it came out more of a snarl, "Really? Really Dev? You have damn near everything in your life you could want and you're telling me 'don't'?" He smiled half-heartedly at me; but I could see the anger in his eyes. He gave his back to me and walked back to the Wayfarer to get me my clothes.

Damn him.

Maddy came out with my clothes, not Dev. Good, I might have said something worse to him if he had. "Here, Bryn." Of all the wolves here Maddy was the only single mother, Ali—my foster mother—didn't count. She still had her mate. I'd killed Maddy's mate Lucas, but saved her and her pup at the price of mine. "Thanks,"

I got dressed and sat at the bar with her. Lily and Katie came barging in, took one look at me and diverted their path to me. Katie grabbed my leg and Lily grabbed my free hand that wasn't holding my soda. I grinned and hugged them both, "Hey kiddies, whatcha been up to?' Alex wandered in, cast a sad look at his sister and sat down in one of the booths. I put my soda back on the counter and gave Lily and Katie a stern look. Their wolves shies away and they cast their eyes directly to the floor. "Are you being mean to Alex?" Lily let me go and rocked back on her heels, "But he's a boy!" I conceded to her point. Boys were overbearing and clingy, and if they were you brother in Katie's place it was fun to get back at them for it. "Don't care, be nice and let him play." Katie relaxed a little against me, and I realised that she had wanted to go along with Lil's plan at the start, but when she realised it was hurting her twin, she didn't want to anymore.

It's okay, he'll forgive you Katie. Katie stilled and took in my words. "Thank you, sissy." I patted the six year olds back and told her to go play. She did, and big grin on her face as she went.

I went back to my soda and just stared at it. As long as I had these wolves depending on me, I could live. Yes I think I could. I could eventually get better, like Maddy. But what was I going to do about Dev? I loved him, I knew that, but in what way?

I guess it doesn't really matter, does it? I'd work through it, and be a better person by the end, a better alpha.

And I would never let one of my people die ever again.