A/N: This was based off a line from the new sneak peek of "The Caretaker!" (If you're a River fan, go watch it!) This is a two-shot.
Marital Spat
Confrontation
"You failed to mention you were taking a sabbatical."
River neither looked up from her clipboard nor turned around, but she did allow herself a small smile. "You failed to ask."
"Otters, Dear?" His tone indicated he wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed.
The cup of his hand met the roll of her hip and she turned into him causing his hand to slide seamlessly across her backside. As he leaned in to meet her lips she lifted her clipboard and smirked when she heard the kiss land on the plastic surface. "Brand new species of otter," she said, pulling down her clipboard to study his blustering eyebrows.
The Doctor hrrmphed. "And you call yourself an archaeologist," he scoffed.
River rolled her eyes. "Conversation skills aren't your strong suit in this body, Sweetie. Maybe you should stick to what you're good at?" She dropped her clipboard with a shwack and picked up a fossil from a nearby lab tray.
The Doctor flicked a glance at the clipboard before following behind her like a shadow to peer over her shoulder. He suddenly grabbed at her hair.
River opened her mouth and closed it again as his long, cool fingers tickled her scalp and the back of her neck. "Well this is new," she purred. "You haven't been this interested in my hair since your last incarnation."
The Doctor's hands fell away. "It was in the way," he said simply.
River caught her reflection in the metal of the lab tray and noticed that her wild curls had been pulled into a loose ponytail. She scowled and he took her distraction to visually examine the fossil in her hand.
"Carbon dating puts it at five million years old," he yawned.
"Show off."
The corners of his lips caved in ever so faintly like a bird gently puffing its feathers. "But there's something wrong with it." He produced a half stick of white chalk from his sleeve and disappeared behind a revolving chalkboard.
River leaned her hip against the nearest countertop and folded her arms as she watched his legs move back and forth from behind the chalkboard.
Suddenly he flipped the board over revealing an elaborate mess of Gallifreyan circles. He irritably waved his hand to swish away the plumes of chalk dust and then squished his thumb and forefinger together, grinding the miniscule chunk of what was left of the half stick of chalk into a powder and letting it fall to the waxed floor. "They were poisoned. Mystery solved. Case closed. Time to go." He reached for River's arm on his way towards the door but she shook her limb away from his gasp.
"You cheat!" she scolded.
The Doctor paused in the doorway, raising his scruffy eyebrows. "What?"
River snatched up her clipboard and threw it at him like a boomerang.
The Doctor flicked his wrist, catching the object centimeters from his throat. He grinned.
"You thought I wouldn't notice you copying my notes word-for-word in Gallifreyan?" she snapped.
"On the contraire, Dear."
"I'm not leaving. I was asked here to find out exactly how these otters became extinct. Evidence suggests they were a much more advanced breed than their—" She stopped when she saw the smug look on his face. "But you already know that," she said, indicating her clipboard.
"I'll be in the TARDIS. Don't daddle."
"Is there a problem with the translation circuits? What part of 'I'm not leaving' don't you understand?"
"I'll fix your vortex manipulator too," he said, ignoring her question. "That way we can save time on these mundane trips in the future."
River barred her teeth and stabbed her scarlet painted nail against a small black button on her desk. "Security!"
The next thing The Doctor knew, he was being hauled away in handcuffs.