AN: We do not own "Naruto" even if we do a better job of writing it. If we did, you'd get a story like this. So you might as well read, rate and review. (Not-loving is not-applicable! You are obliged! Not really. Unless you care for your precious "Naruto" characters, who happen to be tied up in my closet.)

Sakura entered the building, dragging a girl of her age at her ankle. Kakashi turned to her slowly and said, "Sakura, I see you're back. We've been expecting-". He stopped short when he realized there was a ginger wrapped around her leg. "Less than what we got today," he mused. Kneeling, her put on a bright face and addressed the girl, "Hello, sweetheart. What, uh… what are you doing?"

The girl tucked her chin into her chest and gripped the calf tighter. Sakura frowned. "A lot of good that did!" she scoffed. "Just get her off me!" she commanded sharply.

Instantly, the girl looked up at her. "NO! I have abandonment issues!" she protested.

"We may have noticed," Kakashi said, attempting to maintain a patient demeanor.

However, the girl began to sob. "I know we just met and we don't know each other personally and you've never even seen me in your life because I've just stalked you and you probably think I'm some weirdo, but I feel like we have a connection. I mean, you're my hero! I always wanted to be a terrible ninja! And-and, you can fail horribly, but for some reason, people still love you! And… you have pink hair!" she finished with a wail.

"Gross! She's crying all over me! Not I'm going to be covered in snot and guilt!" Sakura whined. The two both began to sob.

Naruto opened the door and approached the scene slowly. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Oh no, now I'm gonna cry!" Kakashi objected. And so he did.

Naruto reddened and twisted his lips in anger. "Well excu-use me! But I take serious offense to that!" he claimed shrilly.

Everyone only cried harder. Hurt, Naruto pouted. "Fine! I'll just leave!" he screeched before turning to run off to a corner and cry. Except he then realized it was a circular room. Frustated, he decided, "I'm going to cry against this wall and it will be a corner!"

Just then, Sauske entered and observed the mess of tears. "How dare you, all of you…! You know that's my responsibility! It's the only thing I'm good at!" he shrieked. Motioning to some random background characters made up for the sole purpose of fulfilling this action. He gave a jerk of his hand he stood atop a table and looked down on them. "You, of all people, should know better," he scolded harshly. And with a dramatic parting of their lips and no other introduction, they began to sing. A song.

"I tear the skin and draw the blood,

Alone in the corner,

'Cause if feels better there,

I like the dark,

But not the light,

I love the pain,

Since I hate the lies.

"You can't take me away!

You won't take my friend from me!

My pain must stay…

How will I survive the days?

"I write my thoughts in red,

It doesn't matter what they have said,

No one will care,

Once I am dead.

But they'll never win.

I won't let them.

I'm too emo to hurt again….!

"You can't take me away!

You won't take my friend from me!

My pain must stay…

How will I survive the days?

"Not just a choice but habit.

Is that enough?

'Cause I've had it with you.

Not that this matters anymore.

I know my fate.

I know yours too.

I'm depressed enough to see!

"You can't take me away!

You won't take my friend from me!

He must stay…

How will I survive the days?"

But he could not finish his emo ballad, because he was so rudely interrupted by innocent and adorable ninja who stumbled into the room.

"This isn't my room- Oh my God! You sound like a terrible, emo, Broadway version of Natasha Beddingfield!" she screamed in natural horror. And with that, she vomited all over the circular room. There was a hiss as her stomach acids melted away the walls. Luckily, the ninjas were epic enough to be immune to such nasty acids.

"Crap! Now we have to rebuild the set!" Naruto whined.

"My bad, guys," Satsuri apologized holding up her right hand and swearing on a Bible that magically transported from some poor French priest's hand in the middle of his sermon and under her hand.

"They don't even let me finish my song!" Sauske wailed to the background characters. But, being background characters, they couldn't think for themselves, besides the fact that they were deaf and mute (as all background characters are).

Not far off, Itachi glared evilly at the melting walls. He thought of… evil things to do to… evil people (not "evil people" just "evil people". Got it? Good). … Preferably, Sauske. Darn the depressing wannabe! He rubbed his chin evilly, just because he could. (Do you wanna stop him? Go ahead, try. I dare you. Oh, you see that? Yeah, you failed and now you're bleeding on the floor! How do you like them apples? Pretty sour, huh?) He needed a way to hurt the emo more than could hurt himself, if at all possible. After all, he had taunted him in an oddly bored voice as Itachi had cross-dressed as a ballerina. (Don't judge him, that's not-a nice!)

Back at the set, Naruto turned to the new girl. "Man, you were fast at rebuilding that set while the rest of us sat around and watched!" he exclaimed.

The girl shrank away. "Gah! People!" she cried aloud before curling in a ball and rolling around the floor. Suddenly, she unfolded and looked up at them. "Not that I'm shy or anything…" she lied with wide eyes.

"That's convincing," Sakura stabbed verbally.

"Did you not have friends?"

"Well, I had this tree… I used have a sister, but she was ugly and jealous of my sexy-ness, so she ran away. … And then the tree died," she said before turning to Sakura. "I wonder what happened to her," she mused, looking Sakura up and down.

"I didn't have a sister!" Sakura protested.

"Oh," the girl said, seeming disappointed. "Wait a minute!" she erupted. "Have I been having a conversation?" she demanded.

"Um, yes?" Kakashi guessed. But we all know that no one should ever let Kakashi guess, because he's a failure. After all, the only book he ever read was porn.

"NO!" she wailed, curling up again. "I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle! I'm a sexy turtle! Turtle, turtle, turtle!" she wailed hysterically.

"Um…?" Kakashi wondered aloud. Which you never should actually wonder this aloud because a certain evil cross-dresser may take this as his cue to enter.

He slid in, his face down and arms out, as though he were a penguin.

"Itachi!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Itachi!" Sauske exclaimed.

"Itachi!" Kakashi and Sakura exclaimed together, because they weren't special enough to have their own exclamations.

"Itachi!" Itachi cried, jumping up merrily. Wearing some random show-girl outfit that we didn't see him in last-time. We probably could've done without too.

"Itachi! Wait, are you a hermaphrodite, 'cause I can't tell," the new girl said still rolling around on the floor randomly. Satsuri just looked down at the girl with a cocked eyebrow.

"Anyways," Itachi avoided. "I'm here to make you suffer!" Itachi promised.

"Yes!" Sauske exclaimed falling to his knees dramatically and waving his fists in the air.

"No!" Itachi protested!

"… Still yes!" Sauske decided.

"… Alright, I'm out guys," Itachi dismissed, shimmying away. "Shimmy, shimmeh!" he exclaimed down the hall.

"But you didn't answer my question!" the new girl protested.

"The world may never know," Satsuri claimed with a shake of her head.

"Who are you?" Sakura demanded to the new girl. "And you too!" she said to Satusri, who no one had bothered to pay attention to when she first came to the Ninja Organization of Awesomeness ("NOA" for short).

"That is a question to be answered in the next chapter!" the freaky turtle girl answered sharply.

And with that they turned and hit an ending pose, blocking out Miss Turtle and Satsuri.